The Paddler

Current

June 2024

A Message From The IT Guy
By SpankIT (Deryck), your IT Guy

 

Are you ready to get dicked by the dangling dong of destiny?  Here at Spanky’s secret base, we sure as heck feel like we have been already.  So much to do, so little time to do it in.  We’ve all been busy cleaning, painting, organizing, collating, punctuating, strategizing, discombobulating, and antidisestablishmentarianisming to make sure everyone has the best time ever, and to uphold the legacy of the best goddamn bar on the Playa.

How does it feel to be an organizer for the Crown Jewel of Burning Man bars, you may ask?  Well, I think that question can be best answered in song form.  This also happens to be, in my honest opinion, the greatest live musical performance ever recorded.

In this issue you will get:

  • An admission of guilt
  • A satanic apology
  • DAS BOOT!
  • Something’s happening!!!
  • OMG, NO!  Like, seriously, NO!
  • Shirtcocking and chill
  • Staph, but the good kind
  • Pretty fly for a Wi-Fi
  • The skinny pedal on the right
  • A thorough dustyfuxing
  • A chilling affair 
  • Another admission of guilt, but also SCHWAG!!!
  • Are you insured?  By Survival?
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Vidi, Vici, Veni
By Dano the Camp Leader Igniting Tushies

 

As Julius Caesar said upon his victorious return from Pontus, We came, We saw, We fucking rocked it!  A stellar crew of Spankers convened to celebrate America’s Birthday out on the ashes of The Man and knocked it out of the park.


Fourth of Juplaya has become a low-key, anarchic gathering of Burners from around Northern Nevada and California.  Over the last few years it has been getting bigger and bigger.  Our crew arrived on the evening of July 2 and promptly set to work drinking beer.  However, we got up relatively early on Wednesday and set up the Kitchen Tent to be shade for Spanky’s, built some dancer stages, installed a sound system, put up a bondage wall and most delightfully had a searchlight-cum-beacon so folks could find us in the vast expanse of the roadless playa.


Wednesday night was good.  Thursday was better.  Friday was amazeballs as Spanky’s became the center of the known universe.  Reformed military transport Sparkle Pony brought their womping sound system and a lineup of great DJs.  The Brothel made, and served, 30 gallons of Miso Soup.  Hel’s Diner (an art car from Gerlach) provided a shitty dining experience.  Another group from Reno brought a mobile, full-service bar.  There were fire-dancers and jugglers.  There were spankings and floggings.  Needless to say, a good time was had by all!  


We even did SWINE BAR on Saturday night.  Take a look at the pictures on the Spanky’s Facebook page if you have a moment.


BIG UPS to our team of Spankers out there.  Setup and breakdown were quick and easy.  As they say, team work makes the dream work.  Crew consisted of Admiral Painjoy, Adam, Kayleen, Big Dix, Emma, Blackbird, Anton, Dmitri, Bart, Pixie Pea Pod, James, Bacon Daddy, Lucky, Cassie, Snow Patrol, Mark Hayden, Ursula, and yours truly.


I have to admit that there was a moment when I was driving at 40mph across the playa on my way to Bruno’s for breakfast and a hot shower, that there might be something to keeping it simple.


So, ALL Y’ALL gotta come out one of these years and show your patriotism by breaking a few laws with us!

 

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Hey Everyone, Sorry

By Satan (Adrian)

 

So, a quick update from the desk of yours truly, Satan. As many of you have probably noticed, attendance for this year’s Burn has been relatively low across the board. On the one hand this is a good thing – we are thinning the herd of the weak. On the other hand, this also means we are now having to reformulate our shifts to better meet our numbers.

 

Many of you have signed up for shifts that we are going to have to remove. If you are signed up for a shift that we remove you will receive an email notifying you of the fact. Please give it a day or two, and then head back in and look for new shifts.

 

I realize that this is pretty annoying, so apologies in advance if you are one of the unlucky Spankers who have to sign up for new shifts. But, y’know, we are also a kink-focused camp – I’m sure some of you sick fucks will like it <3

 

Love,

Satan

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A Message from the Consent Education Team

By Hornycorn (Robin)

 

Look, The Burn is super intense and full of different personalities intimately working, partying, and going through a lot together. It’s a pressure cooker with plenty of room for things to boil over. Misguided emotions, communications, and understandings being some of them. The 11th Principle can get as hairy as your uncle Bob’s back.

 

Then there’s those who aren’t on track.  We need to give them the emotional intelligence to understand how their thoughts, words, and actions affect others. Even when watching fellow burners acting appropriately with enthusiastic consent, some people’s brains take it as a green light to join in, comment, or make their own moves that are in no way A-OK.

 

We gotta watch those who need watching, my brothas, sistas and other lovelies. Raise that eyebrow while twisting that curly mustache and pull your boots out of the mud in case there’s some booting to be done. Well, actually to take it to the designated people meant to do that booting. Dano the CLIT, SpankIT, Wolfie and Solar.

 

As long as no one’s getting hurt, right? Except for when they ask for it!

 

PS: Anyone out there who speaks a different language (French is covered) willing to be help with a little talk? At the very least, you’ll probably make friends with other Spankers who speak the same! 

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Eventful Events!

By Wolfie (Webster)

 

Who likes to party? We like to party! While Spanky’s Wine Bar is open every night of the burn (and then some), there are a few particular evenings and goings on that I’d like to highlight as particularly hoppin’ and happenin’ – especially for those of you that like to dress thematically and would like to plan accordingly. 

 

Wednesday: Masquerade Ball

Hours: 9pm-2am

Our maddening, hattening, and perhaps even flattering Masquerade Ball. There will be masks AND balls. You heard it here first folks, get out your domino, your lace, or something really exciting and perverse (Richard Nixon is a sexy nurse?). Practice your coquettish glances and witty repartee because Wednesday is gonna be CLASSY AS FUCK.

 

Friday: Feline Friday

Hours: 9pm-2am 

We all have a pussycat somewhere inside us, and Friday is time to let that feline freak flag fly. Get out your ears, your whiskers, maybe one of them fun-to-tug tails (you know what I mean), and come join us for a wonderland inspired night of fun and frolic. Whether your cat-ness be Cheshire or Halle Berry, cum and purr with us. No kibble provided.

Who was the better Cat Woman? (Editor's Choice is Kitt)

Saturday Afternoon: Kayleen and Adam Make it Official!
Hours: 6:30-7:00
Love is in the air as members of our Spanky’s Family tie the knot! No, not that kind (at least in public).  Bring your dusty asses to the BASS as Reverend Dano the CLIT joins Kayleen and Adam in (un)holy matrimony.  Since it IS an official wedding (fully legal in Nevada) a tie is required.  Pants of course are optional.  Open Bar immediately preceding, during, and following the ceremony.

 

Saturday Night: Burn Night Bacchanalia:

Hours: Post Burn until whenever we fucking feel like

Look, it’s obvious that we are a wine bar, and so it’s a must that we celebrate our patron god in the style he demands. Drink lots of wine. Wear a fucking toga!

 

Sunday Night: Swine Bar. Fuck yeah. ‘Nuff Said.

Hours: Post Burn until whenever we fucking feel like

 

Additionally: Do not forget your little black dress, tutus, catholic schoolgirl uniform, and whether you subscribe to the theory that on Wednesdays we wear pink, or are part of the white Wednesday subset, please plan accordingly. Look folks, we serve the best worst beer on playa, and I’ll be damned if we aren’t gonna be the best worst dressed! Smooches!

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Ticket News

By Red Queen (Amanda)

 

Red Queen here, your friendly ticket maven! Just a couple of short notes for everyone regarding tickets!

 

  1. If you still need a ticket or vehicle pass, please email me ASAP!
  2. Tickets ordered for home delivery are in the process of shipping, keep an eye on your emails for delivery info and mailboxes for the tickets themselves!
  3. IMPORTANT – the OMG sale is coming up at the end of the month, Spanky’s DOES NOT, I repeat, DOES NOT, need any tickets, so DO NOT buy more in that sale. (This brings me to my next point)
  4. Spanky’s has a few extra tickets (no vehicle passes), so if you have friends or friends of friends that need tickets PLEASE have them email me
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Noob News

By Poseidon (Pasaidu) and Tomorrow (Tamara)

 

Welcome virgins, noobs, and well-seasoned Spankers! The noob integration team has been crafting an agenda of scandalous activities for your kinky pleasure. We’ll be riding out at night with all exploring noobs and kinksters alike, creating wild, carnal mayhem around the playa and getting “intimately” acquainted with one another.

 

Prepare for a debauched art car ride for Spankers and friends where we’ll gasp at the breathtaking art on the playa. And, of course, there will be a naughty meet and greet, and multiple, bacon-filled, chill moments to savor.

 

But that’s not all! Our camp will be a hotbed of erotic entertainment, luring even the most random burners to come and entertain us—the hottest, most lascivious crew on the playa. Think shirtcocking meet and greet, nipple appreciation day, pole dancing, and more! We’ll make sure that even when you’re mingling in camp, the pleasure will come all over us!

 

For all questions or things unclear, feel free to reach out to us or ask your questions in Discord.

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The Teamwork / Dreamwork Paradigm
By Dano the CLIT

 

As we approach the Best Week of the Year, I can tell you that your faithful Staph is BUSY!  Spanky’s Wine Bar is a big camp.  It has many complexities.  It has many personalities.  And as for fetishes, well, you can only guess.


But we also have a VERY DEDICATED Staph of folks who make this whole thing work.


Every one of whom pays the same dues (often more), takes the same number of hours of shift work (or more), and has the same survival challenges out on the playa as each and every Spanker in camp (or more).


Ish-a-licious moved to Reno JUST TO KEEP THE WAREHOUSE in order.  That’s some dedication Ishy-ish!  Red Queen spends untold hours coordinating all of our ticket machinations and punching up our namebadges.  Olaf has given up hundreds of hours he could have been partying building our power grid and revamping our camp map, as well as myriad other vital functions of the camp. Hornycorn has worked her bone to the fingers building our Consent Education Team protocols.  Tamara and Pasaidu have been bringing our Noobs into the fold while holding down full time jobs in Beirut.  For Now and For Later have spent hours in our Zoom Staph meetings as well as probably even more hours inventorying our kitchen and preparing it for operation during the Burn. Poor Satan (hail Satan!) got saddled with coordinating all of the work shifts and is doing a great job there as a rookie. Thumper barely has any time to sleep as he updates the Twisted Nipple and edits our training videos. Our own Amethyst has held the Budget Advisory Board Ensemble accountable as we revise budgets and spend less money than we thought we had, as well as processed each of your dues payments, and coordinated all the RV Servixes.  Lucky for us he is on sabbatical from his real job!  Eve has been hitting garage sales and thrift stores for weeks getting things together for our new air-conditioned Chill Space.  Big Dix (Kevin) has dedicated huge space in his place of business for our storage, as well as volunteered to make multiple trips out to BRC to be sure all of our stuff makes it out there.


I have to give a special shout out to my boys on the SEX Board.  Webster (Wolfie) and Deryck (SpankIT) have stepped up and put in about a zillion hours interviewing noobs, sorting out our databases, chasing down details, and generally working their asses off to make this whole thing go.  I’ve spent so much time with them on Zoom these last few months, I feel like we are a married throuple.

 

So, when all y’all are out there with dilated pupils and sporting a leather thong, give these guys an extra long hug and maybe a cold beer.   They have all been hard at it for months!

 

Thanks Team! I know that there is a lot of “behind the scenes” preparation that most of the camp will never see,  or fully appreciate, but I sure do.   You guys are great!

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Spanky’s Wi-Fi

By SpankIT (Deryck), your IT guy

 

Last year’s mud-pocalypse made it apparent how important communications are.  Not only Spankers, but anyone at Burning Man who could make it out to our camp was free to use our Wi-Fi to contact family, friends, baby sitters, dog sitters, airlines, etc. to, despite what the media was saying, let them know they were safe, and to rearrange their plans for what Mother Nature had dealt us.

 

During the week, we used a stupefying 1.5 terabytes of data!  For some context, that’s three times more data than the average American household uses IN A MONTH. And we did that with a single Starlink dish and some hand-me-down wireless access points.

 

I’m happy to announce that we will be doing the same thing this year.  We’ve invested in newer and better networking kit in hopes to cover more areas of camp and offer more stable connectivity.  We can’t guarantee that Wi-Fi will be available in the camping areas (or at all), but it should hopefully be rock solid in the bar, kitchen, and chill space.  

 

As a Spanky’s Member, you will find the Wireless network name and password to connect to the Spanky’s Member’s Wi-Fi on the back of your badge.  Please don’t give this information out to our guests.

 

For our guests, we will have an open Wi-Fi network called “Spanky’s Wine Bar @ 7:30 & E” they can connect to.  Please feel free to tell our patrons about this.

 

Extra Nerdy Shit

 

One Starlink is good, two would be better.  If any anyone is bringing a Starlink setup with them with an Ethernet port, and wouldn’t mind donating their bandwidth with the camp and Black Rock City, it would be most rad.  Hit me up.

 

I’m taking some toys (no, not those kinds) to the playa this year.  A small Linux server that run containers, some Meshtastic LoRa radios, a Home Assistant, Grafana, and MQTT instance, stuff like that.  If any of yous are interested in that kind of stuff, contact me. We have the connectivity and maybe the bandwidth to do some cool shit.

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Calling All Drivers!
By Dano the CLIT

 

Holy Smokes, Spankers!  We are getting close to the Real Event!  Try not to panic.  Leave that to me!  At this moment in time, I am panicking about getting all of our stuff out to the playa from Reno.   We have two box trucks, a flatbed “water truck”, one big utility trailer, a generator, and maybe a dump trailer that all need to be transported from Reno, to the Crown Jewel of Burning Man Bars, and back after the event is over.


If you have a vehicle capable of towing a trailer or a generator out to Black Rock City on Monday, Tuesday, or Wednesday of Build Week, send me an email  (dano@spankys.org) with the subject line “BUILD” and let me know what kind of vehicle you have. Include the size of your hitch and the towing capacity of your rig. Also include the day you can make it.  Just remember, earlier is better!


If you are a capable driver and feel comfortable driving one of our bigger vehicles out on Monday, Tuesday, or Wednesday of Build Week, send me an email with the subject line BUILD and let me know if you want big, bigger or biggest rig to pilot out and back.


Thanks team!  We got this!

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Build and Strike

By Wolfie (Webster)

 

Dustyfux!

 

Build week is nigh, and it’s time that we start sorting out  Setup Access Passes (because Wet Ass Pussies were just too fun I guess) so we can get our mangy little booties out there in an efficiently dusty manner. Please fill out the survey (https://forms.gle/31WMXT2fvPWacGTo8) so that we can allocate you your access! We want to have as many hands as possible out there, but we don’t ever want anyone unnecessarily sweating and standing around looking for things to hammer, so we are trying to pulse people in, in as reasonable and responsible a way as Spanky’s knows how.

 

To give you a general run down of how things are gonna shake down, here’s our timeline:

 

  • Saturday/Sunday (8/17-8/18):
    • Work party in Reno. Finishing touches, packing our beautiful pile of shit up so that we can get that best goddamned bar on the playa open and rolling
  • Monday (8/19)
    • Some of your darling SEX board and a few select Staph get out there on playa, we start the surveying work. Drink beer. Sweat beer. The stench begins
  • Tuesday (8/20)
    • We start bringing in you wonderful fools to begin with the hard labor. Said labor begins. Initial grid gets laid–hopefully some of us do too
  • Wednesday/Thursday (8/21-8/22):
    • Our major construction days. Trying to get it all good and set up. BASS goes up. Shade structures get shady. This is when we need hands, and lots of ‘em. Not for that reason – get your mind out of the gutter
  • Friday (8/23):
    • Polishing touches on attractions…maybe an extra soft opening if we can swing it.
  • Saturday (8/24):
    • Refuckulating everything that needs to be refuckulated. Our real soft-opening–because who doesn’t love a soft opening !
  • Sunday (8/25):
    • It’s the event: no SAPs needed.

 

Additionally, we are taking signups for strike crew now. Last year opened our eyes to a key truth. There’s not a lot of point in having a hundred hands for twenty hours, and then no one for the rest of strike. It wastes time that people could be showering at the GSR, and ultimately makes tempers run short (I mean hell, we’ll probably all be out of beer). So we want a dedicated strike crew. The few, the menschest menschen to ever mensch a mensch. No seriously, we need people who are gonna stand tall in spite of it all, and get this bastard broken down and stowed. Then get it all to Reno and get it unpacked into our wonderful space at Safari RV. If you sign up, this is your commitment that you are helping us out with this one. We need to beat an organized retreat (not just stand around beating our meat) and for this WE WANT YOU!

 

Strike schedule is as follows:

 

  • Sunday at 4pm
    • We will do some basic tasks, start the Moopery, get some key things broken down, but mostly, just get things organized for Monday. Then we will all wander off to the temple burn together (or on your own if that’s what you prefer) and come back for a roaring and raucous SWINE BAR (the second best goddamn bar on the playa)
  • Monday:
    • Big break down. We get everything torn down and stowed into trucks. This is gonna be long, hard, and brutal, but I’ve never known a Spanker who shied away from gritty, sweaty, foul-smelling work yet
  • Tuesday:
    • The load-out. We drive to Reno. Get a shower. Get two showers. Fuck. Get three showers. Team dinner.
  • Wednesday:
    • Safari RV: stow, pack, and clean. Crash some hotel parties at the GSR or something.
  • Thursday:
    • Finishing touches. Depart at your leisure.

 

So sign your sexy asses up. Pack your catholic schoolgirl outfit, and lets get fucking physical!

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Chillin’ Needs Your Help

By Eve and Hornycorn (Robin)

 

Hot people, hot temps and hot connects. How great will it be to have a cool place to beat the heat while lounging around together? Pretty damn great!

 

Our impressive, air conditioned and not so small chill space (that will be by the kitchen) gives a chance to connect off the dance floor and get that much needed down time every burner needs (and too often doesn’t take).

 

We’re in this together!  Stuff to loan or donate…

 

We have a few ideas but maybe you have awesome contributions that we haven’t thought of. Hit us up! Let’s make this extra great together! 

 

Some things we can use:

 

  • Battery operated string lights
  • Big cushions, pillows and/or stuffed animals
  • Blankets or throws, tapestries.  

 

Let us know what you’ve got! Contact Eve or Hornycorn

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Spanky’s T-Shirts

By Admiral Painjoy (Jim)

 

OMG!…OMG!…OMG!…OMG!
OMG!…OMG!…OMG!…OMFG!!!


The 2024 Spanky’s T-shirts are available for purchase!!!


Big thanks to Blackbird for taking some artwork (that I clandestinely stole from the interwebs), and tweeked and artsy-ified it into our most beautiful design in the history of Spanky’s T-shirtdom. Not excited yet? You should be soooo excited. You should be this excited…

SWB T-shirts are magical things. Not only are you the envy of everyone in any room you enter, but they also ward off disease, bring good fortune, impart hyper-intellegence, and almost guarantee that you’ll get laid… but they also make you a zarkin frood (look it up).


Anyhoo… please visit the SWB Schwag Page and follow the instructions on how to purchase your shirt(s)

 

Prices are $25.00 for Small – XL, and $30.00 for XXL and XXXL


Here’s the art…

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Taxicab Confessions

By SpankIT (Deryck)

 

Yo!  Just in case you didn’t know, Burning Man is six weeks away.  SIX WEEKS!

 

“FUCK!” You say to yourself, “How in the balls am I going to get to the Playa and back‽”

 

Well, I’ve got some info that just may help you out.  In our Discord server (https://discord.gg/uGAF3jSwR8), there is a #rideshare channel.

 

Have some extra room in your car to give your fellow Spanker a ride or take his/her gear?  Post it in the channel.

 

Need a ride for you or your stuff?  Post it in the channel.

 

Either way, please make sure to put dates and locations in your post.  There are already Spankers in there coordinating away!

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Important Dates

 

  • July 24 – 26: OMG Sale registration begins (DON’T BUY ANY)
  • July 31: OMG Sale starts at noon Pacific Time (SERIOUSLY, DON’T BUY ANY)
  • August 16 – 18: Work Party 🎉
  • August 19 – 24: Build Week
  • August 24 – Sept 2: Something important and fun happens
  • Sept 3 – 7: Final Work Party 🎉
 

 

Sign up

PAST

2024

A Message From The IT Guy
By SpankIT (Deryck), your IT Guy

Well dip my balls in sweet cream and squat me in a kitchen full of kittens!  How the crap is it June already?  Wasn’t Christmas just like… two months ago?

Any who.  That Thing in the Desert is fast approaching, noobs are being interviewed, systems are being refuckulated, tickets are being inseminated, work shifts are being twerked, playas are being juplied, cartographers are cartographying, phasers are set to stun, the weather is beautiful, and I can’t think of appropriate song to go with this, so enjoy some (modern) classic rock.

In this issue you will get:

  • A home
  • A triscuit, a trasket, a ticket
  • Hey, how YOU doin’?
  • A suck and a squirt
  • Noobish inquiries and replies
  • Work
  • It’s all about the Benjamins
  • The deflagration of various liquids and powders
  • Camera.  Lights.  ACTION!
  • Higher Sexucation
  • Come on in, the water’s fine
  • Erect Sausages

Spanky’s Has a Home!
By Dano the Camp Leader Igniting Tushies

We have been placed!  Start sewing those “if found” labels into your assless chaps (note from the editor: chaps, by definition, are assless) with the address of Spanky’s Wine Bar 2024 as 7:30 and E.

This is basically where we were in 2023, but the opposite side of the street.  Olaf and his team are madly working away at the modifications on the map of Spanky’s Village.   Expect it to be very similar to last year, only flipped around to sit on the ground occupied by Glamcocks during the Mudpocalypse.

This is pretty good real estate, and Placement has assured me that we are a “Destination Camp” so we are there to draw more people down into the Red Light District.   Psych up people, because we are in it to win it!


TCKETS…TICKETS…TICKETS!!

By Red Queen (Amanda)

Alright Spankers, we’re getting closer and closet to TTITD and we need to get all the logistics figured out. I need to take stock of who still needs to tickets or vehicle passes. PLEASE, email me (redqueen@spankys.org) ASAP if you still need to buy your ticket or vehicle pass so that I can set you up with someone that has one available.

DON’T WAIT UNTIL THE LAST MINUTE AND CAUSE US ALL MORE WORK!


Consent

A Message from the Consent Education Team

By Hornycorn (Robin)

Hey! How’s it goin? 👋🏻 

It’s not only how we say hi to our friends and make new ones, but also, and this is a big one, it’s how we check in with those around us to make sure everyone’s OK. OK?

Camp accountability

Seriously my playful little ponies, we’ve got to rock that elusive 11th Principle (Authentic and Enthusiastic Consent) as a kink team to make it safe to explore, not only for our own fam-bam but also for those coming to Marvin Gaye with us. I believe we can become the #1 play camp on playa? And a big part of that is safety, respect, and consent! 

Now, for some homework…

Enthusiasm.

ENTHUSIASM!

Why is this such an important part of consent? We want to hear some examples. What have you seen or experienced on playa to show there wasn’t enough to give solid consent?  Hop onto discord and share your thoughts with the rest of the camp! 

The wheels are a turnin!


RV Servixes 2024 FINAL CALL (aka SUB – Spanky’s Utilities Bureau)

By Amethyst (Rod) & Solar (Karla)

Time to get on the spanking bench and snag these desirable services. Orders are still being taken but be prepared to pay promptly. These delightful extras and not part of camp dues.

Send your detailed, desired orders to Amethyst at amethyst@spankys.org with the magic phrase “RV ORDER” in the subject line. He’ll send you an invoice with payment options faster than you can say “Burning Man” in all the known languages.

Payment Playground: We play nice with Zelle, cash, checks, money orders, or even Western Union—whatever tickles our fancy!
Ordering Deadline: June 17
Payments Due: June 21

Pump Outs and Water Fills
Choose your days wisely, we only offer these services on the following dates. These typically happen before noon, and you will not need to be present. Just make sure your water and pump out connections are accessible and ready for action!

  • Monday, August 26
  • Wednesday, August 28
  • Friday, August 30
  • Sunday, September 1

Grey/Black Water Pump Outs – $100 each
This gets the waste removed from your RV (not your trash or unwanted RV mate) and even better, you do not have to be around when it happens. Please indicate which available date(s) you want the Pump Out(s).

Potable RV Water Fills by The Spanky’s Hydration Insertion Team (aka The SHIT) –
$1.00/Gallon

Our hydration heroes will squirt life into your tanks. Minimum order 20 gallons of liquid gold per available ordered day. Please indicate the number of gallons for each day you order water, and which available date(s) you want the Water Fill(s).

EXAMPLE: Monday 8/26 – 20 gallons, Friday 8/30 – 30 gallons
NOTE: The vendor on Playa will NOT have flag down trucks available on Playa for water fills.

POWER PLAYS: 20, 30 or 50 AMP (limited subscriptions available)

  • 50 Amp – $1000 (common for RVs with 2 air conditioners)
  • 30 Amp – $500 (common for most RVs with one air conditioner)
  • 20 Amp – $300 (common for yurts to run a small air conditioner)

Amethyst & Solar (Solarthyst) – RV Legends (Their Job Literally Sucks, so yours doesn’t!)


🍷 Welcome to Spanky’s Winebar Noobs Q&A Channel! 🍷

By Poseidon (Pasaidu) and Tomorrow (Tamara)

Hey Noobs! 🎉 Ready to dive into a world where no question is too silly, too outrageous, or too “Wait, WTF?” Join our brand-new Q&A Discord channel – your one-stop shop for all things shenanigans and beyond!

  • Wondering how to navigate the playa without turning into a dehydrated raisin? 🏜️💧
  • Need tips on setting up camp without looking like a lost sparkle pony? 🦄✨
  • Need to know how to serve drinks while wearing cuffs? 🍷🍷
  • Or maybe you’re curious about how to survive a wine-fueled spanking contest with your dignity (mostly) intact? 🍑🍷

We’ve got you covered!

Here’s the deal:

🍇 Ask Anything: From desert survival to kinky shenanigans to practical camping and work tips, no question is too wild or mundane. Seriously, try us.

🍇 Get Answers: Our seasoned Spanky’s experts will dish out answers, advice, and probably some hilarious (and spicy) anecdotes.

🍇 Have Fun: Expect a mix of useful tips, cheeky humor, and lots of laughs. Because at Spanky’s, we believe in education through entertainment (and maybe a glass of wine… and a flogger).

🍇 Stay Practical: Whether it’s figuring out the best route to camp, avoiding common desert pitfalls, or learning how to confidently shine without blinding everyone with your glitter, we’re here to help.

So, pop open a bottle, slip into something leather, and join the channel. Let the questions flow like a fine wine, and the answers sting like a well-placed whip! Cheers to learning, laughing, and making the most of our kinky escapades at Spanky’s Wine Bar Camp! 🥂

How do you join the Q&A madness yous ask? Easy!

  1. Join the discord server by using this link: https://discord.gg/uGAF3jSwR8
  2. Proudly declare, “I’m a noob, and I have questions, dammit!”
  3. A mod will add you to the channel

It’s beginning to look a lot like time to sign up for your work shifts!

By Satan (Adrian)

Dear nearly everyone who will be camping with Spankys this year,

Sign up for work shifts!

Love,

Satan

Butt seriously, it is nearly the time to start signing up for work shifts. There are many different wonderful types of shifts to sign up for, and with the right attitude, they are all FUN! But more importantly, these work shifts are what keep the lights on and the party going at Spanky’s.  New and improved job descriptions will be posted on the website June 20, and signups for workshifts will open up at NOON PACIFIC TIME, JUNE 25, 2024. Get ’em while they’re hot!

At present, you all have a good long while to think about which shifts you would like to volunteer for. That being said, we all know how quickly time passes as we start to approach the Burn. Please sign up on the sooner side, or I will have to start hunting you down and… punishing you 😉 <3

To anyone who manages a team at Spanky’s, please have any and all updates to shifts and/or shift descriptions made before that same day and date. Or I will punish you too 😉 <3


Camp Dues – YOU ARE NOW LATE!

By Amethyst (Rod)

Thank you to all of you who have made good on paying your dues!
ALL DUES MUST WERE TO BE PAID IN FULL, $440, BY MAY 31, 2024. Now you risk ending up on the BAILED list and should make payment now or contact dano@spankys.org to work out a payment date for your situation.

DO: Pay your dues now! Right now. Instructions below.
DUES HELP? If your financial situation is not radically self-reliant and $440 will be more pain than pleasure, please submit, then send a HARDSHIP request to dano@spankys.org
DONATION DUES? Feeling a giving sensation? Yes, yes, oh yes! Then splash a donation to Amethyst for addition to the HARDSHIP fund. Not tax deductible but is Dano radical.
DUES PAYMENT: ZELLE is our payment toy of choice and can now accept Western Union. PayPal, Venmo, Crypto and others are NOT CONSENSUAL. Find a ZELLE-savvy friend, or just use the sparkly QR code on our website, at the Sign Up 2024 tab, click Pay Dues.

  • Your bank app must have ZELLE otherwise, find a ZELLE friend, pay them, then they pay Spanky’s
  • Slow, easy and ANALog is more your style? Contact amethyst@spankys.org for instructions to mail laundered cash, a rubber check or legit money order.

NOTICE: UPDATED MASTER REBATOR PROGRAM
You can reduce your camp dues by $100 (max $400) for recruiting a new Spanker. They must sign up, pass vetting and pay dues in full. Then, your dues are reduced or rebated $100 per person. We no longer require that they source their own BM ticket as SWB has an inventory of tickets ready for sale.

Spanker Banker, Amethyst


Happy Birthday America from Juplaya!

By Dano the Camp Leader Igniting Tushies

In case any Spankers are unaware of an unofficial, off-the-books, mostly unsupervised event known as Fourth of Juplaya, sit yer asses down and listen to a tale of Ye Olden Days of Anarchy and Burning Man.

In the far away days of the last century, That Thing in the Desert was far less bureaucratic and structured than it is now.  There was the “Drive-by Shooting Gallery” where Burners with guns could sit on the hood of their cars and mow down stuffed animals with (mostly illegal) firearms.  Most art was burned to the ground and the ashes left for mother nature to deal with.  But as the popularity grew, roads were built, portapotties installed, maps created, and safety moved from tenth to third in priority.

If you have a hankering for that kind of freedom (and danger!) again, then you should come out to the Black Rock Desert for the Fourth of Juplaya (its a portmanteau! Get it?).   Spanky’s has  set up our tent, and bar right on the ashes of The Man for the last ten years at least.   We will take a few dancer stages, some lights, some music, some beer, some wine, mmmmmmaybe some things that go boom, and our anarchic inner selves onto the Playa at high speed and party like it is 1776.

  • The Good Parts: very little law enforcement presence; we can drive as fast as we want; hardly any dust (playa is packed down); breakfast at Bruno’s; art cars!; Burners!; Music; Skinny dipping in hot springs; firearms!; fireworks!; Spanky’s!; small camps; moments of solitude; great sunsets
  • The Bad Parts: no portos; moments of solitude; Independence Day is on a Thursday.
  • The Ugly: We will pack for Juplaya during work weekend June 29 and 30.     We buy beer, wine, fuel for the gennie, and ice, so we also charge dues of $76 per person.

We will probably head out to the Playa Tuesday morning with a small crew and put the tent up and build the bar.    Camps are limited to 20 people, so SHOOT ME AN EMAIL with JUPLAYA in the subject line so I have an idea of how many folks we are gonna have out there.

Keep an eye on the Discord and Facebook feeds for more information about set up and actual dues.

Spanky’s is almost always the life of the party at Juplaya.  Art cars come by with folks. They dance. They get spanked. They get their asses lit on fire.   Just like George Washington used to do it.   It’s great fun, so you ought to come.  And like old GW, I cannot tell a lie…


Video Trainings are Here! (almost)

By Dano the Camp Leader Igniting Tushies

Spanky’s runs a tight ship.  By Thursday.  Build week is organized chaos.  Burn week is hopefully even more chaotic fun.  But in between all that excitement and unexpected adventures Spanky’s Wine Bar provides some seriously fun attractions for the denizens of Black Rock City.

The thing is, it can sometimes be difficult to get ALL of our campmates up to speed on the procedures that keep us going strong.  Our training in such delightful dangers as Lucy, the Flaming Enema, or the patented Spank-O-Matic has been a little haphazard at times.  So! The intrepid Staph has been busy scripting short training videos for each of these attractions.

We will be filming most of them on location when we go to Juplaya this year.  The plan is to have them available on the website by the end of July so that each and every one of you dusty lovelies can have a chance to preview, review, and re-view these videos so that the entire camp will be UP TO SPEED when we have our soft opening party (and who doesn’t love a soft opening?) Saturday before the gate even opens….

P.S. If you are looking for your big break into the cheesy video entertainment world, come to Juplaya and be ready to overact, emote, and possibly get arrested on film!


Spank It Like A Pro!

By Headmaster SP (Snow Patrol)

Hey there Spankers, new and old.  Snow Patrol here, your Headmaster of Spank U.  For many years now I have been teaching BDSM 101 classes and monitoring kink activity in the bar.  I would like to train more people to be able to do what I do.  I think it is important for bar staff to understand the basics of spanking, flogging, paddling & a few simple bondage tricks.  This will serve a few purposes.  

It will make the deviant dice game more fun if there are staff members in the bar capable of administering/inflicting/enticing our lovely customers w/the punishment or reward they have rolled.  It will also make our staff more aware of things they should look out for when watching customers playing on their own.  

In years past, sometimes someone would roll the dice but there was no one there to give them a proper spanking, flogging or paddling so they simply got their drink and went on their merry way or bartenders would try to track me down if they were unsure if a customer was hitting someone too hard etc.  I think having a team of people who understand the nuances of this will greatly enhance the fun we can all have in the bar, with the dice game & in the light dungeon as well as significantly help with the overall safety of our campers as well as our guests.

I will be making some videos at Juplaya but I would also like to make myself available for anyone who wants further instruction and start getting people “Spanky U Certified” in a number of different BDSM pleasures.  Shoot me an email at snowpatrol@spankys.org if you are interested in becoming Spank U Certified or would like to help in the certification process.  This would be a great thing for all bartenders to at least dip their foot into.

Spanks!

Your Headmaster SP


Recruiting!

By Bacon Daddy (Jon)

Attention all Spankers: your camp still needs more members for this year’s burn. We are encouraging everyone to post and reach out on their social media and good old fashioned calls to find new members. Please let them know how much fun we are going to have and get them to sign up.


How the Sausage is made: Build and Strike

By Dano the Camp Leader Igniting Tushies

Let’s be honest, Burning Man is magical.  And Spanky’s is magicaller than a lot of BRC.   But behind the curtain there is a serious amount of preparation and cleanup.   Not only do we have our work/party weekends to prepare our gear, but we also have an elite crew that will head out to the Playa before the gate opens and raise Spanky’s up from the dust of the Black Rock Desert.

Build week is when the magic happens.  When we arrive for build week on Aug 19, there is nothing in Black Rock City but signposts and tiny surveyor flags.   Our first boots on the ground will lay out the streets for our camp.   Then we will lay out the power grid.   By Wednesday we hope to get the showers, BASS,  and kitchen tent erected.

The crazy part is that thousands of citizens of Black Rock City are doing the same thing for their camps, too.  By the time we have a chance to look up, Black Rock City is in full bloom.

Spanky’s has been allotted a decent number of Setup Access Passes this year, so if YOU want to be part of build week magic, send me an email at dano@spankys.org with the subject line BUILD WEEK, and tell me why your talented ass should be out there to get tents erect, ditches dug, or otherwise prepare for the best week of the year in the Best Goddam Bar on the Playa.

Strike week is the opposite.  This is when the real dedication to our cause kicks in. Bear with me here; in the past, we have broken down Spanky’s early on Sunday morning.  But we are gonna try something new this year.  Because Saturday is Burn Night, the penultimate night of Burning Man, the ultimate Saturnalia of our weird world, we are gonna take Sunday morning off and enjoy Burn Night to the fullest. The bar will reopen after The Man burns.  We will stay up late.  We will dance on tables. We will spank some booties.  We will sleep in on Sunday.

Strike will begin at 4:00 PM Sunday afternoon.  We will leave the bar open for Swine Bar after the Temple burn.  Monday we will break down The Crown Jewel of Burning Man Bars in earnest.

We are looking for 35 DEDICATED Spankers who will stick around on Monday to break down all of the communal areas of the camp, pack the trucks and trailers, then head out to Reno for a leisurely drive back to the default world on Tuesday.  There we can get a hot shower, eat a hot meal, scrape two weeks of playa dust out of the places the sun don’t shine, sleep in clean sheets, then rendezvous to unpack the trucks at the warehouse on Wednesday morning. 

Last year we asked the folks who weren’t on the Strike Team to show their appreciation for their hard work by making a contribution to the “sushi fund”.   Those kind, generous, and totally optional donations allowed us to take the Strike Team out for sushi once everything was safely stowed back in the warehouse.   It was a lovely communal meal, and we didn’t have to wash our own dishes.

So if you have a schedule flexible enough to join us for strike week please email me (still dano@spankys.org) with the subject line STRIKE WEEK.   I know that Wolfie, SpankIT, and I will all be there for both build and strike.   Join us!

This whole thing works when we all work together.


A Message From Your Second Favorite CLIT
By Dano the Camp Leader Igniting Tushies

Wahoo! It’s May!  Since I have a penchant for the classics, this issue should probably be read while listening to “You Are Gonna Go Far Kid” by the Offspring. (Frenetic drumming! Minor chords! Cursing! Humor! It has it all!). Or anything by the Offspring actually.

 

In this issue we will get a report from the Skunkworks Work Weekend, insight and wisdom from our stellar Consent Education Team, gentle (or not) prodding from SpankIT, some news on recruitment from Bacon Daddy, some bragging about new infrastructure from Eve and SnowPatrol, and a bulletin from our Noob Wranglers Pasaidu and Tamara all the way from Beirut.

And for dessert, do yourself a favor and read all the way to the end and check out a letter from one of our Spankers from last year.  It kinda makes all of this worth it….
And so, without further ado, I present the May issue of The Paddler!

 

Your Camp Needs a Recruiter!
By Bacon Daddy (Jon)

Camp member numbers are down this year and we need help recruiting new Spankers so we can have great placement and an adequate budget for the Burn. I’ve been leading recruitment for two years and needs a second in command to my department to help.

I have a great recruiter protocol and lots of information on how to recruit new Spankers. With my guidance and recruiter handbook, you will be able to succeed and possibly lower your own camp dues. If you are interested please send an email to Bacon@spankys.org and I will get in touch. Do not delay, we are looking to fill this position in the next five days!

