The Paddler

“We tried so hard to be adults, but just look at us… fucking look!”

August 2022 – part 4

In this issue…Which should be read while watching/listening to: Birth of a Universe by Ray (while imagining a ride on an art car under a star filled playa sky):  Birth of a Universe – YouTube

• A Message from your Admiral
• What To Do Upon Arriving at Spanky’s
• Work/Party Weekend coming up!
• Work/Party After Bman
• Wifi at Spanky’s
• KinkyFetishFun Stuff at SWB
• Camp Events Schedule
• Camp Map
• Bman Tickets Available
• REDUX: The Ultimate Packing List (yes, it’s that important)
• SWB Staph

A MESSAGE FROM YOUR ADMIRAL

It’s time!  It’s upon us!  You are all probably neck-deep in your planning and packing.  I am going insane, btw.  So busy.  So stressed.  So excited!

Messages are coming in at a frenetic pace now.  Please don’t be offended by my kurt responses.  If you can, answer your own questions by referring to the website and newsletters… or contact the appropriate member of the SWB management team. 

I will probably be doing one final Paddler before the event starts.  Until then, I’ll say this…  I can’t wait to see your smiling, dust faces in a few days!  Wahoo!!!!!

WHAT TO DO UPON ARRIVAL AT SPANKY’S

When you get into Black Rock City (Bman proper), past the Gate and past the Greeters, you will begin your drive to Spanky’s.  Veer left at the fork to head toward the 7:30 radial street (you will receive a city map from the Greeters)

Drive down 7:30, towards The Man.  When you reach Fugue St., turn right.  A couple hundred feet down Fugue, you’ll find Spanky’s HQ and check-in area.  At night, look for the flashing orange thingys on the ground.  (There is a SWB village map on the website… look for the download link at the bottom…print it and bring it with you.)

You must check-in before going to your campsite!

Try to arrive between 9am and 2am.  If nobody is awake when you arrive, temporarily park in the check-in spot (if available) and catch some shuteye for a bit.  Do not try to self-place!

When you arrive at SWB check-in (aka SWB HQ… aka Admiral Painjoy’s campsite… that’s me… hi!)  He will begin your check-in process.  If APJ isn’t around, the following people can also do the check-in and placement for you;  Amethyst, Sky, Blackbird, or Major-D

WORK/PARTY WEEKEND THIS WEEKEND

I’m on my way to the work party now… and I sure could use your help!  Lots to do.  Not enough bodies.  Please come to our new SWB location at Safari Stores RV (2802 Kietzke Lane in Reno, NV).  There’s all kinds of work to do!  If you haven’t already… email to let me know you’re coming.  There’s spots for tents, RVs, and many hotels nearby.

admiralpainjoy@spankys.org

WORK/PARTY AFTER BMAN

After Bman is done… on Mon/Tues/Wed August 5/6/7, we will be unloading the trucks at Safari.  We will clean and organize our stuff.  Then pack it back into the storage area, so it all can get a few months of undisturbed sleep until we need it again next year.

Many (if not most) of you will be in Reno at that time.  You are obligated to help.  Safari RV is only a 5 minute drive from the GSR and other hotels… no excuses dammit!  Many hands make light work  😊

WIFI AT SPANKY’S

From our IT Specialist (Deryck… aka SpankIT)

Camp WiFi

We’re trying out Starlink for the first time and will attempt to offer Wifi to our members and guests.  If it works, we will have limited bandwidth, so please be considerate.  We will try our best to get good coverage for the entire camp, but your best bet for connectivity will be at the BASS.

The Wifi name for Spanky’s members is “Spank Master 9000” and the password is “SpanksAlot2022”  Please do not share this info with guests.

Guest wifi is called “Spanky’s Wine Bar at 7:30 & F” and does not require a password to join.  Guests will need to accept a terms of service before they can get online.

KINKY.FETISH.FUN STUFF AT SWB

One of the aspects of SWB is kink and fetish play… but in a light-hearted and fun way.  A great camp for those who want to learn and experiment.  And nobody is required to participate in this aspect of our infamous camp (encouraged maybe… but not required 😊)

Here’s a message from Lazy Bar Slut…

Hello Spankers! ’Tis I, Goddess Olivia Rose (aka Lazy Bar Slut) here to facilitate the best kinky burn along with my copartner Headmaster Snow Patrol! SP and I are the heads of the dungeon and play space, promoting safe, sane, and consensual kinky fun for all of Black Rock City. We have been busy working on a schedule for “Spank U!”(Spanky’s University) BDSM education classes and filling workshifts (MOD Mistress/Master On Duty… BOD bottom on duty)

Between Headmaster and Myself, we have a combined 36 years of knowledge in BDSM, and we wish to share that with you. Monday through Friday Headmaster will be conducting BDSM 101 classes that will discuss the basics of play and how to do it safely. They will go over spanking, flogging, how to run a scene, and some light rope bondage. Our Booty Guard lead (PKtheFluffer) will review consent before each class to facilitate the best time for all. 

We also have a few other classes after BDSM 101, such as “Femdom 101 and Safety” on Tuesday with Head Officer PKtheFluffer and myself, where we discuss finding your inner Femdom Goddess and finding play partners online safely. We will have special guests, Pro Miss Melody and her submissive el Cabello teaching intermediate/advanced impact play in “Impact Play 201: Giving The Sting And Thud Safely” with an encore of “Not Your Therapist’s CBT” on Wednesday. Thursday, I will be doing a class on basic fetishes you might see in the scene and educating people on fetishism and fetishes with “Putting the Fun in Fetish 101.” Friday, I will also be doing a class called “Basic Bondage for Non-basic Bitches.” This will go more in-depth on rope play and safety, as well as hitches, knots, and learning how to do a bondage body harness! On Saturday, we will have an exceptional class for all the lovely people with a pussy and their partners! This will be a class for put on by the lovely hosts of “Clit Talk,” a podcast produced and hosted by Playa Godmother and her partner Sugar. They will teach a workshop called “Clit Mastery: The five types and what the clit to do!” They will teach us about the five types of clits, and how to stimulate them in a safe consent-based space to empower body-positive liberation, consent, and pleasure.

While we have a variety of classes here at Spank U!, we do have an opening on Monday for another class, demo, or workshop! There is still a tiny bit of time to get your event featured! All you have to do is email Me at LazyBarSlut@spankys.org or Headmaster SP at danielle@spankys.org with your ideas.

We are also short on MODS this year for the late night shifts and throughout the week. Because of this, I decided to open up a new position called “BODs,” bottoms on demand, for those spicy Spanker subs in our camp. I will train everyone on how to bottom for those who would like to learn safely. One MOD will head BODs within the playspace. If interested, please email me at the above address, and let’s get to spanking!

I can’t wait to see you in the desert! XOXO

CAMP EVENTS SCHEDULE

At long last… SWB Events, parties, and DJs are listed.

Huge thanks to DJ Dirty Dan, Olivia, and Danielle!

Camp Events – Spanky’s Wine Bar (spankys.org)

CAMP MAP

And so is the map for the Spanky’s Village

Huge thanks to Major-D for the MASSIVE amount of hours he dedicated to the creation of this map.  This task is FAR more difficult that any of you can possibly imagine

Village Map – Spanky’s Wine Bar (spankys.org)

Look for the download link at the bottom of the page… print it!

BMAN TIX AVAILABLE

Y’all shoulda trusted your Admiral.  (Painjoy is good…Painjoy is wise)

For that past 6 months I have said (ad nauseum) that everyone that wants a ticket will get one.  But did you listen?  <insert whiny voice>… Nooooooo.  Y’all bailed on Bman or scampered off to other camps.  Well fine.  I hope your happy now… in your playa-dust-free home… or at your hippydippy other camp that’s nowhere near as fun as SWB.

And because so many of you faithless, weak hearted, liver lilied, simps didn’t stick it out…

Spanky’s has spare tickets now.  Not only did I find over 30 tix for those in need… I could have covered the whole lot of ya… with two weeks to spare.  <sticks out tongue>

Contact me if you need a ticket or VP.  We have a few available to anyone who wants to camp at SWB.  (If we have tix left on Sunday, I’ll open up the offer to the Burner community at large)

THE ULTIMATE PACKING LIST (Redux… because it’s that important)

Years of experience and research went into this packing list.  It contains extremely valuable information!!! 

I wrote it (with Eve)… and I use it every year.  You need to use it too!

Packing List – Spanky’s Wine Bar (spankys.org)

SWB STAPH

Admiral Painjoy – HMFIC – Head Mutha Fukka In Charge

          admiralpainjoy@spankys.org

Major D (Doug) – The Camp for Sensual Pleasures Leader & Mover of Flowing Electrons & Cartographer & Civic Planner

          major-d@spankys.org

SpankIT (Deryck) – SWB Information Technology Geek

          spankit@spankys.org

Olaf  (Olaf) – Camp Engineer (and gold digger)

          olaf@spankys.org

Niloc (Colin) – SWB Security Team (and fishnet fan)

          niloc@spankys.org

Red Queen (Amanda) – Ticket Maven and Mistress of Namebadges (and harsh critic of dance moves)

          redqueen@spankys.org  

Dano – Lead builder (and history professor)  – Floaters/Infrastructure

          dano@spankys.org  

Eve – Mistress of Morsels (and hangover magnet) – Coffee Caretaker

          eve@spankys.org

Cleopatra (Gabrielle) – Workshift Manager (kiss my asp!)

          cleopatra@spankys.org

Sky – Civic Planner and Administer of pneumatic red cheeks (and wears the same kilt every day)

          sky@spankys.org

For Now & For Later (Bob & Tanya) – LNT Coordinators – Daily LNT Staff – Final Mooping coordinators (

          fornowandforlater@spankys.org  

Christopher Robbin (aka “Code Blue”) – LNT coordinator emeritus and Camp Bitch coordinator  (but did you DIE?!!!)

          codeblue@spankys.org

Tripp & Disco Tits (Liz)– Bar Tenders and Bar Backs (and purveyors of dice games and floggings)

          tripp@spankys.org

          discotits@spankys.org  

Lazy Bar Slut (Olivia) & Danielle  – Lead Mistresses – MOD Squad (and lovable freaks!) – Stage Dancers – Coach of the SWB Varsity Fearleading Squad

          lazybarslut@spankys.org

          danielle@spankys.org

Dirty Dan – DJ Coordinator… event planner (and recto-cranially inverted legend) – DJs

          dirtydan@spankys.org  

Blackbird & Amethyst – RV Services Managers (wash your hands after meeting them)

          blackbird@spankys.org

          amethyst@spankys.org

Quantum Glen – BufferZone Manager & Director of Blinky Things (and voice for Movie Fone)

          quantum@spankys.org

Arrow – Head Cheerleader of the SWB Varsity Fearleading Squad (easily distracted by bumble bees and such)

          arrow@spankys.org

PK the Fluffer (Carissa) – Consent Manager (she’ll say yes for $49.95)

          pkthefluffer@spankys.org

Art Cars:

Boss Hog (the giant warthog) – Doug L (Major-D)

Illuminaughti (disco dancefloor w/ stripper pole & spank-o-matic) – John M. (Sky)

The Magic Carpet – Steve J. (Twisted)

“This will all end in tears”

~Marvin the Paranoid Android~

August 2022 – part 3

In this issue…Which should be read while watching/listening to:  DJ Cumberbund’s remix of Ozzy Osborn’s Crazy Train (mashed up with Earth, Wind and Fire):  DJ Cummerbund – Earth, Wind & Ozzys – YouTube

• A Message from your Admiral
• Need Somebody to Tow a Generator this week!
• Work/Party Weekend coming up!
• WAPs (early build passes)
• Bman Tickets – who’s got em…who needs em
• One FOMO Bman Ticket, Still Available for Purchase
• Beer/Wine Pick ups
• The Ultimate Packing List
• Be Prepared…Entry/Exodus Lines
• Eve’s Kitchen
• SWB Staph

A MESSAGE FROM YOUR ADMIRAL

If you don’t read these newsletters and the information on the SWB website… you’ll probably die.  (that is all)

WE STILL NEED SOMEBODY TO TOW A GENERATOR THIS WEEK!

Put simply… we need somebody to tow a big generator from the Placerville, CA area to Reno.  It needs to happen this coming week… Thurs or Fri.  You would need to get the gennie to Reno before 4pm.  You need a sizeable, beefy pick-up truck or motor home to do it.

If you can help us, email me at admiralpainjoy@spankys.org  This is getting critical.

WORK PARTY WEEKEND COMING UP

I NEED A HEADCOUNT OF WHO’S COMING THIS WEEKEND PLEASE.

Our last pre-burn work/party weekend is Aug 19-21 (Fri-Sun).  There’s a lot to be done.  And it’s not all construction.  There’s something for everyone.  And this will be our first work/party weekend at Kevin’s place in Reno (once again… huge thanks Kevin!).  There is space for tent and RV camping at his property.  The address is 2802 Kietzke Lane  Reno, NV 89502.

Kevin also asked if I could promo an event that’s happening that weekend too.  Looks like it might be a fun thing for us to do on Saturday, after the work day is done. 

It’s called Rock Against Racism.  Here’s the deets:  Rock Against Racism : A Mutual Aid Benefit Show Tickets, Sat, Aug 20, 2022 at 6:00 PM | Eventbrite

WAPs  (WORK ACCESS PASSES)

By now, everyone who requested a WAP should have gotten one.  Check your emails.  Print your WAPs.  Make sure have them in your vehicle!  Confirm that you got it and printed it by emailing me… if you haven’t already.

If you somehow got overlooked, and you need a WAP… email me.  I have a few left over.  admiralpainjoy@spankys.org

BMAN TICKETS… WHO’S GOT EM… WHO STILL NEEDS EM

Bman tix are shaking loose right now… as I said they would.  Time for an audit/headcount.   Who’s got tix for sale… who needs them… vehicle passes too. 

Things are a bit frantic in the days approaching Bman… especially for me and the SWB Staph.  I apologize for any confusion or lack of response.  Please pop me an email right now to let me know if you still need a ticket (and/or vehicle pass).  admiralpainjoy@spankys.org

Also, let me know if you have decided to NOT go to Bman (or if you’re camping elsewhere), so I can take you off the list of Spankers-in-need.

ONE FOMO BMAN TICKET, STILL AVAILABLE FOR PURCHASE

Our new bestest Spanker, Kevin, purchased a couple of FOMO tickets in the STEP/Lyte program.  They are the FOMO tix that went on sale early this year.  FOMO tickets are sold by Bman to people who want to make a contribution to the granted art on the playa…and also want to ensure that they get a Bman ticket.  They are legit.  But they are pricey.  $2500.00 each.  Kevin has one for sale.  Please email me if you wish to purchase this ticket to ensure that YOU get to go to Bman and camp at SWB.  Purchasing a FOMO ticket is a grand gesture toward the event!

BEER/WINE PICK-UPS

Spanky’s serves lots of beer and wine to the citizens of Bman… lots.  Like nearly $10,000.00 worth!  That’s hundreds of cases/boxes of these magical elixirs.  And they are heavy and bulky… and we have limited space in the SWB truck.