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Noob Nooz

By Poseidon (Pasaidu) and Tomorrow (Tamara)

Ladies and gents, fasten your cuffs and hold onto your paddles because we’ve received the first results of the survey, simmering hot like a freshly used Sybian! And guess what? It’s crystal clear that you Spankers and kinky comrades need more action, more mischief, and more shenanigans! So, for those who haven’t filled in the survey yet, go spank yourself! But fear not, if you redeem yourself and fill in the below survey now, we’ll send you a thorough  spanking from a cute dom, dominatrix, or anything in between, or heck, even we can even send over the Cookie Monster to give you a flogging, whatever makes your juices flow or your nipples hard!

And to our newsters, rest assured, we’ll make sure you get to know the old spankers intimately, with plenty of opportunities for them to indulge in all the deliciousness you’re bringing to the table! So, worry not, we’ll make sure you get a proper welcome and feel right at home in our kinky realm. We’ll mostly be organizing camp-only activities, both inside and outside of our natural habitat, better known as the BASS (Big Ass Shade Structure). Though we’re a raucous bunch in a dusty saloon, we’ll make sure our camaraderie is closer than the corks to their bottles, making sure everyone’s acquainted!

Stay tuned for more information about our meet and greet in one of the next Paddlers, including what you’re expected to bring to the party. Let’s keep this party rolling and those paddles spanking!”

Raunchy Rookie’s Integration Interrogation

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Words from the Whorehouse, er, I mean WAREHOUSE.

By Dano the Camp Leader Igniting Tushies

Big props out to our small but stalwart crew of dedicated Spankers who came out to Reno for the Work/Party Weekend April 27 and 28!  Ishalicious marshalled his crew to remove nearly everything that we piled in there last September.  We then emptied all the black and yellow totes, sorted everything into like piles, re-boxed them, and replaced them on the shelves of the Skunkworks.  For Now and For Later worked with their crew like little Trojans to wash, sort, rebuild or replace all of the stuff for the kitchen.  Dancer stages and Shower Floors were painted.  Dancer Stage tops were rebuilt (thanks Adam!).  Beer was drunk.  Basque food was eaten.  Livers damaged.
Ish is madly working on a classification system that includes an inventory of all of our shit, and a map of the Warehouse so that we will ALL know where to find stuff in the future.

This is how the sausage is made, folks.  These guys put in long days, worked hard for you, and really came through to keep the Best Goddam Bar on the Playa rockin’!  Please give them a big hug (or more) when you see them out there in the Dust!

L to R: Olaf, Blackbird, Ursula, For Later, For Now, Kayleen, Emma, Dix, Eve, Ishalicious, El Barto, Naked Larry (clothed) Mike (noob!)

Missing from photo: Stout (Tad), and ALL THE REST OF YOU FUCKERS!!  Hahaha!!

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RV Services 2024 Extravaganza (aka SUB – Spanky’s Utilities Bureau)

By Amethyst (Rod) and Solar (Karla)

To snag these desirable services, order early and pay in advance, not in arrears or our rears.
These are delightful extras and are not included as part of your regular camp dues.

How to sign up: Send your detailed, desired orders to Amethyst at amethyst@spankys.org with the magic phrase “RV ORDER” in the subject line. He’ll work his wizardry and send you an invoice with payment options faster than you can say “Burning Man” in all the known languages.

Payment Playground: We play nice with Zelle, cash, checks, money orders, or even Western Union—whatever tickles our fancy!

Ordering Deadline: June 10

Payments Due: June 17

Pump Outs and Water Fills

Choose your days wisely, these are the only dates we offer these services. These typically happen before noon, and you will not need to be present. Just make sure your water and pump out connections are accessible and ready for action!

  • Monday, August 26
  • Wednesday, August 28
  • Friday, August 30
  • Sunday, September 1

Grey/Black Water Pump Outs – $100 each

This gets the waste removed from your RV (not your trash or unwanted RV mate) and even better, you do not have to be around when it happens. You get to enjoy Burning Man! Please indicate which available date(s) you want the Pump Out(s).

NOTE: If you want to manage your own Pump Outs, the vendor will have “flag down trucks” available on Playa, usually available after 2:00 pm and only taking cash. This will be up to you to handle! It’s not a dependable way to go and this is only for Pump Outs of grey/black water (NOT POTABLE WATER REFILLS). Don’t set yourself up for chasing poop trucks, trust Solar, it’s not exactly a thrill ride.

Potable RV Water Fills by The Spanky’s Hydration Insertion Team (aka The SHIT) – $1.00/Gallon

Let our hydration heroes squirt some life into your tanks. Minimum order – 20 gallons of liquid gold per available ordered day. Please indicate the number of gallons for each day you order water, and which available date(s) you want the Water Fill(s).

EXAMPLE: Monday 8/26 – 20 gallons, Friday 8/30 – 30 gallons
NOTE: The vendor on Playa will NOT have flag down trucks available on Playa for water fills.

POWER PLAYS: 20, 30 or 50 AMP (limited subscriptions available)

From humble yurts to air-conditioned RVs, we’ve got your electricity needs covered. Just don’t try to turn your tent into an igloo—it won’t end well. Also, do not attempt to use Spanky’s “tent” power for an air conditioner (either in a yurt or RV), you will trip the breaker, be shamed and dishonorably disconnected.

  • 50 Amp – $1000 (common for RVs with 2 air conditioners)
  • 30 Amp – $500 (common for most RVs with one air conditioner)
  • 20 Amp – $300 (common for yurts to run a small air conditioner)

The Radical Unexpected

Our crew and vendors battle the elements and kinky conditions (and your… um, shit) to keep the party going. Remember, it’s Burning Man, it’s a desert and unexpected things happen and don’t happen. Things might get funky; it’s not the end of ends and we all do our best to finger it out!

Amethyst & Solar (Solarthyst) – RV Legends (Their Job Literally Sucks, so yours doesn’t!)

Orders and Questions? Reach out to Amethyst at amethyst@spankys.org

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Puttin’ a little Cheeky Back in Your Freaky

By Snow Patrol (Danielle)

We are proud to have all shades and flavors of Spankers, but our dungeon has not always catered to all of those persuasions. We have Spankers who are very serious about their fetishes and others who enjoy more of the tongue in cheek aspect. For a few years, we have struggled to find the appropriate balance between the two. I am happy to announce that I think we have found our happy medium. Thumper will continue to have a formal, more exclusive dungeon where protocols are strict, and where subs and doms alike can feel safe to dive into deeper areas of play, connected to The Twisted Nipple bar.

But returning this year after a long absence, we will adding a smaller, less formal, very tongue-in-cheek, bar-facing dungeon.  You will find a spanking bench and bondage wall in this much more public space.  Additionally, this is where Spank-U classes will take place. We will not keep any heavy implements in this dungeon. Seriously, this is a paint stick and soft flogger zone. Bartenders will be trained on the lighter, milder play that can take place in the cheeky dungeon, as well as things to look out for.

Hopefully, having two dungeons will bridge the gap between the different needs of our campers and patrons. We will now have both a light and easy space where newbies can try some things on the softer side and a true BDSM space for our lifestyle friends and freaks…I mean family. So, put your tongue in your cheek and your cheek in your freak, and let’s do this thang! Much more to cum on this…

Hard spanks and soft kisses,

Your Headmaster SP

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A Message from the Consent Education Team

By Hornycorn (Robin)

Dun, dun, dunnnnnn. That damn 11th Principle strikes again.

We’ve already heard it, right? But really. We want Spanky’s to be a place where our fellow frisky friends feel so much safety and comfort that they’re the ones seeking us out to let their freaks flags fly. Whether it’s their wanting to play in our exciting excursions, or wanting to come jump on us (and anyone else who tickles their fancy).

We’re the ones representing and protecting, baby. We have a commitment to keep safe, salivating, and to serve (or service when wanted). So let’s lead by example, yeah? Even if it’s in a creepy mask while being led in chains.

Hornycorn – CET Head Educator

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Camp Dues – Now it’s SERIOUS!

By Amethyst (Rod)

ALL DUES MUST BE PAID IN FULL, $440, BY MAY 31, 2024, or you will likely end up with FOMO in Gerlach during the Burn.

DO: Pay your dues now! Right now. Instructions below.
DUES HELP? If your financial situation is not radically self-reliant and $440 will be more pain than pleasure, please submit, then send a HARDSHIP request to
dano@spankys.org

DONATION DUES? Feeling a giving sensation? Yes, yes, oh yes! Then splash a donation to Amethyst for addition to the HARDSHIP fund. Not tax deductible but is Dano radical

DUES PAYMENT: ZELLE is our payment toy of choice and we can now accept Western Union. PayPal, Venmo, Crypto and others are NOT CONSENSUAL. Find a ZELLE-savvy friend, or just use the sparkly QR code on our website

  • Your bank app must have ZELLE otherwise, find a ZELLE friend, pay them, then they pay Spanky’s
  • Slow, easy and ANALog is more your style? Contact amethyst@spankys.org for instructions to mail laundered cash, a rubber check or legit money order.

Spanker Banker, Amethyst

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Attention Tent Campers

By SpankIT (Deryck)

For the first time ever, we have a shaded tent area for you!  We want you to use it.  Please help us help you by signing up.  Don’t get left baking out in the sun!

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Chill Space

By Eve

Hanging out, relaxing and connecting with each other is an important part of Burning Man. We have always been able to do that under the BASS but sometimes we want to socialize while we relax, stretch out, decompress and rest. So, new for 2024, we’ll have a communal chill space where we can literally and figuratively chill. Yes, we will have AC!!! It’ll finally give us a place to commune in comfort.

As the expression goes, “build it and they will come”. Well, we’re building it, Spankers! We’ve got the tent, we’ve got carpets, lights, seating and some pillows. We’ve got the awesome people. We could use a few things for donation/loan though, so give a shout to Eve or Hornycorn if you happen to be able to chip in! If you can contribute comforters, yoga mats, or additional pillows, they would be very appreciated. Get ready for it, Spankers. It’s time to park that caboose and hang loose!

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Why we Fight
By Dano the CLIT

Back in WWII the government issued a series of propaganda films to help the US population understand why that war was worth fighting.  It was called “Why We Fight.”

We have a culture at Spanky’s of radical acceptance and self-expression, and want to foster that (as well as all the rest of The Principles) throughout the camp, and the Burn.  One of the cool things about Burning Man in general, and Spanky’s in particular, is that it is a place that makes it easy for people  to discover their true selves.  And if that ain’t fun, what is? I received this letter earlier this month and I must say it brought a tear to my eye.  Do yourself a favor and read it all the way to the end.

DANO!

Please share this with any and all Spankers.

Please forgive me for the long email, but I can’t say this in just a few lines. I have been wanting to tell you and everyone from Spanky’s how much you all changed my life.  2023 was my first burn.  Until about three weeks before getting to the black rock desert, all I knew about burning man was ‘a bunch of hippies go to the desert and party’.  Then my best friend Steve met Thumper at a bar in Massachusetts. Next thing you know, we’re preparing for our first burn.

I was raised by a narcissistic, controlling father. We all bowed to him unquestioningly, even as adults. I married someone like him and I bowed to her for 24 years. I finally divorced her. Both my parents and both my sisters sided with my ex-wife, as a continuation of their policy of labeling me as mentally ill. I had been systematically shamed and gaslighted for 52 years. I was only divorced for 6 months when tickets to the burn fell into my lap thanks to Thumper and Steve.

I made up my mind to attend with one major goal in mind. I wanted to learn self-acceptance. I have known one or two people in my life who are very different, so different that they needed to hide parts of themselves in order to be accepted in polite society.  It seems to me that these ‘different’ people have a choice: they can be angry that they are not valued by others for who they are, or they can learn to internalize their self-concept and love themselves for who they are.  I know one lady in particular who has chosen the path of self-love (no, I don’t mean masturbation you perverts!) in a way that makes her a serene, delightful, kind, and giving soul.  Her name is Pat. She is an 80 year old lesbian, who for much of her life had to hide being gay in order to avoid persecution.  She is my hero.

I figured if I could learn to accept myself, I could be joyful and kind like her. I wanted to go to the burn to be around a bunch of very different people who are happy being different and just don’t fucking care if others like it or not.  I went to the burn to learn from you sexy freaks at Spanky’s how to be comfortable in my own weird skin.
HOLY 
FUCKING 
SHIT, 
did I get exactly what I came for.

I had the privilege of being treated with love and acceptance by complete strangers in a man-killing hellscape of a desert.  You changed my life. You gave me the courage to keep pushing down the road to self-acceptance and self-empowerment. I can’t begin to tell you how much fun I had or how much difference you made in my life.

I can tell you this: I felt so good when I got home, one morning in October I decided to go into a local diner and sit at the counter and make friends with some strangers. I befriended two waitresses and regaled them with stories of the burn.  I left that diner feeling great. You all at Spanky’s had helped me see that people everywhere are looking for human connection and the opportunities are around us all the time.

Arriving back at my apartment after breakfast at the diner that morning, I made a phone call to get some help with a 401k rollover. I was feeling so damned good that when I hit it off with the lady helping me on the phone, I asked if I could give her my number. I told her “If you ever wanted to talk to me again I would sure enjoy that.”

Damned if that lady didn’t text me a few minutes later.  And damned if she wasn’t the most extraordinary woman I have ever met. And you won’t believe this, but we were married December 19th. We bought a house and I moved to Columbus, Ohio. I have never been happier in my life.

I’m sorry again for such a long email, but it wouldn’t be right if I didn’t tell you all at Spanky’s that you changed my life. There is no way I could ever thank you enough. You did an amazing thing for me. You were unapologetically your beautiful, weird, authentic selves to me. You helped give me the nuts to be myself with pride.

I don’t expect to be at the burn this year as I have a new job and I don’t have the vacation time. But I have a home at Spanky’s and I’m eager to return as soon as I can.

Here’s me and my bride. We got married in my apartment on a Tuesday afternoon online with the state of Utah.

Lots of love to you motherfuckers. Thank you.

-Rod (Pickle Man)

 

A Message From Your Second Favorite CLIT

By Dano the Camp Leader In Trailer

Holy smokes! I can tell that winter is over because I am no longer in Colorado, and I have a headlamp around my neck 14 hours a day.  This entire issue of The Paddler should be read (twice) while listening to Vivaldi’s Spring from the Four Seasons.  Feel free to listen to the other seasons too so that they don’t feel like they are missing out.

The STAPH at Spanky’s Wine Bar has been hard at it during the long cold months behind us now. Red Queen is madly getting ticket pairings and coordination in order (so if she calls you, answer!). Amethyst is all over the RV services and our budgeting. Ishalicious has been spending his weekends down at the warehouse getting ready for the Work/Party at the end of the month. At the last Zoom meeting Olaf looked exhausted, so he must be busier than a one-legged man at an ass-kicking contest doing whatever he does that makes the camp run, period.

The SEX Board has been interviewing noobs to the camp. It looks as if we got some winners heading our way (so be nice to ’em!).

We have all sorts of projects going into summer; we have a chill space so we can congregate (not consummate dammit!), we have the start of a tent shade project, we have a water department (so we don’t get financially hosed by USS), we have Uhauls ordered, we have fuel permits, we have submitted our Placed Camp Questionnaire, we are a HUB, the list goes on.

I’d also like to welcome a new department to the camp; the Consent Education Team (CET) chaired by our own Hornycorn. Their job will be to make the 11th principle a mainstay for Spanky’s. Expect some hilarious edification from the CET throughout the summer and into the Best Week of the Year.


 

So You REALLY Wanna Go to That Thing in the Desert, eh? Like, For Realsies This Time. SIGN THE FUCK UP!

By SpankIT (Deryck)

 

To those of you who have signed up. You’re a rock star. Thank you.

To those of you who haven’t… C’MON, MAN!

https://spankys.org/sign-up/
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A Message from BABE

By Amethyst (Rod)

 

Pay yer fuckin’ dues! Deadline is May 31. That is all….
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WORK PARTY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

By Ishalicious (Ish) and Wolfie (Webster)

 

To my esteemed colleagues,

The time has come, dear Ish has said, to clean up many things
To paint, and clean, and organize
And count up our blessings
To eat our fill, and drink our beer,
And dream of beginnings…

Well Lewis Carroll didn’t live to organize one of our famous work parties, but if he did I’m sure that’s the invite he would’ve written. Anyway folks, it’s about the time to get a little pre-grimy, and deal with the messes of years past, so if you can, please get out there and get it done (all of you!).

Our very own Ish-a-Licious will be heading up the brave scouts who will make the trek out to Reno for an inventory-ing, clean-ing, and paint-ing, of all things filthy that we have stored at our Kietzke facility. Come prepared to get dirty while getting stuff clean. Lunch will be provided, and beer, and margaritas. Officially, the party gets going at 9am Saturday 4/27, and 10am Sunday 4/28, at Safari RV, 2720 Kietzke Lane, Reno NV, but I’m sure some of you enterprising Spankers will start it sooner in the various hotels rooms and bars of the biggest little city in the world. Holla at ya boy Ish at your earliest convenience to confirm your attendance at 939-969-8010.

Be there or get stuffed into a bar cube.
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A Message from the Consent Education Team

By Hornycorn (Robin)

 

Hey! How’s it goin?

It’s a new era at Spanky’s and as part of rocking that 11th Principle (Consent!), we have to not only protect each other but also ourselves and our visitors. We want to keep being able to be as naughty, free and full of fun as we can, right!

Our Consent Education Team (C.E.T.) will be popping in every now and again to help us get and stay in the zone, but we also need to be rocking that Radical Self Reliance as well!

Ever heard of B.E.D.? The Bureau of Erotic Discourse is a “a team of volunteers who gather each year at Burning Man to provide education regarding the 11th Principle”. Below we’ve shared a link to check out a page of their website and another link to our very own quiz for all Spankers to complete. Remember, we’re all in this together!

Click on this link to check out the BYSTANDER INTERVENTION tab at the bottom of the B.E.D. page.

And then take this fun little quiz to go along with it!


 

Ooh Baby, Sometimes It’s Just Too Hard!

By Dano the CLIT

If you find yourself in an unfortunate situation where the dues are just too hard to swallow, or the ticket price is just out of reach, we have a solution. Spanky’s has a Hardship Fund to help wayward Spankers find their way home.

If you find yourself a little low on cash, but still want to come join the Best Goddam Bar on the Playa, send an email to dano@spankys.org describing your predicament, and why you think your presence would be appreciated enough so that we will spend other members’ dues on you, instead of buying more shitty beer for Black Rock City citizens. Please no nude pictures (I’m kidding! Send all you want, but they won’t make a difference).

There ain’t no such thing as a free lunch so we ask that all hardship recipients pay something, often a token gesture, just to keep it real.

All hardship cases are reviewed by the SEX Board, but remain anonymous to the membership at large.

See you in the dust!!


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2024 SWB T-Shirt Designs

By Admiral Painjoy (Jim)

 

Would you like to create something that will live on long after you shuffle off this mortal coil? Would you like your artwork celebrated by most of the civilized world? Would you like fame and fortune beyond the dreams of King Midas, or Gandhi, or Einstein? Well, I can’t help you with any of those things… however…

Spanky’s Wine Bar is now accepting submissions for artwork for our 2024 SWB T-shirts!

You don’t need to be an artist or expert in AutoCad. And you don’t even need to be an active member of Spanky’s. Your submission can be scribbled on a bar napkin…or a detailed/layered computeriffic graphic design.

But the deadline for submissions is May 15th at 2:47pm (pacific time), so please don’t delay. Email you pics/files to: admiralpainjoy@spankys.org

HugKissSpank
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Prep Now, Rage Later

By Dano the CLIT

 

Yeah yeah yeah, Burning Man is months and months away, so there is PLENTY of time to fix that stupid generator that conked out on me last Build Week. Er, no.
Now is the time to break out those old bike lights and dust off the motorized dildo sofa and test them out. Playa dust is unique in its ability to fuck up just about everything. It plays havoc with electrical wiring. It creates an amazing form of concrete when it gets wet and can clog anything from drains to window tracks in your trailer.

Use this great Spring weather to start testing your stuff. If you need to replace parts, it might be a while before Jeff Bezos realizes that you need it for the Burn, so get on that stuff NOW!

Stuff is gonna fail and break on the Playa. It has every year so far, and I suspect it will again in 2024. The difference between being a shit show, or being THE shit, is how well prepared you are for those failures. So get on it!


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We Will Fight in the Shade

By Ishalicious (Ish) and Wolfie (Webster)

 

Spankoids!

We’re getting infrastructure! Yup, you heard it here first folks. Spanky’s has acquired two 20×30 free standing shade structures. Too long have our tent campers languished in the sun in their little nylon sweat-caves, and now with this new development, they won’t have to anymore!

Wait that’s a lie, it’s still gonna be sunny AF out there in that fuckin desert, but for the intrepid tent campers who make it out there first (ahhhh maybe this will incentivize these mischievous Spankertypes to make it out for build week), the horror of that infernal nuclear meatball in the sky will be somewhat reduced–maybe (I hesitate to say) even to tolerable levels; levels that might even let us sleep past nine, like our heathen brethren in their RVs.

We will be doing our best to fit as many tents under there as possible, so let us know how big your setup is by filling out the Request for Shade form, so we can stretch the shade to as many of us weirdos as possible.

Priority will be given to those who are part of build week or whose camping footprint is 10 ft x 10 ft (3 meter x 3 meter) or less and who have filled out the Request for Shade form. For bigger setups or those who didn’t fill out the form, shaded areas will be doled out on a first-come, first-serve basis, if available.

Anyway folks, that about sums it up. I’ll be seeing you in the shade!

A Message From Your Second Favorite CLIT
By Dano the Camp Leader In Trailer

Welcome to the March issue of The Paddler, the monthly newsletter for current Spankers, past Spankers, future Spankers, and the merely Spanker adjacent.  Following the tradition of our founder and spiritual leader, Admiral Painjoy, you should read this issue while listening to inspiring music, let’s say “I’m Too Sexy,” by Right Said Fried

I can see the end of ski season from here and the STAPH have been meeting regularly to prepare for our favorite week of the year.  In this issue, we will have a gentle reminder about signups from SpankIT, Wolfie will brag about our new Chill Space, Amethyst and the BABE write about do-do, our ticket Maven Red Queen has important info about main sale tickets, new contributors Poseidon and Tomorrow need your help, Hornycorn continues her series about consent, and some mild haranguing about our first Work Party from yours truly.

Please form a nasty habit of reading The Paddler cover to cover as we will continue to include important announcements, as well as silly stuff, within.

So kick back and enjoy!


So You Wanna Go to That Thing in the Desert, eh?
By SpankIT (Deryck)

Well, hello there, fellow Spanker.  The burn may be almost half a year out, but your journey begins now.  “What’s my first step,” You may ask?  Why, it’s signing up for the best god damned camp on the playa!  While it might seem a little early to do so, signing up sooner rather than later really helps us out.  It allows us to get a good grasp on numbers, pre-order necessary equipment, and, most importantly, lets us get in front of the paper work and processing that we need to do for every Spanker so we’re not completely slammed come summer.

It doesn’t matter if you’re a first-time Burner or a crusty playa-dust-encased ten-year veteran; everyone needs to sign up, every year, no exceptions.  So, brush up on the Rules and Responsibilities and the 11 Principles, head over to the Sign-Up page, and fill out the sign-up form.


Curious About Your Camp Dues?

By Amethyst (Rod)

Ever wondered where your dues are hiding? Well, so have we! Time to unravel the mystery, because ALL DUES MUST BE PAID IN FULL BY MAY 31, 2024, or you might find yourself roasting marshmallows in Gerlach during the Burn.

The DUES, DO’s, DO-DO’s!

DUES: The 2024 camp dues are a mere $440, and guess what? It’s $35 less than last year – a feat accomplished by our penny-pinching management. Yes, we’re fiscally responsible, at least when it comes to dues.
DO: Pay your dues now! Instructions below. Full paid dues or a $220 deposit is required to secure your name for access to a Burning Man ticket acquired by Spanky’s.
DO-DO 1: If your financial situation is like a role play gone awry, and $440 will leave marks, please submit, then send a HARDSHIP request to dano@spankys.org. We’re here to flog away those fiscal blues.
DO-DO 2: Feeling a giving sensation? Yes, yes, oh yes! Then splash a donation with your dues and become a shadow superhero to a Spanker in need. It’s like being a voyeur. You know who you are, and frankly, we don’t.

DUES PAYMENT MAGIC: ZELLE is our violet wand. PayPal, Venmo, Crypto and others are NOT CONSENSUAL and will be swiped left. Find a ZELLE-savvy friend, or just use the sparkly QR code on our website, at the Sign Up 2024 tab, click Pay Dues.

  • Your bank app must have ZELLE otherwise, find a ZELLE friend, pay them, then they pay Spanky’s.
  • Slow, easy and ANALog is more your style? Contact amethyst@spankys.org for instructions to mail laundered cash, a rubber check or legit money order. Because who doesn’t love a good old-fashioned paper trail?

BONUS DO-DO: The MasteRebator program! It’s worth a MAXIMUM dues rebate/discount of $400. It’s a group effort, and we’re all in it together.

  • Recruit NOOBs, Get Rebates: Become a master recruiter! Introduce future Spankers and earn a $100 masterebate per NOOB who survives vetting, pays dues in full, and secures their own BM ticket.
  • Ticket Wrangling: If you, a friend, a relative, a coworker, a warm body or your stalker, buys an extra BM ticket from The Main Sale, and transfers it to SWB, we’ll reimburse, and you get a sweet $100 dues rebate/discount per ticket.

Now, start from the top and read again – see if you can uncover the hidden clues.


Let’s Party! And Work! It’s a Work Party!

By Dano the CLIT

Oh My Fucking God! Spring has Sprung! Clocks have moved forward! The snow is getting slushy in places! I think I have turned upside down because my feet smell, and my nose runs now. That can mean only one thing.

It is time to start planning our first get together, otherwise known as our Spring Work/Party. If you haven’t been to Reno Nevada in April, you haven’t lived. Seize this opportunity to reunite with your fellow Spankers. Grab a can of paint, or a Skilsaw, or a dildo, and make your way to Safari RV (2720 Kietzke Lane, Reno NV)over the weekend of April 26th, 27th, and 28th.

We will probably grab a few beers Friday the 26th and reminisce over the Mudpocalypse. Work will start in earnest on Saturday when we will pull out all the moldy musty dusty paraphernalia we slammed into the warehouse last September.  We might paint. We might build. We might drink beer (well, that’s almost a given).
Come one, come all as many hands make light work. Of course it will be great to see all your lovely dusty asses (and faces) after the long cold winter.  Sunday we will put everything away all neat and tidy, and gird our loins for the Dirt Circus.

Camping is limited.  Ok, there really isn’t any camping, so it is REALLY limited.  So make a hotel reservation now at one of the many Flophouses Reno is famous for, like the Grand Sierra Resort.  Book those flights.  Brace yourself for a shock to your livers and perhaps some other internal organs.

Finally, if you plan on joining us, please email our quartermaster Ishalicious at ish@spankys.org, and CC me at dano@spankys.org.


Our New Chill Space

By Wolfie (Webster)

My Dearest Darling Dudes, Dudettes, Dudexes, and Doodles,

It’s time to chilllllll out. That’s right folks, due to the efforts of a select group of our delectable number, Spanky’s is getting a very laid-back upgrade. For timeless eons we have devoted our efforts towards the front of the house, to our patrons, and sadly we have neglected the comfort of our own campers. That’s all about to change with our recent acquisition of a real (actually insulated I am told) big tent. Yup we are hopping on the latest trend and making ourselves a ‘chillspace.’ The idea here is that we are creating a communal area where Spankers can hang out (when they’re not banging it out in tents or on the dancefloor), eat meals, shoot the shit, decompress after a long night/morning/work day, and also–and perhaps most importantly–create a back of the house focal point so that our newer members can have a kind of default space to meet, greet, and deplete each other, and the rest of us inveterate (invertebrate?) Spankerinos. There will be cushions, maybe an outdoor fire-thing, it’s gonna have WALLS, life is lookin’ up folks. So there you have it: tune in, turn off, drop out, switch off, eat a bagel, do something or nothing, all in our new and very groooooovy chill space.


More Ticket Stuff

By Red Queen (Amanda)

First, Thank you to everyone that has stepped up to be a part of the Steward Ticket Sale. This is an important part of making sure we have the core base of our tickets for camp!

The next two important ticket items coming up are the Ticket Aid Program and the Main Sale:

Ticket Aid Program

Spankers who would like to try to get tickets through the Ticket Aid Program can sign-up starting on March 20th at Noon PDT. These tickets are $225 and include a vehicle pass for an additional $75. If you end up getting a ticket through this program, please let me know so that I will take you off our list of Spankers needing tickets.

The Main Ticket Sale

  • Registration begins April 10th at Noon PDT and end April 12th at Noon PDT
  • Ticket sale start at April 17th at Noon PDT

During this sale each person can purchase 2-$575 tickets & 1-$150 vehicle pass.

It is important that all Spankers, your family members, your friends, and co-workers all enter the Main Ticket Sale.  We need all the tickets we can get!  Our allocation of Steward Tickets only accounts for a portion of the tickets we need!  And if you’re lucky enough to get tix… make sure to purchase 2 tix and 1 vehicle pass.

To get ready for the sale please do the follow:

  • Make sure you have a Burner Profile and that it is up to date.
  • Be aware that if your profile was used to buy tickets in the Stewards Ticket Sale, it is INELIGIBLE to be used in the Main Sale or Ticket Aid Program.
  • Review all the rules and information about the ticket sale at https://tickets.burningman.org
  • Reach out to me if you have any questions!

More details will be sent out in a separate email as we get closer to sale time.

Any questions, please make sure to email me at redqueen@spankys.org!


The Raunchy Rookie’s Integration Interrogation

By Poseidon (Pasaidu) and Tomorrow (Tamara)

Hey there, you saucy sommeliers and daring Spankers! We’re the tantalizing team from across the pond, all the way from Belgium and we’re here to infuse your wine-soaked adventures with a dash of continental kinkiness and a whole lot of naughty fun!

We were once newcomers too, navigating the ins and outs of this bustling camp. And even with our mischievous accents and love for fun, we faced our own challenges at the start. But those early hurdles only made us more determined to now create a more inclusive camp experience.

And that’s where you come in! We’re on a mission to make everyone feel at home and integrated into our camp family. But, we need your help to make it happen! So, everyone fill out this form and unleash your creativity so we can make magic happen together.

We all were newbies at Spanky’s once please tell us more about your first Spanky’s experience

Let’s create an atmosphere where inhibitions are left at the door, and kinkiness and kindness fills every corner. Here’s to breaking boundaries, indulging in the delights of life, and raising a toast to the welcoming spirit of our camp.


Enthusiastic Consent Consent Consent

By Hornycorn (Robin)

Be free our burner babes, be free!

I mean, who doesn’t like a little nookie? Everyone should be free to express their desires, right? Especially at Spanky’s!

Thing is, if the person on the other side isn’t also right there with their own pervy desires, what’s happening for them isn’t the same good stuff. Pretty opposite, actually, and it can be hard for them to express it. OK, stop laughing at “hard” and think about the wild ride we want our camp to be. Let’s rock that 11th Principle together!


Important Dates

  • March 20: Registration for Low Income tickets begins
  • April 10: Registration for Main Ticket Sale begins
  • April 17: Main Ticket Sale begins promptly at noon Pacific Time
  • April 26 – 28: Work Party 🎉
  • May 31: Deadline for paying Spanky’s dues
  • June 28 – 30: Pre Fourth of Juplaya Work Party 🎉
  • July 1 – 5: Spanky’s Fourth of Juplaya
  • July 24 – 26: OMG Sale registration begins
  • July 31: OMG Sale starts at noon Pacific Time
  • August 16 – 18: Work Party 🎉
  • August 19 – 24: Build Week
  • August 24 – Spet 2: Something important and fun happens
  • Sept 3 – 7: Final Work Party 🎉

A Message From Your Second Favorite CLIT

by Dano the CLIT
Following the tradition established by our founder and leader emeritus Admiral Painjoy, this issue of The Paddler should be read while music is rattling around in your head. I recommend Moonlight Sonata, 3rd Movement, by some old dead guy.

In our February issue you will hear from Spanky’s EXecutive Board about a few of the things we are tirelessly working on for the dusty extravaganza we all know and love, including a message about the fall of Villages and the rise of HUBS from Wolfie. Our own Red Queen will make another pitch for Stewards Ticket Sales buyers. Amethyst will give us the good, the bad, and the curious in a fantastic report from BABE (Budget Advisory Board Ensemble). Look for continuing reminders about the 11th Principle from Hornycorn and For Later. Finally, check out the timeline of important dates at the ass end of this month’s newsletter.

I hope that this issue gets you hot and bothered and excited to get hot and bothered come August!

In Dust We Trust,
Dano the CLIT
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How to be HUB in a Dom World: Spanky’s Contribution to the BORG’s Climate Sustainability Initiative

By Wolfie (Webster)

Well my pretties, temperatures have been doing intemperate things, and basically the fucking sky is falling. But what is a meek little Spanker to do? Never fear, the BORG is here. My dearest humanoids, the system of camp organization formerly known as a “VILLAGE” is history come 2025. In an effort to get closer to the Burning Man carbon neutral footprint goal by 2030, we now have “HUBS”, Humans Uniting for Better Sustainability. In theory this should eco-groovy our darling Playa such that this fucking thing in the desert may have a more sustainable future, and we, my illustrious comrades, are joining in to do our part!

This might sound big and terrifying and awesomely complicated, but really our participation in the HUBS initiative amounts to a simple sharing of resources between ourselves and our rather kinkily delicious colleagues over at the Camp with No Name. Basically, we ask Placement to place us in such a way that we can hook them, jack them, and otherwise insert them into our electrical grid, while they assist us in our composting and recycling efforts. We split the costs on all of it and our lives get cheaper, greener, and make the BORG happier with us. Sounds like a win win to me!

For most of you, this will have little direct impact–for the STAPH there will be some additional paperwork, and probably some moderate amount of irritation at the placement team. But hey that’s pretty normal–and we can all sleep more soundly on the floors of our friend’s campers and in similarly inappropriate (but always dusty) settings, knowing that we are at the cutting edge of cool-kid eco-groovility and are directly contributing to the BORG’s goals of being carbon-neutral by 2030. Weeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
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Steward Sale Tickets

By your Ticket Maven, Red Queen (Amanda)

Yo Spankos!!

Yes! There is still time to get on the Stewards Ticket Sale list! The Stewards Ticket Sale is a process where Theme Camps in Good Standing (like Spanky’s Wine Bar) get guaranteed tickets to make sure that this fine example of Burning Man culture has enough rad people to function fully.

We will find out how many tickets they will allocate to us on Feb 21. When that happens, we will submit the names of our crew to the Borg, and then we will have a leisurely two days in March (13 and 14) to send Burning Man a tiny fortune and have guaranteed tickets. Every person on our list can buy two tickets and a vehicle pass. We would like all of our Spankers to buy both tickets and the Vehicle Pass even if you don’t need all that stuff. When you buy two tickets, we will find another Spanker later this summer to buy that extra ticket off of you.

If you can only afford one ticket during the STS, that’s ok, too. Just let me know.

There are a few details that are important:

  • Your Burner profile must be up to date
  • The email on your burner profile MUST be the one you use to buy your STS tickets, and the address you use for correspondence with Spanky’s.
  • You have to camp with Spanky’s if you buy STS tickets
  • In essence, you are providing an interest free loan to one (or more) of your campmates. So Thank You!

So if YOU want to be included in this fantastic opportunity to lock in your tickets for the Dirt Circus, send me (redqueen@spankys.org) an email with Stewards Sale in the subject line. Please cc Dano the CLIT (dano@spankys.org) so we can work together on this.
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The 2024 Curious Budget and Curiouser Camp Dues!

By Amethyst (Rod)

Hold onto your ass-shaped hats because Amethyst is back with the budget scoop, lubricated with humor and seasoned with a pinch of absurdity! Our SWB BABE (Budget Advisory Board Ensemble) has been on a rollercoaster of number fumbling and pun-tastic decision-making to deliver the most curious budget ever. Drumroll, or should I say, flogroll, please!

2024 Capital Improvements (Thanks to the 2023 Surplus, and A Dash of Magic)

  • LED Christmas and Stage Lights: Because we’re not just illuminating the camp, we’re enlightening the future—sustainably!
  • The BABSS (Big Ass Blue Shade Structure): Replacing all the black panels with blue ones! The BABSS is here to shade our shenanigans.
  • Water Business: Move over vendors, SWB is in the water game now! More water cubes, plus pumps to service camp and RVs. We have lots of liquidity!
  • SpankIT’s Internet Odyssey: No more lost in the digital desert! SpankIT ensures you’re connected all over camp or as far as he can see from his RV.
  • BASS Surround Sound: Bring your earplugs, or don’t! Two more speakers. Our sound system is evolving, and so will your pole dancing moves.
  • Dancing Minions Lights and More Lighting Features: Because we’re the Crown Jewel of Burning Man, and our minions and guests deserve the spotlight!
  • Kitchen Dishwashing Upgrade: Not for bathing, just for dishes. Cleanliness is next to Spankiness
  • Power Grid Makeover: Water may wreak havoc, but not on Olaf’s watch this year. Power up for a trouble-free Burn! Fingers crossed, not the wires Olaf!
  • Tent Campers’ Haven: Hallelujah! Shady spots for a limited number of tents with devious tenants, because tan lines and Burn lines don’t mix. More details to come on these prime slices of cool real estate.
  • SWB Chill Space: Not for consummation, just congregation! A deluxe super tent for our collective collectiveness, hidden from the sun, but not the fun!

DUES, DO’s, DO-DO’s!

DUES: With a budget as solid as our paddles, the SWB 2024 BM camp dues are dropping to a cool $440. You’re welcome, penny-pinching Spankers!

DO: Pay your dues now! Instructions below. A budget without paid dues is like a punchline without a punch. Full paid dues or a $220 deposit is required now to secure your name on the Steward Ticket list. Paying after March 1 just gets you on the camping list. ALL DUES MUST BE PAID BY MAY 31, 2024 or you risk ending up on K street.

DO-DO 1: If your financial situation is like a role play gone awry, and $440 will leave marks, please submit, then send a HARDSHIP request to dano@spankys.org. We’re here to flog away those fiscal blues.

DO-DO 2: Feeling generous? Signs point to yes! Add a donation to your dues and become a shadow superhero to a Spanker in need. It’s like being a voyeur. You know who you are, and we don’t.

DUES PAYMENT MAGIC: ZELLE is our violet wand. PayPal, Venmo, Crypto and others are NOT CONSENSUAL and will get you nothing. Find a ZELLE-savvy friend, or just use the sparkly QR code on our website, at the Sign Up 2024 tab, click Pay Dues.

  • Your bank app must have ZELLE otherwise, find a ZELLE friend, pay them, then they pay Spanky’s
  • Slow, easy and ANALog is more your style? Contact amethyst@spankys.org for instructions to mail laundered cash, a rubber check or legit money order.

BONUS DO-DO: The Return of MasterRebator Program! Get kinky with a partner or more for a MAXIMUM dues rebate/discount of $400. It’s a group effort, and we’re all in it together.