As we have done in past years… we are looking for Spankers who can pick up cases of beer and wine on their way to Bman.  Especially if you’re bringing an RV or other large vehicle that can accommodate 30-50 cases of beer… or 30-50 boxes of Franzia wine.

Please email me to let me know if you can help.  I’ll give you more details when I hear from you.  admiralpainjoy@spankys.org

THE ULTIMATE PACKING LIST

Years of experience and research went into this packing list.  It contains extremely valuable information!!! 

I wrote it (with Eve)… and I use it every year.  You need to use it too!

Packing List – Spanky’s Wine Bar (spankys.org)

BE PREPARED… ENTRY/EXODUS LINES

Every year the entry-line to get into Bman seems to get longer and more time consuming… even for Early Build.  And with the Bman ticket voiding fiasco, this year could be the worst yet.  (And exodus… don’t even get me started.)  But we are Spankers… we are Burners… we are a fun-loving bunch… and creative.  So here’s a few tips regarding waiting in line;

• Make sure your vehicle is in good working order (read: air conditioning)
• Make sure you have a full (or nearly full) gas tank when you hit the playa. Running out of gas in line is a bummer!  Filling up at the gas stations in Wadsworth (off I-80) is sufficient.  But there are small gas stations in Empire and Gerlach too.  But they are usually crowded.
• Make sure you have food/beverages readily available. Make sure you have ice in your coolers
• Turn the line into a party. You have fellow burners sitting in vehicles all around you.  Meet them.  Have fun!
• Bring playa-gifts to give out if you wanna!
• Promote Spanky’s and our events!
• Don’t get caught doing illegal things though. Cops do patrol the line.
• And be sure all your paperwork is in order for the gate (Bman ticket, vehicle pass, WAP if applicable). If you are picking up your ticket on the playa…the will-call box office is just before the gate (obvious… you can’t miss it)

EVE’S KITCHEN

A message from Eve, our “Mistress of Morsels”…

All things kitchen

The kitchen (and Sanctuary) is located in the big beige circus-style tent in Spanky’s.  The kitchen is available to all Spankers… but with certain limitations and rules.

During build week, we serve morning coffee, snacks, and dinner for those who come in early to help build the camp and we will also have coffee and some snacks in the morning. Once the burn starts on Sunday, the kitchen and kitchen equipment will be available to Spankers for preparation of their appetizer or when they need a little more space to put a meal together.

The only way this works is if everyone takes responsibility for cleaning up after themselves. We have sinks and limited running water you can use for cleanup but please conserve water. This gray water goes into a kiddie pool so please be careful to scrape plates and cookware before washing to minimize debris.

There will be a posted list of daily kitchen monitors. Find one of them if you have any questions or if you encounter any problems in the kitchen.

*** If you would be willing to be a kitchen monitor and satisfy some volunteer hours, we could use five or six more people. It’s an easy job on a day where you were planning on staying in camp for a few hours, and would simply mean that you would periodically swing through the kitchen to make sure things are in order. If you would like to volunteer, please reach out to Eve. We would get you on the schedule for part of a given day and, with enough people, we should be able to trade shifts as the need arises.  eve@spankys.org

SWB STAPH

Admiral Painjoy – HMFIC – Head Mutha Fukka In Charge

          admiralpainjoy@spankys.org

Major D (Doug) – The Camp for Sensual Pleasures Leader & Mover of Flowing Electrons & Cartographer & Civic Planner

          major-d@spankys.org

SpankIT (Deryck) – SWB Information Technology Geek

          spankit@spankys.org

Olaf  (Olaf) – Camp Engineer (and gold digger)

          olaf@spankys.org

Niloc (Colin) – SWB Security Team (and fishnet fan)

          niloc@spankys.org

Red Queen (Amanda) – Ticket Maven and Mistress of Namebadges (and harsh critic of dance moves)

          redqueen@spankys.org  

Dano – Lead builder (and history professor)  – Floaters/Infrastructure

          dano@spankys.org  

Eve – Mistress of Morsels (and hangover magnet) – Coffee Caretaker

          eve@spankys.org

Cleopatra (Gabrielle) – Workshift Manager (kiss my asp!)

          cleopatra@spankys.org

Sky – Civic Planner and Administer of pneumatic red cheeks (and wears the same kilt every day)

          sky@spankys.org

For Now & For Later (Bob & Tanya) – LNT Coordinators – Daily LNT Staff – Final Mooping coordinators (

          fornowandforlater@spankys.org  

Christopher Robbin (aka “Code Blue”) – LNT coordinator emeritus and Camp Bitch coordinator  (but did you DIE?!!!)

          codeblue@spankys.org

Tripp & Disco Tits (Liz)– Bar Tenders and Bar Backs (and purveyors of dice games and floggings)

          tripp@spankys.org

          discotits@spankys.org  

Lazy Bar Slut (Olivia) & Danielle  – Lead Mistresses – MOD Squad (and lovable freaks!) – Stage Dancers – Coach of the SWB Varsity Fearleading Squad

          lazybarslut@spankys.org

          danielle@spankys.org

Dirty Dan – DJ Coordinator… event planner (and recto-cranially inverted legend) – DJs

          dirtydan@spankys.org  

Blackbird & Amethyst – RV Services Managers (wash your hands after meeting them)

          blackbird@spankys.org

          amethyst@spankys.org

Quantum Glen – BufferZone Manager & Director of Blinky Things (and voice for Movie Fone)

          quantum@spankys.org

Arrow – Head Cheerleader of the SWB Varsity Fearleading Squad (easily distracted by bumble bees and such)

          arrow@spankys.org

PK the Fluffer (Carissa) – Consent Manager (she’ll say yes for $49.95)

          pkthefluffer@spankys.org

Art Cars:

Boss Hog (the giant warthog) – Doug L (Major-D)

Illuminaughti (disco dancefloor w/ stripper pole & spank-o-matic) – John M. (Sky)

The Magic Carpet – Steve J. (Twisted)

“Build a man a fire and he’ll be warm for a night… Set a man on fire and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life”

August 2022 – part 2

In this issue…Which should be read while watching/listening to: Monty Pythons “Always Look on the Bright Side of Life”: Eric Idle – “Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life” – STEREO HQ – YouTube

• A Message From Your Admiral
• Pre-Burn Stress
• Bman Tickets
• One FOMO Bman Ticket, Still Available for Purchase
• SWB Move to Reno Still Happening
• Final Work Party and Post-Burn Work Party
• Houston…We Have a Generator Problem
• Cops at Bman and on the Road
• Missing Minions
• SWB Staph

A MESSAGE FROM YOUR ADMIRAL

These few weeks leading up to Bman are always stressful (and exciting!).  This year seems more stressful than past burns though.  I’m not exactly sure why.  Maybe it’s because we’ve had a couple of years off… COVID… an increase in anxiety due to the zeitgeist of the nation/world right now… whatever. 

Plus…Spanky’s has had a lot of curve balls this year.  It’s been extremely challenging to overcome them.  But the problems are being solved.  And soon we’ll all be on the playa doing what we do best… spanking ass and slinging wine!  I can’t wait to see all your dusty, smiling faces!!!

But please consider this…

If you’re having high levels of anxiety, panic attacks, your temper is flaring, feeling completely overwhelmed, or you can’t focus… take a break.  You (specifically your mental health) are the most important thing!

And be considerate and kind to those around you.  They are probably feeling the crunch too.  Get sleep!  Take a moment to smell the flowers.  Think about your favorite things about Bman and Spanky’s.  Remember why we all do this… because SWB and Bman are AMAZEBALLS!  Focus on your fond playa-memories.  Then get back to work when your mind is clear and your body is rejuvenated.

I am currently the king of panic attacks (legit and serious).  I got my first good night of sleep last night in a couple of weeks.  I feel sooooo much better and more productive. 

Get sleep… zzzzzzzzzzzz. 

Go easy on yourself.

Go easy on others… we’re all in the same boat. 

Keep the alcohol/substances to a minimum. 

Drink water. 

Make checklists to maintain organization and free your mind. 

Use the SWB packing list (on our website).

And know that you are loved.

That being said…. Let’s do this shit! 

Fuck Your Burn!

(To the newbies… “Fuck Your Burn” is a positive, snarky saying… not an insult)

BMAN TICKETS

The OMG sale was disappointing.  The STEP program is slow.  But tickets for Spankers-in-need ARE COMIMG IN.  Please have patience.  Plan as if you already have tickets in hand.

Also, many Spankers are reporting that their LSD tix are arriving at their homes.  Many are still waiting for delivery.  It’s not time to panic.  If you haven’t gotten your tickets by Wednesday… let Red Queen know.  She’ll tell you how to proceed.  redqueen@spankys.org

DO NOT purchase tickets from any place other than trusted Spankers/friends or the STEP (aka Lyte) program.  It’s always a scam!  If you need a ticket/VP still, you should have registered for STEP a while ago… but it’s not to late:  2022 Secure Ticket Exchange Program (STEP) | Burning Man Tickets

ONE FOMO BMAN TICKET, STILL AVAILABLE FOR PURCHASE

Our new bestest Spanker, Kevin, purchased a couple of FOMO tickets in the STEP/Lyte program.  They are the FOMO tix that went on sale early this year.  FOMO tickets are sold by Bman to people who want to make a contribution to the granted art on the playa…and also want to ensure that they get a Bman ticket.  They are legit.  But they are pricey.  $2500.00 each.  Kevin has one for sale.  Please email me if you wish to purchase this ticket to ensure that YOU get to go to Bman and camp at SWB.  Purchasing a FOMO ticket is a grand gesture toward the event!

SWB MOVE TO RENO STILL HAPPENING

We got the lion’s-share of the move done last Saturday and Wednesday (Big kudos to those who helped load and unload!!!  Thank you!!!)

But… we need to do one more load-up and unload this weekend.  The big truck wasn’t able to fit all of our stuff this past weekend.  So we’re going back to get the rest of it.  And again, we need bodies on both ends (at Kinky Mountain Farm in Garden Valley, CA at 9am Saturday) to do the load-up… and in Reno (Safari Store 2802 Keitzke Lane on Wednesday 9:30am) for the unload.

There’s less stuff, so this one should be a bit easier.  Email Dano if you can help on either end – dano@spankys.org

FINAL PRE-BURN WORK PARTY AND THE POST-BURN WORK PARTY

Our last pre-burn work/party weekend is Aug 19-21 (Fri-Sun).  There’s a lot to be done.  And this will be our first work/party weekend at Kevin’s place in Reno (once again… huge thanks Kevin!).  There is space for tent and RV camping at his property.  The address is 2802 Kietzke Lane  Reno, NV 89502.

Kevin also asked if I could promo an event that’s happening that weekend too.  Looks like it might be a fun thing for us to do on Saturday, after the work day is done. 

It’s called Rock Against Racism.  Here’s the deets:  Rock Against Racism : A Mutual Aid Benefit Show Tickets, Sat, Aug 20, 2022 at 6:00 PM | Eventbrite

Our post-burn work weekend is Tues-Wed after The Burn (in Reno).  This is when we clean stuff, organize it, and store it for the off-season.  Many hands make light work… so please plan on helping.  If you can’t help at either work weekend, please consider a donation to SWB so the crew that DOES WORK THEIR ASSES OFF can get all the hookers and blow they need 😉

Scroll down to the “donate” button: Pay Dues – Spanky’s Wine Bar (spankys.org)

HOUSTON… WE HAVE A GENERATOR PROBLEM

Finding Spankers who can tow generators isn’t easy.  And the Spankers who used to do it, sadly, aren’t coming this year.

We need to solve this problem.  We have the gennies secured.  They will be at Kinky Mountain Farm on Aug 16^th.  We need to get them to the playa (or at least to Reno) between the 16^th and the 23^rd of Aug.  (That means that it can be done prior to you going to Bman).

If you have towing capabilities and can help… call me or email me asap.  admiralpainjoy@spankys.org  916.337.5353

COPS AT BMAN AND ON THE ROAD

Every year we include information about this in The Paddler.  This year, I’m copying somebody else’s info, because they did a great job writing it.  Here it is:

https://www.reddit.com/r/BurningMan/comments/w9rsrh/how_to_deal_with_cops_at_burning_man_2022_update/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf

MISSING MINIONS

Spanky’s has a piece of light-art called the “Dancing Minions”.  They are made of rope-light mounted on heavy duty wire mesh.  They are in 3 pieces and are stored rolled up.  They are around 8’ tall by 16’ wide when assembled on the playa.  And we can’t find them, or remember who may have taken them home to work on them.   We did have them on the playa last year for Rogue Burn.  Please let me know if you have them!

SWB STAPH

Admiral Painjoy – HMFIC – Head Mutha Fukka In Charge

          admiralpainjoy@spankys.org

Major D (Doug) – The Camp for Sensual Pleasures Leader & Mover of Flowing Electrons & Cartographer & Civic Planner

          major-d@spankys.org

SpankIT (Deryck) – SWB Information Technology Geek

          spankit@spankys.org

Olaf  (Olaf) – Camp Engineer (and gold digger)

          olaf@spankys.org

Niloc (Colin) – SWB Security Team (and fishnet fan)

          niloc@spankys.org

Red Queen (Amanda) – Ticket Maven and Mistress of Namebadges (and harsh critic of dance moves)

          redqueen@spankys.org  

Dano – Lead builder (and history professor)  – Floaters/Infrastructure

          dano@spankys.org  

Eve – Mistress of Morsels (and hangover magnet) – Coffee Caretaker

          eve@spankys.org

Cleopatra (Gabrielle) – Workshift Manager (kiss my asp!)

          cleopatra@spankys.org

Sky – Civic Planner and Administer of pneumatic red cheeks (and wears the same kilt every day)

          sky@spankys.org

For Now & For Later (Bob & Tanya) – LNT Coordinators – Daily LNT Staff – Final Mooping coordinators (

          fornowandforlater@spankys.org  

Christopher Robbin (aka “Code Blue”) – LNT coordinator emeritus and Camp Bitch coordinator  (but did you DIE?!!!)

          codeblue@spankys.org

Tripp & Disco Tits (Liz)– Bar Tenders and Bar Backs (and purveyors of dice games and floggings)

          tripp@spankys.org

          discotits@spankys.org  

Lazy Bar Slut (Olivia) & Danielle  – Lead Mistresses – MOD Squad (and lovable freaks!) – Stage Dancers – Coach of the SWB Varsity Fearleading Squad

          lazybarslut@spankys.org

          danielle@spankys.org

Dirty Dan – DJ Coordinator… event planner (and recto-cranially inverted legend) – DJs

          dirtydan@spankys.org  

Blackbird & Amethyst – RV Services Managers (wash your hands after meeting them)

          blackbird@spankys.org

          amethyst@spankys.org

Quantum Glen – BufferZone Manager & Director of Blinky Things (and voice for Movie Fone)

          quantum@spankys.org

Arrow – Head Cheerleader of the SWB Varsity Fearleading Squad (easily distracted by bumble bees and such)

          arrow@spankys.org

PK the Fluffer (Carissa) – Consent Manager (she’ll say yes for $49.95)

          pkthefluffer@spankys.org

Art Cars:

Boss Hog (the giant warthog) – Doug L (Major-D)

Illuminaughti (disco dancefloor w/ stripper pole & spank-o-matic) – John M. (Sky)

The Magic Carpet – Steve J. (Twisted)

“We won’t do anything to you today… that you won’t beg for again tomorrow”

August 2022 – part 1

In this issue…Which should be read while watching/listening to:  Glorious by MaMuse:  Glorious – YouTube

• The OMG Sale!
• One FOMO Ticket Available for Purchase
• SWB Unload on Wednesday in Reno
• Another trip from The Kinky Mountain Farm to Reno
• Who wants an RV-mate (possible free tix)?
• Our Final Pre-Burn Work/Party Weekend (Aug 19-21)
• SWB Schwag – T-shirt Deadline is Wednesday
• SWB Staph

THE OMG SALE!