  • Recruit NOOBs, Get Rebates: Introduce fresh meat—eh, recruits—to SWB and earn a $100 masterebate per NOOB who signs up, survives vetting, pays in full and secures their own BM ticket. So satisfying, you’ll do it more than once.
  • Ticket Striptease: If you, a friend, a relative, a coworker, a warm body or your ex, buys an extra BM ticket from The Main Sale, and transfers it to SWB, we’ll reimburse, and you get a sweet $100 per ticket in your dues G-string.

There you have it, Spankers! Our budget is tighter, our camp is brighter, and the laughs are louder. Let the countdown to the most curious Burn begin!
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A Quick Word About Consent

By For Later (Tanya) and Hornycorn (Robin)

Hello fellow Spankers!

Consent…The 11th Principal

If it’s not HELL YES! It’s HELL NO!

And…just because it’s HELL YES right now, doesn’t mean it’s HELL YES later.

Here’s a great video for a refresher, best viewed whilst enjoying a cup of tea:

Keep your eye out for us in future Paddlers, where we will be sharing some tips and thoughts leading up to The Big Burn, so we can ALL have a fun, sexy, and crazy burn. For Spanker’s and our guests. Let’s go!
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Important Dates

  • Feb 15: spankys.org open for dues payments
  • March 5: Deadline for submitting Spankers names for the Stewards Sale
  • March 10: Deadline for submitting articles for The Paddler
  • March 13 and 14: open days to actually purchase Stewards Tickets
  • March 15: Next issue of The Paddler whoopeee!
  • May 31: Deadline for paying Spanky’s dues.

In this month’s Paddler:

  • A Forward by Wolfie (Webster)
  • Steward Sales Tickets by Dano the CLIT
  • Kudos by Dano the CLIT
  • Nuts and Bolts. And Nuts by Dano the CLIT
  • Spanky’s Budges by Amethyst (Rod)
  • Important Dates by Dano the CLIT
  • Spanky’s Discord and Wi-Fi by SpankIT (Deryck)

FORWARD

by Wolfie (Webster)

To continue a tradition of our great founder, the venerable Admiral PainJoy, I include music to be listened to whilst you read our really important words.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GU21qYFmrcY

Dearest strange Spankazoids, sexy Spanktrices, lusty Spankarinos, and otherwise (at least vaguely) human Spankers.

It is with the greatest humility, and thoroughest of excitements that I write to you on this fine day. For, I, dear reader, have been given the great honor of kicking off the preparations for that fucking thing in the desert, in the year of our mistress two thousand and twenty four, with this, our first edition of the year, the horniest of rags, the absurd, the slightly bashful, and what one spanker once described as ‘that e-thingy of absolute wank,’ I bring you: The Paddler.

We are not a refined bunch, we scrappy bunch of misfits, but we are exceedingly lovely, and whether we be swilling PBRs, or nudely riding a giant earth screw turned by our brawny and sweaty crew under the watchful eye of our very naked shower manager, whether we be breaking our very own dildo-based can crusher with ill-advised attempts at the fellatio of inanimate objects, or lying, grief-stricken, hungover and filled with existential despair under the tender love and care of our dearest friends (oh wait maybe I wandered into the GlamCocks camp–well whatever they’re giving me nice meats and nuts), we maintain a level of class, poise, and unearned bravado that rivals, and indeed exceeds, that which can be found anywhere this side of the river styx. We are the few, the proud, the….oh well, you get the fucking idea. I was told to write a puff piece, ok?

Before we begin the arduous, horrible, and never ending journey to perfection in August, we (your darling SEX board) thought it would be appropriate to reflect a bit on this past year, its trials, tribulations, and victories. Then someone else can write something actually useful. So here I am babbling away first, but babble I shall, and you will let me, and love it, or I’m gonna sic Snow Patrol and her olive-wood crepe spatulas on you.

Look, gentle reader, this last year was a wild ride. A time for self reflection, and ultimately a time that really showed us what we were made out of…but frankly, we fucking kicked ass.

Things started rough. For us weirdos who volunteer for early-build there was the interminable (a couple day) wait in Reno for the weather to sort itself out, and then the BORG to get its head out of its ass, and let us queue for ages to get ourselves into that most hostile of environs that us oddballs call ‘home.’ There was massive angst about whether or not we would get things done on time. There were times when even I, gentle reader, questioned whether I had the grit, fortitude, and level of hydration necessary to lay ropes, plant flags, drive stakes, and harangue our team of beautiful, beautiful, people into digging trenches for us. But persevere we all did. The beauties dug trenches, Ish-aliscious told them how to do it better, I took all the credit.  Dano looked distraught and went searching for an impact driver for the seventy-third time in a day. The natural order was restored. But in the end we nailed early-build, we got it done with a massive time crunch and had one of the most efficient builds ever.

We had a beautiful burn, served and serviced an absolute fuckload of the gentry. Thumper and Minx tortured the nipples of countless millions, wine was served to a torrential swarm of human flesh, under the watchful eye of our ever so groovy, keyed in, and fairly inebriated bar managers. Some of our classier denizens pneumatically wacked the rears of many an unwitting member of the public, lights were lit, the public was buffed, dancers danced, songs boombapped, and too many beautiful, wonderful, members of our community to name, worked their proverbial asses off to bring some of the rockingest, winiest, beeriest, and generally fucking most excellent parties to The Playa. You, my lovelies, were brilliant.

And then…disaster struck.

Or did it?

It rained.  And got muddy. We were all there.

Gentle readers. Do you know what I saw? I saw a group of supportive colleagues band together and stick it out through that mess.

Some will call this past year the mudpocalypse, others (and I kid you not, someone edged away from me in a Tucson bar the other day over this) believe we were struck by Ebola out there (ok, maybe it was just because I smelled bad, but he did think burners all got ‘the Ebola’), some ran like the cowards they are (no judgment), but for those of us that proved we had gravel in our guts (ok, mostly coconut oil, but hey…it’s kinda the same thing right?) and spit in our eye (I literally don’t know what that turn of phrase means), in other words, for us spankers, last year was a GODDAMN VICTORY!

Anyway, now this newsletter can actually tell you something interesting and useful. So that’s all folks, be sure to drink your ovaltine, my mangey comrades, Here’s looking at us!

Sincerely,

Your darling fuckweasel

STEWARD SALE TICKETS

By Dano the CLIT

Hey there my dusty muddy fellow Spankers!

Dano the CLIT here.   For the record, I was the Camp Leader In Training (CLIT) last year, but I like the acronym so much that I want to keep it, so how about Camp Leader In Trailer?   Camp Leader Imagining Titties? Curmudgeonly Lad Into Teapots?   Well, we will figure out something.

Anyway, your intrepid Staph at Spanky’s is already working on The Best Goddam Bar on the Playa for 2024.  One of the most important parts of that process is preparing for the Stewards Ticket Sale in FEBRUARY.   Which is coming up quick!  Just like it does every year.  Weird.

So, we need as many stalwart Spankers as we can muster, to get ready to step up and buy some goddam tickets. The prerequisites are that you are phukking rad (but that already applies…) and that you want to be part of the Infamous Crown Jewel of Burning Man Bars in 2024 (Spanky’s if you didn’t already figger that one out…) and that you have a credit card that can take on around $1,500 worth of super-happy-funtimes.  You also must have a current Burner Profile and matching email address.

Even if you don’t need TWO tickets, we want all of our Stewards to make a full purchase of two tickets, and a vehicle pass.   We will ALWAYS find folks who may not be able to afford a ticket right away, but really, really, really, really want to be part of the success of Spanky’s Wine Bar.  Consider it a much appreciated interest free loan to your favorite dusty bar.

So, if you and your significant other, or any other Spanker, want to get in on guaranteed tickets, you MUST email me and tell me why you should be included in this tremendous honor.   Or just if you want to go.  Don’t make me chase you down like I had to last year….. 🙁

Send an email by February 14th to dano@spankys.org and CC redqueen@spankys.org with the subject line Stewards Sale and I’ll put you on the list.   You can include nude photos if you want as well, even though it won’t make any difference in your selection.  

Start planning now!   

I love all of you dirty hippies!

KUDOS!

By Dano the CLIT

This just in!  We got some results from the MOOP map and from Placement.  Congratulations Spankers! We remain a “camp in good standing”.   Which means that we can move forward with Stewards Ticket Sales, Theme Camp Placement, and planning for a damned good time next Burn.

We had only three tiny spots on the MOOP map, one of which was a tent stake buried in the mud.   Don’t know what the other two are.   Great job by our LNT Team led by For Now, For Later, and our latest superstar, Dylan (he still really needs a good playa name)!

The Post Playa Report also came out a few days ago.   Spanky’s was mentioned by other camp leaders as their favorite camp TWELVE TIMES!   Here are the comments about our little slice of paradise .  Not all respondents left comments either.   Way to go Spanky’s!

  • I really enjoyed the fun and sexual atmosphere here. Lots of laughs and fun memories 🙂
  • Human buffer, Spanker
  • Fun, crazy folks
  • Always a fun party encouraging folks to get involved
  • They had a ton of interactivity and offerings that were fun. Twisted nipple bar, buffing zone, dance pole, sybian, spanking machine, and probably more! Good bartenders that were friendly and always had cold beers
  • Buffing and sexiness and nipple bar and sibían
  • Just fun
  • Every year we go to a Spankys dance party – they played a Bootie set (which is my favorite), and the vibes were outstanding
  • They provide a lot of stuff. A bar, dancing, spanking areas, buffer zone. just a fun place to be
  • Like the vibe, fun interactive shenanigans
  • Very welcoming with fun activities & campers
  • The atmosphere of their camp was great. It was a bar, but different than others because it required people to participate in activities that pushed us out of our normal day to day lives. The staff played a part as bartenders, and gave you gentle “pushes” to do outrageous things to get your drink. What I loved about it is that you didn’t have to do anything you didn’t want to, but everyone did… because it added to the atmosphere of the place
  • Everyone was having a great time, and I found myself return 3x because of the atmosphere.

There was also a section for negative comments or interactions, and Spanky’s had ZERO complaints.

I think you all did a MARVELOUS JOB having fun, and sharing the joy of The Best Goddam Bar on the Playa  with the citizens of Black Rock City.   Get psyched, cuz we are gonna do it again!!

NUTS AND BOLTS AND NUTS

By Dano the CLIT

Hey Spankerinos!
For many years The Infamous Crown Jewel of Burning Man Bars was run by our vaunted founder, spiritual guru, and leader emeritus Admiral Painjoy.   The camp started out as a dusty, janky collection of misfits who ate playa dust for breakfast, burned their trash on the Esplanade, and crushed beer cans on their foreheads.  But as times at Burning Man changed, Spanky’s got bigger and bigger.   The amount of work needed to coordinate everything was taking over the Admiral’s life, making it difficult for him to maintain his enthusiasm for his baby. (NO, not a human baby, but Spanky’s!).

So we instituted some changes to the management of the camp in an effort to spread the load out over many enthusiastic and dirty shoulders.  We tried them out in 2023, and while there is still plenty of room for improvement, we think that it worked out pretty darned well.   So, without further ado, here is how the sausage is made.

We have a Spanky’s Executive Board (SEX), which coordinates all the other departments.  SEX consists of yours truly, Dano the CLIT; our resident IT genius, SpankIT; and Head Ditch Digger (and Error Apparent), Wolfie.  This motley crew is where the buck stops.

Our finances are controlled by the Budget Advisory Board Ensemble (BABE).  The treasurer, controller, leader of BABE, and all-around good dude, is Amethyst.  The voting members of BABE are our own ticket maven Red Queen; our new Kitchen Manager, For Now (or is it For Later? Anyway, one of those guys); Super duper fixit guy, Olaf (he needs a playa name! I like “Number One”.  You know, like pee!); and major behind-the-scenes-savior-of-2022 Dix (Dicks?), who also keeps our stuff at his warehouse.  We also call him Kevin.

BABE coordinates the budgets for each department, holds our feet to the fire for spending, and determines our dues.  These five Spankers meet at least once a month (on the first Tuesday), vote to approve any expenses over $100, and make sure we stay on the financial straight and narrow so they deserve a lot of credit (or debits?) for any and all of the infrastructural improvements we plan on making over the next few years.  They also let the bar buy booze, so they are cool.

We have about a gazillion departments that each take on huge responsibilities for all of our fun.  We call these pillars of the community The Staph.  We have a Staph meeting on the first Sunday of every month, so these guys, too, give up a lot of their time for the camp.

  • Quartermanster – Ishalicious (Ish)
    • Runs our work weekends, packs for the Burn, warehouse inventory, kicks ass
  • Kitchen – For Later (Tanya) and For Now (Bob)
    • Coordinate the Kitchen Tent, Build Week Meals, Community Meals
  • Kinkmaster – Thumper (Will)
    • Nipple Torture Bar, Demonic Dungeon, Mods and Mistresses, Smart AF
  • Security – Wolfie (Webster)
    • Keeps an eye or three on your lovely asses
  • Music – Dirty Dan
    • Hires, fires, and desires DJ talent; sets up sound systems; in charge of NY style obnoxiousness
  • Leave No Trace – Dylan
    • He’s new, but an old soul and a terrific find for the camp, so be nice
  • Work Scheduling – Code Blue (Chris) and is new assistant, Satan (Adrian)
    • Coordinate all the work schedules pre-burn
  • Ticketing – Red Queen (Amanda)
    • STS sales, main sale, back-alley in Reno sales, vehicle passes.  We wouldn’t be here without her
  • IT – SpankIT (Deryck)
    • IT stands for some tech stuff.  But it is really magic
  • Engineering and SPOOGE (Spanky’s Power Operation, Oversight, and Generation Endeavor) – Olaf
    • All power generation for the entire camp
  • RV Services – Amethyst (Rod)
    • Coordinates all the shit sucking and water supplies in camp.  Hopefully in that order
  • Buffer Zone – Quantum Glen
    • Rubbing out a few kinks in public for years
  • Signage and Lighting – Trigger (Jeff)
    • See al the pretty sparkly lights?  That’s Trigger
  • Sanctuary – Solar (Karla)
    • Calm, collected, chill
  • Skunkworks Manager – Dix, or Kevin, or Stretch
    • It’s all the same guy
  • Bar Manager – Disco Tits (Liz)
    • Makes sure that our main event stays well lubricated.  And buys booze.  We like her
  • Assisstant Bar Manager – Grommet (Wallace)
    • We like him too
  • Spank U – Snow Patrol (Danielle)
    • Runs kink training, gives oboe lessons too, if you ask nicely
  • Noob Integration – Poseidon (Pasaidu) and Tomorrow (Tamara)
    • Coordinate warping first year spankers into the fine upstanding weirdos we will all come to love and admire.
  • Recruiting – Bacon Daddy (Jonathan)
    • Goes to all those nasty Burner Parties in the Bay Area seeking fresh blood. And tix
  • Pie Hole – Captain Obvious (Jodi)
    • We don’t really know what she does. So, not THAT obvious.

This list may change as we add a new Staph, or the ones we have get super smart and get other jobs.  But, as you can see, it really does take a village to make Spanky’s run.   We are always looking for Spankers who want to get more involved.  Our MAIN PURPOSE is for everyone to have a great time at the Burn.  If we all contribute to the success of the camp, I think we can fulfill our main purpose.  All these people dedicate hours/days/weeks/months of their lives to keep Spanky’s the Best Goddam Bar on the Playa.

Thanks Dudes!

SPANKY’S BUDGETS

by Amethyst

Greetings Spanktastic Spankers!

Hold on to your Spanking Paddles because the 2023 recap is here, and it’s wilder than Burning Man itself! 🎉 This year wasn’t just a test of our resolve, footwear, and budgeting skills – it was a victorious conquest, and guess what? WE WON Burning Man! Our footwear might’ve thrown in the towel, but who needs shoes when you’re strutting through the desert like a barefoot rockstar? Am I right, or am I right? 2023, you cheeky minx, you were a real wet dream, and we’re not talking about the rain!

Now, let’s give a standing ovation (or spanking, your choice) for the shining stars of 2024, our BABE members:

  •     🌟 Rod (Amethyst) – Chair, Treasurer (Spanker Banker)
  •     👑 Amanda (Red Queen)
  •     🤔 Bob (For Now)
  •     🆕 Kevin (Dix) – NEW BABE
  •     ❄️ Olaf (Olaf) – NEW BABE

But before we dive into the future, let’s toss some confetti and spanks to our outgoing (escaping) BABE members:

  •     Colin (Niloc)
  •     Deryck (SpankIT)

Surviving the BABE virgin year? You’ve earned your stripes, or should we say, your spanks! 🎉

Highlights of the year:

  • We splurged on the Spank-o-Matic, Kitchen tent, a DJ booth hotter than a summer day – and yes, broader internet (because we’re not living in the Stone Age), and water storage cubes because hydration is the key to surviving desert shenanigans!
  • Jeff and Mary, you rockstars! The BASS lighting and truss system? Absolutely lit! Most of the time
  • Solar, you’re our sunshine! Spanky’s sweet Sanctuary was a hit in its first year. Bless your solar-powered heart!
  • Introduced the Master Rebator Program – behind the scenes magic that saved over a dozen Spankers $1,000 in dues. Talk about a financial climax!

In 2023, we had 135 Spankers throwing in over $70,000 in dues and an extra $5,600 from 25 generous souls. SPANK YOU! SPANK YOU! SPANK YOU! Your generosity left a mark, and so did your donations – funding partial dues for 7 Spankers in need. Hardship? More like Hard-Spank?

Now, brace yourselves for the FUNd-tastic future of Spanky’s:

  •     💸 General Fund: Over $13,000 for operations and improvements, because we’re not just about dues; we’re about drama-free camping!
  •     🚑 Reserve Fund (OH SH*T FUND): Almost $3,000 for emergencies, budget shortfalls, and any WTF Dano scenarios. Safety third, spanks later!
  •     ⚡ RV Services Fund: Over $9,000 from this year’s surplus, pimping out 34 RVs and 3 Yurts/Tents. Power to the RV campers!

And here’s a sneak peek into 2024 – budget planning! SWB department leads, get those wish-list budgets to Amethyst by January 31.BABE will meet in early February to set camp dues, promised to be less than 2023. The max? $474.99. We’re tightening belts, but not too tight – we’re not savages!

For the juicy details, check out the 2023 finance reconciliation report on our dues page

Spank you later, and here’s to our 2024, may it be filled with more laughs, spanks, and debauchery!

IMPORTANT DATES

By Dano the CLIT

As I write this article it is about 9 degrees above zero here in Colorado.   But brace yourselves for some of the best ways to spend a weekend when it gets hot!  Yep, these are the dates for our infamous SPANKY’S WORK/PARTIES.   We have four lined up for the coming Burning Man Season, so get out your calendars, and start making plans for some fun times in the Biggest Little City in America, Reno Nevada.

  • February 14th: Cut off date for Steward Sale registration, and Spanky’s website opens for registration and dues payments
  • April 27/28: Plan: pull out all of the things we will need for That Thing In The Desert and figure out if they need repair, replacement, rejiggering, or removal.  We will paint that what needs to be painted.  Fix that what needs to be fixed.  Clean that what needs to be cleaned.   I think you guys can get the rest.
  • June 28/29: Plan: pack up for dress-rehearsal, also known as FOURTH OF JUPLAYA!.   This is a great time to field test our new sound systems, bar games, and most importantly set some shit on fire to celebrate our great nation’s birthday.  JUPLAYA is like Burning Man in Ye Olden Dayes, lots of space between camps, lots of free time, guns (if you want em), cool folks, hot springs,  a few art cars, and of course Spanky’s Wine Bar (right on the ashes of The Man).  We can also drive fast on the playa, and even drive to Bruno’s for breakfast (and the bathroom!)
  • Then when we return, we can start packing for the Big Event in August!
  • August 17/18: Plan: This is the BIG ONE.  We pack up the Uhaul, the trailers, the work trucks, more trailers, and haul it all out to the Playa for BUILD WEEK!  We will be discussing Build Week if future issues of The Paddler, but suffice to say, Build Week is magic.  I think it is more magical when it doesn’t fucking rain so much, or be hot so much, or blow dust so much, so after the last couple of years we are due for some goddam magic.
  • September 3/4/5: Plan: Unpack from the Burn.  This one is where the true character of Spankers comes through.  We have burned through oceans of seratonin, danced our asses off, done some serious damage to our livers, and been sleep deprived for two weeks.  But this is where we really need a bunch of folks to help unload all the Uhauls, trailers, private vehicles, and more trailers that have returned from the Center of the Universe (usually dusty and replete with odd liquid-ish stains).   On the bright side, we often have nice sushi or Basque dinners before we all go our separate ways.   As much fun as Build Week is, it is Post Burn that we really need to have bodies.  As they say, many hands make light work.

Ok kiddos! Start adding up all those frequent flyer miles and making hotel reservations, because the HOT SEASON is coming our way!  

See some of all y’all there!

SPANKYS DISCORD AND WI-FI

By SpankIT

 Good news, everyone!

 We have a Discord server!  Woooo!   Join our server to stay in touch with your fellow Spankers, stay in the loop on what’s going on with camp, make your voice heard to Spanky’s Management, or just share a dirty meme/joke   There’s a bunch of us there already.  Come, join us, the water’s fine.  Email SpankIT for the link.

That burn was a doozy, but damn, how great was it‽  We were fortunate enough to keep our Wi-Fi up during most of the event, and boy, did it come in handy.  We used over 1,550 gigabytes of Internet data!  That’s 1.55 terabytes!  Keeping the Wi-Fi up and working is a perk for our members, and our gift to the Playa.  We received many compliments and thanks from Burners for allowing them to contact family, babysitters, dog sitters, etc when the going got tough.  We plan to continue offering Wi-Fi in camp and are investing in more access points and better networking gear to make it even better for next year.

Have you tried turning if off and back on again?

2023

August (Part 2) 2023

“The first step to recovery… is acquiring a problem.”

In this issue…Which should be read while listening to:  Francis Cabrel’s “Edition Especiale”

Messages from Your Admiral
What to do Upon Arrival at SWB
Law Enforcement
RV Info, Procedures, and Tips
How Electric Works at SWB
Camp Showers
The Final Work/Party
Bman Tix and Vehicle Passes
Camp Breakdown and Loading (aka Strike!)

You should read this while listening to https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eJw4Z3G6CHQ
 

MESSAGES FROM YOUR ADMIRAL

(by Admiral Painjoy)

MESSAGE #1:  As y’all probably heard… the playa was literally closed for a few days because of the rainstorms. Well, as of noon yesterday, it’s finally open again. Spanky’s early-build crew (as well as all Bman build crews) is dealing with a 3-day delay. We’re behind the 8-ball, but we’re still gonna win this dusty billiard game! The SWB Early Build crew are now at our location (7:30 & Encantado) and they’ve done the village survey/layout. They’re now building structures, laying out the power grids, and I’ll (hopefully) be joining them tomorrow. We have never been so well prepared for early build… and the crew is organized and prepared to bust their asses (extra hard) to have the entire village infrastructure ready for the official Sunday opening of the Bman gates. When you get to the playa, be sure to say a big THANK YOU to all the hard-hittin-mutha-fukkas on the SWB Early Build crew!

PERSONAL NOTE: I’ve been working on SWB stuff in Reno for a few days. I’ve spent most of my time doing work/party stuff and trying to solve other people’s “emergencies” and have not had time to take care of my personal Bman needs. I’m kinda stressing… ok really stressing… ok fine, I’m having full-blown panic attacks (send Xanax!… lol). My point is… please don’t contact me to ask if I can do something for you or pick something up for you. I’m only focusing on me right now. I was supposed to be on playa yesterday and I’m wiggin out atm. Thanks.

MESSAGE #2: YET ANOTHER UPDATE ON THE CONDITION OF YOUR ADMIRAL

Thanks to a few donation from some very loving and generous Spankers… I now have enough $$$ to make it to Bman! Thank you. Thank you. Thank you!

Getting off-playa, work/party in Reno again, paying a new month’s worth of bills, and surviving until the next progress-payment on the house-remodel I’m doing after Bman… well that’s another story. If you’re in a position to help get my ass OFF the playa, donations can be sent via PayPal to: jimhillas_gc@yahoo.com

 

WHAT TO DO UPON ARRIVAL AT SPANKY’S

Okay… you traveled hundreds (thousands?) of miles. You endured the gate road, did will-call, suffered the gate interrogations and inspection, drove through the city, found Spanky’s at 7:30 & Encantado, you’re breathing a sigh of relief, and feeling excited and giddy… what now?

The first thing you MUST DO is check-in! The check-in location is SWB Headquarters (SWB HQ), where I am camped (Admiral Painjoy – APJ). If you look at the map on the SWB website, I’m at grid-location A7. There is a temporary parking spot for check-in. If it’s full, park around the corner at the Guest Art Car Parking location, or Bike Parking location. DO NOT park on Bman streets or Spanky’s internal streets… they must remain clear for emergencies and fuel deliveries and RV services!

Once you are at HQ, find me, or Dano, or Amethyst. We can get you checked-in, give you a cold drink, and listen to the tales of your journey. Then we will bring you to your camping location.

DO NOT SET UP YOUR CAMP OR RV UNTIL AFTER YOU HAVE CHECKED IN AND BEEN PLACED! Thank you.

 

LAW ENFORCEMENT

There are MANY different Law Enforcement Agencies to contend with on your journey to Bman (and at Bman). Here’s the best advice I can give you… don’t break the law, dammit.

Make sure your vehicles are in tip-top shape, registered, insured, and don’t speed… at all! Also, be sure not to obstruct your license plate in any way (like a bike) and make sure the lights that illuminate your license plate are working. I kid you not… you will get pulled over and ticketed.

And that’s where the fun begins. Cops (NV State Troopers, Sheriffs from Pershing & Washoe County, BLM Rangers, and more) love to try to intimidate you once you’re pulled over. They will use every trick in the book to get you to incriminate yourself. Know your rights… but be polite and respectful.

Here’s a couple links to help:

 

RV INFO AND TIPS

Once again… DO NOT TRY TO PARK YOUR RV AT YOUR CAMPING LOCATION UNTIL AFTER YOU HAVE CHECKED-IN AT SWB

And here’s some more great RV tips and info: RV Tips

 

HOW THE ELECTRIC WORKS AT SWB

There are two power grids in Spanky’s Village… The Spanky’s Grid… and the RV Grid.

THE SPANKY’S GRID

This is a power grid for our front yard attractions and tent campers (not yurts or shiftpods with A/C… or RV power). This grid can handle low power needs like; lights, charging phones etc, maybe a small coffee maker, vibrating personal health devices… that sort of stuff. You can identify the Spanky’s grid by following the big cables to their terminus. If it ends at a 4 outlet box (quad box) on the ground, it’s the Spanky’s grid. If it ends at an RV, it’s not for your use (just that RV’s people).

Feel free to plug your extension cord into the Spanky’s grid. There should be a quad box within a 50’ radius of your camping space. If the quad box is full, you can plug in a splitter to add your cord. Don’t merely unplug a cord and plug yours in… that’s just friggin rude. Be sure to write your name/initials on your cords and splitters!

If the quad box isn’t providing power, a breaker (or GFCI) probably tripped. Don’t try to reset it yourself. Find Olaf or a member of his SPOOGE Team (see the “who’s in charge of what?” page in your SWB welcome pack… in association with the SWB village map to find electrical help). The daily Camp Bitches can probably help too.

Also, if a breaker has tripped, that means the group of Spankers plugged into that box are drawing more than 15amps. You’ll need to negotiate with your “box mates”… or plug into a less taxed box.

RV POWER GRID

This grid is for those Spankers who pre-paid for RV power. This grid connects directly to your RV. When you arrive at SWB, after you check-in, your “Placer” will help you connect to the grid. DO NOT try to plug your RV into one of the quad boxes on the ground… this could damage your RVs electrical system. If you’re having problems with your RV power, find Olaf or one of his SPOOGE Team members (use the “who’s in charge of what” page in your welcome pack… in conjunction with the village map to find them).

HOW THE SHOWERS WORK AT SWB

Spanky’s has a camp shower. It’s centrally located in the village. Naked Larry is the official shower-nazi. He builds and maintains the shower. He also collects empty water containers for recycling… but that doesn’t mean you can leave other trash in or around the showers! He camps near the showers. He’s easy to find… he’s naked and he’s Larry.

If you want to use the shower, bring your own water over (2-5 gallons, depending on how luxurious a shower you want). When you walk into the shower, you’ll see a wide vertical tube near your feet. This is where you pour your water in. (((PRO-TIP… leave your water jugs in the sun for a couple hours before showering, so the water warms up.)))

Once the tube is filled, you’re ready. Turn the water on with the switch on the wall. Conserve water by wetting yourself down, then turn the switch off and lather up. Then turn the switch back on to rinse off. Repeat for your hair.

Please don’t leave personal belongings behind! Nobody wants to use your shampoo or soap or toothpaste!

 

THE FINAL WORK/PARTY

(by Ish-a-licious – Quartermaster & Work Party Manager)

PLEASE RESPOND IF YOU’RE ATTENDING…ASAP! (The dates are Wednesday, Sept 6th – Saturday Sept 9th

Immediately after BMan, we need to bring everything back to Kevin’s (Safari RV off Kitzkie Lane in Reno), unload, clean organize and repack everything into the storage areas. This is the one that really counts! Please plan to stay a few days after Bman and help out… or come back to Reno after you drive home.

We need a headcount of who’s going (and when). Please email me at: ish@spankys.org

More info about all work/party weekends: Skunkworks

 

CAMP BREAKDOWN AND LOADING (AKA… STRIKE!)

All great things must come to an end. At the end of Bman, on Sunday, we begin breaking down the camp. It’s a lot of work!!! But as I always say, “Many hands make light work”. This is an ALL-HANDS-ON-DECK day. We all help with STRIKE!

Ish-A-Liscious (aka Ish) and Dano are the leaders of STRIKE! Anyone trying to leave Spanky’s/Bman to avoid helping with STRIKE will not be invited to camp with us ever again. Nothing pisses everyone else off more than people who aren’t part of the SWB Team until the bitter end. When you signed up to join SWB this year, your application asked you if you would stay until the end and break down the camp and MOOP. Unless you made arrangements with me (Admiral Painjoy) when you signed up, you gave us your word that you would help on Sunday and Monday.

If you come to me or Dano on the playa and tell us that (suddenly) you’re unable to help with STRIKE, we will respond with two questions…

  1. Who has agreed to do your share of STRIKE?
  2. OR 2- Are you making a massive financial donation to the final work/party weekend so we can all go out for sushi?

“The first step to recovery… is acquiring a problem.”

In this issue…Which should be read while listening to “Dope” by Demeter

Messages from Your Admiral
SWB Events Listing
Village Map
SWB Appetizer Program
Packing for Bman/Spanky’s
WUSSI – Workshift Sign-Ups OPEN!
2 More Work/Party Weekends
Leave No Trace (part 5)


MESSAGES FROM YOUR ADMIRAL

(by Admiral Painjoy)

MESSAGE #1: The Paddler isn’t the only mass-email that you’ll be receiving henceforth. Managers of the various departments of Spanky’s will be sending emails to people doing shifts in their depts… regarding ticket issues… sign-ups for shifts… sometimes to the whole mailing list.

I mention this because (for security reasons), we all send out mass-emails as a BCC (blind cc) to all the recipients, so that we avoid sharing everyone’s email addys with everyone else on the mailing list.

I mention that because it’s sometimes confusing to determine if an email was sent directly to you, or to a group.

Sooooo, to help alleviate the confusion, all of SWB Management is under a new directive to include “***BCC email***” in the subject line of all the mass-emails they send out.

Sorry if this caused some confusion in the past.

MESSAGE #2: Most of you know that 2023 is a “transitional year” for Spanky’s. Some new procedures and structure. Smaller, simpler camp this year. Lieutenant Dan (CLIT) being trained to take over the role of camp leader. A more steadfast and empowered management team that can take up more of the workload for Dano in future years… etc.

This is being done for many reasons, not the least of which is, so that I (Admiral Painjoy) can be promoted up-and-out of the day-to-day operations of SWB. I’ve done it for over 15 years (nearly 25 years if you count the other camps/projects I’ve run at Bman) and well… I’m tired man. I’ve loved doing it, but it has come at a cost… physical, emotional and mostly financial.

However, I ain’t leaving. I will still be the top banana, but I will be more of “Chairman Emeritus” who’s job can be best described as “cultural, directional, and artistic leader”. I’ve spent many years shaping and shepherding Spanky’s into a fun, renowned, and respected sex-positive camp at Burning Man. And I will continue to, not only guide the camp, but also be part of any/all new ideas and changes.

That being said… <insert trumpet fanfare>

Under the Big-Ass-Shade-Structure (BASS) at Spanky’s in a few weeks (Saturday, Burn-Day, Sept 2nd at 4pm… to be exact), the torch will be passed!!! Dano, aka Lieutenant Dan, aka CLIT (camp leader in training), will be coronated as the new Executive Director, President, King, Queen, HMFIC of Operations, Commander of the SWB Pacific and Atlantic Fleets, and all-around zarkin-frood (Douglas Adams reference.. Google it).

This auspicious and historical event will be part of the Mandatory SWB End-of-Week Meeting… so I’m sure you’ll all be there to bear witness to the celebration and carnage!

MESSAGE #3: AN UPDATE ON THE CONDITION OF YOUR ADMIRAL

I originally wanted to have SWB take this whole year off, in order to be able to do the transition/training of Dano and the Management Team at a leisurely pace… but all-y’all weren’t havin’ it. Most everyone couldn’t bear the thought of a year without The Infamous Crown Jewel of Burning Man Bars being on the playa… and of course, we all wanted to be together (myself included). For many of us, it’s the one time of year that we all get to see each other. So, I reluctantly capitulated to the angry/horny masses. But I did this knowing that (after last year… aka the most challenging year at Bman for most of us) I would be agreeing to another challenging year.

This year, I have not only been running things, but also teaching most everything I’ve learned about running a theme-camp. A typical year running SWB takes up around 1000 hours of my year. I thought this year would possibly come close to 2000 (the amount of time spent at a full-time 40 hour/week job). Well… I passed 2000 hours a few days ago and we haven’t even hit the playa yet! This has SEVERELY impacted the amount of money I was able to make as a contractor this year.

Most of you have been following the trials and tribulations of my Ford F150 (aka The Spank Tank). After countless breakdowns, a new engine, replacement of various parts/sensors/etc, it was still having serious issues… even after spending around $10k on it. I’m happy to report.. that all ended while I was working the past few weeks in Pahrump, NV. With the help of fellow Spanker “Dragger”, we were able to use his top-notch mechanic to diagnose, and finally solve, the problem. It was an additional $3k, but the Spank Tank is now purring like a kitten. And a big thank you to all who helped!

So, here’s my point. At this particular moment… I can’t go to Bman. The hours spent working on money-making have been few… and the hours spent on SWB have been many. And the money spent on the truck is over $13k of unexpected costs, above and beyond my normal bills and expenses.

If I’m going to make it out to Bman with you guys, I can only do it with financial assistance. I have around $500 to my name right now. And I’m about to spend another 4 weeks working on SWB stuff (and the burn itself). If you’re in a position to help get my ass to the playa, donations can be sent via PayPal to: jimhillas_gc@yahoo.com

 

SWB EVENTS LISTING

SUNDAY – OPENING DAY

  • 10am-ish to Noon: Morning Painjoy Radio
  • 10am to 2am: Buffer Zone
  • All DJ slots are currently available from noon to 9pm
  • 9pm to 11pm: DJ Peacetree
  • 11pm to close: DJ Dirty Dan

MONDAY

  • 10am-ish to Noon: Morning Painjoy Radio
  • 10am to 2am: Buffer Zone
  • Noon to 4pm: DJ slots Available
  • 4pm to 5pm: MANDATORY SWB CAMP WELCOME MEETING
  • 5pm to 7pm: DJ Jilly of the Valley
  • 7pm to 9pm: DJ Texture
  • 9pm to closing: FASTER PUSSYCAT! KILL, KILL! (Our feline-themed femdom/kink party… and an homage to Russ Meyer’s classic cult pulp fiction film from 1966)
  • 9pm to Midnight: DJ MoBad
  • Midnight to 2am: DJ PJ (Admiral Painjoy)

TUESDAY

Spanky’s Wine Bar and the SWB Kink-Attractions are (un)officially closed. Spankers… feel free to go out and enjoy Burning Man!

  • 3:14 pm: Camp Pie Hole – Pie Eating Contest
    • Bring a partner and your creative side to join this pie eating competition! We will have prizes for the team that is the fastest, most sensual, most creative, and funniest at eating pie
    • “Pies” will be whipped cream in a tin to make this cleaner on the Playa
    • No hands can be used by either teammate
    • The goal will be the find the cherry in the whip the fastest, the most sensual, the most creative, or in the funniest way
  • 10am to 2am: Buffer Zone
  • 4pm to 6pm: The Little Black Dress Parade with The Burning Band at Snowflake Village – Esplanade and 7:30

WEDNESDAY

  • 10am to Noon: Morning Painjoy Radio
  • 10am to 2am: Buffer Zone
  • Noon to 2pm: DJ slot Available
  • 2pm to 4pm: DJ Sex Panther
  • 4pm to 6pm: DJ Lauren Frisk
  • 6pm to 9pm: DJ Niloc and Olivia Rose Goth Jam
  • 9pm to 1am: SPANK DAT BOOTIE!
    • World Famous Bootie Mashup DJs Adriana & Jupiter!!!
    • They always draw a huge crowd and bring down the house!

THURSDAY

Spanky’s Wine Bar and the SWB Kink-Attractions are (un)officially closed. Spankers… feel free to go out and enjoy Burning Man! (more explanation below)

  • 3:14 pm: Camp Pie Hole – Pie Eating Contest
    • Bring a partner and your creative side to join this pie eating competition! We will have prizes for the team that is the fastest, most sensual, most creative, and funniest at eating pie
    • “Pies” will be whipped cream in a tin to make this cleaner on the playa
    • No hands can be used by either team-mate.
    • The goal will be the find the cherry in the whip the fastest, the most sensual, the most creative, or in the funniest way
  • 10am to 2am: Buffer Zone

FRIDAY

  • 10am to Noon: Morning Painjoy Radio
  • 10am to 2am: Buffer Zone
  • Noon to 5pm: DJ slots Available
  • 5pm to 7pm: Company Sound System DJs
  • 7pm to 9pm: DJ Jordan Davenport
  • 9pm to close: FRIDAY FURRIES PARTY
  • 9pm to 11pm: DJ Chris Mendel
  • 11pm to 2am: The Galactic Effect DJs

SATURDAY

  • 10am to 2am: Buffer Zone
  • 10am to 2pm: DJ slots Available
  • 4pm to 5pm: MANDITORY FINAL CAMP MEETING (and the coronation of Dano!)
  • 2pm to 6pm: Celtic Chaos Take Over DJs
  • 6pm to 7-or-8pm: DJ Caro Ledge
  • 7pm to 10pm: THE MAN BURNS (SWB closed)
  • 10pm to 2am: DJ Rich Green… Guest DJ? (Dirty Dan?)

 

SUNDAY

  • 8am to 6pm: CAMP BREAKDOWN AND PACKING (all hands on deck!)
  • Afternoon: The Last Supper (Camp Meal at Eve’s Kitchen)
  • 7pm to Midnight: THE WINE-DOWN PARTY (aka…SWINE BAR) Dirty Dan and DJ PJ (Admiral Painjoy)

MONDAY

All Spankers finish packing up, loading up, and participate in the final MOOP sweeps.

NOTE:

So… here’s the deal with Tuesday and Thursday. Because this is a transition year for Spanky’s we wanted to make it a smaller/easier camp. So… less events, less attractions, less infrastructure, and less people. Less Spankers means less manpower available for workshifts.

Plus, we wanted to give Spankers some guaranteed time to go out and enjoy Bman with whomever they want, without having to worry if they have a workshift when you wanna hang/party with them.

Also, even though we are going to be closed on Tuesday and Thursday, Spankers are still allowed to hang out at the bar and play some playlists off their phones, etc. if they don’t feel like going out. But the bar should NOT be lit up… and the music should STAY AT A LOW VOLUME. We are NOT trying to attract customers. We will not have the manpower to have all necessary departments functioning (like security, sanctuary, kink stuff, etc.).

REGARDING OPEN DAYTIME DJ SLOTS…

Contact DJ Dirty Dan if you’re interested in playing some music during the open slots listed above. djdirtydan@spankys.org You don’t need to be a pro-DJ. You don’t need professional equipment. Dirty Dan will show you how to safely use the mixer (and microphone if you want). It’s a piece of cake. All you need is a playlist on your phone (or other device). And it doesn’t need to be EDM… daytime is the perfect time for eclectic music! Blues, rock, country, classical, oldies, whatever!

 

Village Map

The Village map is available here

 

SWB APPETIZER PROGRAM

A gentle reminder… we all do this… and it’s glorious! Appetizer Program

 

PACKING FOR BMAN/SPANKY’S

If you don’t use this… you’ll surely die! Packing List

 

WUSSI – WORKSHIFT SIGN-Ups!

Respond now, or you may get assigned shifts.

But first, a message from Admiral Painjoy

“We are in a transitional year at SWB. We are experimenting with some new ideas, procedures, and management. For this reason, there have been some things we are learning and adjusting as the year progresses. So please bear with us… and thank you for allowing SWB Mgmt to modify/change some of our procedures as we move toward the Burn! With that in mind, here is some clarification and adjustment to our sign-up and WUSSI procedures…

Everyone needs to sign-up for workshifts at Spanky’s. If you’re part of another camp within Spanky’s Village (Buffer Zone or Pie Hole) you are expected to do workshifts for your camp… and shifts with Spanky’s are optional.

If you are working in the SWB Kink Dept, or SPOOGE (power grid and generator), or Trigger (the orgasmic saddle), or Camp Bitch… these count as workshifts, but as we recently decided, they are shifts that you should “apply for” rather than merely signing-up (this will be amended in the WUSSI system next year) These particular jobs may require training, professional experience, a certain demeanor, or a minimum number of years at Bman/Spanky’s to do the job. Regarding THIS YEAR… if you are accepted into one of those jobs (by that dept head), you STILL NEED TO NOTIFY Christopher Robbin codeblue@spankys.org so can record the shift/hours and knows that you are fulfilling your minimum 16 hrs of shifts.”

Now back to your regularly scheduled programming

~APJ~

(by Code Blue)

Many of you have signed up for some workshifts, but have not yet signed up for the minimum 16 hrs. Please go back to the website/WUSSI and complete your sign-ups.

And for those who missed it last month…

What’s WUSSI? I’m glad you asked.

It stands for “Workshift Unified Sign-up System Interactive” (we love dirty acronyms!)

In a nutshell, it’s where you sign-up for your workshifts at Spanky’s. Major-D created WUSSI, and he did a mighty fine job. And I, (Christopher Robbin – Code Blue) took it over this year. Signing up for workshifts is easy-peasy. Every Spanker must do a minimum of 16 hrs of workshifts… but it’s okay to sign-up for more!

These are the workshifts relating to running the village during the week of the event. Soooo… work/party weekends, early build, break-down, and MOOPing after the event don’t count toward your 16 hrs. Workshifts are jobs like bartending, running the Spank-O-Matic machine, being a Master or Mistress, doing ice runs, etc.

The Jobs are listed (along with descriptions) on the SWB website (click on a job name to get the description

Once you are familiar with the available jobs, click the big red “SIGN UP HERE” link on that same page of the website. That will bring you to the website where you can see the availability of jobs and time-slots.

You’ll be asked for your full name (first/last) and email, but only your first name and last initial will show publicly. You must use the email you used when you applied to camp at Spanky’s. Contact me if you have any questions or problems: codeblue@spankys.org

Remember, we are one of the premiere camps at Bman! We are party throwers (as well as party goers). Spanky’s only works if we all pitch in. And most of these “jobs” are super-fun!

TWO MORE WORK/PARTY WEEKENDS

(by Ish-a-licious – Quartermaster & Work Party Manager)

PLEASE RESPOND IF YOU’RE ATTENDING EITHER…ASAP!

Our next work/party weekend is just before “early build”…. aka starting now! August 18-22 (Friday-Tuesday). We still have a lot to do! We’re building a brand new DJ booth. More stuff needs repair/painting. And there’s lots of loading-up trucks/trailers. We need your sexy bodies at Kevin’s place (Safari RV in Reno… email me for the exact location if you’ve never been.)

There will also be a bunch of administrative work to do, like printing, collating, stuffing envelopes, laminating, shopping, etc. And of course, lots of fun, partying, and camaraderie!

AND THE MOST IMPORTANT WORK/PARTY WEEKEND…

Immediately after BMan, we need to bring everything back to Kevin’s in Reno, unload, clean organize and repack everything into the storage areas. This is the one that really counts! Please plan to stay a few days after Bman and help out.

We need a headcount of who’s going (and when). Please email me at: ish@spankys.org

ALL UPCOMING WORK/PARTY WEEKENDS

  • August 18-22 (fri-tue) – paperwork, welcome packs, construction, painting, loading, loading, loading
  • Post Bman – September 5-7 (tue-thu) – unloading, unloading, unloading, cleaning swb stuff, cleaning generator, cleaning trucks/trailers

More info about all work/party weekends here

 

LEAVE NO TRACE – Part 5

(Ongoing series by For Now & For Later – SWB LNT Managers)

Hi Spankers! This is “For Later” (aka Tanya). My husband (“For Now” – aka Bob) and I are the “Leave No Trace” Managers for Spanky’s. This is the fifth in a series of informative ongoing articles in The Paddler.

What do we do with MOOP?

I will break it down for you. There are 3 types.

YOUR MOOP.

The stuff you generate in your camping area, RV, or tent is all yours. Whether it is beefaroni cans, peanut butter jars, lobster tail shells, or the annoying hard-plastic packaging that your double-ended dong came in… it’s yours. Take it all home with you and dispose of it in a proper receptacle. Also, and I *hate* having to say this, but please dispose of your pee/poop bucket properly, without spillage (aka MOOP). Everyone understands that tenters need them. Be respectful. Yes, I have a story about that. Another time.

Also, SWB’s LNT Staff will be making daily rounds around the Village, checking out your personal camps. If you have MOOP (or the potential for MOOP… like stuff that can easily blow away), they are required to ask you to correct the situation immediately.

CAMP MOOP.

Everyone will be expected to help collect and dispose of camp MOOP. Camp MOOP is bar trash, trash left in common areas, and trash found on our internal streets. Bags of camp trash will be distributed among all Spankers throughout the week. If you have a larger RV or truck you may be asked to take a few more bags than the tenter with the car packed to the gills. The good thing is the Wine Bar trash will be less than previous years. Wine boxes break down and the wine bladders can be flattened out. Cans all go to Center Camp for recycling (during the daily ice runs). And we have very limited glass-trash.

BRC MOOP

This is the MOOP on the roads surrounding Spanky’s Village. It is our responsibility to collect and dispose of this MOOP too! We will be doing it on a daily basis (read: Daily LNT workshifts), but also during our Sunday/Monday MOOP sweeps at the end of the event!

On a side note, at the end of the event, after you’re done packing your vehicle, please pull forward a bit and check for oil/fluid that may have leaked onto the playa… and black or blue/black tire marks. That is MOOP. We have shovels available to scrape that up.

As you head home after Bman, PLEASE PLEASE continue to be a good, responsible Burner. Make sure your vehicle-load is secured well. The exodus playa-road is deeply rutted and bumpy!!! When you get close to the highway, during exodus, take the time to re-check the integrity of you load! Don’t accidentally dump any MOOP along the roads leading away from Black Rock City, or whatever burn you are at. That is SO disrespectful. Those people have to put up with lines of traffic and noise. Don’t leave them trash as well. There are several Bman Org. recommended dump sites. Check out your handouts given to you at the Greeters Station upon arriving at BRC. Also, there are also several locations along Hwy 447 where the local Tribes offer to buy your trash for $5 per bag. This $$ helps those local communities.

IMPORTANT… Don’t just leave your bike on the Playa if you no longer need it. (A huge problem) There are people along the exit roads that would be HAPPY to have it. Gift it. Don’t just leave it.

The Bman Org’s Playa Restoration Team (aka Resto) generates an annual MOOP map. Said map notes where each camp was and how well they MOOPed that year. A theme-camp’s MOOP RATING plays a big part in determining a theme-camp’s status for the following year. If really bad it may affect if your camp can return at all.

And let me close by saying…MOOPing isn’t just being a responsible Burner, it’s making sure you can continue to enjoy the remarkable, amazing, inspiring, uplifting, freeing, exhilarating planet that we all inhabit. Keeping the playa pristine is great, but let’s all take this ethos with us everywhere we go in the default world as well. Leave it better than you found it!

Love, For Later

“The first step to recovery… is acquiring a problem.”

In this issue…Which should be read while watching/listening to this hilarious spoken-word piece by Simon Rich called “I Love Girl”

SWB T-Shirts for Sale
WAPs (early build – last call)
WiFi at Spanky’s
WUSSI – Workshift Sign-Ups OPEN!
2 More Work/Party Weekends
Leave No Trace (part 4)
Bman Tix and Vehicle Passes
RV Mating and RideShares
Coming in the next issue of The Paddler

 

 

WB T-SHIRTS and PATCHES FOR SALE

(by Admiral Painjoy)

YOU MUST ACT NOW… LIKE, UH, NOW… SERIOUSLY, NOW!

We have had some delays on the T-shirt artwork in recent weeks… so sorry for the delay.  And that means we’re behind the 8-ball on ordering these haut couture masterpieces of shirt-art!

IN OTHER WORDS… we’re placing the shirt order next week, so if you want a 2023 SWB T-shirt… buy it now… like right now!

We also have some leftover cheerleader uniform SWB Patches from last year (APJ is out-of-pocket on those, so buying one helps him recoup funds he shelled out).

To view/purchase T-Shirts or Patches, go here:  Schwag

IMPORTANT!!!…..  BE SURE TO INCLUDE YOUR REAL NAME AND WHAT YOU ORDERED (STYLE/SIZE)

 

 

WAPs (LAST CALL – WORK ACCESS PASSES… FOR EARLY BUILD)

(by Dano – CLIT)

After spending a few days at 4th of Juplaya, I’m happy to report that the playa is still there!  And the playa conditions are solid!  And we are ready to put an amazing theme camp right on top of it.  If you have never been to Build Week (August 21-26 this year) it is pretty cool.  We get to watch the city rise from the desert.  It is magic.  But to arrive early, you need a WAP (work access pass).

But besides magic, it is also a lot of hard work, and not much partying.  The Bman Placement team has allocated ample Work Access Passes for SWB.  lf you’re so inclined, be sure to send me (dano@Spankys.org) an email indicating your availability and skill set so we can prioritize WAP allocations.  Let me know which day you will be arriving. 

Early build begins on Monday, August 21st.  The gates to Bman open on Sunday, August 27th

 

 

WiFi AT SPANKY’S

(by SpankIT)

Good News, Everyone!  We’ve updated much of our networking kit for 2023 and should be able to get you that sweet, sweet Wi-Fi more reliably and in more parts of the camp.  Here’s the info you’ll need to connect:

  • Wi-Fi Name: Spank Master 9000
  • Password: SpanksAlot2023

That should be all you need to connect, but please keep the following in mind whilst using the Wi-Fi:

  • The Spank Master 9000 Wi-Fi network is for Spanky’s members only.  Please do not give this out to our guests
  • We have a separate Wi-Fi network called “Spanky’s Wine Bar at 7:30 & E” for our guests to use
    • Please tell our guests about it!
    • There’s no password for our guest Wi-Fi, but they will have to tap “Login” on a landing page
    • Guests will have to tap “Login” again after an hour
    • The guest Wi-Fi is throttled to help conserve bandwidth
    • If a guest needs more speed in an emergency, please have them contact me
  • We only have a single Starlink connection to share between all of us, so please be mindful of your usage
  • The Wi-Fi should be the strongest in the BASS, Sanctuary/Kitchen, and around my RV
  • Feel free to contact me if you need any help
  • Whilst we’ll do our best to keep the packets flowing, electronics and Playa dust don’t go so well together.  Spanky’s can’t guarantee the network will be up 24/7, or at all.

That’s it for now.  Can’t wait to see you beautiful people on the Playa!

Have you tried turning it off and back on again?

 

 

WUSSI – WORKSHIFT SIGN-Ups OPEN!

(by Code Blue – Supreme Commander of Workshifts)

What’s WUSSI?  I’m glad you asked…

It stands for “Workshift Unified Sign-up System Interactive” (we love dirty acronyms!)

In a nutshell, it’s where you sign-up for your workshifts at Spanky’s.  Major-D created WUSSI, and he did a mighty fine job.  And I, (Christopher Robbin – Code Blue) took it over this year. Signing up for workshifts is easy-peasy.  Every Spanker must do a minimum of 16 hrs of workshifts… but it’s okay to sign-up for more!

These are the workshifts relating to running the village during the week of the event.  Soooo… work/party weekends, early build, break-down, and MOOPing after the event don’t count toward your 16 hrs.  Workshifts are jobs like bartending, running the Spank-O-Matic machine, being a Master or Mistress, doing ice runs, etc.

The Jobs are listed (along with descriptions) on the SWB website (click on a job name to get the description:  Work Shifts

Once you are familiar with the available jobs, click the big red “SIGN UP HERE” link on that same page of the website.  That will bring you to the website where you can see the availability of jobs and time-slots.

You’ll be asked for your full name (first/last) and email, but only your first name and last initial will show publicly.  Contact me if you have any questions or problems:  codeblue@spankys.org

 

 

TWO MORE WORK/PARTY WEEKENDS

(by Ish-a-licious – Quartermaster & Work Party Manager)

We had a very productive work/party last week/weekend.  Big thanks to everyone who helped!!

Our next work/party weekend is just before “early build”.  August 18-22 (Friday-Tuesday).  We still have a lot to do!  We’re building a brand new DJ booth.  More stuff needs repair/painting.  And there’s lots of loading-up trucks/trailers.  We need your sexy bodies at Kevin’s place (Safari RV in Reno… email me for the exact location if you’ve never been.)

There will also be a bunch of administrative work to do, like printing, collating, stuffing envelopes, laminating, shopping, etc.  And of course, lots of fun, partying, and camaraderie!

AND THE MOST IMPORTANT WORK/PARTY WEEKEND…

Immediately after BMan, we need to bring everything back to Kevin’s in Reno, unload, clean organize and repack everything into the storage areas.  This is the one that really counts!  Please plan to stay a few days after Bman and help out.

We need a headcount of who’s going (and when).  Please email me at:  ish@spankys.org

ALL UPCOMING WORK/PARTY WEEKENDS

  • August 18-22 (fri-tue) – paperwork, welcome packs, construction, painting, loading, loading, loading
  • Post Bman – September 5-7 (tue-thu) – unloading, unloading, unloading, cleaning swb stuff, cleaning generator, cleaning trucks/trailers

More info about all work/party weekends:  Skunkworks

 

 

LEAVE NO TRACE – Part 4

(Ongoing series by For Now & For Later – SWB LNT Managers)

Hi Spankers!  This is “For Later” (aka Tanya).  My husband (“For Now” – aka Bob) and I are the “Leave No Trace” Managers for Spanky’s.  This is the fourth in a series of informative ongoing articles in The Paddler.

Why do we care about MOOP? Because…we are not alone!

The playa may look empty, desolate, abandoned by Mother Nature but it’s not. It is a special ecosystem that is important to the surrounding scrub brush, dunes, hot springs, and mountains… and all creatures that abide there, as well as migrating birds, and, let’s be honest, all of the horny Branchiopods (fairy shrimp!) patiently waiting for rain so they can get their groove on.   Did you know that the Black Rock Desert becomes a shallow lake most winters?

The Black Rock Desert is much more than the 5 square miles of Playa we all call home in the summer.  It is 200 square miles that actually included a lake 15,000 years ago. (Lake Lahontan to be exact) High Rock Canyon hosts bighorn sheep, horned owls, red tail hawks, prairie falcons, and even golden eagles. Around the playa you might see kit foxes, antelope, ground squirrels, kangaroo rats (I would like to see one of those), horned lizards, deer, and rattlesnakes (I would NOT like to see one of those). 

Point is…we care about Leave No Trace because don’t we want to Radically Include everyone and everything? Isn’t it our Civic Responsibility to put in Communal Effort to promote and protect Mother Nature’s works of art? If we all Participate Immediately we can assure Radical Self Reliance for the natives of BR Desert with the Gifting of Decommodification protection allowing the Radical Self Expression of all life out there. Whew!

Love, For Later

 

BMAN TICKETS AND VEHICLE PASSES

(by Red Queen – SWB’s Ticket Maven)

I’m pleased to report that we are in great shape for tickets.  Spanky’s has a few tickets that will be available soon, for those in need.  Plus, this is the time of year when tix/passes begin falling from the sky.  We’re still finding vehicle passes for a few Spankers, but I’m not worried. 

Please send me an email (redqueen@spankys.org) if you find what you need without Spanky’s assistance, so I can remove you from the “in need” list.  Otherwise, hold tight and we’ll get to you soon.

 

 

RV MATING AND RIDESHARES

(by Amethyst)

What is RV mating? Well kids, when two RVs love each other very, very much…

But seriously, if you have spot(s) open for an RV mate, or would like to join an RV crew, or are willing to have a fellow Spanker(s) road trip with you or would like to get picked up for a road trip to the Playa or return to the default world, email me, Rod (Amethyst) and I will coordinate connecting hosts with mates and riders with drivers.  amethyst@spankys.org

Want an RV Mate?
Email me:

  1. Your name and phone number
  2. Where you are originating from
  3. Your dates of Playa arrival and exodus
  4. How many RV mate spot(s) you have
  5. Picture(s) of your ship on wheels. No other details are needed about your amazing RV accommodations or admission rituals and costs, you will provide the list of luxuries, oddities and costs directly to your potential RV mate(s).

Want to be an RV Mate?
Email me:

  1. Your name and phone number
  2. Dates you are planning to arrive on the Playa and return to the default world and
  3. Casting couch picture. If you also need a Rideshare, include the Rideshare information below in same email.

Want to offer a Rideshare?
Email me:

  1. Your name and phone number
  2. How many Rideshare spot(s) you have
  3. Where you are originating from
  4. Picture of your vehicle
  5. The dates you are starting your trek to and from the Playa and/or Reno. No other details about your sweet ride, safe word or fares, you can brag it up with your possible captive who will need to endure your taste in music.

Want to get a Rideshare?
Email me:

  1. Your name and phone number
  2. Where you are originating from and/or heading to after exodus
  3. Date(s) you are able to get picked up and/or ejected to the default world
  4. Head shot of you on a car hood

After I help you connect, I leave your threesome or more and you do your seductive negotiating and arrange any exchange of payment. All mating arrangements and Rideshare agreements are settled between hosts and mates, drivers and riders.

Check Spanky’s Facebook for status on supply and demand for these services and other updates.”

Rod (Amethyst

 

“Of course you’re the best dancer at Spanky’s” ~Sincerely… Wine~

In this issue…Which should be read while watching/listening to: “Jerusalem” by Dan Bern

A Message from your Admiral
SWB Has Been Placed
WAPs (early build)
4th of Juplaya
Burning Man Tickets
WUSSI – Workshift Sign-Ups OPEN!
Work/Party Weekends
Leave No Trace (part 3)
Send Us Your Pics For The SWB Website
Anyone Have a Vehicle Disabled Placard?
Coming in the next issue of The Paddler
SWB Staph


A MESSAGE FROM YOUR ADMIRAL

Only 55 days until most of us head out to the playa for Bman!  That came up rather quickly, huh?  I can’t stress the importance of reading these newsletters (and the info on the SWB website).  The info contained within can make the difference between having an awesome Burn, and dying a horrible death (and being devoured by kit foxes!).  And remember… your SWB Management Team stands at-the-ready to answer any questions you couldn’t find in The Paddler or on the site.  (Their email addys are listed at the bottom of every issue of The Paddler)

I’m happy to report that we are steaming ahead during this unusual “transition year”… and Dano (our CLIT – Camp Leader In Training) has been burning the midnight oil and busting his ass learning the ropes, so to speak.  I’m very proud of my CLIT  😉

Many have been asking for an update on The Spank-Tank and my travels.  The short answer… I’m in Reno now and ready to lead the troops to Juplaya and oversee our 2nd work/party weekend immediately after.  

The longer answer:  WOW!  That was the longest trip to Love Burn on record!  If you haven’t been following… Shortly after LB, the engine mysteriously died in my truck.  It got replaced, but it took time and a lot of money (and my deepest thanks go out to those who helped!).  But that unfortunate problem led to others.  Because it was such an unexpected and huge expense (around $8k, total) I wound up having to stay in the Southeast to do work on friend’s homes so that I could pay bills (and start saving up the money to get back out west).  I was able to replace the tires on the Spank-Tank as well ($800, but long overdue).  And I departed the southeast last week.

I did have a couple hiccups along the way though.  Broke down in Nashville and had to replace a sensor.  That cost a half-grand, all said and done.  Then in Missouri the truck started misbehaving again.  But I was finally able to complete the journey.  Sadly though, I have arrived here with very little $ remaining… the trip/repairs depleted all the funds… and the truck still needs some mechanical attention.

I’m desperately looking for work in Reno and/or California.  If you need work done on your home (or if your friends/family are in need), I’m a talented, experienced General Contractor.  I do just about everything; from handyman work, up to full kitchen/bath remodels.  If possible, I want to remain working in the Cali/Reno area until Bman.  Or if you’re able, donations are still accepted via PayPal to:  jimhillas_gc@yahoo.com

 

SWB HAS BEEN PLACED

(by Admiral Painjoy – HMFIC)

The Bman Placement Team told us a couple weeks ago.  Our Playa-address is:  7:30 & E.  And we have a corner lot.  Our size is 250’x350’ which is adequate.  Myself, Dano, Doug, and Olaf are getting started on our Village map.  We should have it done-ish in the next couple weeks.  Once it’s done, we will post it on the SWB website. 

This location is fine and dandy for our needs!  It’s a little closer to the portos and the esplanade.  And with our smaller numbers… we will have more room for bike parking, for our guests!

 

WAPs (WORK ACCESS PASSES FOR EARLY BUILD)

(by Dano – CLIT)

If I squint, I can see Burning Man from here!  That means we are getting close to the best week of the year: Build Week!   If you have never been to Build Week (August 21-26 this year) it is pretty cool.  We get to watch the City rise from the desert.  It is magic.  But to arrive early, you need a WAP (work access pass)

But besides magic, it is also a lot of hard work, and not much partying.  The Bman Placement team has allocated an ample amount of Work Access Passes for SWB.  lf you’re so inclined, be sure to send me (dano@Spankys.org) an email indicating your availability and skill set so we can prioritize WAP allocations.  Let me know which day you will be arriving.  Below are your current choices…

  • We have 10 WAPs that allow entry starting on Monday, August 21st
    • We survey and lay-out the camp roads, structures, etc on this day
  • 16 more for Tuesday, August 22nd
    • We lay-out the power grid cables and build the kitchen on this day
  • 15 more for Wednesday, August 23rd
    • We unload the trucks/trailers and start building structures on this day… BASS, SWB HQ, etc
  • 8 more for Thursday, August 24th
    • We trench cables, build more structures, attractions, lighting, work on “welcome packs”, finish the power grid
  • And 6 more for Friday, August 25th
    • We finish the attractions, bar, kink dome, signage, etc
  • Saturday… Zero WAPs available this day.
    • This is the contingency day to solve problems and finish anything that fell behind schedule… also, “soft opening” party
  • The gates to Bman open on Sunday, August 27th

 

4th OF JUPLAYA

(by Admiral Painjoy)

PAYPAL YOUR JUPLAYA DUES NOW PLZ!

All those attending, please pitch in $69.00 toward Juplaya Dues.  This pays for generator fuel, beer/wine, ice, etc.  PayPal to: jimhillas_gc@yahoo.com right away.

If you’ve never been to the playa when it isn’t Bman, this “non-event” is a real treat!  In my opinion, it’s just a good as Bman… but different.  The vast, stark, and romantic vastness of the Black Rock Desert is much more vivid and breathtaking when you’re not in the confines of the Bman trash fence, surrounded by flashy theme camps, loud music, and huge structures. 

“4th of Juplaya” is kinda like the way Bman used to be, in ye olden days.  You can drive fast (But be careful!  It’s easy to roll your vehicle at high speed).  You can go skinny-dipping at the hot springs.  You can come and go as you please (breakfast at Bruno’s, etc).  There are some theme camps and art cars.  Very few cops.  Lots of random parties.  Vast open space.  Cool burners. 

You can explore the outer reaches of the playa, the whole Black Rock Desert, High Rock Canyon, the emigrant trails, Soldier Meadows, etc  There’s (sometimes) a fireworks show put on by the town of Gerlach.  Those attending Juplaya tend to camp in small groups… scattered ALL OVER the vast playa.  This makes for interesting party-hopping at night 😉

We will head up to the playa on Saturday, July 1st… and depart early on Wed, July 5th.  But you can show up any time.  Playa location is the spot where they build The Man (use Google maps…text me if you need exact directions).  After driving through Gerlach, drive around/up the playa to the 12-Mile Entrance to the playa.  Drive roughly half-way across the playa and we’ll be around there.

 

BURNING MAN TICKETS  

(by Red Queen – SWB Ticket Maven)

I’m pleased to announce that the Bman Placement Team has offered SWB some additional STS tickets/passes for purchase… so we are now in great shape on tickets.  Next week, those who need tix (and qualify… i.e. didn’t already purchase tickets in another Bman sale) can register for this ticket sale.

So if you still need a ticket… email me right away, and I’ll give ya the skinny on this ticket sale and other options if you don’t qualify.  If you were on our “needing a ticket” list, but already found a ticket, I need to know that too.redqueen@spankys.org

 

WUSSI – WORKSHIFT SIGN-Ups OPEN!

(by Code Blue – Supreme Commander of Workshifts)

What’s WUSSI?  I’m glad you asked…

It stands for “Workshift Unified Sign-up System Interactive” (we love dirty acronyms!)

In a nutshell, it’s where you sign-up for your workshifts at Spanky’s.  Major-D created WUSSI, and he did a mighty fine job.  And I, (Christopher Robbin – Code Blue) took it over this year. Signing up for workshifts is easy-peasy.  Every Spanker must do a minimum of 16 hrs of workshifts… but it’s okay to sign-up for more!

These are the workshifts relating to running the village during the week of the event.  Soooo… work/party weekends, early build, break-down, and MOOPing after the event don’t count toward your 16 hrs.  Workshifts are jobs like bartending, running the Spank-O-Matic machine, being a Master or Mistress, doing ice runs, etc.

The Jobs are listed (along with descriptions) on the SWB website (click on a job name to get the description:  Work Shifts

Once you are familiar with the available jobs, click the big red “SIGN UP HERE” link on that same page of the website.  That will bring you to the website where you can see the availability of jobs and time-slots.

You’ll be asked for your full name (first/last) and email, but only your first name and last initial will show publicly.  Contact me if you have any questions or problems:  codeblue@spankys.org

 

WORK/PARTY WEEKENDS – Redux

(by Ish-a-licious – Quartermaster & Work Party Manager)

Next work party will be next week…after 4th of Juplaya on Thursday-Sunday (July 6th-9th). The focus will be on maintenance. repainting all the bar cubes and repainting DJ booth, stages, showers, etc.  Also checking all lights for the BASS, bar, dome, etc.  And loading up the trailer with as much as we can to have it ready for build.

We’ll also be building all carports, making sure we have the right parts and that they are ready.  Also, repainting all tables and bar chairs that we are going to take.  And making sure the Spankys signs are working (Sorry we’re open and the Spanky’s Wine bar sign).

We need a headcount of who’s going (and when).  Please email me at:  ish@spankys.org

ALL UPCOMING WORK/PARTY WEEKENDS

  • July 6-9th (thur-sun) – repairs, painting, construction, cleaning, etc
  • August 18-22 (fri-tue) – paperwork, welcome packs, construction, painting, loading, loading, loading
  • Post Bman – September 5-7 (tue-thu) – unloading, unloading, unloading, cleaning swb stuff, cleaning generator, cleaning trucks/trailers

More info about all work/party weekends:  Skunkworks

 

LEAVE NO TRACE – Part 3 – MOOP CONTROL!

(Ongoing series by For Now & For Later – SWB LNT Managers)

Hi Spankers!  This is “For Later” (aka Tanya).  My husband (“For Now” – aka Bob) and I are the “Leave No Trace” Managers for Spanky’s.  This is the third in a series of informative ongoing articles in The Paddler

Let’s talk MOOP control…

So, we know what MOOP is…Matter Out Of Place. If it doesn’t belong there it shouldn’t be there, right? What do we, as responsible Burners, and respectable humans do about that? We pick it up. If you see it…it is yours.  

How? That’s easy. In your backpack, camelback, fanny pack, bicycle basket, pockets, girly pocket (you know, that space between your boobs that you can store stuff), or wherever you carry the important stuff (such as 1-ply TP)  add a ziplock bag for MOOP. Be prepared. Chase that stuff down if necessary. Feathers are notoriously difficult to catch. (2022 was exceptionally difficult). 

Keep trash around your camp contained. One strong wind and crap goes everywhere. Reference 2022 just above. Don’t use sticky notes or pieces of paper in door jambs to leave messages. Think about it. If it may blow away (and evolve into MOOP) it will. Close camp chairs when not in use and even make sure shade structures are well anchored. You never know. It’s even a good idea to use tent pegs on rugs and mats.  

On another note. If everyone de-MOOPs all week then we are ahead of the game. I am always de-MOOPing around my RV. I diligently watch out for MOOP as I walk through camp. I keep an eye out as I ride my bike. (Once I found a beautiful medallion that was barely visible because I stopped deep playa to pick up MOOP…true story) de-MOOPing is not a one-time thing at the end of the Burn. It is a lifestyle. Please reference my first article.

Later!

Love, For Later

 

SEND US YOUR SWB PICS FOR THE WEBSITE

(by SpankIT… SWB Technology Guru)

I’ll be sprucing up the SWB website in the next couple of weeks.  We’d love to showcase your Bman/Spanky’s pics on the site.  Just make sure you have the permission of everyone that’s in the pic, for it to be posted on the site.  Email to: spankit@spankys.org

 

WE STILL NEED SOMEBODY WITH A HANDICAPPED PLACCARD

(by Admiral Painjoy)

If you have an official, state-issued Handicap Placcard/Card/Etc… we really need your help.  We use my truck (the Spank Tank) to do Camp ice runs every day… but the vehicle needs “handicap status” from the Bman DMV (department of mutant vehicles) in order to make that happen.  Please contact me right away if you can help. 

admiralpainjoy@spankys.org

 

COMING IN THE NEXT ISSUE OF THE PADDLER

  • Events Listing
  • LNT Part 4
  • SWB T-Shirts For Sale
  • Village Map

“Our camp is like a fairy-tale. Unfortunately it’s a German fairy-tale”

In this issue…Which should be read while watching/listening to: Tom Lehrer’s “Masochism Tango”

A Message (or two) from your Admiral
Placement schedule
Burning Man Tickets (STEP to it!)
RV Services
Two More Work/Party Weekends
Leave No Trace (part 2)
Anyone have a vehicle Disabled Placard?
SWB Events and DJing
Security at Spanky’s
4th of Juplaya
Vouching for an SWB Newbie
Coming in the next issue of The Paddler
SWB Staph


A MESSAGE FROM YOUR ADMIRAL

The transition has begun!

As most of you know, after 25 burns, and 15 years of creating, running, and evolving Spanky’s into the “Infamous Crown Jewel of Burning Man Bars”, I am promoting myself to a sort of “Chairman Emeritus” position. Because, well, I’m friggin tired and I need to take care of myself… lol. And I need to start focusing more on my business and retirement. Over the past 20+ years, I’ve literally donated over one million dollars of my time to Bman and Spanky’s. And while I’ve loved the time I’ve spent on my camp… my brainchild… my legacy… and especially loved the relationships that have emerged from it all, it’s time for me to release my iron grip on running the camp/village and all the minutia.

To clarify, I’m certainly not leaving… but (for the past year-or-so) I have been teaching Dano (newly dubbed – Lootenant Dan) about the day-to-day responsibilities of running SWB, year-round. Dano has been my CLIT (Camp Leader In Training). During the 8 months, we have also been restructuring SWB’s Management Teams, as well as the way they operate. And furthermore, with the help of Dano, Major-D, and SpankIT, we’ve been empowering SWB’s Management Teams and giving them the tools/info they need to more autonomously run their departments.

June 1st marked a milestone in this transition. Until then, I was the go-to person regarding all things SWB… and Dano was CC’d on emails, included on texts, and informed of all conversations. And up until now, I’ve been making the decisions while discussing and instructing Dano. But starting last week, Dano has accepted the “soft hand-off” as the camp’s ostensible leader. Dano is now the go-to guy for everything… and I’m the one who is CC’d and informed. Dano now makes most of the executive decisions (with me in the background, looking over his shoulder in a creepy way, ensuring that he doesn’t accidentally enter the launch-codes or turn SWB into a religious cult). FYI (if everything goes as planned), Dano will become the official leader of SWB at the end of Bman this year. We should have a coronation ceremony on Saturday (Burn Day) on the playa!

I have to say… I’ve been very impressed with Dano (and the whole SWB Management Team) during this training/transition period.

APJ’s announcement #2..

As most of you heard, your Admiral is still stuck down in Florida. The engine in The Spank Tank (my Ford F150) mysteriously died. Le Sigh. Well… thanks to a big loan, some generous donations (thank you!), and depleting my meager savings… The Spank Tank underwent a $6k heart transplant, and it’s driving again! But that was only part of the problem.

The loss of my vehicle for a month incurred many expenses; Ubers, car rentals, towing charges, etc., and of course… a month without income, but a month of normal bills (falling behind on some). Thankfully, I’m doing some work for Quantum Glen in So. Florida at the moment… but that only gets me part of the way to being “on the road again”.

I’ve got a couple more weeks of work down here, then I HAVE TO get back out west again. After all… I have a work/party weekend in Reno coming up (not to mention 4th of Juplaya). If you’re able, I sure could use some financial assistance.

Also, I’ll be in the Reno/California area for the summer. If you, or a friend/family member need any work done on your home… I’m booking jobs there! Please let me know. I’m a top-notch contractor with 35 years of experience, and gobs-and-gobs of references! I specialize in kitchen/bath remodels, but I’m also willing to do handyman work. On top of being a GC, I’ve been licensed for plumbing/electrical as well. I’m a unicorn!

Again, any donation helps to get me our west again. PayPal to: jimhillas_gc@yahoo.com And thank you, thank you, thank you!

Looking forward to an AMAZING Spanky’s this year!!!

HugKissSpank

apj

PLACEMENT SCHEDULE (by Lieutenant Dan)

Just a reminder… The Bman Placement Team doesn’t give us our “playa address” and size/shape of the village until late June. So we can’t answer any of your questions or create the village map until after Placement gives us that info.

Also, the Placement Team won’t be giving us our WAP (work access pass) allocation until around then also. These are the passes you need for early build on the playa. However, they have always been very generous with WAP for SWB in the past… so I’m sure we’ll be able to accommodate everyone who wants to arrive on the playa early to help build the village.

If you’re trying to solidify your plans and schedule (i.e. buy plane tix, make hotel reservations, etc.) contact me and I’ll be sure to prioritize you on the WAP list. dano@spankys.org

BURNING MAN TICKETS – STEP to it! (by Red Queen)

If you still need to purchase a ticket to Bman…

  1. IMMEDIATELY go to your Burning Man profile and sign-up for S(ecure)T(icket)E(xchange)P(rogram)…. 2023 Secure Ticket Exchange Program (STEP) | Burning Man Tickets.  The Bman STEP program is the easiest way for people that have tickets to safely resell them and for you to buy them. It opened on the 26th of April, so you need to sign-up NOW!
  2.  Email me at RedQueen@spankys.org and let me know if you are still in need of a ticket, so I can get an accurate list.
  3. Get ready/prepped for the 2 remaining sales of the year
  4. Make sure to send an email to our SWB Recruiter and Ticket Procurer (Bacon Daddy). Bacon Daddy (Jonathan) is a highly connected Burner. He’s been doing Bman for a long time and knows lots of key people. And he’s on every chat-group and FB page, constantly scouring the ether for aftermarket Bman tix for sale. He’s going to do his best to get everyone in SWB a ticket. But you’ve got to get on his radar… bacon@spankys.org

May 10th – Burner Express Bus Program (Ticket Bundle Version – only available if you’re actually taking the Burner Express Bus) – Burner Express (burningman.org) A limited number of tickets will be available to purchase when you purchase a ticket to the Burner Express.

July 26-28th – OMG Sale Registration and August 2nd OMG Sale – 3000 tickets will go on-sale for the final official sale through the BMorg.

Just a reminder to not lose hope if you don’t have a ticket yet, we will get you taken care of and set with a ticket to buy. BUT you have to be signed-up and PAID to be a part of Spanky’s!

**Side Note – If you got tickets from FOMO or Main sale (or some other avenue) and haven’t let us know, please email me and let me know if you’re set.

Love you!

Red Queen (Amanda) redqueen@spankys.org

Oh… and one more thing. Every Spanker (who hasn’t purchased a ticket DIRECTLY from Bman) can and should enter STEP. We still have lots of Spankers in need of tickets. If you are able to purchase tix in STEP, we have Spankers-in-need at the ready to buy them from you. Even if you already have a ticket (that you purchased as a “ticket partner”) you can still enter STEP to help out your fellow Spankers.

RV SERVICES (by Amethyst – RV Services Manager)

POTABLE WATER REFILLS – GREY/BLACK WATER PUMPOUTS – RV ELECTRICAL POWER

These services are not part of your camp dues and must be paid for in advance. Only one week left to place your orders!!!