The OMG Sale is this Wednesday, August 3^rd (tomorrow!) at NOON SHARP (pacific time).  It is utterly crucial that you be prepared for this sale if you (or friends/family) registered.

There is no window of days available for this sale… it’s like the Main Sale.  It’s first come first served… and tix sell out in a couple of minutes.  You must be logged on at exactly noon.

If you are lucky enough to get in the queue for tix… and lucky enough to be able to make the purchase… BUY THE MAXIMUM of two tix and one vehicle pass.  There are many Spankers in need of tix that will pay you right away for any extra tix you get in this sale!

Fail to prepare… prepare to fail:  www.tickets.burningman.com

ONE FOMO TICKET AVAILABLE FOR PURCHASE (the expensive one)

Our new bestest Spanker, Kevin, purchased a couple of FOMO tickets in the STEP/Lyte program.  They are the FOMO tix that went on sale early this year.  FOMO tickets are sold by Bman to people who want to make a contribution to the granted art on the playa…and also want to ensure that they get a Bman ticket.  They are legit.  But they are pricey.  $2500.00 each.  Kevin has one for sale.  Please email me if you wish to purchase this ticket to ensure that YOU get to go to Bman and camp at SWB.  Purchasing a FOMO ticket is a grand gesture toward the event!

SWB UNLOAD IN RENO WEDNESDAY

We DESPERATELY need some more bodies to help with the unload in Reno (at Kevin’s RV Store… our new home).  We are starting the unload at 9am.  Please, please, please tell me you can make it.  Right now we only have 4 Spankers coming to do all that work.  We need more!  Email me right away if you can join us.

ANOTHER TRIP FROM THE KINKY MOUNTAIN FARM TO RENO

And… we need to do one more load-up and unload this weekend.  The big truck wasn’t able to fit all of our stuff this past weekend.  So we’re going back to get the rest of it.  And again, we need bodies on both ends… at the Kinky Mountain Farm in Garden Valley, CA to do the load-up… and in Reno for the unload.

There’s less stuff, so this one should be a bit easier.  Again, email me to let me know if you can help. 

WHO WANTS AN RV-MATE (POSSIBLE FREE BMAN TICKETS)

I may have a line on something very cool.  A friend of mine is offering two free Bman tix to a couple Spankers who will allow him to be their RV-mate.  Email me if you’re interested.  admiralpainjoy@spankys.org

OUR FINAL PRE-BURN WORK/PARTY WEEKEND

Our last pre-burn work/party weekend is Aug 19-21 (Fri-Sun).  There’s a lot to be done.  And this will be our first work/party weekend at Kevin’s place in Reno (once again… huge thanks Kevin!).  There is space for tent and RV camping at his property.  The address is 2802 Kietzke Lane  Reno, NV 89502.

Kevin also asked if I could promo an event that’s happening that weekend too.  Looks like it might be a fun thing for us to do on Saturday, after the work day is done. 

It’s called Rock Against Racism.  Here’s the deets:  Rock Against Racism : A Mutual Aid Benefit Show Tickets, Sat, Aug 20, 2022 at 6:00 PM | Eventbrite

SWB SCHWAG – T-SHIRT DEADLINE IS WEDNESDAY

Spanky’s T-shirts, medallions, etc. are among the most coveted swag on the playa!  If you don’t buy these now, you’ll wish you did.

Here’s the link to buy kewl SWB stuff:  Schwag – Spanky’s Wine Bar (spankys.org)

This year, we have the following items for sale:

• T-shirts and Tank Tops (in either pink or green) CUT-OFF DATE FOR ORDERING IS AUGUST 3^RD.
• “SWB 15-year anniversary” medallions in solid brass
• SWB embroidered patches (that can be sewn onto clothing/jackets/etc)
• SWB kinky door hangers (packs of 10… excellent playa gifts!)

In past years, T-shirts were included with your camp dues, but without knowing how many of each size/style to order, a lot of Spankers were getting shirts they didn’t want or couldn’t wear.  Better for us to just have you buy exactly what you want.

AGAIN: 

• The cut-off date for ordering T-shirts or Tank Tops is August 3^rd.
• Supplies are limited on all other swag… so buy now before we sell out of them!

SWB STAPH

Admiral Painjoy – HMFIC – Head Mutha Fukka In Charge

          admiralpainjoy@spankys.org

Major D (Doug) – The Camp for Sensual Pleasures Leader & Mover of Flowing Electrons & Cartographer & Civic Planner

          major-d@spankys.org

SpankIT (Deryck) – SWB Information Technology Geek

          spankit@spankys.org

Olaf  (Olaf) – Camp Engineer (and gold digger)

          olaf@spankys.org

Niloc (Colin) – SWB Security Team (and fishnet fan)

          niloc@spankys.org

Red Queen (Amanda) – Ticket Maven and Mistress of Namebadges (and harsh critic of dance moves)

          redqueen@spankys.org  

Dano – Lead builder (and history professor)  – Floaters/Infrastructure

          dano@spankys.org  

Eve – Mistress of Morsels (and hangover magnet) – Coffee Caretaker

          eve@spankys.org

Cleopatra (Gabrielle) – Workshift Manager (kiss my asp!)

          cleopatra@spankys.org

Sky – Civic Planner and Administer of pneumatic red cheeks (and wears the same kilt every day)

          sky@spankys.org

For Now & For Later (Bob & Tanya) – LNT Coordinators – Daily LNT Staff – Final Mooping coordinators (

          fornowandforlater@spankys.org  

Christopher Robbin (aka “Code Blue”) – LNT coordinator emeritus and Camp Bitch coordinator  (but did you DIE?!!!)

          codeblue@spankys.org

Tripp & Disco Tits (Liz)– Bar Tenders and Bar Backs (and purveyors of dice games and floggings)

          tripp@spankys.org

          discotits@spankys.org  

Lazy Bar Slut (Olivia) & Danielle  – Lead Mistresses – MOD Squad (and lovable freaks!) – Stage Dancers – Coach of the SWB Varsity Fearleading Squad

          lazybarslut@spankys.org

          danielle@spankys.org

Dirty Dan – DJ Coordinator… event planner (and recto-cranially inverted legend) – DJs

          dirtydan@spankys.org  

Blackbird & Amethyst – RV Services Managers (wash your hands after meeting them)

          blackbird@spankys.org

          amethyst@spankys.org

Quantum Glen – BufferZone Manager & Director of Blinky Things (and voice for Movie Fone)

          quantum@spankys.org

Arrow – Head Cheerleader of the SWB Varsity Fearleading Squad (easily distracted by bumble bees and such)

          arrow@spankys.org

PK the Fluffer (Carissa) – Consent Manager (she’ll say yes for $49.95)

          pkthefluffer@spankys.org

Art Cars:

Boss Hog (the giant warthog) – Doug L (Major-D)

Illuminaughti (disco dancefloor w/ stripper pole & spank-o-matic) – John M. (Sky)

The Magic Carpet – Steve J. (Twisted)

“We’d love to serve you… but we’re all tied up right now”

July 2022 – Part 3

In this issue…Which should be read while watching/listening to:  God’s Away on Business by Tom Waits:  Lyrics- Tom Waits- God’s Away on Business – YouTube

• The Admiral’s Rant
• Bman Tickets – OMG Sale TOMORROW (all hands on deck!)
• SWB is Moving to Reno… this weekend!
• WAPs (Work Access Passes – aka Early Build)
• Who wants an RV-mate (possible free tix)
• SWB Schwag – Deadlines Fast Approaching
• SWB Staph

THE ADMIRAL’S RANT

Only 3 weeks until I depart for Bman.  This has been, by far, the most challenging Bman/Spanky’s I’ve ever done.  The amount of work I still need to do is nearly insurmountable.  I need YOUR help!  I need the SWB Staph to do their jobs… and do them well.  I need YOU to do your job well too.  What do I mean?

I mean… follow instructions and don’t procrastinate.  READ THESE NEWSLETTERS!  The Paddler and SWB website contain the bare minimum you need to read.  And I mean… help your fellow Spankers find tickets!

We have given you all the resources and information you need to make everything happen… and yet, less than half of the camp does this (even my management team!)  So many Spankers are contacting me with questions that are already answered on the website and in The Paddler. 

And while the questions only take me a few minutes to respond to (phone/text/email/etc.), when you multiply that by 20+ per day, it adds up to many, many hours per week… wasted.  I don’t have spare time.  Every second counts for me at this time of year.  For example… I was at the dentist last week.  While getting injections of novocaine, I was holding my phone awkwardly over my head, responding to emails.  Yes, I’m that overwhelmed.

Spanky’s is a labor-of-love for me.  I love you freaky fuckers!  Please show your love for me by being organized, prepared, informed, and proactive.  If you fail to prepare… prepare to fail.

And… A HUGE THANK YOU to all the staff and camp members who HAVE been doing it right!!!

BMAN TICKETS – OMG SALE (ALL HANDS ON DECK!)

If you haven’t purchased a Bman ticket (or vehicle pass) yet… I say again, DON’T PANIC.  Follow all the instructions, have patience, and you’ll get a ticket.

NOTE:  If you’ve given up hope (bailing on Bman, or found somewhere else to camp), let me know now, so I can take you off the list of “Spankers in need of tix”.

A message from our Ticket Maven, Red Queen:

IMPORTANT… the OMG Last Chance Sale is almost here!!! Registration takes place Wed. 7/27 until Fri. 7/29 (you MUST register even if you registered for sales in the past). Then the actual sale is the following Wed. 8/3 at noon PDT sharp. If you still need a ticket, this is one of your last opportunities to buy a ticket or vehicle pass directly from Burning Man and not by having to beg and plead to find one elsewhere.

Everyone that is able should attempt to buy tix and passes. This means that if you were a partner with someone in the Steward sale, but not the purchaser, you should also be trying to buy in this sale. If you can, have your spouse, parents, siblings, cousin, friend, or pet try to buy them. They will get purchased by Spankers. We have many in need. They will attempt to buy themselves, but there are only 3000 tix and 1500 vehicle passes for sale. Let’s do whatever we can to get as many Spankers covered as possible.

Make sure your Burner Profile is created and up-to-date…or you will not be able to get tix in the OMG sale.

Also, if you haven’t done so already, please go register in the STEP program. If you don’t get tickets in the OMG sale, STEP will re-open on Thurs. 8/4 and will be open until Aug 27. 

To get to your Burner Profile:  www.profiles.burningman.org

General Ticket Info: www.tickets.burningman.org

Please reach out to me if you have any questions, I’m happy to try to help!  redqueen@spankys.org

SWB IS MOVING TO RENO… THIS WEEKEND

This Saturday, July 30^th at noon, we will be loading the SWB toys, equipment, supplies, etc. into a big moving truck, at Liam’s (5111 Marshall Rd.  Garden Valley, CA 95633).  On Sunday morning, the truck drives to Reno, where it gets unloaded at Kevin’s place (2802 Kietzke Lane  Reno, NV 89502).  We will need Spankers to help on either end of this move… especially in Reno.

We will also need Spankers to help Kevin and Dano move some stuff around at his place to make room for Spanky’s stuff (Wednesday – Tomorrow morning) – contact dano@spankys.org if you can help.

WAPs (WORK ACCESS PASSES – AKA EARLY BUILD)

REMINDER:  If you want to be part of Early Build, send me an email with “WAP request” in the subject line.  In the email, tell me what day/date you want to arrive on.

WAPs will be sent to you, by Bman, via email, in early August.

WHO WANTS AN RV-MATE (POSSIBLE FREE BMAN TICKETS)

I may have a line on something very cool.  A friend of mine is offering two free Bman tix to a couple Spankers who will allow him to be their RV-mate.  Email me if you’re interested.  admiralpainjoy@spankys.org

SWB SCHWAG – DEADLINES FAST APPROACHING

Spanky’s T-shirts, medallions, etc. are among the most coveted swag on the playa!  If you don’t buy these now, you’ll wish you did.

Here’s the link to buy kewl SWB stuff:  Schwag – Spanky’s Wine Bar (spankys.org)

This year, we have the following items for sale:

• T-shirts and Tank Tops (in either pink or green) CUT-OFF DATE FOR ORDERING IS AUGUST 3^RD.
• “SWB 15-year anniversary” medallions in solid brass
• SWB embroidered patches (that can be sewn onto clothing/jackets/etc)
• SWB kinky door hangers (packs of 10… excellent playa gifts!)

In past years, T-shirts were included with your camp dues, but without knowing how many of each size/style to order, a lot of Spankers were getting shirts they didn’t want or couldn’t wear.  Better for us to just have you buy exactly what you want.

AGAIN: 

• The cut-off date for ordering T-shirts or Tank Tops is August 3^rd.
• Supplies are limited on all other swag… so buy now before we sell out of them!