Amethyst & Solar – AKA…Rod & Karla, are in charge of coordinating these services with the vendors, and collecting the fees.

Send your order information to amethyst@spankys.org and he will send you an invoice and payment information.

NOTE: Payments can only be received via Zelle, check, money order or wire transfer.

CUT-OFF DATE FOR ORDERS IS NOW

CUT-OFF DATE FOR PAYMENT IS JUNE 17

The following services are available for purchase for RVs at Spanky’s:

Water fills and pump-outs are available only on the following dates, typically happen before noon and you will not need to be present. You will need to ensure that access is available to your pump-out connection and water fill inlet.

When ordering, please specify date(s) for water fill(s) and pump-out(s).

  • Monday, August 28
  • Wednesday, August 30
  • Friday, September 1
  • Sunday, September 3

GREY/BLACK WATER PUMP-OUTS – $110 each

NOTE: If you want to manage your own pump-outs, the vendor will have “flag down trucks” available on Playa, usually available after 2:00 pm and only take cash. This will be up to you to handle!… and it’s not a dependable way to go…and this is only for “pump-outs” of grey/black water (NOT POTABLE WATER REFILS).

POTABLE RV WATER FILLS – $150 each (flat rate up to 75 gallons)

NOTE: The vendor will not have flag down trucks available on Playa for water fills

  • Water will be added to RV fresh water tank until full or 75 gallons have been added (whichever comes first). If your tank takes all 75 gallons, that’s $2.00 per gallon (same price per gallon charged in 2022).  If your tank only takes 50 gallons until full, that amounts to $3.00 per gallon (which is what the vendor will charge per gallon on Playa)
  • You cannot specify how many gallons you want, it’s a flat rate
  • You cannot have surplus fill water added to extra tanks/containers (if your tank only took 40 gallons to fill, that’s it)

DEDICATED POWER; 20, 30 or 50 AMP (limited subscriptions available)

  • 50 amp (limited availability) – $1100 (common for RVs with 2 air conditioners)
  • 30 amp (28 available) – $550 (common for most RVs with one air conditioner)
  • 20 amp dedicated power (12 available) – $350 (common for yurts to run a small air conditioner)

NOTES – Do not try to air-condition your tent… it doesn’t work. Also, don’t attempt to use the Spanky’s “free” power for an air conditioner (either in a yurt or RV). You will trip the breaker and be disconnected. And don’t expect to buy power on-playa when you trip breakers… it’s too late then… none will be available.

The people/vendors who provide these RV services are doing a VERY hard job under the most adverse conditions. They are honest, hard-working and do their very best to fulfill all your needs. So please understand– it’s Burning Man!… it’s the desert… there are always unforeseen variables… and sometimes things break-down unexpectedly. It’s not the end of the world-we’ll do our best to help figure it out!

Amethyst & Solar – RV Services Managers (their job literally SUCKS!)

TWO MORE WORK/PARTY WEEKENDS (by Ish-a-licious – Quartermaster & Work Party Manager)

Next work party will be after 4th of Juplaya on Thursday-Sunday (July 6th-9th). The focus will be on maintenance. repainting all the bar cubes and repainting DJ booth, stages, showers, etc. Also checking all lights for the BASS, bar, dome, etc. And loading up the trailer with as much as we can to have it ready for build.

We’ll also be setting up and building all carports making sure we have the right parts and that they are ready. Looking at repainting, all tables and bar chairs that we are going to take. And making sure the Spankys signs are working ( Sorry we’re open and the Spanky’s Wine bar sign).

We need a headcount of who’s going (and when). Please email me at: ish@spankys.org

ALL UPCOMING WORK/PARTY WEEKENDS

  • July 6-9th (thur-sun) – repairs, painting, construction, cleaning, etc
  • August 18-22 (fri-tue) – paperwork, welcome packs, construction, painting, loading, loading, loading
  • Post Bman – September 5-7 (tue-thu) – unloading, unloading, unloading, cleaning swb stuff, cleaning generator, cleaning trucks/trailers

More info about all work/party weekends: Skunkworks

LEAVE NO TRACE – Part 2 – What is LNT/MOOP?

(an ongoing series by For Now & For Later – SWB LNT Managers)

Hi Spankers! This is “For Later” (aka Tanya). My husband (“For Now” – aka Bob) and I are the “Leave No Trace” Managers for Spanky’s. This is the second in a series of informative articles that will be in upcoming issues of The Paddler.

What is LNT?

LNT, or Leaving No Trace, per Burningman.org… ”Our community respects the environment. We are committed to leaving no physical trace of our activities wherever we gather. We clean up after ourselves and endeavor, whenever possible, to leave such places in a better state than we found them”.

What does this mean?

Well… If it wasn’t there before any humans got there then it shouldn’t be there when humans leave. No matter if you dropped, it blew away, or it dropped off of you… it’s your MOOP. This applies to Bman porto-potties too. If it didn’t come from your body, it doesn’t go in the pottie.

What is MOOP?

Matter Out Of Place. Anything that does not naturally occur on the land on which an event is taking place. What are some examples of MOOP? Any trash. Wrappers, cig butts, ashes, paper products, beverage containers, etc.

What else? What about MOOP such as feathers, sequins, and, oh my, glitter? These are really bad because they are hard to pick up but just as MOOPy as a burger wrapper. How many birds do you see wearing sequins? Or, hairy lizards? BTW, hair is MOOP too.

What if it’s biodegradable? Surely THAT’s not MOOP? But it is. How many oranges do you see growing on the Playa? How about apple trees?

And, even more gross, gray water, pee, and No 2 are most definitely MOOP. Sad that I have to say it. Always pack that 1-ply TP for that surprise trip to the porta-pottie. More on that to follow.

And lastly, a really serious form of MOOP is a leaky RV. Whether it is from gray or black water tanks or from under the engine of your vehicle. Drippy, oily, greasy, whatever is MOOP. I pack an extra tarp that we put under our rental truck (making sure the tires are on top to keep it in place) JIC it is leaking something. Be diligent in examining your vehicles before driving onto the playa (or any burn) if possible. Probably a good idea anyway. Wouldn’t want any bad surprises. Good surprises are, well, good though.

See ya in the dust!

Love,

For Now and For Later

STILL LOOKING FOR SOMEBODY WITH A VEHICLE “DISABLED PLACARD”? (by APJ)

At SWB, the Admiral’s personal truck has always been the one “authorized disabled vehicle”. And we use his truck for, well, everything… ice runs, disabled-person transportation, medical emergencies, deep-playa art car rescues, playa art-tours, etc.

We need a second vehicle, which isn’t a huge problem… but we need a person with a state-issued, legit, disabled placard to do it. Do we have anyone else that’s going to Bman this year, that has a disability placard?

Contact APJ at: admiralpainjoy@spankys.org

SWB EVENTS AND DJing (by DJ Dirty Dan)

Hey Spankers, It’s your man Dirty Dan (SWB DJ and Event manager), getting ready for 2023!!!

So first on the agenda is DJing with your own playlists. Any Spanker is welcome to connect a phone (or iPad, etc) to the sound system anytime we do not have a scheduled DJ in the bar area (or special event). This can be done via 1/8 cable (headphone jack basically or dongle for iPhone) it will be made readily available for you at the DJ booth. If you have any questions during burn, ask me or someone at the bar who has been with Spanky’s for a little bit.

Second, I am filling slots for actual DJ sets. I have plenty late morning and afternoon slots available. If you already played at SWB in the past please reach out ASAP for sets! This year we currently have the following days/time available; (all of Sunday, all of Monday, Tuesday daytime only, Wednesday day and early evening, Thursday daytime only, all of Friday, and all of Saturday and Sunday day) Please send DJ demos with genre of music labeled in the email.

We currently have two events on the schedule…

Wednesday night will be our big, annual Spank-dat-Bootie party with Adriana and Jupiter (always a packed house!) and Friday night we’re doing a Bman-Themed event called “Friday Furries”. So bring your fur coats/outfits, or wear your “anmimalia”!

This year we are also open to having Spankers come up with some events for these available slots, so if you have a kinky or wild idea for an event please reach out to me via (dirtydan@spankys.org)

We had a tough year 2022 with weather but our parties were still f*ckin redonculous!! So let’s do even better this year, looking forward to your ideas and music. Spank ya very much!

SECURITY AT SWB (and the job of Camp Bitch)

We’d like to welcome Webster to the SWB Management Team! He is Spanky’s new Head of Security. This year, the jobs of Camp Bitches will also assist with Security… and report to Webster regarding these matters (and Code Blue for all other Camp Bitch matters). Soon the SWB workshift sign-up system (WUSSI – Workshift Unified Sign-up System, Interactive) will be up and running.

If you’re an experienced Spanker/Burner, please consider signing up for a shift or two as Camp Bitch!

The job description (as well as all the others) can be viewed here: Work Shifts

4TH OF JUPLAYA! (by APJ)

I need a headcount! This is looking like it may be the best 4th of Juplaya yet!!!

Email me if you’re coming: admiralpainjoy@spankys.org

NOTE: Because Bman tix are sooo hard to get… and the fact that the 4th falls on a Tuesday (creating a natural long-weekend), I predict that 4th of Juplaya with be huge this year… and awesome!

If you’ve never been to the playa when it isn’t Bman, this “non-event” is a real treat! In my opinion, it’s just a good as Bman… but different. The vast, stark, and romantic vastness of the Black Rock Desert is much more vivid and breathtaking when you’re not in the confines of the Bman trash fence, surrounded by flashy theme camps, loud music, and huge structures.

“4th of Juplaya” is kinda like the way Bman used to be, in ye olden days. You can drive fast (But be careful! It’s easy to roll your vehicle at high speed). You can go skinny-dipping at the hot springs. You can come and go as you please (breakfast at Bruno’s, etc). There are some theme camps and art cars. Very few cops. Lots of random parties. Vast open space. Cool burners.

You can explore the outer reaches of the playa, the whole Black Rock Desert, High Rock Canyon, the emigrant trails, Soldier Meadows, etc There’s (sometimes) a fireworks show put on by the town of Gerlach. Those attending Juplaya tend to camp in small groups… scattered ALL OVER the vast playa. This makes for interesting party-hopping at night 😉

We will be setting up a small version of Spanky’s there. We all just pitch in a bit for the wine/beer for our bar, generator, fuel, bar ice, etc. We don’t know how many people are going yet, so it’s impossible to set camp dues at this time, but Juplaya camp dues will probably be around $69.00 per person. More info coming soon.

We will probably head up to the playa on Saturday morning, July 1st… and depart early on Wed, July 5th. But you can show up any time. Playa location is the spot where they build The Man. After driving through Gerlach, drive around/up the playa to the 12-Mile Entrance to the playa. Drive roughly half-way across the playa and we’ll be around there.

VOUCHING FOR A NEWBIE (by Lootenant Dan)

Hey there Spankerinos!

Things are moving along quite nicely as we march ever forward to the Dirt Circus. We have a pretty large percentage of Newbies this year and I just wanted to touch base quickly about VOUCHING FOR YOUR FRIENDS.

When folks send in their applications to join “The Crown Jewel of Burning Man Bars”, and mention that they know a veteran Spanker, a member of the SEX Board (Spanky’s EXecutive) should give you a call or email to be sure that the newbie is perverted enough (but not too much) to be a member of the camp and contribute to its success.

So, If YOU have vouched for a newbie, we also expect you to help them acculturate to the Burning Man/Spanky’s vibe. For example, you can help your newbie avoid moopy costumes like feather boas. You can teach your newbie the Spanky’s secret handshake. You can inform them how to avoid horrible food poisoning by washing hands, and other body parts, before eating. Hook them up with the ice purchasing sign-ups. Convey to them the joy of a Flaming Enema. You can see where I’m going with this right?

So, in conclusion, we are counting on all of us to be participants in the success of Spanky’s Wine Bar. Help the newbies, be kind to the newbies, and don’t forget that we were ALL newbies at one point in our lives. And most importantly, teach your newbie about consent and proper behavior!!!

Now, go forth spankily into the new day!

Lootenant Dan

COMING IN THE NEXT ISSUE OF THE PADDLER

  • SWB Placement (our playa address)
  • WAP Allocations
  • WUSSI (workshifts sign-ups)
  • SWB Schwag
  • Village Map
  • LNT part 3
  • Events Listing

“Build a man a fire, he’ll be warm for a night… set a man on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life”

In this issue… Which should be read while watching/listening to: Tom Waits – “Old Shoes and Picture Postcards”

Camp Dues… are due!

Burning Man Tickets

Burning Man Tickets Part 2 (STEP to it!)

RV Services

Work/Party Weekends

WAPs (early build passes)

SWB needs somebody to tow a big-ass generator

Leave No Trace (part 1)

Anyone have a vehicle Disabled Placard?

What video was supposed to be in the newbie vetting email?

Coming in the next issue of The Paddler


CAMP DUES… are due! (by Amethyst – SWB Treasurer)

Most of you have paid your camp dues, or at least your down-payment. Thank you. But the deadline is rapidly approaching for those who haven’t paid in full. And that deadline is May 30th!

Please pay asap. Don’t make us hunt you down! If you don’t pay your camp dues, you will not be on our radar for finding you a Bman ticket to purchase.

More info on camp dues and payments: Pay Dues – Spanky’s Wine Bar (spankys.org)

BURNING MAN TICKETS (by Red Queen – SWB Ticket Maven)

Hiya Spankers…yes, it’s me…your friendly Ticket Maven…Again!

We’ve now made it through three ticket sales (FOMO, STS & Main). And we have finalized our ticket pairings for the available tickets from STS & Main Sale. By now you should have received an email from me (redqueen@spankys.org) or Lieutenant Dan (dano@spankys.org) confirming that you have a ticket available for purchase. If you did not get that email, it means we still need to help you get a Bman ticket (and vehicle pass, if applicable). If that’s the case for you… read on dear Spanker.

Okay… so you still need a ticket… do not fret, keep planning and do these steps below and we will make sure you get a ticket! Everyone that has SIGNED UP to be a part of Spanky’s and PAID DUES by May 31st, will eventually get a ticket!

  • Step 1 – (Step 1 is STEP… hehe)

IMMEDIATELY go to your Burning Man profile and sign-up for S(ecure)T(icket)E(xchange)P(rogram)…. 2023 Secure Ticket Exchange Program (STEP) | Burning Man Tickets

The Bman STEP program is the easiest way for people that have tickets to safely resell them and for you to buy them. It opened on the 26th of April, so you need to sign-up NOW!

  • Step 2

Email me at RedQueen@spankys.org and let me know if you are still in need of a ticket, so I can get an accurate list.

  • Step 3

Get ready/prepped for the 2 remaining sales of the year.

  • Step 4

Make sure to send an email to our SWB Recruiter and Ticket Procurer (Bacon Daddy). Bacon Daddy (Jonathan) is a highly connected Burner. He’s been doing Bman for a long time and knows lots of key people. And he’s on every chat-group and FB page, constantly scouring the ether for aftermarket Bman tix for sale. He’s going to do his best to get everyone in SWB a ticket. But you’ve got to get on his radar… bacon@spankys.org

May 10th – Burner Express Bus Program (Ticket Bundle Version – only available if you’re actually taking the Burner Express Bus) – Burner Express (burningman.org) A limited number of tickets will be available to purchase when you purchase a ticket to the Burner Express.

July 26-28th – OMG Sale Registration and August 2nd OMG Sale – 3000 tickets will go on-sale for the final official sale through the BMorg.

Just a reminder to not lose hope if you don’t have a ticket yet, we will get you taken care of and set with a ticket to buy. BUT you have to be signed-up and PAID to be a part of Spanky’s by May 31st!

**Side Note – If you got tickets from FOMO or Main sale (or some other avenue) and haven’t let us know, please email me and let me know if you’re set.

Love you!

Red Queen (Amanda) redqueen@spankys.org

BURNING MAN TICKETS – PART 2

Oh… and one more thing. Every Spanker (who hasn’t purchased a ticket DIRECTLY from Bman) can and should enter STEP. We still have lots of Spankers in need of tickets. If you are able to purchase tix in STEP, we have Spankers-in-need at the ready to buy them from you. Even if you already have a ticket (that you purchased as a “ticket partner”) you can still enter STEP to help out your fellow Spankers.

RQ

RV SERVICES (by Amethyst – RV Services Manager)

POTABLE WATER REFILLS – GREY/BLACK WATER PUMPOUTS – RV ELECTRICAL POWER

These services are not part of your camp dues and must be paid for in advance.

Amethyst & Solar – AKA…Rod & Karla, are in charge of coordinating these services with the vendors, and collecting the fees.

Send your order information to amethyst@spankys.org and he will send you an invoice and payment information.

NOTE: Payments can only be received via Zelle, check, money order or wire transfer.

CUT-OFF DATE FOR ORDERS IS MAY 31

CUT-OFF DATE FOR PAYMENT IS JUNE 17

The following services are available for purchase for RVs at Spanky’s:

  • Water fills and pump-outs are available only on the following dates, typically happen before noon and you will not need to be present. You will need to ensure that access is available to your pump-out connection and water fill inlet.
    • When ordering, please specify date(s) for water fill(s) and pump-out(s).
      • · Monday, August 28
      • · Wednesday, August 30
      • · Friday, September 1
      • · Sunday, September 3
  • GREY/BLACK WATER PUMP-OUTS – $110 each
    • NOTE: If you want to manage your own pump-outs, the vendor will have “flag down trucks” available on Playa, usually available after 2:00 pm and only take cash. This will be up to you to handle!… and it’s not a dependable way to go…and this is only for “pump-outs” of grey/black water (NOT POTABLE WATER REFILS).
  • POTABLE RV WATER FILLS – $150 each (flat rate up to 75 gallons)
    • NOTE: The vendor will not have flag down trucks available on Playa for water fills
    • Water will be added to RV fresh water tank until full or 75 gallons have been added (whichever comes first). If your tank takes all 75 gallons, that’s $2.00 per gallon (same price per gallon charged in 2022)
    • If your tank only takes 50 gallons until full, that amounts to $3.00 per gallon (which is what the vendor will charge per gallon on Playa)
    • You cannot specify how many gallons you want, it’s a flat rate
    • You cannot have surplus fill water added to extra tanks/containers (if your tank only took 40 gallons to fill, that’s it)
  • DEDICATED POWER; 20, 30 or 50 AMP (limited subscriptions available)
    • 50 amp (limited availability) – $1100 (common for RVs with 2 air conditioners)
    • 30 amp (28 available) – $550 (common for most RVs with one air conditioner)
    • 20 amp dedicated power (12 available) – $350 (common for yurts to run a small air conditioner)

NOTES – Do not try to air-condition your tent… it doesn’t work. Also, don’t attempt to use the Spanky’s “free” power for an air conditioner (either in a yurt or RV). You will trip the breaker and be disconnected. And don’t expect to buy power on-playa when you trip breakers… it’s too late then… none will be available.

The people/vendors who provide these RV services are doing a VERY hard job under the most adverse conditions. They are honest, hard-working and do their very best to fulfill all your needs. So please understand– it’s Burning Man!… it’s the desert… there are always unforeseen variables… and sometimes things break-down unexpectedly. It’s not the end of the world-we’ll do our best to help figure it out!

Amethyst & Solar – RV Services Managers (their job literally SUCKS!)

WORK/PARTY WEEKENDS (by Ish-a-licious – Quartermaster & Work Party Manager)

Wow!! We rocked it last weekend in Reno. Major-league thanks to all the Spankers who showed up to our first work/party weekend. I’m happy to report that we accomplished all the goals! And now we are much more prepared to head into SWB2023 with a full head of steam. We now have a spreadsheet-inventory of nearly all Spanky’s equipment, supplies, etc. This is something we’ve wanted to do for years. And the storage area has been upgraded, organized, and cleaned up! Well done crew!

UPCOMING WORK/PARTY WEEKENDS

  • July 7-9th (fri-sun) – repairs, painting, construction, cleaning, etc
  • August 18-22 (fri-tue) – paperwork, welcome packs, construction, painting, loading, loading, loading
  • Post Bman – September 5-7 (tue-thu) – unloading, unloading, unloading, cleaning swb stuff, cleaning generator, cleaning trucks/trailers

More info about all work/party weekends: Skunkworks – Spanky’s Wine Bar (spankys.org)

Ish-a-licious – ish@spankys.org

WAPs (by Lieutenant Dan – CLIT Camp Leader In Training)

WAPs are “Work Access Passes”. They are for Burners/Spankers who want to come to the playa before Bman opens, to help build the camp. If you’re interested in helping with “Early Build”, you HAVE TO have one of these WAPs. Bman officially opens on Sunday, August 27th at 12:01am (think; late Saturday night). WAPs for Spankers are available for arrival on-playa starting on Tuesday, August 22nd.

WAPs don’t cost anything… but they are ONLY intended for those who are dedicated to WORKING during early-build. Bman is rather generous with the number of WAPs they allocate to SWB, but they are still limited. We won’t know exactly how many we’re getting until early July. If there aren’t enough to go around, priority goes to those who can come the earliest. You don’t need to be a muscle-bound builder to help… there are jobs for everyone during early build.

IN PARTICULAR… we are looking for a couple experienced Spankers/Burners to help Ish with doing the camp layout (which is the VERY FIRST THING done on the playa for SWB). You would need to arrive on Monday (nearly a week early) for this job. You guys will be using the meticulously created camp map in conjunction with using tools, ropes, spikes, etc. to turn the blank-playa into a delineated physical representation of the boundaries of the camp, the camp roads, locations of key items/structures, etc.

But you can let me know now if you want to get a WAP. Send an email to: dano@spankys.org In the email, be sure to tell me your real name, and the day/date you plan to arrive. You may even want to come to our last pre-burn work party in Reno also (Aug 19-21)… if so, let me know that too.

LEAVE NO TRACE – Part 1

(an ongoing series by For Now & For Later – SWB LNT Managers)

Hi Spankers! This is “For Later” (aka Tanya). My husband (“For Now” – aka Bob) and I are the “Leave No Trace” Managers for Spanky’s. This is the first in a series of informative articles that will be in upcoming issues of The Paddler.

Shall we start at the beginning? Leaving No Trace (LNT) has been part of our burner-ethos since the dawn of Burning Man in 1986, on Baker Beach, in San Francisco. After moving the event to the Black Rock Desert in 1991 (and now being under the scrutiny of the Bureau of Land Management, aka BLM) our efforts were re-intensified regarding LNT. And in 2004, Bman founder, Larry Harvey, created the “10 Principles of Bman”, of which LNT is one…and happens to be my favorite, but I’m biased 😉

In fact… to get the annual permit to have the event on BLM land, Bman must pass a very strict inspection by the BLM. Thus, a new group was created within the Bman DPW, called “The Playa Restoration Team” (aka Playa Resto), lead by a fine Burner named “DA”. After we all do our best to remove all the MOOP (Matter Out Of Place) from our camps, Playa Resto kicks into gear and performs weeks of intensely detailed, GPS gridded, accurately recorded “line sweeps” to get any and all things that were missed. And a couple months after the event (after the BLM inspection) Playa Resto releases the official “Bman MOOP Map”, which shows the exact locations of any MOOP they found during their heroic post-playa clean-up.

In the early 2000s, a BLM inspector was quoted as saying, “The tens-of-thousands of Burning Man campers left less trash on the playa than a typical family of four”. So, while outdoor enthusiasts and groups have (for many years before Bman existed) preached LNT and leaving places better than you found it, Burners have taken it to a new level. And we should be proud of our LNT efforts, not only at the Burn, but in our day-to-day lives… camping, hiking, in your car, in your home, etc. LNT shows respect for our fellow humans and the playa/planet’s ecosystems. Since becoming a Burner, all 10 Principles have spilled over into my “default world”, but most of all… LNT! Until next month…

Much Love,

For Later

NEXT MONTH… PART 2 “Why LNT is soooo important

ANYONE HAVE A VEHICLE “DISABLED PLACARD”? (by APJ)

At SWB, the Admiral’s personal truck has always been the one “authorized disabled vehicle”. And we use his truck for, well, everything… ice runs, disabled-person transportation, medical emergencies, deep-playa art car rescues, playa art-tours, etc.

We need a second vehicle, which isn’t a huge problem… but we need a person with a state-issued, legit, disabled placard to do it. Do we have anyone else that’s going to Bman this year, that has a disability placard?

Contact APJ at: admiralpainjoy@spankys.org

???WHAT VIDEO WAS SUPPOSED TO BE IN THE NEWBIE VETTING LETTER??? (by Admiral Painjoy – HMFIC Head Mutha Fukka In Charge)

So… many Spankers this year are newbies (if not to Bman, then to Spanky’s). And the newbies filled out a questionnaire, which included question 20, “What are your thoughts on this video”, and a link.

The link led to a video which YouTube had banned for adult content and nudity. So I searched it again and found another link to that video which was good. But the new link also got flagged/banned a few days later, again for nudity and adult content.

So you’re probably wondering what kind of horrific, BDSM filled, perverted, sick video I was trying to get all of you to watch (my lord, what kind of man is the Admiral Painjoy anyway?)
Well, I found the video again on YouTube. New link. Not banned, yet. So hang on to your hats Spankers. Here’s the vile, disgusting, nightmare of sexual, graphic, nude, terror… (enjoy – if it’s not re-banned a third time) “A SONG ABOUT BIRDS” – YouTube
I kid you not… that is the video that’s been banned twice… bwahahaha


COMING IN THE NEXT ISSUE OF THE PADDLER

  • 2nd Work/Party Weekend
  • SWB Schwag! (T-shirts, Patches, Medallions, etc.)
  • SWB Security
  • What it means to be “vouching” for a newbie Spanker
  • 4th of Juplaya
  • LNT part 2
  • SWB Events

February 2023

“We tried so hard to be adults, but just look at us… fucking look!”

In this issue…Which, in honor of Valentine’s Day, should be read while watching/listening to: Pat Metheny covering a beautiful Beatles song

A Message from your Admiral

Steward Ticket Sale (from Red Queen)

Camp Dues & Spanky’s Budget for 2023 (from Amethyst)

Work Access Passes (Early Build)

A MESSAGE FROM YOUR ADMIRAL

BMAN 2022 was challenging … to say the least! And SWB came a hare’s-breath away from taking a one-year hiatus from Bman in 2023. But our Herculean Management Team has stepped up, risen to the challenge, and talked me out of the “one year break.”

Back story — Among last year’s challenges were:

  • The hottest and dustiest Bman ever
  • The ticket problem (SWB didn’t get its allocation of Steward Tickets until August)
  • Bman repeatedly failing to make Fuel Deliveries to our camp, for our generators (we got just 4 of 11 scheduled deliveries)
  • Bman running out of ice repeatedly
  • Bman Departments having computer and labor force issues – they lost a lot of experienced people and tribal knowledge during their 2-year break
  • Problems with SWB generator procurement
  • Trucking/towing issues
  • SWB needing to relocate from California to Nevada a couple of months before planned
  • Loss/failure of APJ’s computer and music library, his iPhone, and 3 truck breakdowns
  • Equipment disorganization (due to unscheduled move)
  • Budget shortfall
  • Serious in-camp (and pre-burn) drama
  • Multiple issues with Bman DMV
  • Weak turn-out for work party weekends
  • Widespread COVID-19 issues
  • APJ dealing with physical and mental health issues.
    Injuries on-playa
  • APJ, Red Queen and Major-D experiencing the most time-consuming summer ever for ticketing issues

Quite the list, huh? But, here’s the amazing part … Despite it being the most problem-riddled year, we miraculously still made SWB happen! Spectacularly! And those who busted their asses in 2022 deserve to be knighted!

But it came at a big cost. The events of 2022 resulted in your Admiral experiencing mental health issues, including massive Clinical Panic Attacks … Ugh! Not fun. In short … SWB has become more time-consuming and difficult than your Admiral can handle any more, so some changes are happening this year. Hopefully these changes will make it so Spanky’s can go on for years and years … sustainably!

The Front Story:

In an effort to keep your Admiral from committing Hari-Kari, we are:

  • Restructuring SWB Management
  • Doing a smaller, simpler camp this year
  • APJ is NOT going to find a ticket for everyone who wants one this year
  • Spanky’s received 86 Stewards Sale Tickets today.  At the moment, that’s how many Spankers we’re planning to have
    If Spankers (or potential Spankers) get tickets in the Main Sale, then our numbers will increase accordingly
  • Our budget was based a total of 100 Spankers, which was our STS allocation last year, but we will be adjusting it in the coming days for the new reality of 86 Spankers. This is a 14% reduction from our 2022 Allocation. Reason? Who the fuck knows?
  • Camp Dues need to increase (see below)
  • Workshift hours will increase
  • Spanky’s will essentially be closed on Tuesday and Thursday night to ensure everyone gets free time explore Burning Man and reduce our labor burden for the week
  • APJ and Major-D will be teaching most of what they do to other SWB managers
  • No “Sparkle Ponies” this year!
  • APJ, Lt. Dan & Major-D will be carefully selecting the 86 Spankers
  • Pre-playa training for all workshifts
  • STRICT cut-off dates for sign-ups, dues, etc
  • This website is currently open for sign-ups

Read on for more details.

HugKissSpank,

Admiral Painjoy

STEWARD TICKET SALE (from Red Queen)

Red Queen here…your friendly Ticket Maven! The Burning Man Stewards Ticket Sale (formerly known as DGS/Directed Group Sale) is fast approaching and there are some new policies and procedures in place that you need to be aware of prior to the sale.

READ ALL THE INFO!

Inevitably someone messes this up and we lose precious tickets in the process. In 2023, APJ and I will not be killing ourselves helping people find tickets, so now is the time to pay attention!

  1. The Stewards Sale is reserved for those who work hard to make Spanky’s happen and are important to the creation of Spanky’s, running Spanky’s during Bman, breaking-down and MOOPing the village at the end, attending work/party weekends, etc. We should know just how many tickets we have been allocated by the BMorg next week.
  2. To be eligible to be a part of Spanky’s Steward Ticket Sale (STS) you must do the following:
    • You must go to the Spanky’s website and complete your sign-up immediately using the sign-up page. (This is how we know you need STS tickets.)
    • You must have paid your Camp Dues ($475.00) (or at least have paid the minimum deposit of $250.00) by end of the day on March 1st. Info for paying dues visit the dues page
  3. In the Stewards Sale, you will be paired up with another Spanker to buy two tickets and one car pass. We will be pairing you up as usual to make sure we don’t miss out on any of the tickets
  4. Tickets in the Stewards Sale (and Main Sale) cost $575.00. Vehicle passes cost $150.00. (Plus taxes and fees for each)
  5. If you are able to buy both tickets and car pass for yourself and hold onto one of those tickets to be bought from you at a later date by another Spanker, please let APJ know
  6. As always, make sure your Burner Profile (on the Bman website) is updated in order to buy tix in ANY sale. Do it now, so you don’t forget. https://profiles.burningman.org/

If you are selected to purchase tix in the Steward Ticket Sale, you’ll get an email with instructions from BMan Ticketing, then…

March 8th-March 10th (by NOON PST) – Steward Sale tickets must be purchased or they will be lost FOREVER!

Other important ticketing information to be aware of:

  1. The Main Sale (Registration is April 5-7 – The Sale Date is April 12th)
  2. The Ticket Aid Program (Registration is March 1th – May 24th)

PLEASE READ all the info about Bman ticket sales here: https://tickets.burningman.org/

CAMP DUES & SPANKY’S BUDGET FOR 2023 (from Amethyst)

What follows was written when we were still assuming we would be getting 100 tickets in the Stewards Sale. It will be adjusted based on getting 86 tix. Note, we’re going to reduce the budget as needed, NOT increase dues.

Hi Spankers. Amethyst here…

The SWB BABE (Budget Advisory Board Ensemble) has been busy getting organized and doing a bunch of budget & dues related stuff.

After much review and trimming, BABE approved the SWB 2023 budget. This was needed to set the camp dues and allow each department lead to start planning their department’s activities. The BABE chair / Treasurer Amethyst (Spank Banker), manages the Spank Bank account and will work closely with Department leads on funding and accounting procedures.

SWB 2023 BUDGET – Total $47,500

DEPARTMENTS

  • Administration $5610
  • Attractions $2330
  • Bar $7826
  • Camp Bitch $250
  • DJ $1600
  • IT $756
  • Infrastructure/Work Parties $8300
  • Kitchen $2575
  • LNT $249
  • Lighting/Signage $800
  • MOD $720
  • Power Grid $8750
  • Sanctuary $780
  • Security $200
  • SWAG/Name Badges $300
  • Transportation $2500
  • Reserves $2954
  • Hardship Fund $1000

Do’s, Dews, and DUES!

With an approved 2023 budget by our BABE, budgeted for 100 Spankers, SWB 2023 BM camp dues will be a flat rate $475. (Flat rate this year… doesn’t increase from month to month)

Pay your camp dues in full if you can. Without paid dues, the budget is just numbers without action.

However, a dues deposit of $250, due by March 1st, is required to secure your name on the Steward Ticket list. Final dues payment must be paid by May 31st.

Want to reduce your dues amount? Very consensual, Yes!

New this year, the SWB MasteRebation program. You will not be able to do this one alone. For each new Spanker (who ALREADY has their own BMan ticket) you recruit, you could get a $100 dues rebate or discount. NOTE: your potential new Spanker must pass vetting and pay their dues in full… then you get your rebate. Also, if you or a friend/family member/coworker/etc are able to purchase a ticket in The Main Sale for SWB, you’ll get a $100 rebate per ticket. NOTE: maximum aggregate rebate is $400.

Another option is to apply for a Hardship discount. Contact Admiral Painjoy for more info.

The method to pay dues this year is changing to meet the needs of budget management, risks and future government bureaucracy.

Therefore, the only ways to pay camp dues are with cash, check, money order or through Zelle (direct from your bank to the Spank Bank).

Work Access Passes (formerly Early Build)

Early Build is when we build Spanky’s on the playa. It happens during the week leading up to Bman. Everyone who helps with Early Build must have an official Work Access Pass (WAP) from Bman. We won’t know how many WAPs we are getting until the summer, so we’re not accepting applications for WAPs until then.

One exception is… if you need to buy plane tickets soon, to come to the August work/party weekend AND to do Early Build, let me know now. If you qualify, I’ll put you on the list now.

January

Hello Spankers !
 
You’ve all been patiently awaiting the announcement … and hopefully that will be coming soon.
 
In the meantime, I can tell you this …
Spanky’s Management has been hard at work, and there are big changes underway.  Spanky’s is reorganizing management with a goal of long-term SWB sustainability.  Spanky’s still has its management team, but we’ve also added 2 boards … in the spirit of bureaucracy.  😉
 
The first is the Spanky’s EXecutive board (the SEX board), which consists of Admiral Painjoy (HMFIC), Rear Admiral Major-D, and Rear Admiral Dano (Lt. Dan).  The three of us will be overseeing all operations of Spanky’s this year.  Please be nice to my Rear Admirals, and if you can’t be nice, at least speak slowly to them.  (As you can see, we have no idea how military ranks work, but you’ve got to admit they are great sounding titles.)
 
Next is the BABE (Budgetary Advisory Board Ensemble).  This board’s function is to deal with all of Spanky’s finances, and it will be chaired by Treasurer/Comptroller Amethyst.  Other BABE members are Red Queen, SpankIT, ForNow, and Niloc. They’ll be analyzing departmental budgets and eventually ratifying a full-camp budget.  This process is happening at this very moment.
 
Spanky’s will still have its regular departmental management teams, and I’m happy to announce some additions/changes to management …
 
LizBeth (DiscoTits) will be stepping up into Tripp’s position as Bar Manager.
 
I’m sorry to announce that after many years of faithful service, Tripp is retiring from Burning Man … Thank you for everything you’ve done for us.  You raised the bar on our bar to incredibly high levels.
 
We also want to welcome Wallis (Grommet) as our new Assistant Bar Manager.  (He has an extensive background in drinking, and we have high hopes.)
 
We would also like to welcome Will (Thumper, and world-famous Pervert Extraordinaire) to the Spanky’s Kink Management team.  He’ll be in charge of our front-yard kink structures and toys.  Olivia (Lazy Bar Slut) will be in charge of our MOD Squad (kink personnel), and Danielle (Snow Patrol) will still be in charge of our daily classes — SpankU!
 
Ish Rivera is Spanky’s new Quartermaster and Work Party Manager.  (Between Ish and LizBeth, Spanky’s is being overrun by Marines … hoo-rah.)
 
We also want to welcome Kevin D (somebody, please give this guy a playa name), our generous new benefactor, and we want to thank him providing us a new home for all of our stuff in Reno (among his many contributions).  His SWB rank is Master Petting Officer.
 
Jeff & Mary H. are also joining the team as Managers of Lighting and Signage.  They provided the “brilliant” searchlights last summer, and they are the proud owners of Trigger, the orgasmic saddle.
 
Karla (Solar) is now manager of Spanky’s Sanctuary.  She and her lieutenants will be caring for our over-indulging customers (and camp mates?) … and minor first-aid incidents …Ta da, Spanky’s very own Clara Barton.
 
He’s the schedule for the next few weeks:
 
  • BABE will finalize the budget and dues this week.
  • Early-FEB, website to be updated to accept 2023 signups and allow for payment of dues.
  • End-Feb, Stewards Tickets (aka DGS) process to begin.
 
Much, much, much more to follow in next few weeks, but for now let me say I’m thrilled by the direction things are going.
 

HugKissSpank, APJ

2022

“We tried so hard to be adults, but just look at us… fucking look!”

August 2022 – part 4

In this issue…Which should be read while watching/listening to: Birth of a Universe by Ray (while imagining a ride on an art car under a star filled playa sky):  Birth of a Universe – YouTube

  • A Message from your Admiral
  • What To Do Upon Arriving at Spanky’s
  • Work/Party Weekend coming up!
  • Work/Party After Bman
  • Wifi at Spanky’s
  • KinkyFetishFun Stuff at SWB
  • Camp Events Schedule
  • Camp Map
  • Bman Tickets Available
  • REDUX: The Ultimate Packing List (yes, it’s that important)
  • SWB Staph

 

A MESSAGE FROM YOUR ADMIRAL

It’s time!  It’s upon us!  You are all probably neck-deep in your planning and packing.  I am going insane, btw.  So busy.  So stressed.  So excited!

Messages are coming in at a frenetic pace now.  Please don’t be offended by my kurt responses.  If you can, answer your own questions by referring to the website and newsletters… or contact the appropriate member of the SWB management team. 

I will probably be doing one final Paddler before the event starts.  Until then, I’ll say this…  I can’t wait to see your smiling, dust faces in a few days!  Wahoo!!!!!

WHAT TO DO UPON ARRIVAL AT SPANKY’S

When you get into Black Rock City (Bman proper), past the Gate and past the Greeters, you will begin your drive to Spanky’s.  Veer left at the fork to head toward the 7:30 radial street (you will receive a city map from the Greeters)

Drive down 7:30, towards The Man.  When you reach Fugue St., turn right.  A couple hundred feet down Fugue, you’ll find Spanky’s HQ and check-in area.  At night, look for the flashing orange thingys on the ground.  (There is a SWB village map on the website… look for the download link at the bottom…print it and bring it with you.)

You must check-in before going to your campsite!

Try to arrive between 9am and 2am.  If nobody is awake when you arrive, temporarily park in the check-in spot (if available) and catch some shuteye for a bit.  Do not try to self-place!

When you arrive at SWB check-in (aka SWB HQ… aka Admiral Painjoy’s campsite… that’s me… hi!)  He will begin your check-in process.  If APJ isn’t around, the following people can also do the check-in and placement for you;  Amethyst, Sky, Blackbird, or Major-D

WORK/PARTY WEEKEND THIS WEEKEND

I’m on my way to the work party now… and I sure could use your help!  Lots to do.  Not enough bodies.  Please come to our new SWB location at Safari Stores RV (2802 Kietzke Lane in Reno, NV).  There’s all kinds of work to do!  If you haven’t already… email to let me know you’re coming.  There’s spots for tents, RVs, and many hotels nearby.

admiralpainjoy@spankys.org

WORK/PARTY AFTER BMAN

After Bman is done… on Mon/Tues/Wed August 5/6/7, we will be unloading the trucks at Safari.  We will clean and organize our stuff.  Then pack it back into the storage area, so it all can get a few months of undisturbed sleep until we need it again next year.

Many (if not most) of you will be in Reno at that time.  You are obligated to help.  Safari RV is only a 5 minute drive from the GSR and other hotels… no excuses dammit!  Many hands make light work  😊

WIFI AT SPANKY’S

From our IT Specialist (Deryck… aka SpankIT)

Camp WiFi

 

We’re trying out Starlink for the first time and will attempt to offer Wifi to our members and guests.  If it works, we will have limited bandwidth, so please be considerate.  We will try our best to get good coverage for the entire camp, but your best bet for connectivity will be at the BASS.

 

The Wifi name for Spanky’s members is “Spank Master 9000” and the password is “SpanksAlot2022”  Please do not share this info with guests.

 

Guest wifi is called “Spanky’s Wine Bar at 7:30 & F” and does not require a password to join.  Guests will need to accept a terms of service before they can get online.

 

KINKY.FETISH.FUN STUFF AT SWB

One of the aspects of SWB is kink and fetish play… but in a light-hearted and fun way.  A great camp for those who want to learn and experiment.  And nobody is required to participate in this aspect of our infamous camp (encouraged maybe… but not required 😊)

Here’s a message from Lazy Bar Slut…

 

Hello Spankers! ’Tis I, Goddess Olivia Rose (aka Lazy Bar Slut) here to facilitate the best kinky burn along with my copartner Headmaster Snow Patrol! SP and I are the heads of the dungeon and play space, promoting safe, sane, and consensual kinky fun for all of Black Rock City. We have been busy working on a schedule for “Spank U!”(Spanky’s University) BDSM education classes and filling workshifts (MOD Mistress/Master On Duty… BOD bottom on duty)

 

Between Headmaster and Myself, we have a combined 36 years of knowledge in BDSM, and we wish to share that with you. Monday through Friday Headmaster will be conducting BDSM 101 classes that will discuss the basics of play and how to do it safely. They will go over spanking, flogging, how to run a scene, and some light rope bondage. Our Booty Guard lead (PKtheFluffer) will review consent before each class to facilitate the best time for all. 

 

We also have a few other classes after BDSM 101, such as “Femdom 101 and Safety” on Tuesday with Head Officer PKtheFluffer and myself, where we discuss finding your inner Femdom Goddess and finding play partners online safely. We will have special guests, Pro Miss Melody and her submissive el Cabello teaching intermediate/advanced impact play in “Impact Play 201: Giving The Sting And Thud Safely” with an encore of “Not Your Therapist’s CBT” on Wednesday. Thursday, I will be doing a class on basic fetishes you might see in the scene and educating people on fetishism and fetishes with “Putting the Fun in Fetish 101.” Friday, I will also be doing a class called “Basic Bondage for Non-basic Bitches.” This will go more in-depth on rope play and safety, as well as hitches, knots, and learning how to do a bondage body harness! On Saturday, we will have an exceptional class for all the lovely people with a pussy and their partners! This will be a class for put on by the lovely hosts of “Clit Talk,” a podcast produced and hosted by Playa Godmother and her partner Sugar. They will teach a workshop called “Clit Mastery: The five types and what the clit to do!” They will teach us about the five types of clits, and how to stimulate them in a safe consent-based space to empower body-positive liberation, consent, and pleasure.

 

While we have a variety of classes here at Spank U!, we do have an opening on Monday for another class, demo, or workshop! There is still a tiny bit of time to get your event featured! All you have to do is email Me at LazyBarSlut@spankys.org or Headmaster SP at danielle@spankys.org with your ideas.

 

We are also short on MODS this year for the late night shifts and throughout the week. Because of this, I decided to open up a new position called “BODs,” bottoms on demand, for those spicy Spanker subs in our camp. I will train everyone on how to bottom for those who would like to learn safely. One MOD will head BODs within the playspace. If interested, please email me at the above address, and let’s get to spanking!

 

I can’t wait to see you in the desert! XOXO

CAMP EVENTS SCHEDULE

At long last… SWB Events, parties, and DJs are listed.

Huge thanks to DJ Dirty Dan, Olivia, and Danielle!

Camp Events – Spanky’s Wine Bar (spankys.org)

CAMP MAP

And so is the map for the Spanky’s Village

Huge thanks to Major-D for the MASSIVE amount of hours he dedicated to the creation of this map.  This task is FAR more difficult that any of you can possibly imagine

Village Map – Spanky’s Wine Bar (spankys.org)

Look for the download link at the bottom of the page… print it!

BMAN TIX AVAILABLE

Y’all shoulda trusted your Admiral.  (Painjoy is good…Painjoy is wise)

For that past 6 months I have said (ad nauseum) that everyone that wants a ticket will get one.  But did you listen?  <insert whiny voice>… Nooooooo.  Y’all bailed on Bman or scampered off to other camps.  Well fine.  I hope your happy now… in your playa-dust-free home… or at your hippydippy other camp that’s nowhere near as fun as SWB.

And because so many of you faithless, weak hearted, liver lilied, simps didn’t stick it out…

Spanky’s has spare tickets now.  Not only did I find over 30 tix for those in need… I could have covered the whole lot of ya… with two weeks to spare.  <sticks out tongue>

Contact me if you need a ticket or VP.  We have a few available to anyone who wants to camp at SWB.  (If we have tix left on Sunday, I’ll open up the offer to the Burner community at large)

THE ULTIMATE PACKING LIST (Redux… because it’s that important)

Years of experience and research went into this packing list.  It contains extremely valuable information!!! 

I wrote it (with Eve)… and I use it every year.  You need to use it too!

Packing List – Spanky’s Wine Bar (spankys.org)

SWB STAPH

Admiral Painjoy – HMFIC – Head Mutha Fukka In Charge

          admiralpainjoy@spankys.org

Major D (Doug) – The Camp for Sensual Pleasures Leader & Mover of Flowing Electrons & Cartographer & Civic Planner

          major-d@spankys.org

SpankIT (Deryck) – SWB Information Technology Geek

          spankit@spankys.org

Olaf  (Olaf) – Camp Engineer (and gold digger)

          olaf@spankys.org

Niloc (Colin) – SWB Security Team (and fishnet fan)

          niloc@spankys.org

Red Queen (Amanda) – Ticket Maven and Mistress of Namebadges (and harsh critic of dance moves)

          redqueen@spankys.org  

Dano – Lead builder (and history professor)  – Floaters/Infrastructure

          dano@spankys.org  

Eve – Mistress of Morsels (and hangover magnet) – Coffee Caretaker

          eve@spankys.org

Cleopatra (Gabrielle) – Workshift Manager (kiss my asp!)

          cleopatra@spankys.org

Sky – Civic Planner and Administer of pneumatic red cheeks (and wears the same kilt every day)

          sky@spankys.org

For Now & For Later (Bob & Tanya) – LNT Coordinators – Daily LNT Staff – Final Mooping coordinators (

          fornowandforlater@spankys.org  

Christopher Robbin (aka “Code Blue”) – LNT coordinator emeritus and Camp Bitch coordinator  (but did you DIE?!!!)

          codeblue@spankys.org

Tripp & Disco Tits (Liz)– Bar Tenders and Bar Backs (and purveyors of dice games and floggings)

          tripp@spankys.org

          discotits@spankys.org  

Lazy Bar Slut (Olivia) & Danielle  – Lead Mistresses – MOD Squad (and lovable freaks!) – Stage Dancers – Coach of the SWB Varsity Fearleading Squad

          lazybarslut@spankys.org

          danielle@spankys.org

Dirty Dan – DJ Coordinator… event planner (and recto-cranially inverted legend) – DJs

          dirtydan@spankys.org  

Blackbird & Amethyst – RV Services Managers (wash your hands after meeting them)

          blackbird@spankys.org

          amethyst@spankys.org

Quantum Glen – BufferZone Manager & Director of Blinky Things (and voice for Movie Fone)

          quantum@spankys.org

Arrow – Head Cheerleader of the SWB Varsity Fearleading Squad (easily distracted by bumble bees and such)

          arrow@spankys.org

PK the Fluffer (Carissa) – Consent Manager (she’ll say yes for $49.95)

          pkthefluffer@spankys.org

Art Cars:

Boss Hog (the giant warthog) – Doug L (Major-D)

Illuminaughti (disco dancefloor w/ stripper pole & spank-o-matic) – John M. (Sky)

The Magic Carpet – Steve J. (Twisted)

“This will all end in tears”

~Marvin the Paranoid Android~

August 2022 – part 3

In this issue…Which should be read while watching/listening to:  DJ Cumberbund’s remix of Ozzy Osborn’s Crazy Train (mashed up with Earth, Wind and Fire):  DJ Cummerbund – Earth, Wind & Ozzys – YouTube

  • A Message from your Admiral
  • Need Somebody to Tow a Generator this week!
  • Work/Party Weekend coming up!
  • WAPs (early build passes)
  • Bman Tickets – who’s got em…who needs em
  • One FOMO Bman Ticket, Still Available for Purchase
  • Beer/Wine Pick ups
  • The Ultimate Packing List
  • Be Prepared…Entry/Exodus Lines
  • Eve’s Kitchen
  • SWB Staph

A MESSAGE FROM YOUR ADMIRAL

If you don’t read these newsletters and the information on the SWB website… you’ll probably die.  (that is all)

WE STILL NEED SOMEBODY TO TOW A GENERATOR THIS WEEK!

Put simply… we need somebody to tow a big generator from the Placerville, CA area to Reno.  It needs to happen this coming week… Thurs or Fri.  You would need to get the gennie to Reno before 4pm.  You need a sizeable, beefy pick-up truck or motor home to do it.

If you can help us, email me at admiralpainjoy@spankys.org  This is getting critical.

WORK PARTY WEEKEND COMING UP

I NEED A HEADCOUNT OF WHO’S COMING THIS WEEKEND PLEASE.

Our last pre-burn work/party weekend is Aug 19-21 (Fri-Sun).  There’s a lot to be done.  And it’s not all construction.  There’s something for everyone.  And this will be our first work/party weekend at Kevin’s place in Reno (once again… huge thanks Kevin!).  There is space for tent and RV camping at his property.  The address is 2802 Kietzke Lane  Reno, NV 89502.

Kevin also asked if I could promo an event that’s happening that weekend too.  Looks like it might be a fun thing for us to do on Saturday, after the work day is done. 

It’s called Rock Against Racism.  Here’s the deets:  Rock Against Racism : A Mutual Aid Benefit Show Tickets, Sat, Aug 20, 2022 at 6:00 PM | Eventbrite

WAPs  (WORK ACCESS PASSES)

By now, everyone who requested a WAP should have gotten one.  Check your emails.  Print your WAPs.  Make sure have them in your vehicle!  Confirm that you got it and printed it by emailing me… if you haven’t already.

If you somehow got overlooked, and you need a WAP… email me.  I have a few left over.  admiralpainjoy@spankys.org

 

 

BMAN TICKETS… WHO’S GOT EM… WHO STILL NEEDS EM

Bman tix are shaking loose right now… as I said they would.  Time for an audit/headcount.   Who’s got tix for sale… who needs them… vehicle passes too. 

Things are a bit frantic in the days approaching Bman… especially for me and the SWB Staph.  I apologize for any confusion or lack of response.  Please pop me an email right now to let me know if you still need a ticket (and/or vehicle pass).  admiralpainjoy@spankys.org

Also, let me know if you have decided to NOT go to Bman (or if you’re camping elsewhere), so I can take you off the list of Spankers-in-need.

ONE FOMO BMAN TICKET, STILL AVAILABLE FOR PURCHASE

Our new bestest Spanker, Kevin, purchased a couple of FOMO tickets in the STEP/Lyte program.  They are the FOMO tix that went on sale early this year.  FOMO tickets are sold by Bman to people who want to make a contribution to the granted art on the playa…and also want to ensure that they get a Bman ticket.  They are legit.  But they are pricey.  $2500.00 each.  Kevin has one for sale.  Please email me if you wish to purchase this ticket to ensure that YOU get to go to Bman and camp at SWB.  Purchasing a FOMO ticket is a grand gesture toward the event!

BEER/WINE PICK-UPS

Spanky’s serves lots of beer and wine to the citizens of Bman… lots.  Like nearly $10,000.00 worth!  That’s hundreds of cases/boxes of these magical elixirs.  And they are heavy and bulky… and we have limited space in the SWB truck.

As we have done in past years… we are looking for Spankers who can pick up cases of beer and wine on their way to Bman.  Especially if you’re bringing an RV or other large vehicle that can accommodate 30-50 cases of beer… or 30-50 boxes of Franzia wine.

Please email me to let me know if you can help.  I’ll give you more details when I hear from you.  admiralpainjoy@spankys.org

THE ULTIMATE PACKING LIST

Years of experience and research went into this packing list.  It contains extremely valuable information!!! 

I wrote it (with Eve)… and I use it every year.  You need to use it too!

Packing List – Spanky’s Wine Bar (spankys.org)

BE PREPARED… ENTRY/EXODUS LINES

Every year the entry-line to get into Bman seems to get longer and more time consuming… even for Early Build.  And with the Bman ticket voiding fiasco, this year could be the worst yet.  (And exodus… don’t even get me started.)  But we are Spankers… we are Burners… we are a fun-loving bunch… and creative.  So here’s a few tips regarding waiting in line;

  • Make sure your vehicle is in good working order (read: air conditioning)
  • Make sure you have a full (or nearly full) gas tank when you hit the playa. Running out of gas in line is a bummer!  Filling up at the gas stations in Wadsworth (off I-80) is sufficient.  But there are small gas stations in Empire and Gerlach too.  But they are usually crowded.
  • Make sure you have food/beverages readily available. Make sure you have ice in your coolers
  • Turn the line into a party. You have fellow burners sitting in vehicles all around you.  Meet them.  Have fun!
  • Bring playa-gifts to give out if you wanna!
  • Promote Spanky’s and our events!
  • Don’t get caught doing illegal things though. Cops do patrol the line.
  • And be sure all your paperwork is in order for the gate (Bman ticket, vehicle pass, WAP if applicable). If you are picking up your ticket on the playa…the will-call box office is just before the gate (obvious… you can’t miss it)

EVE’S KITCHEN

A message from Eve, our “Mistress of Morsels”…

All things kitchen

The kitchen (and Sanctuary) is located in the big beige circus-style tent in Spanky’s.  The kitchen is available to all Spankers… but with certain limitations and rules.

During build week, we serve morning coffee, snacks, and dinner for those who come in early to help build the camp and we will also have coffee and some snacks in the morning. Once the burn starts on Sunday, the kitchen and kitchen equipment will be available to Spankers for preparation of their appetizer or when they need a little more space to put a meal together.

The only way this works is if everyone takes responsibility for cleaning up after themselves. We have sinks and limited running water you can use for cleanup but please conserve water. This gray water goes into a kiddie pool so please be careful to scrape plates and cookware before washing to minimize debris.

There will be a posted list of daily kitchen monitors. Find one of them if you have any questions or if you encounter any problems in the kitchen.

*** If you would be willing to be a kitchen monitor and satisfy some volunteer hours, we could use five or six more people. It’s an easy job on a day where you were planning on staying in camp for a few hours, and would simply mean that you would periodically swing through the kitchen to make sure things are in order. If you would like to volunteer, please reach out to Eve. We would get you on the schedule for part of a given day and, with enough people, we should be able to trade shifts as the need arises.  eve@spankys.org

SWB STAPH

Admiral Painjoy – HMFIC – Head Mutha Fukka In Charge

          admiralpainjoy@spankys.org

Major D (Doug) – The Camp for Sensual Pleasures Leader & Mover of Flowing Electrons & Cartographer & Civic Planner

          major-d@spankys.org

SpankIT (Deryck) – SWB Information Technology Geek

          spankit@spankys.org

Olaf  (Olaf) – Camp Engineer (and gold digger)

          olaf@spankys.org

Niloc (Colin) – SWB Security Team (and fishnet fan)

          niloc@spankys.org

Red Queen (Amanda) – Ticket Maven and Mistress of Namebadges (and harsh critic of dance moves)

          redqueen@spankys.org  

Dano – Lead builder (and history professor)  – Floaters/Infrastructure

          dano@spankys.org  

Eve – Mistress of Morsels (and hangover magnet) – Coffee Caretaker

          eve@spankys.org

Cleopatra (Gabrielle) – Workshift Manager (kiss my asp!)

          cleopatra@spankys.org

Sky – Civic Planner and Administer of pneumatic red cheeks (and wears the same kilt every day)

          sky@spankys.org

For Now & For Later (Bob & Tanya) – LNT Coordinators – Daily LNT Staff – Final Mooping coordinators (

          fornowandforlater@spankys.org  

Christopher Robbin (aka “Code Blue”) – LNT coordinator emeritus and Camp Bitch coordinator  (but did you DIE?!!!)

          codeblue@spankys.org

Tripp & Disco Tits (Liz)– Bar Tenders and Bar Backs (and purveyors of dice games and floggings)

          tripp@spankys.org

          discotits@spankys.org  

Lazy Bar Slut (Olivia) & Danielle  – Lead Mistresses – MOD Squad (and lovable freaks!) – Stage Dancers – Coach of the SWB Varsity Fearleading Squad

          lazybarslut@spankys.org

          danielle@spankys.org

Dirty Dan – DJ Coordinator… event planner (and recto-cranially inverted legend) – DJs

          dirtydan@spankys.org  

Blackbird & Amethyst – RV Services Managers (wash your hands after meeting them)

          blackbird@spankys.org

          amethyst@spankys.org

Quantum Glen – BufferZone Manager & Director of Blinky Things (and voice for Movie Fone)

          quantum@spankys.org

Arrow – Head Cheerleader of the SWB Varsity Fearleading Squad (easily distracted by bumble bees and such)

          arrow@spankys.org

PK the Fluffer (Carissa) – Consent Manager (she’ll say yes for $49.95)

          pkthefluffer@spankys.org

Art Cars:

Boss Hog (the giant warthog) – Doug L (Major-D)

Illuminaughti (disco dancefloor w/ stripper pole & spank-o-matic) – John M. (Sky)

The Magic Carpet – Steve J. (Twisted)

“Build a man a fire and he’ll be warm for a night… Set a man on fire and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life”

August 2022 – part 2

In this issue…Which should be read while watching/listening to: Monty Pythons “Always Look on the Bright Side of Life”: Eric Idle – “Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life” – STEREO HQ – YouTube

  • A Message From Your Admiral
  • Pre-Burn Stress
  • Bman Tickets
  • One FOMO Bman Ticket, Still Available for Purchase
  • SWB Move to Reno Still Happening
  • Final Work Party and Post-Burn Work Party
  • Houston…We Have a Generator Problem
  • Cops at Bman and on the Road
  • Missing Minions
  • SWB Staph

A MESSAGE FROM YOUR ADMIRAL

These few weeks leading up to Bman are always stressful (and exciting!).  This year seems more stressful than past burns though.  I’m not exactly sure why.  Maybe it’s because we’ve had a couple of years off… COVID… an increase in anxiety due to the zeitgeist of the nation/world right now… whatever. 

Plus…Spanky’s has had a lot of curve balls this year.  It’s been extremely challenging to overcome them.  But the problems are being solved.  And soon we’ll all be on the playa doing what we do best… spanking ass and slinging wine!  I can’t wait to see all your dusty, smiling faces!!!

But please consider this…

If you’re having high levels of anxiety, panic attacks, your temper is flaring, feeling completely overwhelmed, or you can’t focus… take a break.  You (specifically your mental health) are the most important thing!

And be considerate and kind to those around you.  They are probably feeling the crunch too.  Get sleep!  Take a moment to smell the flowers.  Think about your favorite things about Bman and Spanky’s.  Remember why we all do this… because SWB and Bman are AMAZEBALLS!  Focus on your fond playa-memories.  Then get back to work when your mind is clear and your body is rejuvenated.

I am currently the king of panic attacks (legit and serious).  I got my first good night of sleep last night in a couple of weeks.  I feel sooooo much better and more productive. 

Get sleep… zzzzzzzzzzzz. 

Go easy on yourself.

Go easy on others… we’re all in the same boat. 

Keep the alcohol/substances to a minimum. 

Drink water. 

Make checklists to maintain organization and free your mind. 

Use the SWB packing list (on our website).

And know that you are loved.

That being said…. Let’s do this shit! 

Fuck Your Burn!

(To the newbies… “Fuck Your Burn” is a positive, snarky saying… not an insult)

 

 

BMAN TICKETS

The OMG sale was disappointing.  The STEP program is slow.  But tickets for Spankers-in-need ARE COMIMG IN.  Please have patience.  Plan as if you already have tickets in hand.

Also, many Spankers are reporting that their LSD tix are arriving at their homes.  Many are still waiting for delivery.  It’s not time to panic.  If you haven’t gotten your tickets by Wednesday… let Red Queen know.  She’ll tell you how to proceed.  redqueen@spankys.org

DO NOT purchase tickets from any place other than trusted Spankers/friends or the STEP (aka Lyte) program.  It’s always a scam!  If you need a ticket/VP still, you should have registered for STEP a while ago… but it’s not to late:  2022 Secure Ticket Exchange Program (STEP) | Burning Man Tickets

 

 

ONE FOMO BMAN TICKET, STILL AVAILABLE FOR PURCHASE

Our new bestest Spanker, Kevin, purchased a couple of FOMO tickets in the STEP/Lyte program.  They are the FOMO tix that went on sale early this year.  FOMO tickets are sold by Bman to people who want to make a contribution to the granted art on the playa…and also want to ensure that they get a Bman ticket.  They are legit.  But they are pricey.  $2500.00 each.  Kevin has one for sale.  Please email me if you wish to purchase this ticket to ensure that YOU get to go to Bman and camp at SWB.  Purchasing a FOMO ticket is a grand gesture toward the event!

SWB MOVE TO RENO STILL HAPPENING

We got the lion’s-share of the move done last Saturday and Wednesday (Big kudos to those who helped load and unload!!!  Thank you!!!)

But… we need to do one more load-up and unload this weekend.  The big truck wasn’t able to fit all of our stuff this past weekend.  So we’re going back to get the rest of it.  And again, we need bodies on both ends (at Kinky Mountain Farm in Garden Valley, CA at 9am Saturday) to do the load-up… and in Reno (Safari Store 2802 Keitzke Lane on Wednesday 9:30am) for the unload.

There’s less stuff, so this one should be a bit easier.  Email Dano if you can help on either end – dano@spankys.org

FINAL PRE-BURN WORK PARTY AND THE POST-BURN WORK PARTY

Our last pre-burn work/party weekend is Aug 19-21 (Fri-Sun).  There’s a lot to be done.  And this will be our first work/party weekend at Kevin’s place in Reno (once again… huge thanks Kevin!).  There is space for tent and RV camping at his property.  The address is 2802 Kietzke Lane  Reno, NV 89502.

Kevin also asked if I could promo an event that’s happening that weekend too.  Looks like it might be a fun thing for us to do on Saturday, after the work day is done. 

It’s called Rock Against Racism.  Here’s the deets:  Rock Against Racism : A Mutual Aid Benefit Show Tickets, Sat, Aug 20, 2022 at 6:00 PM | Eventbrite

Our post-burn work weekend is Tues-Wed after The Burn (in Reno).  This is when we clean stuff, organize it, and store it for the off-season.  Many hands make light work… so please plan on helping.  If you can’t help at either work weekend, please consider a donation to SWB so the crew that DOES WORK THEIR ASSES OFF can get all the hookers and blow they need 😉

Scroll down to the “donate” button: Pay Dues – Spanky’s Wine Bar (spankys.org)

HOUSTON… WE HAVE A GENERATOR PROBLEM

Finding Spankers who can tow generators isn’t easy.  And the Spankers who used to do it, sadly, aren’t coming this year.

We need to solve this problem.  We have the gennies secured.  They will be at Kinky Mountain Farm on Aug 16th.  We need to get them to the playa (or at least to Reno) between the 16th and the 23rd of Aug.  (That means that it can be done prior to you going to Bman).

If you have towing capabilities and can help… call me or email me asap.  admiralpainjoy@spankys.org  916.337.5353

COPS AT BMAN AND ON THE ROAD

Every year we include information about this in The Paddler.  This year, I’m copying somebody else’s info, because they did a great job writing it.  Here it is:

https://www.reddit.com/r/BurningMan/comments/w9rsrh/how_to_deal_with_cops_at_burning_man_2022_update/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf

MISSING MINIONS

Spanky’s has a piece of light-art called the “Dancing Minions”.  They are made of rope-light mounted on heavy duty wire mesh.  They are in 3 pieces and are stored rolled up.  They are around 8’ tall by 16’ wide when assembled on the playa.  And we can’t find them, or remember who may have taken them home to work on them.   We did have them on the playa last year for Rogue Burn.  Please let me know if you have them!

SWB STAPH

Admiral Painjoy – HMFIC – Head Mutha Fukka In Charge

          admiralpainjoy@spankys.org

Major D (Doug) – The Camp for Sensual Pleasures Leader & Mover of Flowing Electrons & Cartographer & Civic Planner

          major-d@spankys.org

SpankIT (Deryck) – SWB Information Technology Geek

          spankit@spankys.org

Olaf  (Olaf) – Camp Engineer (and gold digger)

          olaf@spankys.org

Niloc (Colin) – SWB Security Team (and fishnet fan)

          niloc@spankys.org

Red Queen (Amanda) – Ticket Maven and Mistress of Namebadges (and harsh critic of dance moves)

          redqueen@spankys.org  

Dano – Lead builder (and history professor)  – Floaters/Infrastructure

          dano@spankys.org  

Eve – Mistress of Morsels (and hangover magnet) – Coffee Caretaker

          eve@spankys.org

Cleopatra (Gabrielle) – Workshift Manager (kiss my asp!)

          cleopatra@spankys.org

Sky – Civic Planner and Administer of pneumatic red cheeks (and wears the same kilt every day)

          sky@spankys.org

For Now & For Later (Bob & Tanya) – LNT Coordinators – Daily LNT Staff – Final Mooping coordinators (

          fornowandforlater@spankys.org  

Christopher Robbin (aka “Code Blue”) – LNT coordinator emeritus and Camp Bitch coordinator  (but did you DIE?!!!)

          codeblue@spankys.org

Tripp & Disco Tits (Liz)– Bar Tenders and Bar Backs (and purveyors of dice games and floggings)

          tripp@spankys.org

          discotits@spankys.org  

Lazy Bar Slut (Olivia) & Danielle  – Lead Mistresses – MOD Squad (and lovable freaks!) – Stage Dancers – Coach of the SWB Varsity Fearleading Squad

          lazybarslut@spankys.org

          danielle@spankys.org

Dirty Dan – DJ Coordinator… event planner (and recto-cranially inverted legend) – DJs

          dirtydan@spankys.org  

Blackbird & Amethyst – RV Services Managers (wash your hands after meeting them)

          blackbird@spankys.org

          amethyst@spankys.org

Quantum Glen – BufferZone Manager & Director of Blinky Things (and voice for Movie Fone)

          quantum@spankys.org

Arrow – Head Cheerleader of the SWB Varsity Fearleading Squad (easily distracted by bumble bees and such)

          arrow@spankys.org

PK the Fluffer (Carissa) – Consent Manager (she’ll say yes for $49.95)

          pkthefluffer@spankys.org

Art Cars:

Boss Hog (the giant warthog) – Doug L (Major-D)

Illuminaughti (disco dancefloor w/ stripper pole & spank-o-matic) – John M. (Sky)

The Magic Carpet – Steve J. (Twisted)

“We won’t do anything to you today… that you won’t beg for again tomorrow”

August 2022 – part 1

In this issue…Which should be read while watching/listening to:  Glorious by MaMuse:  Glorious – YouTube

  • The OMG Sale!
  • One FOMO Ticket Available for Purchase
  • SWB Unload on Wednesday in Reno
  • Another trip from The Kinky Mountain Farm to Reno
  • Who wants an RV-mate (possible free tix)?
  • Our Final Pre-Burn Work/Party Weekend (Aug 19-21)
  • SWB Schwag – T-shirt Deadline is Wednesday
  • SWB Staph

THE OMG SALE!

The OMG Sale is this Wednesday, August 3rd (tomorrow!) at NOON SHARP (pacific time).  It is utterly crucial that you be prepared for this sale if you (or friends/family) registered.

There is no window of days available for this sale… it’s like the Main Sale.  It’s first come first served… and tix sell out in a couple of minutes.  You must be logged on at exactly noon.

If you are lucky enough to get in the queue for tix… and lucky enough to be able to make the purchase… BUY THE MAXIMUM of two tix and one vehicle pass.  There are many Spankers in need of tix that will pay you right away for any extra tix you get in this sale!

Fail to prepare… prepare to fail:  www.tickets.burningman.com

ONE FOMO TICKET AVAILABLE FOR PURCHASE (the expensive one)

Our new bestest Spanker, Kevin, purchased a couple of FOMO tickets in the STEP/Lyte program.  They are the FOMO tix that went on sale early this year.  FOMO tickets are sold by Bman to people who want to make a contribution to the granted art on the playa…and also want to ensure that they get a Bman ticket.  They are legit.  But they are pricey.  $2500.00 each.  Kevin has one for sale.  Please email me if you wish to purchase this ticket to ensure that YOU get to go to Bman and camp at SWB.  Purchasing a FOMO ticket is a grand gesture toward the event!

SWB UNLOAD IN RENO WEDNESDAY

We DESPERATELY need some more bodies to help with the unload in Reno (at Kevin’s RV Store… our new home).  We are starting the unload at 9am.  Please, please, please tell me you can make it.  Right now we only have 4 Spankers coming to do all that work.  We need more!  Email me right away if you can join us.

ANOTHER TRIP FROM THE KINKY MOUNTAIN FARM TO RENO

And… we need to do one more load-up and unload this weekend.  The big truck wasn’t able to fit all of our stuff this past weekend.  So we’re going back to get the rest of it.  And again, we need bodies on both ends… at the Kinky Mountain Farm in Garden Valley, CA to do the load-up… and in Reno for the unload.

There’s less stuff, so this one should be a bit easier.  Again, email me to let me know if you can help. 

WHO WANTS AN RV-MATE (POSSIBLE FREE BMAN TICKETS)

I may have a line on something very cool.  A friend of mine is offering two free Bman tix to a couple Spankers who will allow him to be their RV-mate.  Email me if you’re interested.  admiralpainjoy@spankys.org

OUR FINAL PRE-BURN WORK/PARTY WEEKEND

Our last pre-burn work/party weekend is Aug 19-21 (Fri-Sun).  There’s a lot to be done.  And this will be our first work/party weekend at Kevin’s place in Reno (once again… huge thanks Kevin!).  There is space for tent and RV camping at his property.  The address is 2802 Kietzke Lane  Reno, NV 89502.

Kevin also asked if I could promo an event that’s happening that weekend too.  Looks like it might be a fun thing for us to do on Saturday, after the work day is done. 

It’s called Rock Against Racism.  Here’s the deets:  Rock Against Racism : A Mutual Aid Benefit Show Tickets, Sat, Aug 20, 2022 at 6:00 PM | Eventbrite

SWB SCHWAG – T-SHIRT DEADLINE IS WEDNESDAY

Spanky’s T-shirts, medallions, etc. are among the most coveted swag on the playa!  If you don’t buy these now, you’ll wish you did.

Here’s the link to buy kewl SWB stuff:  Schwag – Spanky’s Wine Bar (spankys.org)

This year, we have the following items for sale:

  • T-shirts and Tank Tops (in either pink or green) CUT-OFF DATE FOR ORDERING IS AUGUST 3RD.
  • “SWB 15-year anniversary” medallions in solid brass
  • SWB embroidered patches (that can be sewn onto clothing/jackets/etc)
  • SWB kinky door hangers (packs of 10… excellent playa gifts!)

In past years, T-shirts were included with your camp dues, but without knowing how many of each size/style to order, a lot of Spankers were getting shirts they didn’t want or couldn’t wear.  Better for us to just have you buy exactly what you want.

AGAIN: 

  • The cut-off date for ordering T-shirts or Tank Tops is August 3rd.
  • Supplies are limited on all other swag… so buy now before we sell out of them!

SWB STAPH

Admiral Painjoy – HMFIC – Head Mutha Fukka In Charge

          admiralpainjoy@spankys.org

Major D (Doug) – The Camp for Sensual Pleasures Leader & Mover of Flowing Electrons & Cartographer & Civic Planner

          major-d@spankys.org

SpankIT (Deryck) – SWB Information Technology Geek

          spankit@spankys.org

Olaf  (Olaf) – Camp Engineer (and gold digger)

          olaf@spankys.org

Niloc (Colin) – SWB Security Team (and fishnet fan)

          niloc@spankys.org

Red Queen (Amanda) – Ticket Maven and Mistress of Namebadges (and harsh critic of dance moves)

          redqueen@spankys.org  

Dano – Lead builder (and history professor)  – Floaters/Infrastructure

          dano@spankys.org  

Eve – Mistress of Morsels (and hangover magnet) – Coffee Caretaker

          eve@spankys.org

Cleopatra (Gabrielle) – Workshift Manager (kiss my asp!)

          cleopatra@spankys.org

Sky – Civic Planner and Administer of pneumatic red cheeks (and wears the same kilt every day)

          sky@spankys.org

For Now & For Later (Bob & Tanya) – LNT Coordinators – Daily LNT Staff – Final Mooping coordinators (

          fornowandforlater@spankys.org  

Christopher Robbin (aka “Code Blue”) – LNT coordinator emeritus and Camp Bitch coordinator  (but did you DIE?!!!)

          codeblue@spankys.org

Tripp & Disco Tits (Liz)– Bar Tenders and Bar Backs (and purveyors of dice games and floggings)

          tripp@spankys.org

          discotits@spankys.org  

Lazy Bar Slut (Olivia) & Danielle  – Lead Mistresses – MOD Squad (and lovable freaks!) – Stage Dancers – Coach of the SWB Varsity Fearleading Squad

          lazybarslut@spankys.org

          danielle@spankys.org

Dirty Dan – DJ Coordinator… event planner (and recto-cranially inverted legend) – DJs

          dirtydan@spankys.org  

Blackbird & Amethyst – RV Services Managers (wash your hands after meeting them)

          blackbird@spankys.org

          amethyst@spankys.org

Quantum Glen – BufferZone Manager & Director of Blinky Things (and voice for Movie Fone)

          quantum@spankys.org

Arrow – Head Cheerleader of the SWB Varsity Fearleading Squad (easily distracted by bumble bees and such)

          arrow@spankys.org

PK the Fluffer (Carissa) – Consent Manager (she’ll say yes for $49.95)

          pkthefluffer@spankys.org

Art Cars:

Boss Hog (the giant warthog) – Doug L (Major-D)

Illuminaughti (disco dancefloor w/ stripper pole & spank-o-matic) – John M. (Sky)

The Magic Carpet – Steve J. (Twisted)

“We’d love to serve you… but we’re all tied up right now”

July 2022 – Part 3

In this issue…Which should be read while watching/listening to:  God’s Away on Business by Tom Waits:  Lyrics- Tom Waits- God’s Away on Business – YouTube

  • The Admiral’s Rant
  • Bman Tickets – OMG Sale TOMORROW (all hands on deck!)
  • SWB is Moving to Reno… this weekend!
  • WAPs (Work Access Passes – aka Early Build)
  • Who wants an RV-mate (possible free tix)
  • SWB Schwag – Deadlines Fast Approaching
  • SWB Staph

THE ADMIRAL’S RANT

Only 3 weeks until I depart for Bman.  This has been, by far, the most challenging Bman/Spanky’s I’ve ever done.  The amount of work I still need to do is nearly insurmountable.  I need YOUR help!  I need the SWB Staph to do their jobs… and do them well.  I need YOU to do your job well too.  What do I mean?

I mean… follow instructions and don’t procrastinate.  READ THESE NEWSLETTERS!  The Paddler and SWB website contain the bare minimum you need to read.  And I mean… help your fellow Spankers find tickets!

We have given you all the resources and information you need to make everything happen… and yet, less than half of the camp does this (even my management team!)  So many Spankers are contacting me with questions that are already answered on the website and in The Paddler. 

And while the questions only take me a few minutes to respond to (phone/text/email/etc.), when you multiply that by 20+ per day, it adds up to many, many hours per week… wasted.  I don’t have spare time.  Every second counts for me at this time of year.  For example… I was at the dentist last week.  While getting injections of novocaine, I was holding my phone awkwardly over my head, responding to emails.  Yes, I’m that overwhelmed.

Spanky’s is a labor-of-love for me.  I love you freaky fuckers!  Please show your love for me by being organized, prepared, informed, and proactive.  If you fail to prepare… prepare to fail.

And… A HUGE THANK YOU to all the staff and camp members who HAVE been doing it right!!!

BMAN TICKETS – OMG SALE (ALL HANDS ON DECK!)

If you haven’t purchased a Bman ticket (or vehicle pass) yet… I say again, DON’T PANIC.  Follow all the instructions, have patience, and you’ll get a ticket.

NOTE:  If you’ve given up hope (bailing on Bman, or found somewhere else to camp), let me know now, so I can take you off the list of “Spankers in need of tix”.

A message from our Ticket Maven, Red Queen:

IMPORTANT… the OMG Last Chance Sale is almost here!!! Registration takes place Wed. 7/27 until Fri. 7/29 (you MUST register even if you registered for sales in the past). Then the actual sale is the following Wed. 8/3 at noon PDT sharp. If you still need a ticket, this is one of your last opportunities to buy a ticket or vehicle pass directly from Burning Man and not by having to beg and plead to find one elsewhere.

 

Everyone that is able should attempt to buy tix and passes. This means that if you were a partner with someone in the Steward sale, but not the purchaser, you should also be trying to buy in this sale. If you can, have your spouse, parents, siblings, cousin, friend, or pet try to buy them. They will get purchased by Spankers. We have many in need. They will attempt to buy themselves, but there are only 3000 tix and 1500 vehicle passes for sale. Let’s do whatever we can to get as many Spankers covered as possible.