SWB STAPH

Admiral Painjoy – HMFIC – Head Mutha Fukka In Charge

          admiralpainjoy@spankys.org

Major D (Doug) – The Camp for Sensual Pleasures Leader & Mover of Flowing Electrons & Cartographer & Civic Planner

          major-d@spankys.org

SpankIT (Deryck) – SWB Information Technology Geek

          spankit@spankys.org

Olaf  (Olaf) – Camp Engineer (and gold digger)

          olaf@spankys.org

Niloc (Colin) – SWB Security Team (and fishnet fan)

          niloc@spankys.org

Red Queen (Amanda) – Ticket Maven and Mistress of Namebadges (and harsh critic of dance moves)

          redqueen@spankys.org  

Dano – Lead builder (and history professor)  – Floaters/Infrastructure

          dano@spankys.org  

Eve – Mistress of Morsels (and hangover magnet) – Coffee Caretaker

          eve@spankys.org

Cleopatra (Gabrielle) – Workshift Manager (kiss my asp!)

          cleopatra@spankys.org

Sky – Civic Planner and Administer of pneumatic red cheeks (and wears the same kilt every day)

          sky@spankys.org

For Now & For Later (Bob & Tanya) – LNT Coordinators – Daily LNT Staff – Final Mooping coordinators (

          fornowandforlater@spankys.org  

Christopher Robbin (aka “Code Blue”) – LNT coordinator emeritus and Camp Bitch coordinator  (but did you DIE?!!!)

          codeblue@spankys.org

Tripp & Disco Tits (Liz)– Bar Tenders and Bar Backs (and purveyors of dice games and floggings)

          tripp@spankys.org

          discotits@spankys.org  

Lazy Bar Slut (Olivia) & Danielle  – Lead Mistresses – MOD Squad (and lovable freaks!) – Stage Dancers – Coach of the SWB Varsity Fearleading Squad

          lazybarslut@spankys.org

          danielle@spankys.org

Dirty Dan – DJ Coordinator… event planner (and recto-cranially inverted legend) – DJs

          dirtydan@spankys.org  

Blackbird & Amethyst – RV Services Managers (wash your hands after meeting them)

          blackbird@spankys.org

          amethyst@spankys.org

Quantum Glen – BufferZone Manager & Director of Blinky Things (and voice for Movie Fone)

          quantum@spankys.org

Arrow – Head Cheerleader of the SWB Varsity Fearleading Squad (easily distracted by bumble bees and such)

          arrow@spankys.org

PK the Fluffer (Carissa) – Consent Manager (she’ll say yes for $49.95)

          pkthefluffer@spankys.org

Art Cars:

Boss Hog (the giant warthog) – Doug L (Major-D)

Illuminaughti (disco dancefloor w/ stripper pole & spank-o-matic) – John M. (Sky)

The Magic Carpet – Steve J. (Twisted)

“Most welcome, bondage! For though art a way, methinks, to liberty”

~William Shakespeare~  Cymbeline, Act 5 Scene 4

July 2022 – Part 2

In this issue…Which should be read while watching/listening to:  Natalie King’s cover of Gershwin’s “Summertime” (made famous by Billie Holiday and Ella Fitzgerald):  Summertime by Ella Fitzgerald (cover by Natalie King) – YouTube

• Update on Fearleading Squad Uniforms (and other SWB Schwag)
• SWB is Moving to Reno!
• Work/Party Weekends Coming Up
• WAPs (Work Access Passes – aka Early Build)
• Update on Burning Man Tickets
• Rideshares To and From the Playa
• Reminders: Dues/Workshifts/Appetizers/Packing List
• A New Position at SWB – Booty Guards
• SWB Staph

UPDATE ON FEARLEADING SQUAD UNIFORMS (AND OTHER SCHWAG)

TIME IS RUNNING OUT AND SUPPLIES ARE RUNNING OUT.  MAKE YOUR PURCHASES NOW!

Well… as it turns out that the cheerleader (fearleader) uniforms we selected were only available in “little girl” sizes.  Sorry for the mix-up! 

So, we’ve selected a new top and skirt for purchase.  The purchase price includes the SWB patch to be attached to the uniform top.  But now we are running REALLY short on time.  If you want one… order it NOW!!!  Cut-off date for ordering is this Friday (July 22^nd)!

NOTE:   If you’re interested in joining the Spanky’s Wine Bar Varsity Fearleading Squad (and we know you are) contact “Arrow” at: arrow@spankys.org  She’ll fill you in on all the sexy details!

ALSO NOTE:  As this is our first year doing the Fearleading Squad, it’s going to be super-easy and fun.  You don’t need to learn dance routines, or lots of cheers… so if you’re feeling sexy… buy the uniform and be part of The Squad!

Spanky’s T-shirts, medallions, etc. are among the most coveted swag on the playa!  If you don’t buy these now, you’ll wish you did.

Here’s the link to buy kewl SWB stuff:  Schwag – Spanky’s Wine Bar (spankys.org)

This year, we have the following items for sale:

• T-shirts and Tank Tops (in either pink or hunter green) CUT-OFF DATE FOR ORDERING IS AUGUST 3^RD.
• “SWB 15-year anniversary” medallions in solid brass
• SWB embroidered patches (that can be sewn onto clothing/jackets/etc)
• SWB Fearleader Uniforms (that include a patch). Be sure to measure for correct sizing. CUT-OFF DATE FOR ORDERING IS JULY 22^ND
• SWB kinky door hangers (packs of 10… excellent playa gifts!)

In past years, T-shirts were included with your camp dues, but without knowing how many of each size/style to order, a lot of Spankers were getting shirts they didn’t want or couldn’t wear.  Better for us to just have you buy exactly what you want.

AGAIN: 

• The cut-off date for ordering cheerleader uniforms (for the SWB Fearleading Squad) is July 22^nd.
• The cut-off date for ordering T-shirts or Tank Tops is August 3^rd.
• Supplies are limited on all other swag… so buy now before we sell out of them!

SWB IS MOVING TO RENO!

Yes, you heard that right… there’s a new “Skunkworks”!

Liam has been a fantastic host to SWB over the past 7 years, and we all thank him heaps!… but it’s time for Spanky’s to move to a new location.  That move is happening in a couple of weeks (last weekend of July).

Many of you met a new Spanker named Kevin at Rogue Burn last year… or maybe at 4^th of Juplaya this year.  He’s an old friend of Dano’s.  Keven owns “Safari Stores RV” on Kietzke Lane in Reno.  Well, Kevin has generously offered to store Spanky’s equipment during the off-season.  We can also do our future work/party weekends on his property.  THANK YOU KEVIN!

And while our new Reno location might not be as pastoral and picturesque as Liam’s place… being in Reno will have many, many benefits! 

• The storage area Kevin is letting us use if much, much bigger!
• We will be able to walk through the storage area and see/select any of our equipment we might need to work on, or use for a weekend, etc.
• It’s a 5 minute Uber ride from the airport. Many Spankers (from areas far from CA) couldn’t attend in the past (because they’d have to fly to Sacramento, or San Francisco, or Reno… then rent a car and drive for an hour or two. Now, they can fly to Reno for less than it might cost to do a round trip from the Bay Area (if flight costs are agreeable).
• We can get any kind of food at nearly any time of day/night
• We can camp on his property (tent or RV)
• There is no cacophony of roosters at 4am
• There are bathrooms/showers we can use
• The hotel/casinos are very close by… if you don’t want to camp (or if you get free room offers)
• We are much closer to the playa (no having to drive a big truck over the pass – and back – every time), so we save money on trucking
• There’s ample work area for painting, carpentry, etc.
• Any type of store is nearby
• It is now WAY more convenient for Spankers to attend the final work/party weekend after Bman!

IMPORTANT!!!

On Saturday, July 30^th we will be loading the SWB toys, equipment, supplies, etc. into a big moving truck, at Liam’s.  Then on Sunday morning, the truck drives over to Reno, where it gets unloaded at Kevin’s place.  We will need Spankers to help on either end of this move. 

We will also need some Spankers to help Kevin move some stuff around at his place to make room for Spanky’s stuff.  This can happen any time between now and Sunday, July 31.

We really, really need help, so message me right away if you’re going to be a great Spanker and volunteer for either/all of these projects!  Especially on the Reno end!!!

WORK/PARTY WEEKENDS COMING UP

As you might have gathered already, our last two work/party weekends will be at the new Skunkworks in Reno (Just before Bman and just after).

Pre-burn work/party weekend:  August 19-21 (Fri-Sun)

Post-burn work/party weekend:  Sept 6-8 (Tue-Thurs)

Location: 2802 Kietzke Lane  Reno, NV 89502

WAPs (WORK ACCESS PASSES – AKA EARLY BUILD)

Once in a while, things go amazingly well.  This is the case for Spanky’s WAPs this year.  While we had a very, very difficult go of it with Steward Tickets this year and didn’t get as many as we wanted/needed… the Bman Placement Team has bestowed upon us over 80 WAPs for our Early Build.

Being part of Early Build is an honor.  And it’s amazing.  Helping build the camp gives you a true sense of stewardship at SWB.  At the end of Build Week, you can look at the camp with a sense of pride and say to yourself, “I helped build this…I helped to create one of the iconic places of Bman.”  It’s also an amazing experience to see the whole city go from nearly barren playa… to the metropolis of Black Rock City, in just a few days.

But being part of Early Build is work… sometimes hard work.  And there’s something for everyone.  You don’t need to have construction skills to be part of Early Build.  There are lots of different jobs to do.

So now is the official time to request a WAP.  Even if you mentioned it to me in weeks/months prior to now… send me an email today with “WAP Request” in the subject line.  In the email, let me know what day you will be arriving (you can come as early as Tuesday, Aug 23^rd… or Monday if you can help with the unload of the big truck)

WAPs will be sent to you, by Bman, via email, in early August.

UPDATE ON BURNING MAN TICKETS

If you didn’t get a ticket yet, DON’T PANIC.  Everyone that needs a ticket/pass will get one.  This has been true every year!  Below are the tried-and-true procedures for finding tickets. 

First of all…I (and other Spankers) will work tirelessly to help you.  July and August are when tickets shake loose… soooo many people bail on Bman around this time.  Plus… I have a knack for finding tickets.

The first thing you’ll do is sign up for STEP (Secure Ticket Exchange Program).  Have friends/family do this for you also.  Many tickets are acquired this way.  Here’s the link:  2022 Secure Ticket Exchange Program (STEP) | Burning Man Tickets

You will also register for Bman’s final ticket sale, called The OMG Sale (registration is July 27-29… the actual sale is Aug 3^rd).  You should also get friends and family to create a burner profile and attempt to get tix for you in this sale!  This goes for those who got tickets already too!!!

Below is the Bman ticket sale schedule for 2022…and you MUST read the other info about Bman tickets.  There is NEW info:  

Burning Man Tickets | Official source for information about Black Rock City tickets.

Bman Ticketing Schedule

Now – Aug 27:  STEP (Secure Ticket Exchange Program) opens/closes

July 13^th:  Kid Tickets Available (if you’re bringing a kid 12 years old or younger, you must get a free print-at-home ticket on this day)

July 27 – July 29 (Wed-Fri): Registration for the OMG Ticket Sale happens

August 3^rd:  OMG Ticket Sale happens

August 27:  STEP closes

RIDESHARES TO AND FROM THE PLAYA

Rod H. (aka Amethyst) is our Rideshare Coordinator.  Here’s some info from Amethyst….

Want to offer a Rideshare?
Email 1) your name and phone number, 2) how many Rideshare spot(s) you have, 3) where you are originating from , 4) picture of your vehicle and 5) the dates you are starting your trek to and from the Playa and/or Reno. No other details about your sweet ride, safe word or fares, you can brag it up with your possible captive who will need to endure your taste in music.

Want to get a Rideshare?
Email 1) your name and phone number, 2) where you are originating from and/or heading to after exodus, 3) date(s) you are able to get picked up and/or ejected to the default world, and 4) a sexy photo of you on a car hood.

After I help you connect, I leave your threesome or more and you do your seductive negotiating and arrange any exchange of payment for gas, etc. All Rideshare agreements are settled between drivers and riders.

Rod (Amethyst)

amethyst@spankys.org

REMINDERS:  DUES/WORKSHIFTS/APPETIZERS/PACKING LIST

Camp dues (and donations to our overtaxed budget) can be paid here:  Pay Dues – Spanky’s Wine Bar (spankys.org)

Signing up for Workshifts is done here: Spanky’s Wine Bar (ivolunteer.com)

Info about our SWB Appetizer Program is here: Appetizer Program – Spanky’s Wine Bar (spankys.org)

And the SWB Ultimate Packing List is here: Packing List – Spanky’s Wine Bar (spankys.org)

A NEW POSITION IN SWB… BOOTY GUARDS

PK the Fluffer (aka Carissa) is the newest member of the SWB Management Team.  Her official title is “Consent Manager”.  And she will be managing a staff of “Booty Guards”… who make sure our asses and our customers asses are protected, so to speak.  Booty Guards work in conjunction with Niloc and his SWB Security Staff.

The main job of the Booty Guards is to ensure that the Rules of Consent are being followed at SWB… especially in our “play space”.  At Spanky’s, we take consent seriously.  We want our camp to be a safe space where everyone has a good time.  Booty Guards will help make that happen.  They will also have the responsibility to create “incident reports” as needed, in the case of consent violations.

Interested in becoming a Booty Guard?  Want more info? 

Email PK the Fluffer at:  pkthefluffer@spankys.org

SWB STAPH

Admiral Painjoy – HMFIC – Head Mutha Fukka In Charge

          admiralpainjoy@spankys.org

Major D (Doug) – The Camp for Sensual Pleasures Leader & Mover of Flowing Electrons & Cartographer & Civic Planner

          major-d@spankys.org

SpankIT (Deryck) – SWB Information Technology Geek

          spankit@spankys.org

Olaf  (Olaf) – Camp Engineer and Master Macerator

          olaf@spankys.org

Niloc (Colin) – SWB Security Team

          niloc@spankys.org

Red Queen (Amanda) – Ticket Maven and Mistress of Namebadges (and harsh critic of dance moves)

          redqueen@spankys.org  

Dano – Lead builder (and history professor)  – Floaters/Infrastructure

          dano@spankys.org  

Eve – Mistress of Morsels (and hangover magnet) – Coffee Caretaker

          eve@spankys.org

Cleopatra (Gabrielle) – Workshift Manager (kiss my asp!)

          cleopatra@spankys.org

Sky – Civic Planner and Administer of pneumatic red cheeks (and wears the same kilt every day)

          sky@spankys.org

For Now & For Later (Bob & Tanya) – LNT Coordinators – Daily LNT Staff – Final Mooping coordinators

          fornowandforlater@spankys.org  

Christopher Robbin (aka “Code Blue”) – LNT coordinator emeritus and Camp Bitch coordinator  (but did you DIE?!!!)

          codeblue@spankys.org

Tripp & Disco Tits (Liz)– Bar Tenders and Bar Backs (and purveyors of dice games and floggings)

          tripp@spankys.org

          discotits@spankys.org  

Lazy Bar Slut (Olivia) & Danielle  – Lead Mistresses – MOD Squad (and lovable freaks!) – Stage Dancers – Coach of the SWB Varsity Fearleading Squad

          lazybarslut@spankys.org

          danielle@spankys.org

Dirty Dan – DJ Coordinator… event planner (and recto-cranially inverted legend) – DJs

          dirtydan@spankys.org  

Blackbird & Amethyst – RV Services Managers (wash your hands after meeting them)

          blackbird@spankys.org

          amethyst@spankys.org

Quantum Glen – BufferZone Manager & Director of Blinky Things (and voice for Movie Fone)

          quantum@spankys.org

Arrow – Head Cheerleader of the SWB Varsity Fearleading Squad (easily distracted by bumble bees and such)

          arrow@spankys.org

PK the Fluffer (Carissa) – Consent Manager (she’ll say yes for $49.95)

          pkthefluffer@spankys.org

Art Cars:

Boss Hog (the giant warthog) – Doug L (Major-D)

Illuminaughti (disco dancefloor w/ stripper pole & spank-o-matic) – John M. (Sky)

The Magic Carpet – Steve J. (Twisted)

“Your panic is our party time!”