 

Make sure your Burner Profile is created and up-to-date…or you will not be able to get tix in the OMG sale.

 

Also, if you haven’t done so already, please go register in the STEP program. If you don’t get tickets in the OMG sale, STEP will re-open on Thurs. 8/4 and will be open until Aug 27. 

 

To get to your Burner Profile:  www.profiles.burningman.org

General Ticket Info: www.tickets.burningman.org

 

Please reach out to me if you have any questions, I’m happy to try to help!  redqueen@spankys.org

 

SWB IS MOVING TO RENO… THIS WEEKEND

This Saturday, July 30th at noon, we will be loading the SWB toys, equipment, supplies, etc. into a big moving truck, at Liam’s (5111 Marshall Rd.  Garden Valley, CA 95633).  On Sunday morning, the truck drives to Reno, where it gets unloaded at Kevin’s place (2802 Kietzke Lane  Reno, NV 89502).  We will need Spankers to help on either end of this move… especially in Reno.

We will also need Spankers to help Kevin and Dano move some stuff around at his place to make room for Spanky’s stuff (Wednesday – Tomorrow morning) – contact dano@spankys.org if you can help.

WAPs (WORK ACCESS PASSES – AKA EARLY BUILD)

REMINDER:  If you want to be part of Early Build, send me an email with “WAP request” in the subject line.  In the email, tell me what day/date you want to arrive on.

WAPs will be sent to you, by Bman, via email, in early August.

WHO WANTS AN RV-MATE (POSSIBLE FREE BMAN TICKETS)

I may have a line on something very cool.  A friend of mine is offering two free Bman tix to a couple Spankers who will allow him to be their RV-mate.  Email me if you’re interested.  admiralpainjoy@spankys.org

SWB SCHWAG – DEADLINES FAST APPROACHING

Spanky’s T-shirts, medallions, etc. are among the most coveted swag on the playa!  If you don’t buy these now, you’ll wish you did.

Here’s the link to buy kewl SWB stuff:  Schwag – Spanky’s Wine Bar (spankys.org)

This year, we have the following items for sale:

  • T-shirts and Tank Tops (in either pink or green) CUT-OFF DATE FOR ORDERING IS AUGUST 3RD.
  • “SWB 15-year anniversary” medallions in solid brass
  • SWB embroidered patches (that can be sewn onto clothing/jackets/etc)
  • SWB kinky door hangers (packs of 10… excellent playa gifts!)

In past years, T-shirts were included with your camp dues, but without knowing how many of each size/style to order, a lot of Spankers were getting shirts they didn’t want or couldn’t wear.  Better for us to just have you buy exactly what you want.

AGAIN: 

  • The cut-off date for ordering T-shirts or Tank Tops is August 3rd.
  • Supplies are limited on all other swag… so buy now before we sell out of them!

SWB STAPH

Admiral Painjoy – HMFIC – Head Mutha Fukka In Charge

          admiralpainjoy@spankys.org

Major D (Doug) – The Camp for Sensual Pleasures Leader & Mover of Flowing Electrons & Cartographer & Civic Planner

          major-d@spankys.org

SpankIT (Deryck) – SWB Information Technology Geek

          spankit@spankys.org

Olaf  (Olaf) – Camp Engineer (and gold digger)

          olaf@spankys.org

Niloc (Colin) – SWB Security Team (and fishnet fan)

          niloc@spankys.org

Red Queen (Amanda) – Ticket Maven and Mistress of Namebadges (and harsh critic of dance moves)

          redqueen@spankys.org  

Dano – Lead builder (and history professor)  – Floaters/Infrastructure

          dano@spankys.org  

Eve – Mistress of Morsels (and hangover magnet) – Coffee Caretaker

          eve@spankys.org

Cleopatra (Gabrielle) – Workshift Manager (kiss my asp!)

          cleopatra@spankys.org

Sky – Civic Planner and Administer of pneumatic red cheeks (and wears the same kilt every day)

          sky@spankys.org

For Now & For Later (Bob & Tanya) – LNT Coordinators – Daily LNT Staff – Final Mooping coordinators (

          fornowandforlater@spankys.org  

Christopher Robbin (aka “Code Blue”) – LNT coordinator emeritus and Camp Bitch coordinator  (but did you DIE?!!!)

          codeblue@spankys.org

Tripp & Disco Tits (Liz)– Bar Tenders and Bar Backs (and purveyors of dice games and floggings)

          tripp@spankys.org

          discotits@spankys.org  

Lazy Bar Slut (Olivia) & Danielle  – Lead Mistresses – MOD Squad (and lovable freaks!) – Stage Dancers – Coach of the SWB Varsity Fearleading Squad

          lazybarslut@spankys.org

          danielle@spankys.org

Dirty Dan – DJ Coordinator… event planner (and recto-cranially inverted legend) – DJs

          dirtydan@spankys.org  

Blackbird & Amethyst – RV Services Managers (wash your hands after meeting them)

          blackbird@spankys.org

          amethyst@spankys.org

Quantum Glen – BufferZone Manager & Director of Blinky Things (and voice for Movie Fone)

          quantum@spankys.org

Arrow – Head Cheerleader of the SWB Varsity Fearleading Squad (easily distracted by bumble bees and such)

          arrow@spankys.org

PK the Fluffer (Carissa) – Consent Manager (she’ll say yes for $49.95)

          pkthefluffer@spankys.org

Art Cars:

Boss Hog (the giant warthog) – Doug L (Major-D)

Illuminaughti (disco dancefloor w/ stripper pole & spank-o-matic) – John M. (Sky)

The Magic Carpet – Steve J. (Twisted)

“Most welcome, bondage! For though art a way, methinks, to liberty”

~William Shakespeare~  Cymbeline, Act 5 Scene 4

July 2022 – Part 2

In this issue…Which should be read while watching/listening to:  Natalie King’s cover of Gershwin’s “Summertime” (made famous by Billie Holiday and Ella Fitzgerald):  Summertime by Ella Fitzgerald (cover by Natalie King) – YouTube

  • Update on Fearleading Squad Uniforms (and other SWB Schwag)
  • SWB is Moving to Reno!
  • Work/Party Weekends Coming Up
  • WAPs (Work Access Passes – aka Early Build)
  • Update on Burning Man Tickets
  • Rideshares To and From the Playa
  • Reminders: Dues/Workshifts/Appetizers/Packing List
  • A New Position at SWB – Booty Guards
  • SWB Staph

UPDATE ON FEARLEADING SQUAD UNIFORMS (AND OTHER SCHWAG)

TIME IS RUNNING OUT AND SUPPLIES ARE RUNNING OUT.  MAKE YOUR PURCHASES NOW!

Well… as it turns out that the cheerleader (fearleader) uniforms we selected were only available in “little girl” sizes.  Sorry for the mix-up! 

So, we’ve selected a new top and skirt for purchase.  The purchase price includes the SWB patch to be attached to the uniform top.  But now we are running REALLY short on time.  If you want one… order it NOW!!!  Cut-off date for ordering is this Friday (July 22nd)!

 

NOTE:   If you’re interested in joining the Spanky’s Wine Bar Varsity Fearleading Squad (and we know you are) contact “Arrow” at: arrow@spankys.org  She’ll fill you in on all the sexy details!

ALSO NOTE:  As this is our first year doing the Fearleading Squad, it’s going to be super-easy and fun.  You don’t need to learn dance routines, or lots of cheers… so if you’re feeling sexy… buy the uniform and be part of The Squad!

Spanky’s T-shirts, medallions, etc. are among the most coveted swag on the playa!  If you don’t buy these now, you’ll wish you did.

Here’s the link to buy kewl SWB stuff:  Schwag – Spanky’s Wine Bar (spankys.org)

This year, we have the following items for sale:

  • T-shirts and Tank Tops (in either pink or hunter green) CUT-OFF DATE FOR ORDERING IS AUGUST 3RD.
  • “SWB 15-year anniversary” medallions in solid brass
  • SWB embroidered patches (that can be sewn onto clothing/jackets/etc)
  • SWB Fearleader Uniforms (that include a patch). Be sure to measure for correct sizing. CUT-OFF DATE FOR ORDERING IS JULY 22ND
  • SWB kinky door hangers (packs of 10… excellent playa gifts!)

In past years, T-shirts were included with your camp dues, but without knowing how many of each size/style to order, a lot of Spankers were getting shirts they didn’t want or couldn’t wear.  Better for us to just have you buy exactly what you want.

AGAIN: 

  • The cut-off date for ordering cheerleader uniforms (for the SWB Fearleading Squad) is July 22nd.
  • The cut-off date for ordering T-shirts or Tank Tops is August 3rd.
  • Supplies are limited on all other swag… so buy now before we sell out of them!

SWB IS MOVING TO RENO!

Yes, you heard that right… there’s a new “Skunkworks”!

Liam has been a fantastic host to SWB over the past 7 years, and we all thank him heaps!… but it’s time for Spanky’s to move to a new location.  That move is happening in a couple of weeks (last weekend of July).

Many of you met a new Spanker named Kevin at Rogue Burn last year… or maybe at 4th of Juplaya this year.  He’s an old friend of Dano’s.  Keven owns “Safari Stores RV” on Kietzke Lane in Reno.  Well, Kevin has generously offered to store Spanky’s equipment during the off-season.  We can also do our future work/party weekends on his property.  THANK YOU KEVIN!

And while our new Reno location might not be as pastoral and picturesque as Liam’s place… being in Reno will have many, many benefits! 

  • The storage area Kevin is letting us use if much, much bigger!
  • We will be able to walk through the storage area and see/select any of our equipment we might need to work on, or use for a weekend, etc.
  • It’s a 5 minute Uber ride from the airport. Many Spankers (from areas far from CA) couldn’t attend in the past (because they’d have to fly to Sacramento, or San Francisco, or Reno… then rent a car and drive for an hour or two. Now, they can fly to Reno for less than it might cost to do a round trip from the Bay Area (if flight costs are agreeable).
  • We can get any kind of food at nearly any time of day/night
  • We can camp on his property (tent or RV)
  • There is no cacophony of roosters at 4am
  • There are bathrooms/showers we can use
  • The hotel/casinos are very close by… if you don’t want to camp (or if you get free room offers)
  • We are much closer to the playa (no having to drive a big truck over the pass – and back – every time), so we save money on trucking
  • There’s ample work area for painting, carpentry, etc.
  • Any type of store is nearby
  • It is now WAY more convenient for Spankers to attend the final work/party weekend after Bman!

IMPORTANT!!!

On Saturday, July 30th we will be loading the SWB toys, equipment, supplies, etc. into a big moving truck, at Liam’s.  Then on Sunday morning, the truck drives over to Reno, where it gets unloaded at Kevin’s place.  We will need Spankers to help on either end of this move. 

We will also need some Spankers to help Kevin move some stuff around at his place to make room for Spanky’s stuff.  This can happen any time between now and Sunday, July 31.

We really, really need help, so message me right away if you’re going to be a great Spanker and volunteer for either/all of these projects!  Especially on the Reno end!!!

WORK/PARTY WEEKENDS COMING UP

As you might have gathered already, our last two work/party weekends will be at the new Skunkworks in Reno (Just before Bman and just after).

Pre-burn work/party weekend:  August 19-21 (Fri-Sun)

Post-burn work/party weekend:  Sept 6-8 (Tue-Thurs)

Location: 2802 Kietzke Lane  Reno, NV 89502

WAPs (WORK ACCESS PASSES – AKA EARLY BUILD)

Once in a while, things go amazingly well.  This is the case for Spanky’s WAPs this year.  While we had a very, very difficult go of it with Steward Tickets this year and didn’t get as many as we wanted/needed… the Bman Placement Team has bestowed upon us over 80 WAPs for our Early Build.

Being part of Early Build is an honor.  And it’s amazing.  Helping build the camp gives you a true sense of stewardship at SWB.  At the end of Build Week, you can look at the camp with a sense of pride and say to yourself, “I helped build this…I helped to create one of the iconic places of Bman.”  It’s also an amazing experience to see the whole city go from nearly barren playa… to the metropolis of Black Rock City, in just a few days.

But being part of Early Build is work… sometimes hard work.  And there’s something for everyone.  You don’t need to have construction skills to be part of Early Build.  There are lots of different jobs to do.

So now is the official time to request a WAP.  Even if you mentioned it to me in weeks/months prior to now… send me an email today with “WAP Request” in the subject line.  In the email, let me know what day you will be arriving (you can come as early as Tuesday, Aug 23rd… or Monday if you can help with the unload of the big truck)

WAPs will be sent to you, by Bman, via email, in early August.

UPDATE ON BURNING MAN TICKETS

If you didn’t get a ticket yet, DON’T PANIC.  Everyone that needs a ticket/pass will get one.  This has been true every year!  Below are the tried-and-true procedures for finding tickets. 

First of all…I (and other Spankers) will work tirelessly to help you.  July and August are when tickets shake loose… soooo many people bail on Bman around this time.  Plus… I have a knack for finding tickets.

The first thing you’ll do is sign up for STEP (Secure Ticket Exchange Program).  Have friends/family do this for you also.  Many tickets are acquired this way.  Here’s the link:  2022 Secure Ticket Exchange Program (STEP) | Burning Man Tickets

You will also register for Bman’s final ticket sale, called The OMG Sale (registration is July 27-29… the actual sale is Aug 3rd).  You should also get friends and family to create a burner profile and attempt to get tix for you in this sale!  This goes for those who got tickets already too!!!

Below is the Bman ticket sale schedule for 2022…and you MUST read the other info about Bman tickets.  There is NEW info:  

Burning Man Tickets | Official source for information about Black Rock City tickets.

Bman Ticketing Schedule

Now – Aug 27:  STEP (Secure Ticket Exchange Program) opens/closes

July 13th:  Kid Tickets Available (if you’re bringing a kid 12 years old or younger, you must get a free print-at-home ticket on this day)

July 27 – July 29 (Wed-Fri): Registration for the OMG Ticket Sale happens

August 3rd:  OMG Ticket Sale happens

August 27:  STEP closes

RIDESHARES TO AND FROM THE PLAYA

Rod H. (aka Amethyst) is our Rideshare Coordinator.  Here’s some info from Amethyst….

Want to offer a Rideshare?
Email 1) your name and phone number, 2) how many Rideshare spot(s) you have, 3) where you are originating from , 4) picture of your vehicle and 5) the dates you are starting your trek to and from the Playa and/or Reno. No other details about your sweet ride, safe word or fares, you can brag it up with your possible captive who will need to endure your taste in music.


Want to get a Rideshare?
Email 1) your name and phone number, 2) where you are originating from and/or heading to after exodus, 3) date(s) you are able to get picked up and/or ejected to the default world, and 4) a sexy photo of you on a car hood.


After I help you connect, I leave your threesome or more and you do your seductive negotiating and arrange any exchange of payment for gas, etc. All Rideshare agreements are settled between drivers and riders.

Rod (Amethyst)

amethyst@spankys.org

REMINDERS:  DUES/WORKSHIFTS/APPETIZERS/PACKING LIST

Camp dues (and donations to our overtaxed budget) can be paid here:  Pay Dues – Spanky’s Wine Bar (spankys.org)

Signing up for Workshifts is done here: Spanky’s Wine Bar (ivolunteer.com)

Info about our SWB Appetizer Program is here: Appetizer Program – Spanky’s Wine Bar (spankys.org)

And the SWB Ultimate Packing List is here: Packing List – Spanky’s Wine Bar (spankys.org)

A NEW POSITION IN SWB… BOOTY GUARDS

PK the Fluffer (aka Carissa) is the newest member of the SWB Management Team.  Her official title is “Consent Manager”.  And she will be managing a staff of “Booty Guards”… who make sure our asses and our customers asses are protected, so to speak.  Booty Guards work in conjunction with Niloc and his SWB Security Staff.

The main job of the Booty Guards is to ensure that the Rules of Consent are being followed at SWB… especially in our “play space”.  At Spanky’s, we take consent seriously.  We want our camp to be a safe space where everyone has a good time.  Booty Guards will help make that happen.  They will also have the responsibility to create “incident reports” as needed, in the case of consent violations.

Interested in becoming a Booty Guard?  Want more info? 

Email PK the Fluffer at:  pkthefluffer@spankys.org

SWB STAPH

Admiral Painjoy – HMFIC – Head Mutha Fukka In Charge

          admiralpainjoy@spankys.org

Major D (Doug) – The Camp for Sensual Pleasures Leader & Mover of Flowing Electrons & Cartographer & Civic Planner

          major-d@spankys.org

SpankIT (Deryck) – SWB Information Technology Geek

          spankit@spankys.org

Olaf  (Olaf) – Camp Engineer and Master Macerator

          olaf@spankys.org

Niloc (Colin) – SWB Security Team

          niloc@spankys.org

Red Queen (Amanda) – Ticket Maven and Mistress of Namebadges (and harsh critic of dance moves)

          redqueen@spankys.org  

Dano – Lead builder (and history professor)  – Floaters/Infrastructure

          dano@spankys.org  

Eve – Mistress of Morsels (and hangover magnet) – Coffee Caretaker

          eve@spankys.org

Cleopatra (Gabrielle) – Workshift Manager (kiss my asp!)

          cleopatra@spankys.org

Sky – Civic Planner and Administer of pneumatic red cheeks (and wears the same kilt every day)

          sky@spankys.org

For Now & For Later (Bob & Tanya) – LNT Coordinators – Daily LNT Staff – Final Mooping coordinators

          fornowandforlater@spankys.org  

Christopher Robbin (aka “Code Blue”) – LNT coordinator emeritus and Camp Bitch coordinator  (but did you DIE?!!!)

          codeblue@spankys.org

Tripp & Disco Tits (Liz)– Bar Tenders and Bar Backs (and purveyors of dice games and floggings)

          tripp@spankys.org

          discotits@spankys.org  

Lazy Bar Slut (Olivia) & Danielle  – Lead Mistresses – MOD Squad (and lovable freaks!) – Stage Dancers – Coach of the SWB Varsity Fearleading Squad

          lazybarslut@spankys.org

          danielle@spankys.org

Dirty Dan – DJ Coordinator… event planner (and recto-cranially inverted legend) – DJs

          dirtydan@spankys.org  

Blackbird & Amethyst – RV Services Managers (wash your hands after meeting them)

          blackbird@spankys.org

          amethyst@spankys.org

Quantum Glen – BufferZone Manager & Director of Blinky Things (and voice for Movie Fone)

          quantum@spankys.org

Arrow – Head Cheerleader of the SWB Varsity Fearleading Squad (easily distracted by bumble bees and such)

          arrow@spankys.org

PK the Fluffer (Carissa) – Consent Manager (she’ll say yes for $49.95)

          pkthefluffer@spankys.org

Art Cars:

Boss Hog (the giant warthog) – Doug L (Major-D)

Illuminaughti (disco dancefloor w/ stripper pole & spank-o-matic) – John M. (Sky)

The Magic Carpet – Steve J. (Twisted)

“Your panic is our party time!”

July 2022 – Part 1

In this issue…Which should be read while watching/listening to:  Julia Westlin’s cover of Coldplay’s “The Scientist” (goddam, I love this girls voice):  Coldplay – The Scientist (cover by Julia Westlin) – YouTube

  • Spanky’s Schwag and Fearleading Squad Uniforms
  • The Burning Man 2022 Survival Guide
  • Burning Man Tickets
  • Another SWB Marriage Ceremony Announcement
  • Camp Dues/Budget
  • Remember to Sign Up for Workshifts
  • Still Waiting on WAPs
  • SWB Staph

SPANKY’S SCHWAG and FEARLEADING SQUAD UNIFORMS

Spanky’s T-shirts, medallions, etc. are among the most coveted swag on the playa!  If you don’t buy these now, you’ll wish you did.

Schwag – Spanky’s Wine Bar (spankys.org)

This year, we have the following items for sale:

  • T-shirts and Tank Tops (in either pink or hunter green) CUT-OFF DATE FOR ORDERING IS AUGUST 3RD.
  • “SWB 15-year anniversary” medallions in solid brass
  • SWB embroidered patches (that can be sewn onto clothing/jackets/etc)
  • SWB Fearleader Uniforms (that include a patch). Be sure to measure for correct sizing. CUT-OFF DATE FOR ORDERING IS JULY 22ND
  • SWB kinky door hangers (packs of 10… excellent playa gifts!)

In past years, T-shirts were included with your camp dues, but without knowing how many of each size/style to order, a lot of Spankers were getting shirts they didn’t want or couldn’t wear.  Better for us to just have you buy exactly what you want.

NOTE: 

  • The cut-off date for ordering cheerleader uniforms (for the SWB Fearleading Squad) is July 22nd.
  • The cut-off date for ordering T-shirts or Tank Tops is August 3rd.
  • Supplies are limited on all other swag… so buy now before we sell out of them!

NOTE:   If you’re interested in joining the Spanky’s Wine Bar Varsity Fearleading Squad… contact Head Fearleader “Arrow” at: arrow@spankys.org  She’ll fill you in on all the sexy details!

 

THE BURNING MAN 2022 SURVIVAL GUIDE

Even seasoned Burners should read this guide EVERY YEAR!  Here’s the link to the guide:  Survival Guide 2022 (burningman.org)

BURNING MAN TICKETS

The Spanky’s LSD (Late Season Directed) Ticket Sale selectees have been made and the list has been submitted to Bman.  (These are the “Steward Tix” that we were supposed to get back in March).  As you are probably aware… there are more Spankers in need of tix than were available in the LSD.  So we had to make tough choices.

If you are one of the selectees, you got an email from me yesterday (be sure to check your SPAM folder, just in case).  Also, if you are on the selectee list, it is incumbent upon us to help those who were not selected!  Ticket Buyers are precluded from joining any other Bman ticket sales/STEP/etc… but not ticket partners… and not friends/family members.  In other words… lets have everyone and their uncle create Burner Profiles and help those in need find tickets/passes!!!

IF YOU STILL NEED TO PURCHASE TICKETS (or a vehicle pass)..

If you are not a selectee, DON’T PANIC.  Everyone that needs a ticket/pass will get one.  This has been true every year!  Below are the tried-and-true procedures for finding tickets for you.  I (and other Spankers) will work tirelessly to help you also.  July and August are when tickets shake loose… soooo many people bail on Bman around this time.

The first thing you’ll do is sign up for STEP (Secure Ticket Exchange Program).  Have friends/family do this for you also.  Many tickets are acquired this way.  Here’s the link:  2022 Secure Ticket Exchange Program (STEP) | Burning Man Tickets

You will also register for Bman’s final ticket sale, called The OMG Sale (registration is July 27-29… the actual sale is Aug 3rd).  You should also get friends and family to create a burner profile and attempt to get tix for you in this sale!

Below is the Bman ticket sale schedule for 2022…and you MUST read the other info about Bman tickets.  There is NEW info:  

Burning Man Tickets | Official source for information about Black Rock City tickets.

Bman Ticketing Schedule

July 15-20:  SWB LSD Ticket Sale (for those selected)

Now – Aug 27:  STEP (Secure Ticket Exchange Program) opens/closes

July 13th:  Kid Tickets Available (if you’re bringing a kid 12 years old or younger, you must get a free print-at-home ticket on this day)

July 27 – July 29 (Wed-Fri): Registration for the OMG Ticket Sale happens

August 3rd:  OMG Ticket Sale happens

August 27:  STEP closes

ANOTHER SWB MARRIAGE CEREMONY ANNOUNCEMENT

…from Dallas and Ryan…

“Please join us for Pearls and Swine, a Spankys wedding event to make the gods blush! 

Dallas and Boyfriend will be missing the burn in 2023 to make room for their destination wedding. They would love to share their nuptials with their camp family this year with an appropriately themed ceremony. 

 Togas are encouraged. There are some super cool tutorials on how to make one from most fabrics you have around the house. You can find a few here: 

https://www.wikihow.com/Wrap-a-Toga?amp=1

Pearls, gold embellishments, flower crowns, fancy rope, grapes and wine, cheese plates are all encouraged. We will have a hand fasting ceremony at 7pm on Friday under the Bass Tent. For anyone able to contribute, please bring your favorite bottle of wine of some grapes and cheese to share with camp after the ceremony.”

 

CAMP DUES/BUDGET

Well… this is the year for disasters, inflation, and soaring fuel costs!  Every year, Spanky’s has at least one major challenge.  This year… we get them all at once.  Plus, most of us have been dealing with Covid issues, mental health issues, and financial woes.  That being said…

In the past month, we have lost (or had problems with) our sound system, our trucking, our generator rentals, our kitchen/sanctuary/play-space tents, and a host of other things.  We have solved most of these problems, but it’s been very costly.  That being said…

When we did our budget in February, it was based on the prices of fuel, construction materials, etc. AT THAT TIME.  Things have gone up in cost in the past 6 months.  Fuel alone has gone up around $1.50/gallon since then.  That being said…

We have also lost many Spankers this year because they lost faith in getting tickets, and made other plans.  So our numbers have dwindled.  We are no longer a camp of 200-225 this year.  More like 145 at the moment.  Which means we’ve collected less camp dues.  That being said…

It is very important that you all pay your camp dues right away!  SWB is also accepting donations to help close the budget-gap for 2022.  Dues and donations can both be paid on the SWB website, here:  Pay Dues – Spanky’s Wine Bar (spankys.org)

REMEMBER TO SIGN UP FOR WORKSHIFTS

SHIFTS ARE FILLING UP FAST!

The SWB “WUSSI” system is sitting there, patiently, panting, waiting… for you to sign up for your SWB workshifts.  Spankers are required to sign up for at least 12 hours of workshifts while on the playa.

Click here to sign up for shifts:  Spanky’s Wine Bar (ivolunteer.com)

Also… nobody has signed up for Camp Bitch shifts.  This is a key position and it requires at least 2 years of experience camping with Spanky’s.  If we don’t get some SWB veterans signing up as Camp Bitch… I’ll be forced to make phone calls to recruit.  Yes, I’m talking about you… yes, you… don’t make me call you… just go sign up now 😉

EARLY BUILD – WAPs

The Bman Placement Team still hasn’t allocated Spanky’s it WAPs for 2022.  As soon as they do, we will begin the process of distributing them to the Spankers who want to come early and help build the camp.

SWB STAPH

Admiral Painjoy – HMFIC – Head Mutha Fukka In Charge

          admiralpainjoy@spankys.org

Major D (Doug) – The Camp for Sensual Pleasures Leader & Mover of Flowing Electrons & Cartographer & Civic Planner

          major-d@spankys.org

SpankIT (Deryck) – SWB Information Technology Geek

          spankit@spankys.org

Olaf  (Olaf) – Camp Engineer and Master Macerator

          olaf@spankys.org

Niloc (Colin) – SWB Security Team

          niloc@spankys.org

Red Queen (Amanda) – Ticket Maven and Mistress of Namebadges (and harsh critic of dance moves)

          redqueen@spankys.org  

Dano – Lead builder (and history professor)  – Floaters/Infrastructure

          dano@spankys.org  

Eve – Mistress of Morsels (and hangover magnet) – Coffee Caretaker

          eve@spankys.org

Cleopatra (Gabrielle) – Workshift Manager (kiss my asp!)

          cleopatra@spankys.org

Sky – Civic Planner and Administer of pneumatic red cheeks (and wears the same kilt every day)

          sky@spankys.org

For Now & For Later (Bob & Tanya) – LNT Coordinators – Daily LNT Staff – Final Mooping coordinators

          fornowandforlater@spankys.org  

Christopher Robbin (aka “Code Blue”) – LNT coordinator emeritus

          codeblue@spankys.org

Tripp & Disco Tits (Liz)– Bar Tenders and Bar Backs (and purveyors of dice games and floggings)

          tripp@spankys.org

          discotits@spankys.org  

Lazy Bar Slut (Olivia) & Danielle  – Lead Mistresses – MOD Squad (and lovable freaks!) – Stage Dancers – Coach of the SWB Varsity Fearleading Squad

          lazybarslut@spankys.org

          danielle@spankys.org

Dirty Dan – DJ Coordinator… event planner (and recto-cranially inverted legend) – DJs

          dirtydan@spankys.org  

Blackbird & Amethyst – RV Services Managers (wash your hands after meeting them)

          blackbird@spankys.org

          amethyst@spankys.org

Quantum Glen – BufferZone Manager & Director of Blinky Things (and voice for Movie Fone)

          quantum@spankys.org

Arrow – Head Cheerleader of the SWB Varsity Fearleading Squad (easily distracted by bumble bees and such)

          arrow@spankys.org

PK the Fluffer (Carissa) – Consent Manager (she’ll say yes for $49.95)

Art Cars:

Boss Hog (the giant warthog) – Doug L (Major-D)

Illuminaughti (disco dancefloor w/ stripper pole & spank-o-matic) – John M. (Sky)

The Magic Carpet – Steve J. (Twisted)

“We’d love to serve you… but we’re all tied up right now”

June 2022 – Part 1

In this issue…Which should be read while watching/listening to:  Cocaine by Jez Dior – Jez Dior – Cocaine – YouTube

  • Spanky’s is Officially Placed. Our Playa Address is…
  • Spanky’s Steward Ticket Sale (STS – formerly known as the DGS)
  • A Big Announcement!
  • Camp Events
  • Work/Party Weekend – Headcount Please
  • 4th of Juplaya – Headcount Please
  • Early Arrival – Work Access Passes (WAPs)
  • Workshifts on the Playa – WUSSI
  • SWB Staph

Howdy Spankers,

Sorry for the delay in the release of The Paddler.  I’ve been waiting desperately for many people to get me information about many things.  It’s been quite a couple of months.  I still don’t have all the info and answers I’ve been waiting for, but I had to send you all SOMETHING.  There will be another issue of The Paddler in a week or so with ticket info and more announcements.   But here’s what I know so far about stuff and things…

Spanky’s is officially “placed”.  Our playa address is…

7:30 & F (in the unofficial “red light district” of Bman)

We did ask to be placed on the Esplanade this year, but it seems we are too big.  In recent years, groups our size seem to always get placed in the Village areas (around E and F streets).  SWB has been in this area a few times now and ROCKED IT every time.  The citizens of Black Rock City always find us, no matter where we are!  And being off-esplanade does afford us a few positives, like; not as much harassment from leo’s, quieter daytime crowds, and not having to be open 24/7, being able to be a lot more risqué (esplanade is supposed to be kiddie-friendly)

As for the size of our real estate…  We are 250 ft. x 450 ft. (or bigger than the size of two football fields)  and we are on the corner of 7:30 & F.

 

Spanky’s Steward Ticket Sale (STS – formerly known as the DGS)

I SWEAR, I’M MORE ANXIOUS AND FRUSTRATED THAN ALL OF YOU… BUT HERE’S THE LATEST ON THE SPANKY’S TICKETS.

After sending numerous emails to the Bman Placement Team and not getting any response for 5 weeks… I did something I never thought I’d have to do.  I contacted my friend, Maid Marian. 

(For those not in-the-know, Maid Marian is the CEO of Bman.  Contacting Marian about a ticketing issue is not an appropriate thing to do.  It’s kinda like calling the Governor to help you with your state tax filing.) 

But Marian stepped in and spoke with “Level” (head of Placement).  Level got back to me immediately with an apology and an assurance that our ticket sale IS HAPPENING THIS MONTH.

However, I still don’t have all the details on the ticket sale.  But we should all be ready for it at the drop of a hat.

So if you want to get a ticket through SWB…

More Bman Ticket Info…

Below is the Bman ticket sale schedule for 2022…and you MUST read the other info about Bman tickets.  There is NEW info:  

Burning Man Tickets | Official source for information about Black Rock City tickets.

Bman Ticketing Schedule

June (dates TBA):  SWB Steward Ticket Sale

April – Aug(?):  STEP (Secure Ticket Exchange Program) opens/closes

Early July:  Ticket fulfilment (delivery) begins

July 6th:  Kid Tickets Available (if you’re bringing a kid 12 years old or younger, you must get a free print-at-home ticket on this day)

July 27 – July 29 (Wed-Fri): Registration for the OMG Ticket Sale happens

August 3rd:  OMG Ticket Sale happens

 

 

A Big Announcement

Most of you know Niloc (Colin) and Lazy Bar Slut (Olivia).  And many of you know that they are engaged to be married.  Well, hang on to your socks ladies and germs… I’m sooooooo happy to announce…  They’ve decided to get married at Bman/Spanky’s this summer!!!

YouTube

Wednesday afternoon (Aug 31st), just before sunset, we will all be gathering under the BASS to bear witness to this perfect union.

We are in the midst of planning the event, but one thing you might be able to do to help… you know the SWB Appetizer Program?  We will need around 8 of you (who are planning to do higher-end apps) to serve yours during the time before the ceremony.  And if anyone wants to bring a couple bottles of champagne and cups… that would be nice too!

As most of you know, Olivia is a founding member of Spanky’s.  She handles most of the sexy aspects of our camp.  And for the past 15 years, has been one of my closest friends.  Colin is also a member of Spanky’s Management, heading up the Security Team… and I couldn’t have picked a more perfect partner for Olivia than my friend Colin! (and vice versa)

Camp Events

We are currently working on our schedule of events for burn week.  We will be having a few themed parties, events, weddings, and lots of DJs.

Here’s what I can tell you so far;

MPR (morning painjoy radio) mornings daily

Tuesday night – Fearleader attack on another camp

Wednesday sunset – Olivia & Colin’s wedding

Wednesday night – Spank dat Bootie (mashup music party)

Thursday night – Fearleader attack on another camp

Friday night – The Festival of Bubastis (SWB’s flagship event – femdom party)

If you want to do some DJing at Spanky’s, we would love that.  You don’t need to be a pro-DJ.  All you need is an mp3 player and a playlist.  If you have an idea for an event or themed party, let us know what your idea is.  Contact djdirtydan@spankys.org

Work/Party Weekends – Headcount Please!

Wanna be part of “how the sausage is made”?  We have some work/party weekends prior to Bman where we build, paint, organize, plot/plan and… party like rock stars! 

These weekends are productive and lots of fun!  If you live in the western US, you’re expected to come to these weekends.  This year, the schedule is:

June 24-26 (Fri-Sun)

Aug 19-21 (Fri-Sun)

And after Bman… Sept 8-11 (Thu-Sun)

Our work/party weekend are held at Liam’s farm (yes, it’s an actual farm with animals).  We refer to it as The Skunkworks, or The Kinky Mountain Farm.  The location is: 

5111 Marshall Rd.  Garden Valley, California 95633

More info about work/party weekend can be found on the SWB website’s “Skunkworks” page (extra credit if you know where the term “skunkworks” came from)

4th of Juplaya – Headcount Please!

I need a headcount! 

Email me if you’re coming: admiralpainjoy@spankys.org  

NOTE:  Because Bman tix are sooo hard to get… and with the success of Rogue Burn last year… and the fact that the 4th falls on a Monday (creating a natural long-weekend), I predict that 4th of Juplaya with be huge this year… and awesome!

If you’ve never been to the playa when it isn’t Bman, this “non-event” is a real treat.  In my opinion, it’s just a good as Bman.  The vast, stark, and romantic vastness of the Black Rock Desert is much more vivid and breathtaking when you’re not in the confines of the Bman trash fence, surrounded by flashy theme camps, loud music, and huge structures. 

“4th of Juplaya” is kinda like the way Bman used to be, in ye olden days.  You can drive fast (But be careful!  It’s easy to roll your vehicle at high speed).  You can go skinny-dipping at the hot springs.  You can come and go as you please (breakfast at Bruno’s, etc).  There are some small theme camps and art cars.  Very few cops.  Lots of random parties.  Vast open space.  Cool burners. 

You can explore the outer reaches of the playa, the whole Black Rock Desert, High Rock Canyon, the emigrant trails, Soldier Meadows, etc  There’s (sometimes) a fireworks show put on by the town of Gerlach.  Those attending Juplaya tend to camp in small groups… scattered ALL OVER the vast playa.  This makes for interesting party-hopping at night 😉

We will be setting up a small version of Spanky’s there.  We all just pitch in a bit for the wine/beer for our bar, generator, fuel, bar ice, etc.  With inflation and the UNBELIEVABLE cost of fuel… Juplaya camp dues will be $100.00 per person.  PayPal to jimnhillas_gc@yahoo.com

We will probably head up to the playa on Thursday morning, June 30th… and depart early on Monday, July 4th.  But you can show up any time.  Playa location is the spot where they build The Man.  After driving through Gerlach, drive around/up the playa to the 12-Mile Entrance to the playa.  Drive roughly half-way across the playa and we’ll be around there.

Workshifts on the Playa

 

We will be doing “sign-ups” for workshifts on the playa again this year.  Being part of a Theme Camps means that you are going to be a party thrower… not just a party goer.  All members of Spanky’s are required to do a MINIMUM of 12 hours of workshifts over the course of the week. 

I’d like to thank Major-D and SpankIT for the huge amount of work they did on our sign-up system… called WUSSI.  And thanks to all the Spankers who helped out with updating the job descriptions on the SWB website.  And heaps of thanks to Gabrielle (Cleopatra) who will, yet again, be our Workshift Manager.

Here’s Major-D with his info on how to sign up for workshifts…


WUSSI IS LIVE.  Yes, it’s time to start scheduling your workshifts with Spanky’s amazingly simple Workshift Unified Scheduling System Interactive. 

 

For a quick tour (or to start signing up), click this link: https://swb.ivolunteer.com/ 

Links for each day are at the bottom of that page.

 

It’s all pretty self-explanatory, but here’s how it works: As you scroll down, you’ll see each day is divided into sections for 2-hour shifts, 4-hour shifts, and 8-hour shifts, with time slots on the left and jobs across the top of each section.  Just click on the “Schedule” button for a shift you want.  

 

Once you successfully sign up, your first name and last initial will show for that slot, and the number of openings will drop by 1.  Your last name will never be shown publicly.

 

Important: YOUR WUSSI SIGNUP INFORMATION MUST MATCH YOUR SWB SIGNUP INFORMATION, and sign up with your actual name, not your playa name.

 

You can navigate to different days with the drop-down list in the top-right corner.  

 

Click to request an e-mail confirmation when you sign up, then print it out, or screenshot and save for future reference.

 

Notes: 

If you’ve already filled out an SWB application, you can start signing up for shifts immediately. 

If you’re a new Spanker who hasn’t been formally vetted, your work shifts are provisional. 

Going forward, it may take a day or two to transfer SWB signup info into WUSSI, but all existing signups are in.

Camping somewhere else but want to get in on the fun?  We can probably make that happen.  Drop a line to one of the three admin contacts in note-3 on the WUSSI home page (https://swb.ivolunteer.com/ ), and let us know.

 

Change your mind about a shift?  Want to change to share a time slot with a friend?  No problem.  You can do that yourself from the e-mail you requested confirming your original sign-up, or one of the 3 admins on the WUSSI home page can help (https://swb.ivolunteer.com/ ) 

 

If you are having trouble signing up for a shift, most likely you are using a different name or address than used for your SWB signup, or WUSSI doesn’t know you’ve applied to Spanky’s.  Contact Spanky’s Workshift Manager, Gabrielle, at Cleopatra@Spankys.org), or one of the other 2 admins from the WUSSI homepage for help.