July 2022 – Part 1

In this issue…Which should be read while watching/listening to:  Julia Westlin’s cover of Coldplay’s “The Scientist” (goddam, I love this girls voice):  Coldplay – The Scientist (cover by Julia Westlin) – YouTube

• Spanky’s Schwag and Fearleading Squad Uniforms
• The Burning Man 2022 Survival Guide
• Burning Man Tickets
• Another SWB Marriage Ceremony Announcement
• Camp Dues/Budget
• Remember to Sign Up for Workshifts
• Still Waiting on WAPs
• SWB Staph

SPANKY’S SCHWAG and FEARLEADING SQUAD UNIFORMS

Spanky’s T-shirts, medallions, etc. are among the most coveted swag on the playa!  If you don’t buy these now, you’ll wish you did.

Schwag – Spanky’s Wine Bar (spankys.org)

This year, we have the following items for sale:

• T-shirts and Tank Tops (in either pink or hunter green) CUT-OFF DATE FOR ORDERING IS AUGUST 3^RD.
• “SWB 15-year anniversary” medallions in solid brass
• SWB embroidered patches (that can be sewn onto clothing/jackets/etc)
• SWB Fearleader Uniforms (that include a patch). Be sure to measure for correct sizing. CUT-OFF DATE FOR ORDERING IS JULY 22^ND
• SWB kinky door hangers (packs of 10… excellent playa gifts!)

In past years, T-shirts were included with your camp dues, but without knowing how many of each size/style to order, a lot of Spankers were getting shirts they didn’t want or couldn’t wear.  Better for us to just have you buy exactly what you want.

NOTE: 

• The cut-off date for ordering cheerleader uniforms (for the SWB Fearleading Squad) is July 22^nd.
• The cut-off date for ordering T-shirts or Tank Tops is August 3^rd.
• Supplies are limited on all other swag… so buy now before we sell out of them!

NOTE:   If you’re interested in joining the Spanky’s Wine Bar Varsity Fearleading Squad… contact Head Fearleader “Arrow” at: arrow@spankys.org  She’ll fill you in on all the sexy details!

THE BURNING MAN 2022 SURVIVAL GUIDE

Even seasoned Burners should read this guide EVERY YEAR!  Here’s the link to the guide:  Survival Guide 2022 (burningman.org)

BURNING MAN TICKETS

The Spanky’s LSD (Late Season Directed) Ticket Sale selectees have been made and the list has been submitted to Bman.  (These are the “Steward Tix” that we were supposed to get back in March).  As you are probably aware… there are more Spankers in need of tix than were available in the LSD.  So we had to make tough choices.

If you are one of the selectees, you got an email from me yesterday (be sure to check your SPAM folder, just in case).  Also, if you are on the selectee list, it is incumbent upon us to help those who were not selected!  Ticket Buyers are precluded from joining any other Bman ticket sales/STEP/etc… but not ticket partners… and not friends/family members.  In other words… lets have everyone and their uncle create Burner Profiles and help those in need find tickets/passes!!!

IF YOU STILL NEED TO PURCHASE TICKETS (or a vehicle pass)..

If you are not a selectee, DON’T PANIC.  Everyone that needs a ticket/pass will get one.  This has been true every year!  Below are the tried-and-true procedures for finding tickets for you.  I (and other Spankers) will work tirelessly to help you also.  July and August are when tickets shake loose… soooo many people bail on Bman around this time.

The first thing you’ll do is sign up for STEP (Secure Ticket Exchange Program).  Have friends/family do this for you also.  Many tickets are acquired this way.  Here’s the link:  2022 Secure Ticket Exchange Program (STEP) | Burning Man Tickets

You will also register for Bman’s final ticket sale, called The OMG Sale (registration is July 27-29… the actual sale is Aug 3^rd).  You should also get friends and family to create a burner profile and attempt to get tix for you in this sale!

Below is the Bman ticket sale schedule for 2022…and you MUST read the other info about Bman tickets.  There is NEW info:  

Burning Man Tickets | Official source for information about Black Rock City tickets.

Bman Ticketing Schedule

July 15-20:  SWB LSD Ticket Sale (for those selected)

Now – Aug 27:  STEP (Secure Ticket Exchange Program) opens/closes

July 13^th:  Kid Tickets Available (if you’re bringing a kid 12 years old or younger, you must get a free print-at-home ticket on this day)

July 27 – July 29 (Wed-Fri): Registration for the OMG Ticket Sale happens

August 3^rd:  OMG Ticket Sale happens

August 27:  STEP closes

ANOTHER SWB MARRIAGE CEREMONY ANNOUNCEMENT

…from Dallas and Ryan…

“Please join us for Pearls and Swine, a Spankys wedding event to make the gods blush! 

Dallas and Boyfriend will be missing the burn in 2023 to make room for their destination wedding. They would love to share their nuptials with their camp family this year with an appropriately themed ceremony. 

 Togas are encouraged. There are some super cool tutorials on how to make one from most fabrics you have around the house. You can find a few here: 

https://www.wikihow.com/Wrap-a-Toga?amp=1

Pearls, gold embellishments, flower crowns, fancy rope, grapes and wine, cheese plates are all encouraged. We will have a hand fasting ceremony at 7pm on Friday under the Bass Tent. For anyone able to contribute, please bring your favorite bottle of wine of some grapes and cheese to share with camp after the ceremony.”

CAMP DUES/BUDGET

Well… this is the year for disasters, inflation, and soaring fuel costs!  Every year, Spanky’s has at least one major challenge.  This year… we get them all at once.  Plus, most of us have been dealing with Covid issues, mental health issues, and financial woes.  That being said…

In the past month, we have lost (or had problems with) our sound system, our trucking, our generator rentals, our kitchen/sanctuary/play-space tents, and a host of other things.  We have solved most of these problems, but it’s been very costly.  That being said…

When we did our budget in February, it was based on the prices of fuel, construction materials, etc. AT THAT TIME.  Things have gone up in cost in the past 6 months.  Fuel alone has gone up around $1.50/gallon since then.  That being said…

We have also lost many Spankers this year because they lost faith in getting tickets, and made other plans.  So our numbers have dwindled.  We are no longer a camp of 200-225 this year.  More like 145 at the moment.  Which means we’ve collected less camp dues.  That being said…

It is very important that you all pay your camp dues right away!  SWB is also accepting donations to help close the budget-gap for 2022.  Dues and donations can both be paid on the SWB website, here:  Pay Dues – Spanky’s Wine Bar (spankys.org)

REMEMBER TO SIGN UP FOR WORKSHIFTS

SHIFTS ARE FILLING UP FAST!

The SWB “WUSSI” system is sitting there, patiently, panting, waiting… for you to sign up for your SWB workshifts.  Spankers are required to sign up for at least 12 hours of workshifts while on the playa.

Click here to sign up for shifts:  Spanky’s Wine Bar (ivolunteer.com)

Also… nobody has signed up for Camp Bitch shifts.  This is a key position and it requires at least 2 years of experience camping with Spanky’s.  If we don’t get some SWB veterans signing up as Camp Bitch… I’ll be forced to make phone calls to recruit.  Yes, I’m talking about you… yes, you… don’t make me call you… just go sign up now 😉

EARLY BUILD – WAPs

The Bman Placement Team still hasn’t allocated Spanky’s it WAPs for 2022.  As soon as they do, we will begin the process of distributing them to the Spankers who want to come early and help build the camp.

SWB STAPH

Admiral Painjoy – HMFIC – Head Mutha Fukka In Charge

          admiralpainjoy@spankys.org

Major D (Doug) – The Camp for Sensual Pleasures Leader & Mover of Flowing Electrons & Cartographer & Civic Planner

          major-d@spankys.org

SpankIT (Deryck) – SWB Information Technology Geek

          spankit@spankys.org

Olaf  (Olaf) – Camp Engineer and Master Macerator

          olaf@spankys.org

Niloc (Colin) – SWB Security Team

          niloc@spankys.org

Red Queen (Amanda) – Ticket Maven and Mistress of Namebadges (and harsh critic of dance moves)

          redqueen@spankys.org  

Dano – Lead builder (and history professor)  – Floaters/Infrastructure

          dano@spankys.org  

Eve – Mistress of Morsels (and hangover magnet) – Coffee Caretaker

          eve@spankys.org

Cleopatra (Gabrielle) – Workshift Manager (kiss my asp!)

          cleopatra@spankys.org

Sky – Civic Planner and Administer of pneumatic red cheeks (and wears the same kilt every day)

          sky@spankys.org

For Now & For Later (Bob & Tanya) – LNT Coordinators – Daily LNT Staff – Final Mooping coordinators

          fornowandforlater@spankys.org  

Christopher Robbin (aka “Code Blue”) – LNT coordinator emeritus

          codeblue@spankys.org

Tripp & Disco Tits (Liz)– Bar Tenders and Bar Backs (and purveyors of dice games and floggings)

          tripp@spankys.org

          discotits@spankys.org  

Lazy Bar Slut (Olivia) & Danielle  – Lead Mistresses – MOD Squad (and lovable freaks!) – Stage Dancers – Coach of the SWB Varsity Fearleading Squad

          lazybarslut@spankys.org

          danielle@spankys.org

Dirty Dan – DJ Coordinator… event planner (and recto-cranially inverted legend) – DJs

          dirtydan@spankys.org  

Blackbird & Amethyst – RV Services Managers (wash your hands after meeting them)

          blackbird@spankys.org

          amethyst@spankys.org

Quantum Glen – BufferZone Manager & Director of Blinky Things (and voice for Movie Fone)

          quantum@spankys.org

Arrow – Head Cheerleader of the SWB Varsity Fearleading Squad (easily distracted by bumble bees and such)

          arrow@spankys.org

PK the Fluffer (Carissa) – Consent Manager (she’ll say yes for $49.95)

Art Cars:

Boss Hog (the giant warthog) – Doug L (Major-D)

Illuminaughti (disco dancefloor w/ stripper pole & spank-o-matic) – John M. (Sky)

The Magic Carpet – Steve J. (Twisted)

“We’d love to serve you… but we’re all tied up right now”

June 2022 – Part 1

In this issue…Which should be read while watching/listening to:  Cocaine by Jez Dior – Jez Dior – Cocaine – YouTube

• Spanky’s is Officially Placed. Our Playa Address is…
• Spanky’s Steward Ticket Sale (STS – formerly known as the DGS)
• A Big Announcement!
• Camp Events
• Work/Party Weekend – Headcount Please
• 4^th of Juplaya – Headcount Please
• Early Arrival – Work Access Passes (WAPs)
• Workshifts on the Playa – WUSSI
• SWB Staph

Howdy Spankers,

Sorry for the delay in the release of The Paddler.  I’ve been waiting desperately for many people to get me information about many things.  It’s been quite a couple of months.  I still don’t have all the info and answers I’ve been waiting for, but I had to send you all SOMETHING.  There will be another issue of The Paddler in a week or so with ticket info and more announcements.   But here’s what I know so far about stuff and things…

Spanky’s is officially “placed”.  Our playa address is…

7:30 & F (in the unofficial “red light district” of Bman)

We did ask to be placed on the Esplanade this year, but it seems we are too big.  In recent years, groups our size seem to always get placed in the Village areas (around E and F streets).  SWB has been in this area a few times now and ROCKED IT every time.  The citizens of Black Rock City always find us, no matter where we are!  And being off-esplanade does afford us a few positives, like; not as much harassment from leo’s, quieter daytime crowds, and not having to be open 24/7, being able to be a lot more risqué (esplanade is supposed to be kiddie-friendly)

As for the size of our real estate…  We are 250 ft. x 450 ft. (or bigger than the size of two football fields)  and we are on the corner of 7:30 & F.

Spanky’s Steward Ticket Sale (STS – formerly known as the DGS)

I SWEAR, I’M MORE ANXIOUS AND FRUSTRATED THAN ALL OF YOU… BUT HERE’S THE LATEST ON THE SPANKY’S TICKETS.

After sending numerous emails to the Bman Placement Team and not getting any response for 5 weeks… I did something I never thought I’d have to do.  I contacted my friend, Maid Marian. 

(For those not in-the-know, Maid Marian is the CEO of Bman.  Contacting Marian about a ticketing issue is not an appropriate thing to do.  It’s kinda like calling the Governor to help you with your state tax filing.) 

But Marian stepped in and spoke with “Level” (head of Placement).  Level got back to me immediately with an apology and an assurance that our ticket sale IS HAPPENING THIS MONTH.

However, I still don’t have all the details on the ticket sale.  But we should all be ready for it at the drop of a hat.

So if you want to get a ticket through SWB…

• Make sure you have a Burner Profile on the Bman website: https://profiles.burningman.org
• Make sure your Burner Profile is up to date
• Make sure you have a debit or credit card with enough room/money on it, to make your ticket and vehicle pass purchase (PayPal debit cards don’t work)
• Pay your camp dues: Pay Dues – Spanky’s Wine Bar (spankys.org)

More Bman Ticket Info…

Below is the Bman ticket sale schedule for 2022…and you MUST read the other info about Bman tickets.  There is NEW info:  

Burning Man Tickets | Official source for information about Black Rock City tickets.

Bman Ticketing Schedule

June (dates TBA):  SWB Steward Ticket Sale

April – Aug(?):  STEP (Secure Ticket Exchange Program) opens/closes

Early July:  Ticket fulfilment (delivery) begins

July 6^th:  Kid Tickets Available (if you’re bringing a kid 12 years old or younger, you must get a free print-at-home ticket on this day)

July 27 – July 29 (Wed-Fri): Registration for the OMG Ticket Sale happens

August 3^rd:  OMG Ticket Sale happens

A Big Announcement

Most of you know Niloc (Colin) and Lazy Bar Slut (Olivia).  And many of you know that they are engaged to be married.  Well, hang on to your socks ladies and germs… I’m sooooooo happy to announce…  They’ve decided to get married at Bman/Spanky’s this summer!!!

YouTube

Wednesday afternoon (Aug 31^st), just before sunset, we will all be gathering under the BASS to bear witness to this perfect union.

We are in the midst of planning the event, but one thing you might be able to do to help… you know the SWB Appetizer Program?  We will need around 8 of you (who are planning to do higher-end apps) to serve yours during the time before the ceremony.  And if anyone wants to bring a couple bottles of champagne and cups… that would be nice too!

As most of you know, Olivia is a founding member of Spanky’s.  She handles most of the sexy aspects of our camp.  And for the past 15 years, has been one of my closest friends.  Colin is also a member of Spanky’s Management, heading up the Security Team… and I couldn’t have picked a more perfect partner for Olivia than my friend Colin! (and vice versa)

Camp Events

We are currently working on our schedule of events for burn week.  We will be having a few themed parties, events, weddings, and lots of DJs.