Early Arrival – WAPs (work access passes)

If you want to come to Bman early and help build the camp, we’d love your ASSistance!  Being part of “early build” is an honor.  It’s amazing watching the camp and the whole city going up.  But it’s also work… hard work!  But it’s fun too.  And at the end of early build, you feel a true sense of ownership of the camp.  You can look back and say “I helped create this!”

In order to come to “early build”, you must have a Bman ticket plus an  actual “Work Access Pass”, which are given to SWB by Bman.  And I have to approve everyone who wants one.  I don’t know how many WAPs we will get yet, but Bman is usually pretty generous with them.

I will be taking names and providing more info about WAPs next month.  Contact me if you have questions or need to know right away (to secure travel plans).

SWB Staph

Admiral Painjoy – HMFIC – Head Mutha Fukka In Charge

          admiralpainjoy@spankys.org

Major D (Doug) – The Camp for Sensual Pleasures Leader & Mover of Flowing Electrons & Cartographer & Civic Planner

          major-d@spankys.org

SpankIT (Deryck) – SWB Information Technology Geek

          spankit@spankys.org

Olaf  (Olaf) – Camp Engineer and Master Macerator

          olaf@spankys.org

Niloc (Colin) – SWB Security Team

          niloc@spankys.org

Red Queen (Amanda) – Ticket Maven and Mistress of Namebadges (and harsh critic of dance moves)

          redqueen@spankys.org  

Dano – Lead builder (and history professor)  – Floaters/Infrastructure

          dano@spankys.org  

Eve – Mistress of Morsels (and hangover magnet) – Coffee Caretaker

          eve@spankys.org

Cleopatra (Gabrielle) – Workshift Manager (kiss my asp!)

          cleopatra@spankys.org

Sky – Civic Planner and Administer of pneumatic red cheeks (and wears the same kilt every day)

          sky@spankys.org

For Now & For Later (Bob & Tanya) – LNT Coordinators – Daily LNT Staff – Final Mooping coordinators

          fornowandforlater@spankys.org  

Christopher Robbin (aka “Code Blue”) – LNT coordinator emeritus

          codeblue@spankys.org

Tripp & Disco Tits (Liz)– Bar Tenders and Bar Backs (and purveyors of dice games and floggings)

          tripp@spankys.org

          discotits@spankys.org  

Lazy Bar Slut (Olivia) & Danielle  – Lead Mistresses – MOD Squad (and lovable freaks!) – Stage Dancers – Coach of the SWB Varsity Fearleading Squad

          lazybarslut@spankys.org

          danielle@spankys.org

Dirty Dan – DJ Coordinator… event planner (and recto-cranially inverted legend) – DJs

          dirtydan@spankys.org  

Blackbird & Amethyst – RV Services Managers (wash your hands after meeting them)

          blackbird@spankys.org

          amethyst@spankys.org

Quantum Glen – BufferZone Manager & Director of Blinky Things (and voice for Movie Fone)

          quantum@spankys.org

Arrow – Head Cheerleader of the SWB Varsity Fearleading Squad (easily distracted by bumble bees and such)

          arrow@spankys.org

Art Cars:

Boss Hog (the giant warthog) – Doug L (Major-D)

Illuminaughti (disco dancefloor w/ stripper pole & spank-o-matic) – John M. (Sky)

The Magic Carpet – Steve J. (Twisted)

“We’d love to serve you… but we’re all tied up right now”

May 2022

In this issue…Which should be read while watching/listening to:  Opiuo – Quack Fat  Opiuo – Quack Fat (Official Music Video) – YouTube

  • Spanky’s Steward Ticket Sale (STS – formerly known as the DGS)
  • T-shirt designs
  • Work/Party Weekends
  • 4th of Juplaya
  • Apogaea (the Colorado regional burn)
  • Early Arrival – Work Access Passes (WAPs)
  • Workshifts on the Playa
  • RV Pumpouts, Water, and Power
  • SWB Staph

 

Spanky’s Steward Ticket Sale (STS – formerly known as the DGS)

As I mentioned in the last Paddler… I finally got confirmation about Spanky’s Steward Tickets.  I have been informed by the head of the Placement Team that it will be happening in early June

  • We will be getting our full allocation of tickets.
  • They will be at the lower price of $475.00.
  • I still don’t know if we will have to be “paired up” for the sale, or if people can buy tickets individually.
  • I still don’t know the exact date(s) for our ticket sale.
  • As soon as I hear from the Bman Placement Team, I’ll announce it.

More Bman Ticket Info…

Below is the Bman ticket sale schedule for 2022…and you MUST read the other info about Bman tickets.  There is NEW info:  

Burning Man Tickets | Official source for information about Black Rock City tickets.

Bman Ticketing Schedule

March 16 – May 18:  Ticket Aid Program Open (formerly Low Income Tickets)

June (dates TBA):  SWB Steward Ticket Sale

April (?) – Aug(?):  STEP (Secure Ticket Exchange Program) opens/closes

Early July:  Ticket fulfilment (delivery) begins

July 6th:  Kid Tickets Available (if you’re bringing a kid 12 years old or younger, you must get a free print-at-home ticket on this day)

July 27 – July 29 (Wed-Fri): Registration for the OMG Ticket Sale happens

August 3rd:  OMG Ticket Sale happens

 

 

T-shirt Designs

Well… it’s been a few weeks and I have received no ideas/drawings for designs for our 2022 SWB T-shirts yet.  Whatupwitdat?

Get going on this you crazy creative Spankers!!

Work/Party Weekends

Wanna be part of “how the sausage is made”?  We have some work/party weekends prior to Bman where we build, paint, organize, plot/plan and… party like rock stars! 

These weekends are productive and lots of fun!  If you live in the western US, you’re expected to come to these weekends.  This year, the schedule is:

June 24-26 (Fri-Sun)

Aug 19-21 (Fri-Sun)

And after Bman… Sept 8-11 (Thu-Sun)

Our work/party weekend are held at our friend Liam’s farm (yes, it’s an actual farm with animals).  We refer to it as The Skunkworks, or The Kinky Mountain Farm.  The location is: 

5111 Marshall Rd.  Garden Valley, California 95633

More info about work/party weekend can be found on the SWB website’s “Skunkworks” page (extra credit if you know where the term “skunkworks” came from)

4th of Juplaya

I need a headcount!  Email me if you’re coming:  jimhillas_gc@yahoo.com

NOTE:  With the success of Rogue Burn last year… and the fact that the 4th falls on a Monday (creating a natural long-weekend), I predict that 4th of Juplaya with be huge this year… and awesome!

If you’ve never been to the playa when it isn’t Bman, this “non-event” is a real treat.  In my opinion, it’s just a good as Bman.  The vast, stark, and romantic vastness of the Black Rock Desert is much more vivid and breathtaking when you’re not in the confines of the Bman trash fence, surrounded by flashy theme camps, loud music, and huge structures. 

“4th of Juplaya” is kinda like the way Bman used to be, in ye olden days.  You can drive fast (But be careful!  It’s easy to roll your vehicle at high speed).  You can go skinny-dipping at the hot springs.  You can come and go as you please (breakfast at Bruno’s, etc).  There are some small theme camps and art cars.  Very few cops.  Lots of random parties.  Vast open space.  Cool burners. 

You can explore the outer reaches of the playa, the whole Black Rock Desert, High Rock Canyon, the emigrant trails, Soldier Meadows, etc  There’s (sometimes) a fireworks show put on by the town of Gerlach.  Those attending Juplaya tend to camp in small groups… scattered ALL OVER the vast playa.  This makes for interesting party-hopping at night 😉

We will be setting up a small version of Spanky’s there.  We all just pitch in a bit for the wine/beer for our bar, generator fuel, etc.  ($50-ish per person)

Plus… the 4th falls on a Monday this year!  That means there should be a big turn-out.  And rumor has it, Adriana & Co will be out there with us doing “Spank dat Bootie”!

We will probably head up to the playa on Wednesday morning, June 29th… and depart early on Monday, July 4th.  But you can show up any time.  Playa location will be announced in early June.

Apogaea (the Colorado regional burn)

June 9-11

A few of us Spankers will be going to Apogaea this year… myself included.  And Crash (Mindy) has a couple extra tickets if anyone is interested in buying them.  I haven’t gone before, so I can’t give a first-hand account… but everyone I talk to about it says that it’s a great event!  We are registered as a theme camp there, but what we will mostly be doing is travelling around the event, like a pack of kinky Spankers, giving out dirty namebadges, floggings, paddlings, flaming enemas, etc.

Info about the event here:

Colorado Burning Man Regional Event – Apogaea – June 9-11, 2022

If you’re interested in going let me know.  We might have a place for you to sleep in Denver before/after the event if you’re flying in.

Workshifts on the Playa

We will be doing “sign-ups” for workshifts on the playa this year.

Next month we will post the link to the site where you can sign up.  As I’m sure you already know… every Spanker is required to do a bare minimum of 12 hours of shifts during the week on the playa.

Our sign-up platform is lovingly named WUSSI (workshift unified sign-up system – interactive).  There you will be able to see the jobs, the hours of each shift, and what shifts are taken/available.

In the meantime, look over the “jobs” on the SWB website to see what you might be interested in doing (call them jobs is weird, because most of them are fun AF).  And there’s lots of different types of workshifts… something for everyone.

I’m also proud to announce that Cleopatra (Gabreille) will once again be managing this program for us… Thanks gurl!

More info next month!

Early Arrival – WAPs (work access passes)

If you want to come to Bman early and help build the camp, we’d love your ASSistance!  Being part of “early build” is an honor.  It’s amazing watching the camp and the whole city going up.  But it’s also work… hard work!  But it’s fun too.  And at the end of early build, you feel a true sense of ownership of the camp.  You can look back and say “I helped create this!”

In order to come to “early build”, you must have an actual “pass”, which are given to SWB from Bman.  And I have to approve everyone who wants one.  I don’t know yet, how many WAPs we will get, but Bman is usually pretty liberal with them.  And we will be allowing more Spankers to come even earlier this year.

I will be taking names and providing mor info about WAPs next month.  Contact me if you have questions, or need to know right away (to secure travel plans)

RV Services

The following services are available for purchase for RVers;

CUT-OFF DATE FOR PAYMENT IS JULY 1st!!!

1-      Grey/Black water pump-outs

2-      Potable water refills

3-      Dedicated power

These are services that are not part of your camp dues.  They also must be paid for in advance.

Blackbird & Amethyst (Mark & Rod) are they guys in charge of coordinating these services with the vendors, and collecting the fees.  You can contact them at mwharri01@gmail.com to request services and make payments.

The price schedule for 2022 is as follows:

Pump-outs cost $185.00 each

Potable water refills are $2.00/gallon (you’ll need to know approximately how much you’ll need)

Dedicated power is $800.00 for 30amps or $1000.00 for 50amps (very limited supply of 50amp)

NOTE:  The people/vendors who provide these RV services are doing a VERY hard job under the most adverse conditions.  They are honest hand hard-working.  They do their very best to fulfill all your needs.  But please understand that it’s Bman… it’s the desert… there are always unforeseen variables… and sometimes things break-down unexpectedly.  Please consider this before you have a massive conniption when something doesn’t happen exactly as planned.  Nothing is a guarantee at Burning Man.

SWB Staph

REMINDER:   If you are a member of the Spanky’s Staph, you will note (at the bottom of this newsletter) that you have a new email addy… yay!  Please contact Deryk (aka SpankIT) for help setting up your mailbox.  spankit@spankys.org

 

Admiral Painjoy – HMFIC – Head Mutha Fukka In Charge

          admiralpainjoy@spankys.org

Major D (Doug) – The Camp for Sensual Pleasures Leader & Mover of Flowing Electrons & Cartographer & Civic Planner

          major-d@spankys.org

SpankIT (Deryk) – SWB Information Technology Geek

          spankit@spankys.org

Olaf  (Olaf) – Camp Engineer and Master Macerator

          olaf@spankys.org

Niloc (Colin) – SWB Security Team

          niloc@spankys.org

Red Queen (Amanda) – Ticket Maven and Mistress of Namebadges (and harsh critic of dance moves)

          redqueen@spankys.org  

Dano – Lead builder (and history professor)  – Floaters/Infrastructure

          dano@spankys.org  

Eve – Mistress of Morsels (and hangover magnet) – Coffee Caretaker

          eve@spankys.org

Cleopatra (Gabrielle) – Workshift Manager (kiss my asp!)

          cleopatra@spankys.org

Sky – Civic Planner and Administer of pneumatic red cheeks (and wears the same kilt every day)

          sky@spankys.org

For Now & For Later (Bob & Tanya) – LNT Coordinators – Daily LNT Staff – Final Mooping coordinators

          fornowandforlater@spankys.org  

Christopher Robbin (aka “Code Blue”) – LNT coordinator emeritus

          codeblue@spankys.org

Tripp & Disco Tits (Liz)– Bar Tenders and Bar Backs (and purveyors of dice games and floggings)

          tripp@spankys.org

          discotits@spankys.org  

Lazy Bar Slut (Olivia) & Danielle  – Lead Mistresses – MOD Squad (and lovable freaks!) – Stage Dancers

          lazybarslut@spankys.org

          danielle@spankys.org

Dirty Dan – DJ Coordinator… event planner (and recto-cranially inverted legend) – DJs

          dirtydan@spankys.org  

Blackbird & Amethyst – RV Services Managers (wash your hands after meeting them)

          blackbird@spankys.org

          amethyst@spankys.org

Quantum Glen – BufferZone Manager & Director of Blinky Things (and voice for Movie Fone)

          quantum@spankys.org

Art Cars:

Boss Hog (the giant warthog) – Major-D

Illuminaughti (disco dancefloor w/ stripper pole & spank-o-matic) – John M. (Sky)

The Magic Carpet – Steve J. (Twisted)

“We won’t do anything to you today… that you won’t beg for again tomorrow”

March 2022 – part 3

The “Main Sale” Issue

In this issue…Which should be read while watching/listening to: Eddie Money’s “Two Tickets to Paradise”:  Eddie Money – Two Tickets to Paradise (Live 1987) – YouTube

  • The Main Ticket Sale – TODAY at noon
  • Steward Ticket Sale (STS – formerly known as the DGS)
  • More Ticket Info
  • New SWB Website
  • SWB Staph

The Main Ticket Sale – TODAY at noon

Main Sale is TODAY!!!  (March 30th) at NOON pacific time.

1pm mountain time

2pm central time

3pm eastern time

You access the sale through the link in the email sent to you from Bman Ticketing last week… or through your Burner Profile:  https://profiles.burningman.org 

Please be at your computer (not phone or tablet) a few minutes before the Main Sale begins.  And have all your ducks in a row.  The Main Sale sells out of tickets in a couple/few minutes.  Don’t be late!!!

Reminder:  You had to register for this sale last week in order to participate.  Hopefully you dragooned friends/family into registering for the sale too.  Remind them to enter the sale today!

I’ll be monitoring the sale today.  If you’re on FB, please post your progress/successes/failures or any problems you may encounter to our SWB page.  If you’re not on FB, text or email me.  916-337-5353.  admiralpainjoy@spankys.org

 

 

Steward Ticket Sale (STS – formerly known as the DGS)

I finally got confirmation about Spanky’s Steward Tickets.  We will be getting our full allocation of tickets.  They will be at the lower price of $475.00.  Bman doesn’t know yet if we will have to be “paired up” for the sale, or if people can buy tickets individually. 

The Spanky’s Steward Ticket Sale (STS) will be happening in June.  As soon as I get the exact date(s), I’ll let all y’all know.

NOTE:  If you wind up getting a ticket(s) in the Main Sale, you personally aren’t allowed to enter the STS, but your friends/family/coworkers can.  And Main Sale tickets are transferrable. (Do you see what I’m saying?)

More Bman Ticket Info

Below is the Bman ticket sale schedule for 2022…and you MUST read the other info about Bman tickets.  There is NEW info:  

Burning Man Tickets | Official source for information about Black Rock City tickets.

Bman Ticketing Schedule

March 16 – May 18:  Ticket Aid Program Open (formerly Low Income Tickets)

March 30th: Main Sale happens (presumably at noon Pacific Time)

June (dates TBA):  SWB Steward Ticket Sale

April (?) – Aug(?):  STEP (Secure Ticket Exchange Program) opens/closes

Early July:  Ticket fulfilment (delivery) begins

July 6th:  Kid Tickets Available (if you’re bringing a kid 12 years old or younger, you must get a free print-at-home ticket on this day)

July 27 – July 29 (Wed-Fri): Registration for the OMG Ticket Sale happens

August 3rd:  OMG Ticket Sale happens

 

New Spanky’s Website

DO NOT TRY TO SIGN UP ON OUR OLD WEBSITE!!!!!!!!

(spankyswinebar.com & jimhillas.org don’t work any longer… they’re dead… kaput… and uneditable)

OUR NEW WEBSITE IS:  www.spankys.org

Please look over the info on the site.  And you must sign up to camp with Spanky’s this year (even SWB veterans must sign up… every year).

Also, please pay your camp dues on the website.  If you have any questions, email admiralpainjoy@spankys.org

REMINDER:   If you are a member of the Spanky’s Staph, you will note (at the bottom of this newsletter) that you have a new email addy… yay!  Please contact Deryk (aka SpankIT) for help setting up your mailbox.  spankit@spankys.org

SWB Staph

Admiral Painjoy – HMFIC – Head Mutha Fukka In Charge

          admiralpainjoy@spankys.org

Major D (Doug) – The Camp for Sensual Pleasures Leader & Mover of Flowing Electrons & Cartographer & Civic Planner

          major-d@spankys.org

SpankIT (Deryk) – SWB Information Technology Geek

          spankit@spankys.org

Olaf  (Olaf) – Camp Engineer and Master Macerator

          olaf@spankys.org

Niloc (Colin) – SWB Security Team

          niloc@spankys.org

Red Queen (Amanda) – Ticket Maven and Mistress of Namebadges (and harsh critic of dance moves)

          redqueen@spankys.org  

Dano – Lead builder (and history professor)  – Floaters/Infrastructure

          dano@spankys.org  

Eve – Mistress of Morsels (and hangover magnet) – Coffee Caretaker

          eve@spankys.org

Sky – Civic Planner and Administer of pneumatic red cheeks (and wears the same kilt every day)

          sky@spankys.org

For Now & For Later (Bob & Tanya) – LNT Coordinators – Daily LNT Staff – Final Mooping coordinators

          fornowandforlater@spankys.org  

Christopher Robbin (aka “Code Blue”) – LNT coordinator emeritus

          codeblue@spankys.org

Tripp & Disco Tits (Liz)– Bar Tenders and Bar Backs (and purveyors of dice games and floggings)

          tripp@spankys.org

          discotits@spankys.org  

Lazy Bar Slut (Olivia) & Danielle  – Lead Mistresses – MOD Squad (and lovable freaks!) – Stage Dancers

          lazybarslut@spankys.org

          danielle@spankys.org

Dirty Dan – DJ Coordinator… event planner (and recto-cranially inverted legend) – DJs

          dirtydan@spankys.org  

Blackbird & Amethyst – RV Services Managers (wash your hands after meeting them)

          blackbird@spankys.org

          amethyst@spankys.org

Quantum Glen – BufferZone Manager & Director of Blinky Things (and voice for Movie Fone)

          quantum@spankys.org

Art Cars:

Boss Hog (the giant warthog) – Major-D

Illuminaughti (disco dancefloor w/ stripper pole & spank-o-matic) – John M. (Sky)

The Magic Carpet – Steve J. (Twisted)

“Build a man a fire, he’ll be warm for a night… Set a man on fire, he’ll be warm for the rest of his life”

March 2022 – part 2

The “If you don’t do these things you’re gonna be screwed”… Issue

In this issue…Which should be read while watching/listening to: Ennio Morricone’s classic “C’Era Una Volta II West” (from the movie “Once Upon a Time in the West):  Ennio Morricone – Once upon a time in the West (Sergio Leone film) – YouTube

  • The Main Ticket Sale
  • Steward Ticket Sale (STS – formerly known as the DGS)
  • More Ticket Info
  • New Spanky’s Website
  • Camp Dues (redux)
  • SWB T-Shirt and SWB Sticker Designs (redux)
  • SWB Staph

IT IS SOOOOOO IMPORTANT THAT YOU READ ALL THIS INFO!!!!!

Spanky’s Bman ticket situation is VERY unusual this year.  As previously stated, Bman accidentally omitted SWB from the Steward Ticket sale a couple weeks ago.  But they have stated that we WILL get our allocation of tickets in April.  So things are a bit backwards this year.  Spankers will be registering for (and attempting to get tix in) the Main Ticket sale this month… (The STS sale is next month)

The Main Ticket Sale

Main Sale Registration is next week!!!  (March 23rd -25th   Wed-Fri)

The actual Main Sale is the following week (March 30th)

It is important that all Spankers, your family members, your friends, and co-workers all enter the Main Ticket Sale.  We need all the tickets we can get!  Our allocation of Steward Tickets only accounts for half the number of tickets we need!  And if you’re lucky enough to get tix… make sure to purchase 2 tix and 1 vehicle pass. 

To participate in any of the Bman ticket sales, all potential buyers must have an updated Burner Profile!  Do this now at:  Home | Burning Man Profiles

Everyone must also register for the ticket sale.  This happens next week.  To register, you’ll go to your Burner Profile during the registration window (next Wednesday – Friday)

Tickets in the Main Sale sell-out in a few minutes!  So, everyone needs to be at their computer, logged on and ready to purchase a few minutes before noon pacific time on Wednesday, March 30th.

 

 

Steward Ticket Sale (STS – formerly known as the DGS)

The STS will be happening for SWB some time in April.  I’m still waiting for the salient details about this sale.  As soon as I know, you’ll know.

NOTE:  If you wind up getting a ticket in the Main Sale, you personally aren’t allowed to enter the STS, but your friends/family/coworkers can.  And Main Sale tickets are transferrable. (Do you see what I’m saying?)

More Bman Ticket Info

Below is the Bman ticket sale schedule for 2022…and you MUST read the other info about Bman tickets.  There is NEW info:  Burning Man Tickets | Official source for information about Black Rock City tickets.

Bman Ticketing Schedule

March 16 – May 18:  Ticket Aid Program Open (formerly Low Income Tickets)

March 23 – March 25 (Wed-Fri):  Main Sale registration opens (you must register to attempt to get tix in the Main Sale!!!

March 30th: Main Sale happens (presumably at noon Pacific Time)

Early April:  SWB Steward Ticket Sale

DATES TBA:  STEP (Secure Ticket Exchange Program) opens/closes

Early July:  Ticket fulfilment (delivery) begins

July 6th:  Kid Tickets Available (if you’re bringing a kid 12 years old or younger, you must get a free print-at-home ticket on this day)

July 27 – July 29 (Wed-Fri): Registration for the OMG Ticket Sale happens

August 3rd:  OMG Ticket Sale happens

New Spanky’s Website

DO NOT TRY TO SIGN UP ON OUR OLD WEBSITE!!!!!!!!

(spankyswinebar.com doesn’t work any more… it’s dead… and uneditable)

OUR NEW WEBSITE IS:  www.spankys.org

Please look over the info on the site.  And you must sign up to camp with Spanky’s this year (even SWB veterans must sign up… every year).

Also, please pay your camp dues on the website.  If you have any questions, email admiralpainjoy@spankys.org

REMINDER:   If you are a member of the Spanky’s Staph, you will note (at the bottom of this newsletter) that you have a new email addy… yay!  Please contact Deryk (aka SpankIT) for help setting up your mailbox.  spankit@spankys.org

 

 

Camp Dues

Camp dues are what make Spanky’s possible.  Dues pay for our infrastructure, administration, work parties, construction supplies, wine/beer, DJ system, transportation and storage, and a wide host of other expenses.  We all pay camp dues to cover these costs.

Dues for 2022 are increasing by $75.00 due to inflation, 2.5 years of SWB year-round expenses, our need for a whole new sound system, and a massive increase in the cost of lumber/construction supplies…etc.

So Camp dues are $325.00 per Spanker if paid this month.  Dues will increase by $25.00 each month if paid later (i.e. $350.00 if paid in April… $375.00 if paid in May… etc.).

If you paid dues in 2020 (and didn’t get a refund) your 2020 dues will be deducted from your current dues.  If you can’t remember if you paid dues in 2020 or how much you paid… I have all the records.  Contact me.

NOTE:  STS tickets are $100.00 cheaper than other Bman tix, but you must pay camp dues in advance to be considered for STS tickets

FREELOADER DUES

If you don’t want to be burdened with workshifts during the event, or if you absolutely MUST leave the event prior to SWB break-down and final MOOPing at the end of the event… we have an option to pay a higher level of camp dues.  (NOTE:  Freeloader Dues do not absolve you from cleaning up and perfectly MOOPing your personal camp space.)

Freeloader dues can also be paid on the SWB website and cost $800.00.

FINANCIAL HARDSHIP CASES

As we’ve always done at SWB… we will still have our “Fund For Wayward Spankers”.  If you are truly broke AF and really, really want to be part of our illustrious camp, contact APJ and he will try to work out some kind of deal.  This may be a payment plan, extra workshifts, etc.

Spanky’s projected budget for 2022 is also posted on our new website – Dues page.

SWB T-Shirt Design and Sticker Design

Hey artsy-fartsy Spankers!  We’re doing SWB 2022 t-shirts and oval bumper stickers again this year.  I’d love to see some design ideas.  Work something up and email it to me.  Maybe you’ll be the one selected this year!  (And won’t that look great on your resume!?)

The T-shirt design should include “Spanky’s Wine Bar”, and “2022”, and our playa address (which we don’t know yet, so just use “13 O’clock and Z street” as a placeholder), and you can add one of Spanky’s existing motto’s or create a new one if you want.

If you’ve never seen our bumper stickers… the design should be a 4-inch wide oval with “SWB” in the center (and that should be a fun/kinky/perverted font – find one or make one) and the perimeter should have “Spanky’s Wine Bar – 2022 arching the top, and some clever saying/motto along the bottom arc.

At this point, the formatting isn’t important (jpeg, etc).  You can even do a sketch on paper and send me a pic of it.  Deadline for submissions is June 1st.  Questions?  Email me.

SWB Staph

Admiral Painjoy – HMFIC – Head Mutha Fukka In Charge

          admiralpainjoy@spankys.org

Major D (Doug) – The Camp for Sensual Pleasures Leader & Mover of Flowing Electrons & Cartographer & Civic Planner

          major-d@spankys.org

SpankIT (Deryk) – SWB Information Technology Geek

          spankit@spankys.org

Olaf  (Olaf) – Camp Engineer and Master Macerator

          olaf@spankys.org

Niloc (Colin) – SWB Security Team

          niloc@spankys.org

Red Queen (Amanda) – Ticket Maven and Mistress of Namebadges (and harsh critic of dance moves)

          redqueen@spankys.org  

Dano – Lead builder (and history professor)  – Floaters/Infrastructure

          dano@spankys.org  

Eve – Mistress of Morsels (and hangover magnet) – Coffee Caretaker

          eve@spankys.org

Sky – Civic Planner and Administer of pneumatic red cheeks (and wears the same kilt every day)

          sky@spankys.org

For Now & For Later (Bob & Tanya) – LNT Coordinators – Daily LNT Staff – Final Mooping coordinators

          fornowandforlater@spankys.org  

Christopher Robbin (aka “Code Blue”) – LNT coordinator emeritus

          codeblue@spankys.org

Tripp & Gwyn– Bar Tenders and Bar Backs (and purveyors of dice games)

          tripp@spankys.org

          strawberrytallcake@spankys.org

Lazy Bar Slut (Olivia) & Danielle  – Lead Mistresses – MOD Squad (and lovable freaks!) – Stage Dancers

          lazybarslut@spankys.org

          danielle@spankys.org

Dirty Dan – DJ Coordinator… event planner (and recto-cranially inverted legend) – DJs

          dirtydan@spankys.org  

Blackbird & Amethyst – RV Services Managers (wash your hands after meeting them)

          blackbird@spankys.org

          amethyst@spankys.org

Quantum Glen – BufferZone Manager & Director of Blinky Things (and voice for Movie Fone)

          quantum@spankys.org

Art Cars:

Boss Hog (the giant warthog) – Major-D

Illuminaughti (disco dancefloor w/ stripper pole & spank-o-matic) – John M. (Sky)

The Magic Carpet – Steve J. (Twisted)

“Build a man a fire, he’ll be warm for a night… Set a man on fire, he’ll be warm for the rest of his life”

March 2022

The Ticket Kerfuffle Issue

In this issue…Which should be read while watching/listening to: Katie Goodman’s heartwarming “I didn’t fuck it up”…  I Didn’t F*ck It Up – Katie Goodman – YouTube

  • Steward Ticket Sale (STS – formerly known as the DGS)
  • More Ticket Info
  • Work Access Passes (Early Build)
  • New Spanky’s Website
  • Camp Dues
  • SWB T-Shirt and SWB Sticker Designs
  • SWB Staph

Steward Ticket Sale (STS – formerly known as the DGS)

Well… it wouldn’t be Burning Man if we didn’t have hurdles to overcome.  Here’s what’s happened so far;

In December, Bman announced that all returning Theme Camps needed to fill out a form called a Statement of Intent (SOI – because there isn’t enough bureaucracy in the process already… sheez!) in order to qualify for Directed Tickets (now called Steward Tickets, presumably because changing the name of the tickets will have a positive effect on everyone’s behavior?).  So, of course, I went to my Burner Profile and filled out the SOI form… a full day before the deadline (because I’m a good soldier and I do what I’m told). 

We were originally informed that our STS allocation would be provided to Spanky’s in mid-late January.  Apparently, there were delays in the system… they amended the announcement date to Monday, February 15th.  That day came and went without any announcements.  But the following day (Feb. 16th) people with art cars were getting their STS allocations… so I gave it another day, figuring they were just running behind schedule again.  Then on the 17th, friends of mine who also run theme camps began getting their allocation emails.  SWB still didn’t get ours, so on the 18th, I sent an email to Placement asking what was going on. 

Four-and-a-half days later, I finally got a response claiming that I didn’t fill out the SOI form… LIES!!!  Damn lies I tell ya!!!  Completely untrue!  A pure prevarication!  A canard!  I did the SOI with a day to spare.  And I provided Placement with the supporting evidence.

So… to make a long story short (I know, too late), The Placement Team will be giving us our allocation of Steward Tickets… in April.  They have assured me (yes, in writing) that we will get our allocation of tickets.  I’m waiting for confirmation that the tickets will be priced at the discounted STS pricing, but it’s probably safe to assume so.  I’ll let you all know about the pricing as soon as I get confirmation.

This may turn out to be a blessing in disguise for many of us, as we may have gotten our tax refunds at that time (if you file soon!).  It also gives me more time to beta-test and tweek the new SWB website. 

And some of us may be able to score tickets in the Main Sale, which will ease the burden of demand on the STS allocation.  Which leads me to…

More Bman Ticket Info

Below is the Bman ticket sale schedule for 2022…and you must read the other info about Bman tickets here Burning Man Tickets | Official source for information about Black Rock City tickets.

There’s new info here… read it!

March 16 – May 18:  Ticket Aid Program Open (formerly Low Income Tickets)

March 23 – March 25 (Wed-Fri):  Main Sale registration opens (you must register to attempt to get tix in the Main Sale!!!

March 30th: Main Sale happens (presumably at noon Pacific Time)

Early April:  SWB Steward Ticket Sale

DATES TBA:  STEP (Secure Ticket Exchange Program) opens/closes

Early July:  Ticket fulfilment (delivery) begins

July 6th:  Kid Tickets Available (if you’re bringing a kid 12 years old or younger, you must get a free print-at-home ticket on this day)

July 27 – July 29 (Wed-Fri): Registration for the OMG Ticket Sale happens

August 3rd:  OMG Ticket Sale happens

 

I urge all of you to register for the Main Sale next month (March 23rd) and attempt to buy 2 tix and a vehicle pass.  If you don’t get tickets, it won’t effect your ability to be in Spanky’s STS in April.  Main sale tickets are fully transferrable.  (If you have questions about this, email me.)

To enter ANY Bman Ticket Sale, you must have an up-to-date Burner Profile.  Take care of that NOW:  Home | Burning Man Profiles

Work Access Passes (formerly Early Access Passes)

Early Build is when we build Spanky’s on the playa.  It happens during the week leading up to Bman.  Everyone who helps with Early Build must have an official Work Access Pass (WAP) from Bman.  We won’t know how many WAPs we are getting until the summer, so we’re not accepting applications for WAPs until then.

One exception is… if you need to buy plane tickets soon, to come to the August work/party weekend and/or to do Early Build, let me know now.  If you qualify, I’ll put you on the list now.

New Spanky’s Website

Our new website will be unveiled by the end of this week.  You all can begin signing-up and paying camp dues this weekend!   The site won’t be complete… actually… it never will be, as it’s a living, breathing site that will be updated, augmented, and improved often.  We are currently beta-testing and tweeking the site.  I may contact you to help with the beta-testing.

NOTE:   If you are a member of the Spanky’s Staph, you will note (at the bottom of this newsletter) that you have a new email addy… yay!  Please contact Deryk (aka SpankIT) for help setting up your mailbox.  spankit@spankys.org

When we decided to create a new website (because the old site’s functionality was so limited and “yahoo sitebuilder” basically sucks… and can no longer be updated) our IT team finally agreed that WordPress would be the best bet, for myriad reasons.  However, I didn’t know how complicated WordPress and Elementor are to learn.  It’s like learning to speak Turkish, I swear!

So we (Deryk and I) are still looking for any help from anyone with experience with WordPress and Elementor… to do some of the more advanced functions.  Please contact me if you can help.

 

 

Camp Dues

Camp dues are what make Spanky’s possible.  Dues pay for our infrastructure, administration, work parties, construction supplies, wine/beer, DJ system, transportation and storage, and a wide host of other expenses.  We all pay camp dues to cover these costs.

Dues for 2022 are increasing by $75.00 due to inflation, 2.5 years of SWB year-round expenses, our need for a whole new sound system, and a massive increase in the cost of lumber/construction supplies…etc.

So Camp dues are $325.00 per Spanker if paid this month.  Dues will increase by $25.00 each month if paid later (i.e. $350.00 if paid in April… $375,00 if paid in May… etc.).

If you paid dues in 2020 (and didn’t get a refund) your 2020 dues will be deducted from your current dues.  If you can’t remember if you paid dues in 2020 or how much you paid… I have all the records.  Contact me.

You must pay camp dues in advance to be considered for STS tickets… we are beta-testing the website, but you should be able to pay dues (and sign-up) by the end of this week.

FREELOADER DUES

If you don’t want to be burdened with workshifts during the event, or if you absolutely MUST leave the event prior to SWB break-down and final MOOPing at the end of the event… we have an option to pay a higher level of camp dues.  (NOTE:  Freeloader Dues do not absolve you from cleaning up and perfectly MOOPing your personal camp space.)

Freeloader dues can also be paid on the SWB website and cost $800.00.

FINANCIAL HARDSHIP CASES

As we’ve always done at SWB… we will still have our “Fund For Wayward Spankers”.  If you are truly broke AF and really, really want to be part of our illustrious camp, contact APJ and he will try to work out some kind of deal.  This may be a payment plan, extra workshifts, etc.

Spanky’s projected budget for 2022 is also posted on our new website – Dues page.

If you paid dues in 2020 and you’re unable to attend Bman this year, contact me.  We would love it if you made that a donation to Spanky’s, but we can offer you a partial refund… a portion of those dues paid for a share of 2.5 years of Spanky’s year-round expenses.  You helped SWB survive through the pandemic.  Thank you!

SWB T-Shirt Design and Sticker Design

Hey artsy-fartsy Spankers!  We’re doing SWB 2022 t-shirts and oval bumper stickers again this year.  I’d love to see some design ideas.  Work something up and email it to me.  Maybe you’ll be the one selected this year! 

The T-shirt design should include “Spanky’s Wine Bar”, and “2022”, and our playa address (which we don’t know yet, so just use “13 O’clock and Z street” as a placeholder), and you can add one of Spanky’s existing motto’s or create a new one if you want.

If you’ve never seen our bumper stickers… the design should be a 4-inch wide oval with “SWB” in the center (and that should be a fun/kinky/perverted font – find one or make one) and the perimeter should have “Spanky’s Wine Bar – 2022 arching the top, and some clever saying/motto along the bottom arc.

At this point, the formatting isn’t important (jpeg, etc).  You can even do a sketch on paper and send me a pic of it.  Deadline for submissions is June 1st.  Questions?  Email me.

SWB Staph

Admiral Painjoy – HMFIC – Head Mutha Fukka In Charge

          admiralpainjoy@spankys.org

Major D (Doug) – The Camp for Sensual Pleasures Leader & Mover of Flowing Electrons & Cartographer & Civic Planner

          major-d@spankys.org

SpankIT (Deryk) – SWB Information Technology Geek

          spankit@spankys.org

Olaf  (Olaf) – Camp Engineer and Master Macerator

          olaf@spankys.org

Niloc (Colin) – SWB Security Team

          niloc@spankys.org

Red Queen (Amanda) – Ticket Maven and Mistress of Namebadges (and harsh critic of dance moves)

          redqueen@spankys.org  

Dano – Lead builder (and history professor)  – Floaters/Infrastructure

          dano@spankys.org  

Yoyo – Potable water “perv”eyor and RV technician

          yoyo@spankys.org  

Eve – Mistress of Morsels (and hangover magnet) – Coffee Caretakers

          eve@spankys.org

Sky – Civic Planner and Administer of pneumatic red cheeks (and wears the same kilt every day)

          sky@spankys.org

For Now & For Later (Bob & Tanya) – LNT Coordinators – Daily LNT Staff – Final Mooping coordinators

          fornowandforlater@spankys.org  

Christopher Robbin (aka “Code Blue”) – LNT coordinator emeritus

          codeblue@spankys.org

Tripp & Gwyn (and purveyors of dice games) – Bar Tenders and Bar Backs

          tripp@spankys.org

          strawberrytallcake@spankys.org

Lazy Bar Slut (Olivia) & Danielle  – Lead Mistresses – MOD Squad (and lovable freaks!) – Stage Dancers

          lazybarslut@spankys.org

          danielle@spankys.org

Dirty Dan – DJ Coordinator… event planner (and recto-cranially inverted legend) – DJs

          dirtydan@spankys.org  

Blackbird & Amethyst – RV Services Managers (wash your hands after meeting them)

          blackbird@spankys.org

          amethyst@spankys.org

Quantum Glen – BufferZone Manager & Director of Blinky Things (and voice for Movie Fone)

          quantum@spankys.org

Art Cars:

Boss Hog (the giant warthog) – Major-D

Illuminaughti (disco dancefloor w/ stripper pole & spank-o-matic) – John M. (Sky)

The Magic Carpet – Steve J. (Twisted)