Here’s what I can tell you so far;

MPR (morning painjoy radio) mornings daily

Tuesday night – Fearleader attack on another camp

Wednesday sunset – Olivia & Colin’s wedding

Wednesday night – Spank dat Bootie (mashup music party)

Thursday night – Fearleader attack on another camp

Friday night – The Festival of Bubastis (SWB’s flagship event – femdom party)

If you want to do some DJing at Spanky’s, we would love that.  You don’t need to be a pro-DJ.  All you need is an mp3 player and a playlist.  If you have an idea for an event or themed party, let us know what your idea is.  Contact djdirtydan@spankys.org

Work/Party Weekends – Headcount Please!

Wanna be part of “how the sausage is made”?  We have some work/party weekends prior to Bman where we build, paint, organize, plot/plan and… party like rock stars! 

These weekends are productive and lots of fun!  If you live in the western US, you’re expected to come to these weekends.  This year, the schedule is:

June 24-26 (Fri-Sun)

Aug 19-21 (Fri-Sun)

And after Bman… Sept 8-11 (Thu-Sun)

Our work/party weekend are held at Liam’s farm (yes, it’s an actual farm with animals).  We refer to it as The Skunkworks, or The Kinky Mountain Farm.  The location is: 

5111 Marshall Rd.  Garden Valley, California 95633

More info about work/party weekend can be found on the SWB website’s “Skunkworks” page (extra credit if you know where the term “skunkworks” came from)

4^th of Juplaya – Headcount Please!

I need a headcount! 

Email me if you’re coming: admiralpainjoy@spankys.org  

NOTE:  Because Bman tix are sooo hard to get… and with the success of Rogue Burn last year… and the fact that the 4^th falls on a Monday (creating a natural long-weekend), I predict that 4^th of Juplaya with be huge this year… and awesome!

If you’ve never been to the playa when it isn’t Bman, this “non-event” is a real treat.  In my opinion, it’s just a good as Bman.  The vast, stark, and romantic vastness of the Black Rock Desert is much more vivid and breathtaking when you’re not in the confines of the Bman trash fence, surrounded by flashy theme camps, loud music, and huge structures. 

“4^th of Juplaya” is kinda like the way Bman used to be, in ye olden days.  You can drive fast (But be careful!  It’s easy to roll your vehicle at high speed).  You can go skinny-dipping at the hot springs.  You can come and go as you please (breakfast at Bruno’s, etc).  There are some small theme camps and art cars.  Very few cops.  Lots of random parties.  Vast open space.  Cool burners. 

You can explore the outer reaches of the playa, the whole Black Rock Desert, High Rock Canyon, the emigrant trails, Soldier Meadows, etc  There’s (sometimes) a fireworks show put on by the town of Gerlach.  Those attending Juplaya tend to camp in small groups… scattered ALL OVER the vast playa.  This makes for interesting party-hopping at night 😉

We will be setting up a small version of Spanky’s there.  We all just pitch in a bit for the wine/beer for our bar, generator, fuel, bar ice, etc.  With inflation and the UNBELIEVABLE cost of fuel… Juplaya camp dues will be $100.00 per person.  PayPal to jimnhillas_gc@yahoo.com

We will probably head up to the playa on Thursday morning, June 30th… and depart early on Monday, July 4^th.  But you can show up any time.  Playa location is the spot where they build The Man.  After driving through Gerlach, drive around/up the playa to the 12-Mile Entrance to the playa.  Drive roughly half-way across the playa and we’ll be around there.

Workshifts on the Playa

We will be doing “sign-ups” for workshifts on the playa again this year.  Being part of a Theme Camps means that you are going to be a party thrower… not just a party goer.  All members of Spanky’s are required to do a MINIMUM of 12 hours of workshifts over the course of the week. 

I’d like to thank Major-D and SpankIT for the huge amount of work they did on our sign-up system… called WUSSI.  And thanks to all the Spankers who helped out with updating the job descriptions on the SWB website.  And heaps of thanks to Gabrielle (Cleopatra) who will, yet again, be our Workshift Manager.

Here’s Major-D with his info on how to sign up for workshifts…

WUSSI IS LIVE.  Yes, it’s time to start scheduling your workshifts with Spanky’s amazingly simple Workshift Unified Scheduling System Interactive. 

For a quick tour (or to start signing up), click this link: https://swb.ivolunteer.com/ 

Links for each day are at the bottom of that page.

It’s all pretty self-explanatory, but here’s how it works: As you scroll down, you’ll see each day is divided into sections for 2-hour shifts, 4-hour shifts, and 8-hour shifts, with time slots on the left and jobs across the top of each section.  Just click on the “Schedule” button for a shift you want.  

Once you successfully sign up, your first name and last initial will show for that slot, and the number of openings will drop by 1.  Your last name will never be shown publicly.

Important: YOUR WUSSI SIGNUP INFORMATION MUST MATCH YOUR SWB SIGNUP INFORMATION, and sign up with your actual name, not your playa name.

You can navigate to different days with the drop-down list in the top-right corner.  

Click to request an e-mail confirmation when you sign up, then print it out, or screenshot and save for future reference.

Notes: 

If you’ve already filled out an SWB application, you can start signing up for shifts immediately. 

If you’re a new Spanker who hasn’t been formally vetted, your work shifts are provisional. 

Going forward, it may take a day or two to transfer SWB signup info into WUSSI, but all existing signups are in.

Camping somewhere else but want to get in on the fun?  We can probably make that happen.  Drop a line to one of the three admin contacts in note-3 on the WUSSI home page (https://swb.ivolunteer.com/ ), and let us know.

Change your mind about a shift?  Want to change to share a time slot with a friend?  No problem.  You can do that yourself from the e-mail you requested confirming your original sign-up, or one of the 3 admins on the WUSSI home page can help (https://swb.ivolunteer.com/ ) 

If you are having trouble signing up for a shift, most likely you are using a different name or address than used for your SWB signup, or WUSSI doesn’t know you’ve applied to Spanky’s.  Contact Spanky’s Workshift Manager, Gabrielle, at Cleopatra@Spankys.org), or one of the other 2 admins from the WUSSI homepage for help.

Early Arrival – WAPs (work access passes)

If you want to come to Bman early and help build the camp, we’d love your ASSistance!  Being part of “early build” is an honor.  It’s amazing watching the camp and the whole city going up.  But it’s also work… hard work!  But it’s fun too.  And at the end of early build, you feel a true sense of ownership of the camp.  You can look back and say “I helped create this!”

In order to come to “early build”, you must have a Bman ticket plus an  actual “Work Access Pass”, which are given to SWB by Bman.  And I have to approve everyone who wants one.  I don’t know how many WAPs we will get yet, but Bman is usually pretty generous with them.

I will be taking names and providing more info about WAPs next month.  Contact me if you have questions or need to know right away (to secure travel plans).

SWB Staph

Admiral Painjoy – HMFIC – Head Mutha Fukka In Charge

          admiralpainjoy@spankys.org

Major D (Doug) – The Camp for Sensual Pleasures Leader & Mover of Flowing Electrons & Cartographer & Civic Planner

          major-d@spankys.org

SpankIT (Deryck) – SWB Information Technology Geek

          spankit@spankys.org

Olaf  (Olaf) – Camp Engineer and Master Macerator

          olaf@spankys.org

Niloc (Colin) – SWB Security Team

          niloc@spankys.org

Red Queen (Amanda) – Ticket Maven and Mistress of Namebadges (and harsh critic of dance moves)

          redqueen@spankys.org  

Dano – Lead builder (and history professor)  – Floaters/Infrastructure

          dano@spankys.org  

Eve – Mistress of Morsels (and hangover magnet) – Coffee Caretaker

          eve@spankys.org

Cleopatra (Gabrielle) – Workshift Manager (kiss my asp!)

          cleopatra@spankys.org

Sky – Civic Planner and Administer of pneumatic red cheeks (and wears the same kilt every day)

          sky@spankys.org

For Now & For Later (Bob & Tanya) – LNT Coordinators – Daily LNT Staff – Final Mooping coordinators

          fornowandforlater@spankys.org  

Christopher Robbin (aka “Code Blue”) – LNT coordinator emeritus

          codeblue@spankys.org

Tripp & Disco Tits (Liz)– Bar Tenders and Bar Backs (and purveyors of dice games and floggings)

          tripp@spankys.org

          discotits@spankys.org  

Lazy Bar Slut (Olivia) & Danielle  – Lead Mistresses – MOD Squad (and lovable freaks!) – Stage Dancers – Coach of the SWB Varsity Fearleading Squad

          lazybarslut@spankys.org

          danielle@spankys.org

Dirty Dan – DJ Coordinator… event planner (and recto-cranially inverted legend) – DJs

          dirtydan@spankys.org  

Blackbird & Amethyst – RV Services Managers (wash your hands after meeting them)

          blackbird@spankys.org

          amethyst@spankys.org

Quantum Glen – BufferZone Manager & Director of Blinky Things (and voice for Movie Fone)

          quantum@spankys.org

Arrow – Head Cheerleader of the SWB Varsity Fearleading Squad (easily distracted by bumble bees and such)

          arrow@spankys.org

Art Cars:

Boss Hog (the giant warthog) – Doug L (Major-D)

Illuminaughti (disco dancefloor w/ stripper pole & spank-o-matic) – John M. (Sky)

The Magic Carpet – Steve J. (Twisted)

“We’d love to serve you… but we’re all tied up right now”

May 2022

In this issue…Which should be read while watching/listening to:  Opiuo – Quack Fat  Opiuo – Quack Fat (Official Music Video) – YouTube

• Spanky’s Steward Ticket Sale (STS – formerly known as the DGS)
• T-shirt designs
• Work/Party Weekends
• 4^th of Juplaya
• Apogaea (the Colorado regional burn)
• Early Arrival – Work Access Passes (WAPs)
• Workshifts on the Playa
• RV Pumpouts, Water, and Power
• SWB Staph

Spanky’s Steward Ticket Sale (STS – formerly known as the DGS)

As I mentioned in the last Paddler… I finally got confirmation about Spanky’s Steward Tickets.  I have been informed by the head of the Placement Team that it will be happening in early June. 

• We will be getting our full allocation of tickets.
• They will be at the lower price of $475.00.
• I still don’t know if we will have to be “paired up” for the sale, or if people can buy tickets individually.
• I still don’t know the exact date(s) for our ticket sale.
• As soon as I hear from the Bman Placement Team, I’ll announce it.

More Bman Ticket Info…

Below is the Bman ticket sale schedule for 2022…and you MUST read the other info about Bman tickets.  There is NEW info:  

Burning Man Tickets | Official source for information about Black Rock City tickets.

Bman Ticketing Schedule

March 16 – May 18:  Ticket Aid Program Open (formerly Low Income Tickets)

June (dates TBA):  SWB Steward Ticket Sale

April (?) – Aug(?):  STEP (Secure Ticket Exchange Program) opens/closes

Early July:  Ticket fulfilment (delivery) begins

July 6^th:  Kid Tickets Available (if you’re bringing a kid 12 years old or younger, you must get a free print-at-home ticket on this day)

July 27 – July 29 (Wed-Fri): Registration for the OMG Ticket Sale happens

August 3^rd:  OMG Ticket Sale happens

T-shirt Designs

Well… it’s been a few weeks and I have received no ideas/drawings for designs for our 2022 SWB T-shirts yet.  Whatupwitdat?

Get going on this you crazy creative Spankers!!

Work/Party Weekends

Wanna be part of “how the sausage is made”?  We have some work/party weekends prior to Bman where we build, paint, organize, plot/plan and… party like rock stars! 

These weekends are productive and lots of fun!  If you live in the western US, you’re expected to come to these weekends.  This year, the schedule is:

June 24-26 (Fri-Sun)

Aug 19-21 (Fri-Sun)

And after Bman… Sept 8-11 (Thu-Sun)

Our work/party weekend are held at our friend Liam’s farm (yes, it’s an actual farm with animals).  We refer to it as The Skunkworks, or The Kinky Mountain Farm.  The location is: 

5111 Marshall Rd.  Garden Valley, California 95633

More info about work/party weekend can be found on the SWB website’s “Skunkworks” page (extra credit if you know where the term “skunkworks” came from)

4^th of Juplaya

I need a headcount!  Email me if you’re coming:  jimhillas_gc@yahoo.com

NOTE:  With the success of Rogue Burn last year… and the fact that the 4^th falls on a Monday (creating a natural long-weekend), I predict that 4^th of Juplaya with be huge this year… and awesome!

If you’ve never been to the playa when it isn’t Bman, this “non-event” is a real treat.  In my opinion, it’s just a good as Bman.  The vast, stark, and romantic vastness of the Black Rock Desert is much more vivid and breathtaking when you’re not in the confines of the Bman trash fence, surrounded by flashy theme camps, loud music, and huge structures. 

“4^th of Juplaya” is kinda like the way Bman used to be, in ye olden days.  You can drive fast (But be careful!  It’s easy to roll your vehicle at high speed).  You can go skinny-dipping at the hot springs.  You can come and go as you please (breakfast at Bruno’s, etc).  There are some small theme camps and art cars.  Very few cops.  Lots of random parties.  Vast open space.  Cool burners. 

You can explore the outer reaches of the playa, the whole Black Rock Desert, High Rock Canyon, the emigrant trails, Soldier Meadows, etc  There’s (sometimes) a fireworks show put on by the town of Gerlach.  Those attending Juplaya tend to camp in small groups… scattered ALL OVER the vast playa.  This makes for interesting party-hopping at night 😉

We will be setting up a small version of Spanky’s there.  We all just pitch in a bit for the wine/beer for our bar, generator fuel, etc.  ($50-ish per person)

Plus… the 4^th falls on a Monday this year!  That means there should be a big turn-out.  And rumor has it, Adriana & Co will be out there with us doing “Spank dat Bootie”!

We will probably head up to the playa on Wednesday morning, June 29th… and depart early on Monday, July 4^th.  But you can show up any time.  Playa location will be announced in early June.

Apogaea (the Colorado regional burn)

June 9-11

A few of us Spankers will be going to Apogaea this year… myself included.  And Crash (Mindy) has a couple extra tickets if anyone is interested in buying them.  I haven’t gone before, so I can’t give a first-hand account… but everyone I talk to about it says that it’s a great event!  We are registered as a theme camp there, but what we will mostly be doing is travelling around the event, like a pack of kinky Spankers, giving out dirty namebadges, floggings, paddlings, flaming enemas, etc.

Info about the event here:

Colorado Burning Man Regional Event – Apogaea – June 9-11, 2022

If you’re interested in going let me know.  We might have a place for you to sleep in Denver before/after the event if you’re flying in.

Workshifts on the Playa

We will be doing “sign-ups” for workshifts on the playa this year.

Next month we will post the link to the site where you can sign up.  As I’m sure you already know… every Spanker is required to do a bare minimum of 12 hours of shifts during the week on the playa.

Our sign-up platform is lovingly named WUSSI (workshift unified sign-up system – interactive).  There you will be able to see the jobs, the hours of each shift, and what shifts are taken/available.

In the meantime, look over the “jobs” on the SWB website to see what you might be interested in doing (call them jobs is weird, because most of them are fun AF).  And there’s lots of different types of workshifts… something for everyone.

I’m also proud to announce that Cleopatra (Gabreille) will once again be managing this program for us… Thanks gurl!

More info next month!

Early Arrival – WAPs (work access passes)

If you want to come to Bman early and help build the camp, we’d love your ASSistance!  Being part of “early build” is an honor.  It’s amazing watching the camp and the whole city going up.  But it’s also work… hard work!  But it’s fun too.  And at the end of early build, you feel a true sense of ownership of the camp.  You can look back and say “I helped create this!”

In order to come to “early build”, you must have an actual “pass”, which are given to SWB from Bman.  And I have to approve everyone who wants one.  I don’t know yet, how many WAPs we will get, but Bman is usually pretty liberal with them.  And we will be allowing more Spankers to come even earlier this year.

I will be taking names and providing mor info about WAPs next month.  Contact me if you have questions, or need to know right away (to secure travel plans)

RV Services

The following services are available for purchase for RVers;

CUT-OFF DATE FOR PAYMENT IS JULY 1^st!!!

1-      Grey/Black water pump-outs

2-      Potable water refills

3-      Dedicated power

These are services that are not part of your camp dues.  They also must be paid for in advance.

Blackbird & Amethyst (Mark & Rod) are they guys in charge of coordinating these services with the vendors, and collecting the fees.  You can contact them at mwharri01@gmail.com to request services and make payments.

The price schedule for 2022 is as follows:

Pump-outs cost $185.00 each

Potable water refills are $2.00/gallon (you’ll need to know approximately how much you’ll need)

Dedicated power is $800.00 for 30amps or $1000.00 for 50amps (very limited supply of 50amp)

NOTE:  The people/vendors who provide these RV services are doing a VERY hard job under the most adverse conditions.  They are honest hand hard-working.  They do their very best to fulfill all your needs.  But please understand that it’s Bman… it’s the desert… there are always unforeseen variables… and sometimes things break-down unexpectedly.  Please consider this before you have a massive conniption when something doesn’t happen exactly as planned.  Nothing is a guarantee at Burning Man.

SWB Staph

REMINDER:   If you are a member of the Spanky’s Staph, you will note (at the bottom of this newsletter) that you have a new email addy… yay!  Please contact Deryk (aka SpankIT) for help setting up your mailbox.  spankit@spankys.org

Admiral Painjoy – HMFIC – Head Mutha Fukka In Charge

          admiralpainjoy@spankys.org

Major D (Doug) – The Camp for Sensual Pleasures Leader & Mover of Flowing Electrons & Cartographer & Civic Planner

          major-d@spankys.org

SpankIT (Deryk) – SWB Information Technology Geek

          spankit@spankys.org

Olaf  (Olaf) – Camp Engineer and Master Macerator

          olaf@spankys.org

Niloc (Colin) – SWB Security Team

          niloc@spankys.org

Red Queen (Amanda) – Ticket Maven and Mistress of Namebadges (and harsh critic of dance moves)

          redqueen@spankys.org  

Dano – Lead builder (and history professor)  – Floaters/Infrastructure

          dano@spankys.org  

Eve – Mistress of Morsels (and hangover magnet) – Coffee Caretaker

          eve@spankys.org

Cleopatra (Gabrielle) – Workshift Manager (kiss my asp!)

          cleopatra@spankys.org

Sky – Civic Planner and Administer of pneumatic red cheeks (and wears the same kilt every day)

          sky@spankys.org

For Now & For Later (Bob & Tanya) – LNT Coordinators – Daily LNT Staff – Final Mooping coordinators

          fornowandforlater@spankys.org  

Christopher Robbin (aka “Code Blue”) – LNT coordinator emeritus

          codeblue@spankys.org

Tripp & Disco Tits (Liz)– Bar Tenders and Bar Backs (and purveyors of dice games and floggings)

          tripp@spankys.org

          discotits@spankys.org  

Lazy Bar Slut (Olivia) & Danielle  – Lead Mistresses – MOD Squad (and lovable freaks!) – Stage Dancers

          lazybarslut@spankys.org

          danielle@spankys.org

Dirty Dan – DJ Coordinator… event planner (and recto-cranially inverted legend) – DJs

          dirtydan@spankys.org  

Blackbird & Amethyst – RV Services Managers (wash your hands after meeting them)

          blackbird@spankys.org

          amethyst@spankys.org

Quantum Glen – BufferZone Manager & Director of Blinky Things (and voice for Movie Fone)

          quantum@spankys.org

Art Cars:

Boss Hog (the giant warthog) – Major-D

Illuminaughti (disco dancefloor w/ stripper pole & spank-o-matic) – John M. (Sky)

The Magic Carpet – Steve J. (Twisted)

“We won’t do anything to you today… that you won’t beg for again tomorrow”

March 2022 – part 3

The “Main Sale” Issue

In this issue…Which should be read while watching/listening to: Eddie Money’s “Two Tickets to Paradise”:  Eddie Money – Two Tickets to Paradise (Live 1987) – YouTube

• The Main Ticket Sale – TODAY at noon
• Steward Ticket Sale (STS – formerly known as the DGS)
• More Ticket Info
• New SWB Website
• SWB Staph

The Main Ticket Sale – TODAY at noon

Main Sale is TODAY!!!  (March 30^th) at NOON pacific time.

1pm mountain time

2pm central time

3pm eastern time

You access the sale through the link in the email sent to you from Bman Ticketing last week… or through your Burner Profile:  https://profiles.burningman.org 

Please be at your computer (not phone or tablet) a few minutes before the Main Sale begins.  And have all your ducks in a row.  The Main Sale sells out of tickets in a couple/few minutes.  Don’t be late!!!

Reminder:  You had to register for this sale last week in order to participate.  Hopefully you dragooned friends/family into registering for the sale too.  Remind them to enter the sale today!

I’ll be monitoring the sale today.  If you’re on FB, please post your progress/successes/failures or any problems you may encounter to our SWB page.  If you’re not on FB, text or email me.  916-337-5353.  admiralpainjoy@spankys.org

Steward Ticket Sale (STS – formerly known as the DGS)

I finally got confirmation about Spanky’s Steward Tickets.  We will be getting our full allocation of tickets.  They will be at the lower price of $475.00.  Bman doesn’t know yet if we will have to be “paired up” for the sale, or if people can buy tickets individually. 

The Spanky’s Steward Ticket Sale (STS) will be happening in June.  As soon as I get the exact date(s), I’ll let all y’all know.

NOTE:  If you wind up getting a ticket(s) in the Main Sale, you personally aren’t allowed to enter the STS, but your friends/family/coworkers can.  And Main Sale tickets are transferrable. (Do you see what I’m saying?)

More Bman Ticket Info

Below is the Bman ticket sale schedule for 2022…and you MUST read the other info about Bman tickets.  There is NEW info:  

Burning Man Tickets | Official source for information about Black Rock City tickets.

Bman Ticketing Schedule

March 16 – May 18:  Ticket Aid Program Open (formerly Low Income Tickets)

March 30^th: Main Sale happens (presumably at noon Pacific Time)

June (dates TBA):  SWB Steward Ticket Sale

April (?) – Aug(?):  STEP (Secure Ticket Exchange Program) opens/closes

Early July:  Ticket fulfilment (delivery) begins

July 6^th:  Kid Tickets Available (if you’re bringing a kid 12 years old or younger, you must get a free print-at-home ticket on this day)

July 27 – July 29 (Wed-Fri): Registration for the OMG Ticket Sale happens

August 3^rd:  OMG Ticket Sale happens

New Spanky’s Website

DO NOT TRY TO SIGN UP ON OUR OLD WEBSITE!!!!!!!!

(spankyswinebar.com & jimhillas.org don’t work any longer… they’re dead… kaput… and uneditable)

OUR NEW WEBSITE IS:  www.spankys.org

Please look over the info on the site.  And you must sign up to camp with Spanky’s this year (even SWB veterans must sign up… every year).

Also, please pay your camp dues on the website.  If you have any questions, email admiralpainjoy@spankys.org

REMINDER:   If you are a member of the Spanky’s Staph, you will note (at the bottom of this newsletter) that you have a new email addy… yay!  Please contact Deryk (aka SpankIT) for help setting up your mailbox.  spankit@spankys.org

SWB Staph

Admiral Painjoy – HMFIC – Head Mutha Fukka In Charge

          admiralpainjoy@spankys.org

Major D (Doug) – The Camp for Sensual Pleasures Leader & Mover of Flowing Electrons & Cartographer & Civic Planner

          major-d@spankys.org

SpankIT (Deryk) – SWB Information Technology Geek

          spankit@spankys.org

Olaf  (Olaf) – Camp Engineer and Master Macerator

          olaf@spankys.org

Niloc (Colin) – SWB Security Team

          niloc@spankys.org

Red Queen (Amanda) – Ticket Maven and Mistress of Namebadges (and harsh critic of dance moves)

          redqueen@spankys.org  

Dano – Lead builder (and history professor)  – Floaters/Infrastructure

          dano@spankys.org  

Eve – Mistress of Morsels (and hangover magnet) – Coffee Caretaker

          eve@spankys.org

Sky – Civic Planner and Administer of pneumatic red cheeks (and wears the same kilt every day)

          sky@spankys.org

For Now & For Later (Bob & Tanya) – LNT Coordinators – Daily LNT Staff – Final Mooping coordinators

          fornowandforlater@spankys.org  

Christopher Robbin (aka “Code Blue”) – LNT coordinator emeritus

          codeblue@spankys.org

Tripp & Disco Tits (Liz)– Bar Tenders and Bar Backs (and purveyors of dice games and floggings)

          tripp@spankys.org

          discotits@spankys.org  

Lazy Bar Slut (Olivia) & Danielle  – Lead Mistresses – MOD Squad (and lovable freaks!) – Stage Dancers

          lazybarslut@spankys.org

          danielle@spankys.org

Dirty Dan – DJ Coordinator… event planner (and recto-cranially inverted legend) – DJs

          dirtydan@spankys.org  

Blackbird & Amethyst – RV Services Managers (wash your hands after meeting them)

          blackbird@spankys.org

          amethyst@spankys.org

Quantum Glen – BufferZone Manager & Director of Blinky Things (and voice for Movie Fone)

          quantum@spankys.org

Art Cars:

Boss Hog (the giant warthog) – Major-D

Illuminaughti (disco dancefloor w/ stripper pole & spank-o-matic) – John M. (Sky)

The Magic Carpet – Steve J. (Twisted)

“Build a man a fire, he’ll be warm for a night… Set a man on fire, he’ll be warm for the rest of his life”

March 2022 – part 2

The “If you don’t do these things you’re gonna be screwed”… Issue

In this issue…Which should be read while watching/listening to: Ennio Morricone’s classic “C’Era Una Volta II West” (from the movie “Once Upon a Time in the West):  Ennio Morricone – Once upon a time in the West (Sergio Leone film) – YouTube

• The Main Ticket Sale
• Steward Ticket Sale (STS – formerly known as the DGS)
• More Ticket Info
• New Spanky’s Website
• Camp Dues (redux)
• SWB T-Shirt and SWB Sticker Designs (redux)
• SWB Staph

IT IS SOOOOOO IMPORTANT THAT YOU READ ALL THIS INFO!!!!!

Spanky’s Bman ticket situation is VERY unusual this year.  As previously stated, Bman accidentally omitted SWB from the Steward Ticket sale a couple weeks ago.  But they have stated that we WILL get our allocation of tickets in April.  So things are a bit backwards this year.  Spankers will be registering for (and attempting to get tix in) the Main Ticket sale this month… (The STS sale is next month)

The Main Ticket Sale

Main Sale Registration is next week!!!  (March 23^rd -25^th   Wed-Fri)

The actual Main Sale is the following week (March 30^th)

It is important that all Spankers, your family members, your friends, and co-workers all enter the Main Ticket Sale.  We need all the tickets we can get!  Our allocation of Steward Tickets only accounts for half the number of tickets we need!  And if you’re lucky enough to get tix… make sure to purchase 2 tix and 1 vehicle pass. 

To participate in any of the Bman ticket sales, all potential buyers must have an updated Burner Profile!  Do this now at:  Home | Burning Man Profiles

Everyone must also register for the ticket sale.  This happens next week.  To register, you’ll go to your Burner Profile during the registration window (next Wednesday – Friday)

Tickets in the Main Sale sell-out in a few minutes!  So, everyone needs to be at their computer, logged on and ready to purchase a few minutes before noon pacific time on Wednesday, March 30^th.

Steward Ticket Sale (STS – formerly known as the DGS)

The STS will be happening for SWB some time in April.  I’m still waiting for the salient details about this sale.  As soon as I know, you’ll know.

NOTE:  If you wind up getting a ticket in the Main Sale, you personally aren’t allowed to enter the STS, but your friends/family/coworkers can.  And Main Sale tickets are transferrable. (Do you see what I’m saying?)

More Bman Ticket Info

Below is the Bman ticket sale schedule for 2022…and you MUST read the other info about Bman tickets.  There is NEW info:  Burning Man Tickets | Official source for information about Black Rock City tickets.

Bman Ticketing Schedule

March 16 – May 18:  Ticket Aid Program Open (formerly Low Income Tickets)

March 23 – March 25 (Wed-Fri):  Main Sale registration opens (you must register to attempt to get tix in the Main Sale!!!

March 30^th: Main Sale happens (presumably at noon Pacific Time)

Early April:  SWB Steward Ticket Sale

DATES TBA:  STEP (Secure Ticket Exchange Program) opens/closes

Early July:  Ticket fulfilment (delivery) begins

July 6^th:  Kid Tickets Available (if you’re bringing a kid 12 years old or younger, you must get a free print-at-home ticket on this day)

July 27 – July 29 (Wed-Fri): Registration for the OMG Ticket Sale happens

August 3^rd:  OMG Ticket Sale happens

New Spanky’s Website

DO NOT TRY TO SIGN UP ON OUR OLD WEBSITE!!!!!!!!

(spankyswinebar.com doesn’t work any more… it’s dead… and uneditable)

OUR NEW WEBSITE IS:  www.spankys.org

Please look over the info on the site.  And you must sign up to camp with Spanky’s this year (even SWB veterans must sign up… every year).

Also, please pay your camp dues on the website.  If you have any questions, email admiralpainjoy@spankys.org

REMINDER:   If you are a member of the Spanky’s Staph, you will note (at the bottom of this newsletter) that you have a new email addy… yay!  Please contact Deryk (aka SpankIT) for help setting up your mailbox.  spankit@spankys.org

Camp Dues

Camp dues are what make Spanky’s possible.  Dues pay for our infrastructure, administration, work parties, construction supplies, wine/beer, DJ system, transportation and storage, and a wide host of other expenses.  We all pay camp dues to cover these costs.

Dues for 2022 are increasing by $75.00 due to inflation, 2.5 years of SWB year-round expenses, our need for a whole new sound system, and a massive increase in the cost of lumber/construction supplies…etc.

So Camp dues are $325.00 per Spanker if paid this month.  Dues will increase by $25.00 each month if paid later (i.e. $350.00 if paid in April… $375.00 if paid in May… etc.).

If you paid dues in 2020 (and didn’t get a refund) your 2020 dues will be deducted from your current dues.  If you can’t remember if you paid dues in 2020 or how much you paid… I have all the records.  Contact me.

NOTE:  STS tickets are $100.00 cheaper than other Bman tix, but you must pay camp dues in advance to be considered for STS tickets

FREELOADER DUES

If you don’t want to be burdened with workshifts during the event, or if you absolutely MUST leave the event prior to SWB break-down and final MOOPing at the end of the event… we have an option to pay a higher level of camp dues.  (NOTE:  Freeloader Dues do not absolve you from cleaning up and perfectly MOOPing your personal camp space.)

Freeloader dues can also be paid on the SWB website and cost $800.00.

FINANCIAL HARDSHIP CASES

As we’ve always done at SWB… we will still have our “Fund For Wayward Spankers”.  If you are truly broke AF and really, really want to be part of our illustrious camp, contact APJ and he will try to work out some kind of deal.  This may be a payment plan, extra workshifts, etc.

Spanky’s projected budget for 2022 is also posted on our new website – Dues page.

SWB T-Shirt Design and Sticker Design

Hey artsy-fartsy Spankers!  We’re doing SWB 2022 t-shirts and oval bumper stickers again this year.  I’d love to see some design ideas.  Work something up and email it to me.  Maybe you’ll be the one selected this year!  (And won’t that look great on your resume!?)

The T-shirt design should include “Spanky’s Wine Bar”, and “2022”, and our playa address (which we don’t know yet, so just use “13 O’clock and Z street” as a placeholder), and you can add one of Spanky’s existing motto’s or create a new one if you want.

If you’ve never seen our bumper stickers… the design should be a 4-inch wide oval with “SWB” in the center (and that should be a fun/kinky/perverted font – find one or make one) and the perimeter should have “Spanky’s Wine Bar – 2022 arching the top, and some clever saying/motto along the bottom arc.

At this point, the formatting isn’t important (jpeg, etc).  You can even do a sketch on paper and send me a pic of it.  Deadline for submissions is June 1^st.  Questions?  Email me.

SWB Staph

Admiral Painjoy – HMFIC – Head Mutha Fukka In Charge

          admiralpainjoy@spankys.org

Major D (Doug) – The Camp for Sensual Pleasures Leader & Mover of Flowing Electrons & Cartographer & Civic Planner

          major-d@spankys.org

SpankIT (Deryk) – SWB Information Technology Geek

          spankit@spankys.org

Olaf  (Olaf) – Camp Engineer and Master Macerator

          olaf@spankys.org

Niloc (Colin) – SWB Security Team

          niloc@spankys.org

Red Queen (Amanda) – Ticket Maven and Mistress of Namebadges (and harsh critic of dance moves)

          redqueen@spankys.org  

Dano – Lead builder (and history professor)  – Floaters/Infrastructure

          dano@spankys.org  

Eve – Mistress of Morsels (and hangover magnet) – Coffee Caretaker

          eve@spankys.org

Sky – Civic Planner and Administer of pneumatic red cheeks (and wears the same kilt every day)

          sky@spankys.org

For Now & For Later (Bob & Tanya) – LNT Coordinators – Daily LNT Staff – Final Mooping coordinators

          fornowandforlater@spankys.org  

Christopher Robbin (aka “Code Blue”) – LNT coordinator emeritus

          codeblue@spankys.org

Tripp & Gwyn– Bar Tenders and Bar Backs (and purveyors of dice games)

          tripp@spankys.org

          strawberrytallcake@spankys.org

Lazy Bar Slut (Olivia) & Danielle  – Lead Mistresses – MOD Squad (and lovable freaks!) – Stage Dancers

          lazybarslut@spankys.org

          danielle@spankys.org

Dirty Dan – DJ Coordinator… event planner (and recto-cranially inverted legend) – DJs

          dirtydan@spankys.org  

Blackbird & Amethyst – RV Services Managers (wash your hands after meeting them)

          blackbird@spankys.org

          amethyst@spankys.org

Quantum Glen – BufferZone Manager & Director of Blinky Things (and voice for Movie Fone)

          quantum@spankys.org

Art Cars:

Boss Hog (the giant warthog) – Major-D

Illuminaughti (disco dancefloor w/ stripper pole & spank-o-matic) – John M. (Sky)

The Magic Carpet – Steve J. (Twisted)

“Build a man a fire, he’ll be warm for a night… Set a man on fire, he’ll be warm for the rest of his life”

March 2022

The Ticket Kerfuffle Issue

In this issue…Which should be read while watching/listening to: Katie Goodman’s heartwarming “I didn’t fuck it up”…  I Didn’t F*ck It Up – Katie Goodman – YouTube

• Steward Ticket Sale (STS – formerly known as the DGS)
• More Ticket Info
• Work Access Passes (Early Build)
• New Spanky’s Website
• Camp Dues
• SWB T-Shirt and SWB Sticker Designs
• SWB Staph

Steward Ticket Sale (STS – formerly known as the DGS)

Well… it wouldn’t be Burning Man if we didn’t have hurdles to overcome.  Here’s what’s happened so far;

In December, Bman announced that all returning Theme Camps needed to fill out a form called a Statement of Intent (SOI – because there isn’t enough bureaucracy in the process already… sheez!) in order to qualify for Directed Tickets (now called Steward Tickets, presumably because changing the name of the tickets will have a positive effect on everyone’s behavior?).  So, of course, I went to my Burner Profile and filled out the SOI form… a full day before the deadline (because I’m a good soldier and I do what I’m told). 

We were originally informed that our STS allocation would be provided to Spanky’s in mid-late January.  Apparently, there were delays in the system… they amended the announcement date to Monday, February 15^th.  That day came and went without any announcements.  But the following day (Feb. 16^th) people with art cars were getting their STS allocations… so I gave it another day, figuring they were just running behind schedule again.  Then on the 17^th, friends of mine who also run theme camps began getting their allocation emails.  SWB still didn’t get ours, so on the 18^th, I sent an email to Placement asking what was going on. 

Four-and-a-half days later, I finally got a response claiming that I didn’t fill out the SOI form… LIES!!!  Damn lies I tell ya!!!  Completely untrue!  A pure prevarication!  A canard!  I did the SOI with a day to spare.  And I provided Placement with the supporting evidence.

So… to make a long story short (I know, too late), The Placement Team will be giving us our allocation of Steward Tickets… in April.  They have assured me (yes, in writing) that we will get our allocation of tickets.  I’m waiting for confirmation that the tickets will be priced at the discounted STS pricing, but it’s probably safe to assume so.  I’ll let you all know about the pricing as soon as I get confirmation.

This may turn out to be a blessing in disguise for many of us, as we may have gotten our tax refunds at that time (if you file soon!).  It also gives me more time to beta-test and tweek the new SWB website. 

And some of us may be able to score tickets in the Main Sale, which will ease the burden of demand on the STS allocation.  Which leads me to…

More Bman Ticket Info

Below is the Bman ticket sale schedule for 2022…and you must read the other info about Bman tickets here Burning Man Tickets | Official source for information about Black Rock City tickets.

There’s new info here… read it!

March 16 – May 18:  Ticket Aid Program Open (formerly Low Income Tickets)

March 23 – March 25 (Wed-Fri):  Main Sale registration opens (you must register to attempt to get tix in the Main Sale!!!

March 30^th: Main Sale happens (presumably at noon Pacific Time)

Early April:  SWB Steward Ticket Sale

DATES TBA:  STEP (Secure Ticket Exchange Program) opens/closes

Early July:  Ticket fulfilment (delivery) begins

July 6^th:  Kid Tickets Available (if you’re bringing a kid 12 years old or younger, you must get a free print-at-home ticket on this day)

July 27 – July 29 (Wed-Fri): Registration for the OMG Ticket Sale happens

August 3^rd:  OMG Ticket Sale happens

I urge all of you to register for the Main Sale next month (March 23^rd) and attempt to buy 2 tix and a vehicle pass.  If you don’t get tickets, it won’t effect your ability to be in Spanky’s STS in April.  Main sale tickets are fully transferrable.  (If you have questions about this, email me.)

To enter ANY Bman Ticket Sale, you must have an up-to-date Burner Profile.  Take care of that NOW:  Home | Burning Man Profiles

Work Access Passes (formerly Early Access Passes)

Early Build is when we build Spanky’s on the playa.  It happens during the week leading up to Bman.  Everyone who helps with Early Build must have an official Work Access Pass (WAP) from Bman.  We won’t know how many WAPs we are getting until the summer, so we’re not accepting applications for WAPs until then.

One exception is… if you need to buy plane tickets soon, to come to the August work/party weekend and/or to do Early Build, let me know now.  If you qualify, I’ll put you on the list now.

New Spanky’s Website

Our new website will be unveiled by the end of this week.  You all can begin signing-up and paying camp dues this weekend!   The site won’t be complete… actually… it never will be, as it’s a living, breathing site that will be updated, augmented, and improved often.  We are currently beta-testing and tweeking the site.  I may contact you to help with the beta-testing.

NOTE:   If you are a member of the Spanky’s Staph, you will note (at the bottom of this newsletter) that you have a new email addy… yay!  Please contact Deryk (aka SpankIT) for help setting up your mailbox.  spankit@spankys.org

When we decided to create a new website (because the old site’s functionality was so limited and “yahoo sitebuilder” basically sucks… and can no longer be updated) our IT team finally agreed that WordPress would be the best bet, for myriad reasons.  However, I didn’t know how complicated WordPress and Elementor are to learn.  It’s like learning to speak Turkish, I swear!

So we (Deryk and I) are still looking for any help from anyone with experience with WordPress and Elementor… to do some of the more advanced functions.  Please contact me if you can help.

Camp Dues

Camp dues are what make Spanky’s possible.  Dues pay for our infrastructure, administration, work parties, construction supplies, wine/beer, DJ system, transportation and storage, and a wide host of other expenses.  We all pay camp dues to cover these costs.

Dues for 2022 are increasing by $75.00 due to inflation, 2.5 years of SWB year-round expenses, our need for a whole new sound system, and a massive increase in the cost of lumber/construction supplies…etc.

So Camp dues are $325.00 per Spanker if paid this month.  Dues will increase by $25.00 each month if paid later (i.e. $350.00 if paid in April… $375,00 if paid in May… etc.).

If you paid dues in 2020 (and didn’t get a refund) your 2020 dues will be deducted from your current dues.  If you can’t remember if you paid dues in 2020 or how much you paid… I have all the records.  Contact me.

You must pay camp dues in advance to be considered for STS tickets… we are beta-testing the website, but you should be able to pay dues (and sign-up) by the end of this week.

FREELOADER DUES

If you don’t want to be burdened with workshifts during the event, or if you absolutely MUST leave the event prior to SWB break-down and final MOOPing at the end of the event… we have an option to pay a higher level of camp dues.  (NOTE:  Freeloader Dues do not absolve you from cleaning up and perfectly MOOPing your personal camp space.)

Freeloader dues can also be paid on the SWB website and cost $800.00.

FINANCIAL HARDSHIP CASES

As we’ve always done at SWB… we will still have our “Fund For Wayward Spankers”.  If you are truly broke AF and really, really want to be part of our illustrious camp, contact APJ and he will try to work out some kind of deal.  This may be a payment plan, extra workshifts, etc.

Spanky’s projected budget for 2022 is also posted on our new website – Dues page.

If you paid dues in 2020 and you’re unable to attend Bman this year, contact me.  We would love it if you made that a donation to Spanky’s, but we can offer you a partial refund… a portion of those dues paid for a share of 2.5 years of Spanky’s year-round expenses.  You helped SWB survive through the pandemic.  Thank you!

SWB T-Shirt Design and Sticker Design

Hey artsy-fartsy Spankers!  We’re doing SWB 2022 t-shirts and oval bumper stickers again this year.  I’d love to see some design ideas.  Work something up and email it to me.  Maybe you’ll be the one selected this year! 

The T-shirt design should include “Spanky’s Wine Bar”, and “2022”, and our playa address (which we don’t know yet, so just use “13 O’clock and Z street” as a placeholder), and you can add one of Spanky’s existing motto’s or create a new one if you want.

If you’ve never seen our bumper stickers… the design should be a 4-inch wide oval with “SWB” in the center (and that should be a fun/kinky/perverted font – find one or make one) and the perimeter should have “Spanky’s Wine Bar – 2022 arching the top, and some clever saying/motto along the bottom arc.

At this point, the formatting isn’t important (jpeg, etc).  You can even do a sketch on paper and send me a pic of it.  Deadline for submissions is June 1^st.  Questions?  Email me.

SWB Staph

Admiral Painjoy – HMFIC – Head Mutha Fukka In Charge

          admiralpainjoy@spankys.org

Major D (Doug) – The Camp for Sensual Pleasures Leader & Mover of Flowing Electrons & Cartographer & Civic Planner

          major-d@spankys.org

SpankIT (Deryk) – SWB Information Technology Geek

          spankit@spankys.org

Olaf  (Olaf) – Camp Engineer and Master Macerator

          olaf@spankys.org

Niloc (Colin) – SWB Security Team

          niloc@spankys.org

Red Queen (Amanda) – Ticket Maven and Mistress of Namebadges (and harsh critic of dance moves)

          redqueen@spankys.org  

Dano – Lead builder (and history professor)  – Floaters/Infrastructure

          dano@spankys.org  

Yoyo – Potable water “perv”eyor and RV technician

          yoyo@spankys.org  

Eve – Mistress of Morsels (and hangover magnet) – Coffee Caretakers

          eve@spankys.org

Sky – Civic Planner and Administer of pneumatic red cheeks (and wears the same kilt every day)

          sky@spankys.org

For Now & For Later (Bob & Tanya) – LNT Coordinators – Daily LNT Staff – Final Mooping coordinators

          fornowandforlater@spankys.org  

Christopher Robbin (aka “Code Blue”) – LNT coordinator emeritus

          codeblue@spankys.org

Tripp & Gwyn (and purveyors of dice games) – Bar Tenders and Bar Backs

          tripp@spankys.org

          strawberrytallcake@spankys.org

Lazy Bar Slut (Olivia) & Danielle  – Lead Mistresses – MOD Squad (and lovable freaks!) – Stage Dancers

          lazybarslut@spankys.org

          danielle@spankys.org

Dirty Dan – DJ Coordinator… event planner (and recto-cranially inverted legend) – DJs

          dirtydan@spankys.org  

Blackbird & Amethyst – RV Services Managers (wash your hands after meeting them)

          blackbird@spankys.org

          amethyst@spankys.org

Quantum Glen – BufferZone Manager & Director of Blinky Things (and voice for Movie Fone)

          quantum@spankys.org

Art Cars:

Boss Hog (the giant warthog) – Major-D

Illuminaughti (disco dancefloor w/ stripper pole & spank-o-matic) – John M. (Sky)

The Magic Carpet – Steve J. (Twisted)